So I'm going in on Friday for a 3d gender determination- Change of plans!

honey740

JKBMA2014 said:

Ok...I need to add to my previous post.  I just read your thread about your living situation and I read all the comments.  I don't normally judge people for how they live their life or spend money, but after the way you rudely responded to people who were trying to give you advice, you complained that you needed help, said you were trying to save money, get on WIC...do you really need an elective ultrasound?  I mean...My husband and I make very good money, but we even think there are better things our money can go towards...I wish that I could not work and spend money on frivolous things like elective ultrasounds, but I was taught the value of a dollar...which is why I owned my first house at 24 years old, with no help from parents.  I worked my a$$ off from the time I was 14.  Put the $200 towards a new car or a security deposit for an apartment.  Or rent a trailer!  But seriously, your baby will have the same anatomy when you receive a FREE ultrasound at 20 weeks.  

Can I just add that there is no such thing as a free US? Or breastpump? Or anything in life. Somewhere someone is paying for her to be on WIC and to be insured.

Yeah someone like my husband who pays his taxes. Are you trying to make me feel bad for being on wic or medicaid?

actually yes, if you pay for an elective U/S and are on WIC, you should feel bad

pandadair

@Azlebella The judgyness in this instance is pretty well warranted. Like someone else said, maybe you didn't read her thread about her MIL. I do agree that the judgyness about elective u/s is kind of weird, but that's not what the majority of people on her are commenting on.

FTR, I'm getting a 2D at 16 weeks, because fetuses at that age look creepy as shit in 3D. I don't think it's that hard to understand why some people would choose to get an elective u/s, like myself who can both afford it and is not choosing between it and buying cloth diapers. But, whatever.

spacepotatoes

I have nothing useful to add here, just wanted to say that every time I scroll past this thread, I read it as the OP is going in for a "3rd gender determination". Then I always wonder why someone needs the gender determined 3 damn times.

Anyway. Carry on.

runningyogimama

I know 22-year-olds who, while young, are mature and as well-prepared to be a parent as anyone else. OP, though, is a child, and acting like a child. I hope her priorities change soon.

sisterjanet

spacepotatoes said:

I have nothing useful to add here, just wanted to say that every time I scroll past this thread, I read it as the OP is going in for a "3rd gender determination". Then I always wonder why someone needs the gender determined 3 damn times.

Anyway. Carry on.

I read it the same way, and thought 'that's why you don't schedule so early.'  And then I opened it and saw 3D.  Those images freak me out, even when the baby is farther along.

RedInLove

So you have an iPad, but not your own pad to live in. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this as well. Crying poor in one post, and then talking about frivolously spending a lot of money on something that is 100% not medically necessary, I have trouble with that. Applying for taxpayer-funded assistance while planning an expensive 'splurge' for yourself. No. People that need public assistance do not have the money for splurges. They're lucky if they have the money for food. Or rent. Or heat. Or electricity. Or a warm coat for their kid that fits. Or honest-to-goodness-medically-necessary medicines and check-ups and tests.

There are people, some here on this board, that are struggling to make ends meet. Families with two incomes, working hard, penny pinching and coupon clipping and sacrificing to make sure they have what their family needs to survive, to stay fed and warm and safe. I don't care what you've convinced yourself of, what your DH wants and insists. You will not be able to justify to anyone else that spending this money on something that you don't need to. That may not matter to you, it might not stop you. But it will stop me, and probably others, from enjoying your company here.

Grow up. Seriously.

yvanehtnioj

pjsparkle03 said:

While I do think that 13 wks is a bit early... I had my NT scan at 13 wks and it was a boy. Last night, 16w2d, I had our elective gender scan and it was confirmed a BOY!

Good luck!

RedInLove

At 16 weeks, you're just a couple more weeks away from being able to find out the gender at your regular appointment.

ABColeslaw

You know what slays me?  I actually need an IPAD for my son's speech therapy and developmental combined speech/OT sessions.  We've been saving for one and it won't be any time soon.  How is it OP that you have one, but can't pay rent?  I just....I guess I just don't get it.  Even if you got it as a gift, I'd be selling that shit and anything else of value to get the fvck out of there.  Seriously. 

lauralou3x3

I would say it's too early. I was 13w2d at my NT scan. Based on the "nub" theory, the tech couldn't tell. She said sometimes it looked like either.

sisterjanet

If you have money for indulgences for yourself but you don't have money to find a place away from your scary MIL, to me that means you have chosen to be poor. 

If you have a thick enough hide for it and want to change your ways and work on being less poor and maybe eventually wealthy, I recommend https://www.controlyourcash.com/ as a guide, or maybe looking at Dave Ramsay's program.  If you choose to keep your ipad and your elective ultrasound appointment and continue to decide the indulgences are important and need to happen, I recommend coming up with better ways to cope with the MIL you said you don't want to live with.

IBackBevo

Just so I understand:

You are on Medicaid and living with your MIL and, more importantly, can't afford a car TO BE ABLE TO GET A JOB, but you can afford an Ipad and a 3d ultrasound?

Nice.  That Ipad and gender ultrasound would go along way toward cash for a 2nd car.  Would it be a great car? No. Would it be new? No.  But it would get you from point A to point B so you could become gainfully employed. 

 

IBackBevo

This thread just irks the hell out of me.  And it reminds me of a girl in my office who was on Medicaid when she was pregnant...I'm pretty sure she probably lied to get on it. Yet always had her nails done, hair extensions, spray-on tan, lash extensions, etc.  It pissed me off so bad...just like this does.  Then, shortly after baby came, she bought a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee with leather, etc.  Then, about a year later, her and her husband (the baby's Dad) bought a $250k house.  It still pisses me off.  I thought about turning her in, but was pretty sure she would have known it was me. 

pandadair

IBackBevo said:

Just so I understand:

You are on Medicaid and living with your MIL and, more importantly, can't afford a car TO BE ABLE TO GET A JOB, but you can afford an Ipad and a 3d ultrasound?

Nice.  That Ipad and gender ultrasound would go along way toward cash for a 2nd car.  Would it be a great car? No. Would it be new? No.  But it would get you from point A to point B so you could become gainfully employed. 

 

No, currently she doesn't have a job because her husband wanted her to "take it easy" during her first tri. The car was the reason in a previous post. Keep up, jeez!

pandadair

IBackBevo said:

This thread just irks the hell out of me.  And it reminds me of a girl in my office who was on Medicaid when she was pregnant...I'm pretty sure she probably lied to get on it. Yet always had her nails done, hair extensions, spray-on tan, lash extensions, etc.  It pissed me off so bad...just like this does.  Then, shortly after baby came, she bought a brand new Jeep Grand Cherokee with leather, etc.  Then, about a year later, her and her husband (the baby's Dad) bought a $250k house.  It still pisses me off.  I thought about turning her in, but was pretty sure she would have known it was me. 

I saw soooooo much of this in the military.  I about flew off the handle when an acquaintance told me in the same breath how she and her husband were 1) Shopping for a new Tahoe, and 2) Going to apply for WIC, because it's "free food". It's unfortunately easy to do in the military, because if you live in housing, your pay stub doesn't reflect your housing allowance which for us in Hawaii was like $2200 per month. If you can afford a new Tahoe, you can buy your own effing cheese and cereal.

I even had the checkout lady at the Commissary, out of nowhere, tell me when I went up to pay for my ice cream that when I have kids, I need to make sure to get on WIC. Thanks? It's there for people that need it, not people who choose to be on it because they'd rather spend their money on other stuff.

IBackBevo

pandadair said:

IBackBevo said:

Just so I understand:

You are on Medicaid and living with your MIL and, more importantly, can't afford a car TO BE ABLE TO GET A JOB, but you can afford an Ipad and a 3d ultrasound?

Nice.  That Ipad and gender ultrasound would go along way toward cash for a 2nd car.  Would it be a great car? No. Would it be new? No.  But it would get you from point A to point B so you could become gainfully employed. 

 

No, currently she doesn't have a job because her husband wanted her to "take it easy" during her first tri. The car was the reason in a previous post. Keep up, jeez!

Oh, I missed that little gem.

OP - I wrote an appellate brief on bedrest with my DS.  Unless you have a medical reason to not be working while pregnant, you need to get a job. 

ohwhynot85

Yeah.... You should be saving your money to move otherwise you will be back on the boards complaining. Wait until your obgyn schedules the ANATOMY scan. It seriously won't ruin your holiday if you wait. But again, your money and I'm sure we haven't heard the last of your dreaded mil.

JKBMA2014 said:

We have enough money to pay for a few special things for ourselves. And I'm not trying to sound snarky or anything, but seeing my baby for the first time ever on a 3d scan is not really an unnecessary waste of money to me.

Edit:added wording

nevertune

pandadair said:

I saw soooooo much of this in the military.  I about flew off the handle when an acquaintance told me in the same breath how she and her husband were 1) Shopping for a new Tahoe, and 2) Going to apply for WIC, because it's "free food". It's unfortunately easy to do in the military, because if you live in housing, your pay stub doesn't reflect your housing allowance which for us in Hawaii was like $2200 per month. If you can afford a new Tahoe, you can buy your own effing cheese and cereal.

I even had the checkout lady at the Commissary, out of nowhere, tell me when I went up to pay for my ice cream that when I have kids, I need to make sure to get on WIC. Thanks? It's there for people that need it, not people who choose to be on it because they'd rather spend their money on other stuff.

I got so much crap for not being on WIC when pregnant with my son and my now-ex-husband in the Navy. The other wives cajoled me with "Free food!" and I kept insisting that it was for people who really needed it and I was lucky enough to still afford food. Thankfully I met some really cool and awesome Navy wives that I still stay in contact with, but there was a significant chunk that were just intolerable.

pandadair

@ghostice I love my former-Navy wife friends! Granted, I was just very selective in who I hung out with, but the amount of intolerability was pretty on par with the general population. It actually didn't seem as common once we were on the boat in Hawaii, but holy hell did it seem like everyone was doing it for shits during Nuke school in Charleston.

nevertune

pandadair said:

@ghostice I love my former-Navy wife friends! Granted, I was just very selective in who I hung out with, but the amount of intolerability was pretty on par with the general population. It actually didn't seem as common once we were on the boat in Hawaii, but holy hell did it seem like everyone was doing it for shits during Nuke school in Charleston.

Huh, maybe it's a location thing? I was only ever at one base. Or maybe I've been lucky enough not to meet so many intolerable people in civvy life. *grin* Or maybe I never went to wherever the large chunk of cool wives were.

nicoleee89

Everybody needs to just stop being assholes. $200 wouldnt even make a dent in a deposit for their own place.  Get over it.

pandadair

nicoleee89 said:

Everybody needs to just stop being assholes. $200 wouldnt even make a dent in a deposit for their own place.  Get over it.

Depending on the rental market, it could be 25% of the way to an $800 per month place. You're right, though. Saving is for the birds.

hfooter

pandadair said:

nicoleee89 said:

Everybody needs to just stop being assholes. $200 wouldnt even make a dent in a deposit for their own place.  Get over it.

Depending on the rental market, it could be 25% of the way to an $800 per month place. You're right, though. Saving is for the birds.

LOL OMG. I can't, this may be one of the stupidest things I have heard on this board! It would totally make a "dent" no matter where you lived.

When you complain about not being able to afford to get your own place or only being able to afford one car, $200 is not chump change.

jcieply

I don't post a lot because this board is insanely mean IMO but I do want to say that I had mine done at 16 weeks for $55. This thread got out of control and I'm not here to say who's wrong or right but if you're such a hard worker and know the value of a dollar I can't believe you're not working because your dh doesn't want you working in first trimester. Pregnancy isn't an illness. I work because I don't have a choice medicade , wic, and not having a nice house and things just isn't an option to me! Ok rant over good Lu k

dragossoul84

My first place when I was first separated from my ex husband was 450 a month. It was in a safe area but it was super small. That plus the cost of the in ad would have totally covered first months rent

pistolpackinmomma

ABColeslaw said:

I think if you want us to forget the whole other post, you're really going to need to never post about money related extravagances ever again.  Even mentioning that you have an IPAD, which is expensive and something I would surely sell in order to get out of my MILs house.  I know there is back story information that we don't know about, but we can't know everything and it just irks people to no end to waste time trying to be helpful if this is the follow up.  Even not poor as broke, we had to really scrounge down deep for an elective ultrasound, which in the end is going to be my lone holiday gift.  It is hard to imagine going for it if I was in a less than desirable living situation. 

I missed that she has an iPad! Shit! I don't even have one of those. Damn being responsible!

ABColeslaw

nicoleee89 said:

Everybody needs to just stop being assholes. $200 wouldnt even make a dent in a deposit for their own place.  Get over it.

  @nicoleee89

ellie9487

I am beginning to see the reasoning behind the wobbly ladder, OP.

busterbeagle

ABColeslaw said:

nicoleee89 said:

Everybody needs to just stop being assholes. $200 wouldnt even make a dent in a deposit for their own place.  Get over it.

  @nicoleee89

ILY.

busterbeagle

If $200 is NBD when you are poor, then I'm tired of being middle class.

pistolpackinmomma

kitchencolors said:

nicoleee89 said:

Everybody needs to just stop being assholes. $200 wouldnt even make a dent in a deposit for their own place.  Get over it.

my mortgage payment doesn't even make a dent in the amount I owe. I still pay it, because eventually all those little payments add up. Savings is often slow and steady. Not saving because you're far from a goal is just stupid.

$200 almost pays the mortgage payment on our old house...

kat8805

I think the 15y mortgage payment on our new house is under $300 a month....

ABColeslaw

Beyond all that it is just dumb to say saving $200 here and $60 there isn't going to help them get out quicker.  It certainly can.  And if the OP wanted out bad enough she would curb her spending and make it a priority.  I would eat mac n cheese every night, not buy anything extra, wipe my ass with one ply TP...to get out of a bad situation. 

Miles2Go

@ABColeslaw Whoa, whoa, whoa. Draw the line at one ply tp. No one deserves that, not even OP (or her MIL). You need a "few special things for yourself" like two ply. I insist.

ABColeslaw

Miles2Go said:

@ABColeslaw Whoa, whoa, whoa. Draw the line at one ply tp. No one deserves that, not even OP (or her MIL). You need a "few special things for yourself" like two ply. I insist.

Fine but unless that IPAD wipes your ass, cleans the house for you, and gets up on shakey ladders...that sucker has to go

Miles2Go

I think it's the next version of the iPad that has the ass wiping app.

ohwhynot85

jcieply said:

I don't post a lot because this board is insanely mean IMO but I do want to say that I had mine done at 16 weeks for $55. This thread got out of control and I'm not here to say who's wrong or right but if you're such a hard worker and know the value of a dollar I can't believe you're not working because your dh doesn't want you working in first trimester. Pregnancy isn't an illness. I work because I don't have a choice medicade , wic, and not having a nice house and things just isn't an option to me! Ok rant over good Lu k

I dont think its insanely mean. I think a lot of posters don't hear what they want and get all pissy. Just like the OP here. 

gypsymystic

pandadair said:

@Azlebella The judgyness in this instance is pretty well warranted. Like someone else said, maybe you didn't read her thread about her MIL. I do agree that the judgyness about elective u/s is kind of weird, but that's not what the majority of people on her are commenting on.

FTR, I'm getting a 2D at 16 weeks, because fetuses at that age look creepy as shit in 3D. I don't think it's that hard to understand why some people would choose to get an elective u/s, like myself who can both afford it and is not choosing between it and buying cloth diapers. But, whatever.

I just read it. Not all of it, but I don't really see where she is complaining about money. Reading different threads though it seems like she gives 3 or 4 reasons why she 'quit' her job. So that is prolly a crock but still... 

Jillzy86

Ok, let me start of by saying this is your business do what you want. Since you asked for others opinion, her is mine.
As a person who is not working and my husbands job allows me to do so. I have been doing side jobs ( baby sitting, sewing, cleaning for friends and family) just to pay for luxuries, like a new maternity wardrobe. Let me add I do not "need" to do any of these things, we are very comfortable financially. The truth is Every sent matters ( $1 - $200) expecially when there is only one income. I really think you and your husband should start figuring out a finances before you spend your "extra money" on non essential items, in this case a elective U/S. Before your baby comes you need to find a new place to live, start saving for the cost of hospital stay for you/ baby, and start budgeting how much money your little one will cost when he/she arrives. It's very important to start digging your self out of debt now before your bills start to pile up. I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I just want you to concider sitting down with DH and going over your finances and saving for the future.

https://www.daveramsey.com/tools/budget-forms/

I don't think this will make you sign up for anything but it shows a good budget outline you and he could write out on your own.

ABColeslaw

kelseyandrobert said:

ABColeslaw said:

Beyond all that it is just dumb to say saving $200 here and $60 there isn't going to help them get out quicker.  It certainly can.  And if the OP wanted out bad enough she would curb her spending and make it a priority.  I would eat mac n cheese every night, not buy anything extra, wipe my ass with one ply TP...to get out of a bad situation. 

Darnit, now I want mac and cheese! 

lol but not one ply!