FFFC

willy_gert

tinyhumantoe said:

hmp1 said:

I would be so freaking pissed if DH ever made the fact that he makes more money than me as a reason for him doing less around the house. So pissed.

I do agree.

Money aside, DH's job is 9-5 for 90% of the year, uncompleted work from one day doesn't leach into other days, they are not understaffed, and it's a mildly stressful job at worst.  My job is ridiculously long hours, lots of travel, lots of responsibility/stress, and never off the clock.  He leaves for work at 830 and gets home at 530.  I leave at 745 and get home at 7/8/9.  I'm okay that he does more cleaning and more morning duties with W, and dare I say that I expect it.

I never know where to land on this topic with DH.  He work way more hours than I do, but he gets to sleep, watch TV and hang at work unless they have calls.  He also only works 10 days a month.  I find it hard not to ask him to do a bit more around the house because he typically has 20 days at home a month where I only have about 8.  

He makes more than me too, so I have a really hard time asking him to do more than me around the house, but when you look at it, I feel like his 60 ish hours of work a week are not always comparable to my 45 ish hours a week.

Anyone have the magic answer?

jbBeans

Hyaline said:

jbBeans said:

Hyaline said:

FFFC: The best conversation with a grown-up I've had this week was with an ex.  This should probably not become a normal thing.  

I had a dream this week that I was pushing my ex in a double stroller with Linden. Um... fcked up.

Bahahah I'd wake up having terrorsweats.  Was he kinda a big baby when you dated?

In many ways, yes. Very immature. But then, we dated in high school, and most high school boys are immature.

hmp1

tinyhumantoe said:

hmp1 said:

I would be so freaking pissed if DH ever made the fact that he makes more money than me as a reason for him doing less around the house. So pissed.

I do agree.

Money aside, DH's job is 9-5 for 90% of the year, uncompleted work from one day doesn't leach into other days, they are not understaffed, and it's a mildly stressful job at worst.  My job is ridiculously long hours, lots of travel, lots of responsibility/stress, and never off the clock.  He leaves for work at 830 and gets home at 530.  I leave at 745 and get home at 7/8/9.  I'm okay that he does more cleaning and more morning duties with W, and dare I say that I expect it.

And making it about time is acceptable. Don't bring money up, that is douchey.

jenndub

Hyaline said:

jenndub said:

FFFC, I make more money than DH, I work more than DH (by at least 20 hours a week), so I feel like he should clean the house and do laundry and cook. But he doesn't, at all. He only keeps the baby alive. It's making me want to kill him. The second I walk in the door he's all, "What's for dinner, we're starving."

Wait, is he home with LO while you're expecting him to clean, do laundry and cook?  Because while I do think that he should  be pitching in, it's a lot to ask some days to keep the kid from killing herself and get all the housework done.  I do dinner every day, but the housework often slides.  I don't want to get all mommywars on this, but caring for a kid is kinda a full-time occupation some days.  I don't expect that just because you SAH you have to do *all* the housework.  Maybe more, but all is a lot to ask.

Yes, he is home with LO. And I'm not asking him to keep the place spotless or cook gourmet meals. But he should straighten shit up and do the dishes once in a while. He works 4 or 5 days a week, for 5 or 6 hours a day. He's usually gone on the weekends, so that's when I have to do all the cleaning, laundry, etc. And I'm there with all 3 kids when I have to do it. I'm not even expecting him to do more housework than me, I'm expecting him to do SOME. I was a SAHM for 2 years with the first two, I know how hard it is.

melody921

jenndub said:

LoisLayn23 said:

Cheenomae said:

LoisLayn23 said:

WHITE CHOCOLATE IS NOT CHOCOLATE.

I'm fine to come up with another name for it, but not to like it is just sad!

Oh, it definitely has a place in my belleh, but it contains no cocoa.

I'm allergic to cocoa, so I can only have white chocolate. It's not even worth it.

FFFC, I make more money than DH, I work more than DH (by at least 20 hours a week), so I feel like he should clean the house and do laundry and cook. But he doesn't, at all. He only keeps the baby alive. It's making me want to kill him. The second I walk in the door he's all, "What's for dinner, we're starving."

I'd start pointing him to the crockpot.

tinyhumantoe

IndigoVader said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I think everyone apologized. The argument on both sides got out of hand and I am not sure it is a good idea to reopen this. I'm sorry for what @WillyGert AND her family is going through, it is hard on all of them. It is emotional, it is mental and physical. 

Actually, I don't think everyone did apologize.  And I don't think I'm "reopening" anything. 

If I thought it would bring more hurt to Willy, I would have zipped my lips.  But she seemed to have defended herself exceptionally well and with a lot of support from others, and I don't think I said anything that she would find hurtful. 

So what else can someone add here that reopens it - that Kemare and Angel were not dicks?  I like them both, but they were dicks in that thread.  I don't really think that needs debated.

Please provide a list of topics I should not talk about today.

Hyaline

jenndub said:

Hyaline said:

jenndub said:

FFFC, I make more money than DH, I work more than DH (by at least 20 hours a week), so I feel like he should clean the house and do laundry and cook. But he doesn't, at all. He only keeps the baby alive. It's making me want to kill him. The second I walk in the door he's all, "What's for dinner, we're starving."

Wait, is he home with LO while you're expecting him to clean, do laundry and cook?  Because while I do think that he should  be pitching in, it's a lot to ask some days to keep the kid from killing herself and get all the housework done.  I do dinner every day, but the housework often slides.  I don't want to get all mommywars on this, but caring for a kid is kinda a full-time occupation some days.  I don't expect that just because you SAH you have to do *all* the housework.  Maybe more, but all is a lot to ask.

Yes, he is home with LO. And I'm not asking him to keep the place spotless or cook gourmet meals. But he should straighten shit up and do the dishes once in a while. He works 4 or 5 days a week, for 5 or 6 hours a day. He's usually gone on the weekends, so that's when I have to do all the cleaning, laundry, etc. And I'm there with all 3 kids when I have to do it. I'm not even expecting him to do more housework than me, I'm expecting him to do SOME. I was a SAHM for 2 years with the first two, I know how hard it is.

I gotcha--at first I read the part where you said "he should clean the house and do laundry" as he should do ALL  of it.  Which I maintain is unfair.  But pitching in?  Absolutely.  FWIW when DH and I both worked full time I still did pretty much all of the housework and it still grinds my gears.  He honestly believed he was pitching in equally, though, because he did dishes maybe twice a week.  Men can be delusional.  Maybe try sitting down and hashing out expectations?  He might realize there's a lot more he can do.

tinyhumantoe

I agree with @hmp1

Money should not enter the conversation, unless you want to be less effective, then by all means. 

However - if the spread of duties did impact ESSENTIAL income, for example the number of hours each person could work, then it would be part of the covo.  If I had to forfeit 20hours of possible overtime at $30/h to be home with LO while DH mixed music that brought in as much money on weekends as it cost to book the gig, then yah, it would be part of the convo.

mrsbhk22

LoisLayn23 said:

tinyhumantoe said:

IndigoVader said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I think everyone apologized. The argument on both sides got out of hand and I am not sure it is a good idea to reopen this. I'm sorry for what @WillyGert AND her family is going through, it is hard on all of them. It is emotional, it is mental and physical. 

Actually, I don't think everyone did apologize.  And I don't think I'm "reopening" anything. 

If I thought it would bring more hurt to Willy, I would have zipped my lips.  But she seemed to have defended herself exceptionally well and with a lot of support from others, and I don't think I said anything that she would find hurtful. 

So what else can someone add here that reopens it - that Kemare and Angel were not dicks?  I like them both, but they were dicks in that thread.  I don't really think that needs debated.

Please provide a list of topics I should not talk about today.

Christmas

Blackface

Giving your kid candy

Anyone who is friends with anyone

BFPs in a TTC thread

 

And shopping carts / kids in the car

Coats and car seats

tinyhumantoe

IndigoVader said:

tinyhumantoe said:

IndigoVader said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I think everyone apologized. The argument on both sides got out of hand and I am not sure it is a good idea to reopen this. I'm sorry for what @WillyGert AND her family is going through, it is hard on all of them. It is emotional, it is mental and physical. 

Actually, I don't think everyone did apologize.  And I don't think I'm "reopening" anything. 

If I thought it would bring more hurt to Willy, I would have zipped my lips.  But she seemed to have defended herself exceptionally well and with a lot of support from others, and I don't think I said anything that she would find hurtful. 

So what else can someone add here that reopens it - that Kemare and Angel were not dicks?  I like them both, but they were dicks in that thread.  I don't really think that needs debated.

Please provide a list of topics I should not talk about today.

Wow, didn't know I was trying to censor you. I was just trying to point out that I did see apologies in that thread- but by all means, continue beating the dead horse.Censorship sucks, man.

I'm not allowed to counter your point? Is my response coming across as extra snippy because of the content, or because I'm typically more kumbuya?

And actually, Lois's list is pretty helpful.  I've not been around much so it will help me navigate where the horses lie.

mrsbhk22

I made significantly more than DH for the 1st 10 yrs of our relationship. Even after the first 2 kids , our division of chores/labor was never about money. Always make it about time.

tinyhumantoe

I would really like to know when the coat debacle got out of hand. I was legitimately wondering how to explain to my mom/DH that State Puff Winnie can't be buckled in with her 50" of extra padding. I made up some lie about it being in the book my pedi gave me. I mean, the zipper on that coat scratches her face anyway.

tinyhumantoe

@indigovader

I have a confession.  I read your reply as you should not reopen this topic and not as we (collectively/future posts in the thread) should not reopen this topic.  I still don't see the issue, but I definitely felt like my hand got passively slapped reading it the first way. 

We're coo.  Carry on.

miss50

tinyhumantoe said:

A bunch of people gained some points and others lost points on my personal point system after the posts this week.  The points are very important because for every 7500 points you get JudgeBucks where you earn $25 off every $50, but you have to shop between 11:00-11:03 am on Nov 13 (a weekday during work hours).  JudgeBucks cannot be used on sale,or clearance items [other arbitrary exclusions apply].  When you get to the register after spending two hours picking out stuff, you won't be able to use them on anything you selected because I'll be running a parallel sale with only two small signs posted in the back facing the wall, indicating that 3/4 of the store items are 3.2% off, therefore excluding them from your JudgeBucks eligibility.  That's how the buck-things work, right?

Anyway, it's fair for me to judge threads I wasn't able to participate in because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have said anything mean or completely cunty had I participated.

Did you develope the coupon system at Younkers/ Bergners and Carters? Spot on.

hmp1

tinyhumantoe said:

I agree with @hmp1

Money should not enter the conversation, unless you want to be less effective, then by all means. 

However - if the spread of duties did impact ESSENTIAL income, for example the number of hours each person could work, then it would be part of the covo.  If I had to forfeit 20hours of possible overtime at $30/h to be home with LO while DH mixed music that brought in as much money on weekends as it cost to book the gig, then yah, it would be part of the convo.

I can see how that can be part of it, but to me that just goes back to hours away from home. DH and I are both salary. He travels more and does work more hours so I do some extras like taking the kids to daycare every morning so he can get to the office earlier. But I do it so he can get to the office earlier, money plays zero factor into me doing that instead of him. It's all about our meeting schedules, projects we have going on...for how we make decisions.

Conversation 1: I make more money than you and have to be at work by 8am. You don't make as much and don't have meetings until 9am. You should take the kids to daycare. 

Boo, hiss, dick is sleeping on the couch and splitting daycare drop off with me every day.

Conversation 2: I have to be at work by 8 and you don't have any meetings until 9. You should take the kids to daycare.

Cool. I agree that timing works out better. 

jocymama

hmp1 said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I agree with @hmp1

Money should not enter the conversation, unless you want to be less effective, then by all means. 

However - if the spread of duties did impact ESSENTIAL income, for example the number of hours each person could work, then it would be part of the covo.  If I had to forfeit 20hours of possible overtime at $30/h to be home with LO while DH mixed music that brought in as much money on weekends as it cost to book the gig, then yah, it would be part of the convo.

I can see how that can be part of it, but to me that just goes back to hours away from home. DH and I are both salary. He travels more and does work more hours so I do some extras like taking the kids to daycare every morning so he can get to the office earlier. But I do it so he can get to the office earlier, money plays zero factor into me doing that instead of him. It's all about our meeting schedules, projects we have going on...for how we make decisions.

Conversation 1: I make more money than you and have to be at work by 8am. You don't make as much and don't have meetings until 9am. You should take the kids to daycare. 

Boo, hiss, dick is sleeping on the couch and splitting daycare drop off with me every day.

Conversation 2: I have to be at work by 8 and you don't have any meetings until 9. You should take the kids to daycare.

Cool. I agree that timing works out better. 

Ha this made me lol And I hate these quote boxes!

jenndub

hmp1 said:

kelbel527 said:

hmp1 said:

I would be so freaking pissed if DH ever made the fact that he makes more money than me as a reason for him doing less around the house. So pissed.

For us, it's not about the $.  It's about the hours (two are directly correlated FTR).  I put in significantly more hours a week than him (20-30), so I expect he helps with nightime things that otherwise wouldn't get done.  If I get home in time for dinner (about 2-3 days a week), then I still have to work after the kids are in bed, until I go to bed.  So if I also have to clean the kitchen, cook dinner and take care of the dogs, then I have to stay up another hour later to get my work done - while he watches TV.

Now on the weekends we make it more equal (though I still work on the weekends, just usually during naptime, bedtime or I take a kid to the office).

Making it about time is fine, working f/t vs p/t. But Jen started by saying she makes more money. If DH ever started a convo that way, that is all I would hear because steam would be pouring out my ears.

To clarify, I work more hours because I make more money. He cut back at work to stay home with Sawyer. I would have cut back if he made more money, I actually would have preferred that. It did look cunty the way I wrote it. And I NEVER, EVER hold that against him. I just feel that it's unfair that I work 50 hours a week and am expected to be the only one handling the chores.

Cheenomae

LoisLayn23 said:

tinyhumantoe said:

IndigoVader said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I think everyone apologized. The argument on both sides got out of hand and I am not sure it is a good idea to reopen this. I'm sorry for what @WillyGert AND her family is going through, it is hard on all of them. It is emotional, it is mental and physical. 

Actually, I don't think everyone did apologize.  And I don't think I'm "reopening" anything. 

If I thought it would bring more hurt to Willy, I would have zipped my lips.  But she seemed to have defended herself exceptionally well and with a lot of support from others, and I don't think I said anything that she would find hurtful. 

So what else can someone add here that reopens it - that Kemare and Angel were not dicks?  I like them both, but they were dicks in that thread.  I don't really think that needs debated.

Please provide a list of topics I should not talk about today.

Christmas

Blackface

Giving your kid candy

Anyone who is friends with anyone

BFPs in a TTC thread

 

And also car seats and coats.

Cheenomae

mrsbhk22 said:

tinyhumantoe said:

IndigoVader said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I think everyone apologized. The argument on both sides got out of hand and I am not sure it is a good idea to reopen this. I'm sorry for what @WillyGert AND her family is going through, it is hard on all of them. It is emotional, it is mental and physical. 

Actually, I don't think everyone did apologize.  And I don't think I'm "reopening" anything. 

If I thought it would bring more hurt to Willy, I would have zipped my lips.  But she seemed to have defended herself exceptionally well and with a lot of support from others, and I don't think I said anything that she would find hurtful. 

So what else can someone add here that reopens it - that Kemare and Angel were not dicks?  I like them both, but they were dicks in that thread.  I don't really think that needs debated.

Please provide a list of topics I should not talk about today.

Christmas

Blackface

Giving your kid candy

Anyone who is friends with anyone

BFPs in a TTC thread

 

And shopping carts / kids in the car Coats and car seats

Too slow today. You beat me to it!

jbBeans

@LoisLayn23, are you bored or something?

hmp1

LoisLayn23 said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I would really like to know when the coat debacle got out of hand. I was legitimately wondering how to explain to my mom/DH that State Puff Winnie can't be buckled in with her 50" of extra padding. I made up some lie about it being in the book my pedi gave me. I mean, the zipper on that coat scratches her face anyway.

I think when Nita went all "BUT CANADIA THO" but I can't really remember.

I blame Dr Squeeg

jbBeans

LoisLayn23 said:

jbBeans said:

@LoisLayn23, are you bored or something?

Um. No. What do you mean?

Well, we're talking about how we DON'T want to rehash those topics, and then you're digging back into the debate.

jbBeans

Holy eff I can't get out of auto-save quote hell. The mention of Nita and Hyaline's comments regarding coats and carseats. @loislayn23

jbBeans

LoisLayn23 said:

jbBeans said:

Holy eff I can't get out of auto-save quote hell. The mention of Nita and Hyaline's comments regarding coats and carseats. @loislayn23

THT asked what had changed, I briefly mentioned the conversation and their reasoning. I dno't see how that is rehashing anything, TBH. Are you bored?

Not bored. It just seems odd to single people out from what's been a fairly board-wide debate. It seems like pot-stirring to me. 

Hyaline

LoisLayn23 said:

Oh, and a dash of Hyaline (maybe it was her) said "yeah but physics tho".

Yep, I own that I said that.  And stick by what I said.  And am not going to re-engage on that point. 

tinyhumantoe

LoisLayn23 said:

jbBeans said:

Holy eff I can't get out of auto-save quote hell. The mention of Nita and Hyaline's comments regarding coats and carseats. @loislayn23

THT asked what had changed, I briefly mentioned the conversation and their reasoning. I dno't see how that is rehashing anything, TBH. Are you bored?

LOL, I brought up the no-no and asked the question

eta:quote hell

eta 2.0 I'm not really bored, FTR, just glad to be able to be on here and have a convo today.

jbBeans

Honestly, @loislayn23, it's your siggy. 'shit gives me a headache. :P

tinyhumantoe

I really want to know if the physics is pro-puff coat or anti-puff coat.  But I'll be less lame and just say that I always seem to manage to clog the toilets at home.  DH always finds what he calls "leaves" in the toilet.  I eat a lot of greens. 

Gross!

tinyhumantoe

Candy corn pretzels are good, but don't taste like candy corn.  I think it's white chocolate with orange and yellow sprinkles.  I paid $5 for the bag of these things at Target just because I had to know what they tasted like.

I think I'd be better off eating a candy pumpkin with a little pretzel stick.  The idea is great, execution was not.

MarisaKathleen

tinyhumantoe said:

I really want to know if the physics is pro-puff coat or anti-puff coat.  But I'll be less lame and just say that I always seem to manage to clog the toilets at home.  DH always finds what he calls "leaves" in the toilet.  I eat a lot of greens. 

Gross!

I think you need to start chewing your food at least 25 times before swallowing it.   )

BarefootContessa

I don't like my grandma. There's a FFFC.

thetwinkies&Vivi

Our therapist's scheduler just asked if we actually want to continue therapy due to a month of no appointments. I was sort of thinking they probably think I don't care about the girls or I'm just done and didn't give notice. But shit, in the last month there was one week of insurance mess up,surgery, hand foot and mouth,an ambulance trip to ER, and a horrible stomach virus. oh, and the therapist was off one week.And of course things always happen the day of or before therapy. I always call with as much notice as possible.
ETA: this probably isn't even confession worthy, I just have a stomach in knots over it.

tinyhumantoe

MarisaKathleen said:

tinyhumantoe said:

I really want to know if the physics is pro-puff coat or anti-puff coat.  But I'll be less lame and just say that I always seem to manage to clog the toilets at home.  DH always finds what he calls "leaves" in the toilet.  I eat a lot of greens. 

Gross!

I think you need to start chewing your food at least 25 times before swallowing it.   )

They are little leaves.  I'd get a sore jaw 10 calories in to my salad if I chew any better.  It's like corn, you can chew really well and still shit corn casserole.  The stomach doesn't break down those plant cell walls very well. 

jbBeans

SpoofLeJones said:

I finally got my PSL and pumpkin muffin and I'm here to brag about it.

Pumpkin muffin = good. Pumpkin cookie at SB, however? Not good.

tinyhumantoe

SpoofLeJones said:

I feel like THT talks about clogging toilets at least once a week.

That's like a 1:10 ratio of talking about it:clogging them.  I think that's pretty reasonable.

tinyhumantoe

ditto spoof re: twinkies!

@barefootcontessa That IS an FFFC.  Make sure she's wearing this coat in the car? 

Cheenomae

tinyhumantoe said:

Candy corn pretzels are good, but don't taste like candy corn.  I think it's white chocolate with orange and yellow sprinkles.  I paid $5 for the bag of these things at Target just because I had to know what they tasted like.

I think I'd be better off eating a candy pumpkin with a little pretzel stick.  The idea is great, execution was not.

While I agree that they taste nothing like candy corn they are still freaking amazing. I feel like perhaps better than a candy pumpkin with a little pretzel stick.

kelbel527

jenndub said:

hmp1 said:

kelbel527 said:

hmp1 said:

I would be so freaking pissed if DH ever made the fact that he makes more money than me as a reason for him doing less around the house. So pissed.

For us, it's not about the $.  It's about the hours (two are directly correlated FTR).  I put in significantly more hours a week than him (20-30), so I expect he helps with nightime things that otherwise wouldn't get done.  If I get home in time for dinner (about 2-3 days a week), then I still have to work after the kids are in bed, until I go to bed.  So if I also have to clean the kitchen, cook dinner and take care of the dogs, then I have to stay up another hour later to get my work done - while he watches TV.

Now on the weekends we make it more equal (though I still work on the weekends, just usually during naptime, bedtime or I take a kid to the office).

Making it about time is fine, working f/t vs p/t. But Jen started by saying she makes more money. If DH ever started a convo that way, that is all I would hear because steam would be pouring out my ears.

To clarify, I work more hours because I make more money. He cut back at work to stay home with Sawyer. I would have cut back if he made more money, I actually would have preferred that. It did look cunty the way I wrote it. And I NEVER, EVER hold that against him. I just feel that it's unfair that I work 50 hours a week and am expected to be the only one handling the chores.

This is why I think it's somewhat relevant.  Because in our conversations in our house - $ does play a factor.  I could work less hours, but I would be in a job that would make less money.  So if DH wants me home more to help out more, it's a family decision about our lifestyle and financial comfort. 

That said - I would never ever hold $ over DH's head.  We make all financial decisions together, regardless of who makes what.

BarefootContessa

@tinyhumantoe you got it. 

tinyhumantoe

I think my house is full of pussy toilets. 

@cheenomae If someone said - here, try this pretzel, I would have said yum.  But the expectation/anticipation flattened the experience 
:-S

I ate a mini can of crescent roll dough.  I gotta get back to eating healthy. 

I whacked my dog last night for licking, and the next time I heard it I sat up to give him the death stare.  Yah, our windows were open and the rain was slurping, not him.