I'm really irritated right now and just need to vent, cry or scream.

2010weddinggal

I had my trip to L&D last night cause I cramped all day, and I did not want to be that first time mom that freaks about everything. So I figured it was just BH so I drank water, I walked, I took a nap nothing took them away. So finally I told hubby we need to go in and get checked out. I was having contractions but they were irregular and my cervix was closed so that is good. My husband gets douche bag year of the award, there was no comfy recliner so what does he do he curls up on the floor and sleeps the whole 4 hours we are there. After the nurse gets the ok for me to go home to rest and keep my feet up I wake him up and when he asks me what it was I told him and he goes so we came here for nothing. I slept on the hard floor for nothing, I told him so sorry you were so uncomfortable ugh! We get home and instead of taking the dog out cause she really had to go I took her out, he calls today like nothing happened and when I tell him I need more help he complains, I tell him I ask him to do things around the house and then he comes home and sits on the couch and plays xbox till it is time to go to bed. The roomate left his dinner mess in the sink and it attracted ants and I had to clean it up this morning. I really want to slap the hell out of both oo them. They both have weekends off, they can help clean the house, they both know how to read directions they can cook dinner once in awhile. But ones excuse is why should he and the others is well then I will just burn it.

They do not get it while they are warm in bed I'm wide awke cause I just can not sleep anymore, I'm so sore and it is really hard for me to bend over to get everything as clean as it needs to be. My husband has Saturdays off and we are suppose to get the house ready for baby but he plays xbox all weekend. I'm pissed because he took so long to go look at cars that we will have no car to bring baby home from the hospital so I have to arrange transportation. This baby was not a surprise we were not using any contraception we talked at great lengths about what needed to be done once baby got here. I know I'm stressed and tired and that is not helping my body but I seriously do not know what to do anymore, they are being so selfish and all about themselves. I feel like screaming at them telling them I need them to grow the hell up and stop acting like my children.

adawn1981

Sorry, but he is being a real douche.

cantsitwithus

What a jerk.

aundrea1225

So sorry it's been stressful for you lately My DH has been slacking lately too. He leaves the dog leash on the floor instead of hanging it on the hook, so I always have to bend down and get it. He's also been playing games a lot more lately. I just keep reminding him that this is the last month before the baby gets here, and we have a lot of serious things we need to cover. We haven't even taken classes or put in the car seat. He is full of excuses. I think it's a FTD thing. Just take a deep breath and hang in there.

2010weddinggal

I want to slap him guys, and maybe the roomate as well there is no excuse why they can not help out. At least on the weekends ya know, the can cook and clean it will not kill them. I'll make dinner and then ask the room mate to do the dishes, he is a really good friend of ours, he tells me no cause he hates washing dishes. It's like well I hate cooking right now so suck it up buttercup....

tnmccrory

I'm sorry, sometimes men just can't sympathize with pregnant women. The other day my husband tells me I complain a lot, so I told him if he only knew how this felt as I pointed at my large belly. Then I get the reply, I didn't ask you to do this. (The baby wasn't planned so that made me feel wonderful).

I'm sorry you feel like this, maybe you can talk to your husband. It may start a fight but at least he'll know how you feel.

adawn1981

superspecialsnowflake said:

adawn1981 said:

Sorry, but he is being a real douche.

Yep.  I would steal the Xbox power cord until you two have a calm, thorough conversation about this.

This.  My ex played XBox all day long and never helped me with anything.  I put the whole thing in the trunk of my car and said I had to pawn it for rent because he did not have his half due to playing XBox and not working. 

 

Thankfully my H does not play video games at all.

 

OP, If your H wants to play video games, that is fine but he needs to put you first more often.

2010weddinggal

superspecialsnowflake said:

2010weddinggal said:

I want to slap him guys, and maybe the roomate as well there is no excuse why they can not help out. At least on the weekends ya know, the can cook and clean it will not kill them. I'll make dinner and then ask the room mate to do the dishes, he is a really good friend of ours, he tells me no cause he hates washing dishes. It's like well I hate cooking right now so suck it up buttercup....

This is why mixing business with friends/family can be a bad idea.  You and DH are the landlords, he is the tenant.  If you want something done as part of your terms of agreement (like him washing dishes), document it.

How old is your DH/roommate?

He is 46 lived in his van, we wanted to help each other out, I'm trying to get my hormones in check and keep them in check but whats a girl going to do?

lollipoppoop

Man I must have an amazing husband after reading some of these husband vents.  Seriously your husband is being a douche and he better be glad hes not my husband.

adawn1981

The roomate is 46?  How old is the husband?

northport6

@superspecialsnowflake said:

adawn1981 said:

Sorry, but he is being a real douche.

Yep.  I would steal the Xbox power cord until you two have a calm, thorough conversation about this.


Brilliant.

2010weddinggal

adawn1981 said:

The roomate is 46?  How old is the husband?

35, when it comes down to it there is no excuse for their behavior they say they work all day why should they have to do anything. I get they work all day and I'm not saying anything about that but I know lots of people who work all day. What about all the wonderful husbands on here who work all day come home and take care of everything cause it is really hard or their wives can not. It is going to come down to a huge discussion and some really hurt feelings but I'm tired of this shit! @sailortink it is too late, we will have to save enough to go to the auction and that will take a few months.

jamrosj

Take a few nights off dinner duty. Tell them its for your health and baby's because that is not a lie. Could you take DH with you to the next appointment and ask your doctor what your expectations should be for activity levels at this point? 

KFiori1

AlexJohnson840 said:

46 and he can't do some damn dishes?!?!!

Yeah, that is honestly ridiculous.

Sorry your husband is being a douche.

northport6

2010weddinggal said:

superspecialsnowflake said:

2010weddinggal said:

I want to slap him guys, and maybe the roomate as well there is no excuse why they can not help out. At least on the weekends ya know, the can cook and clean it will not kill them. I'll make dinner and then ask the room mate to do the dishes, he is a really good friend of ours, he tells me no cause he hates washing dishes. It's like well I hate cooking right now so suck it up buttercup....

This is why mixing business with friends/family can be a bad idea.  You and DH are the landlords, he is the tenant.  If you want something done as part of your terms of agreement (like him washing dishes), document it.

How old is your DH/roommate?

He is 46 lived in his van, we wanted to help each other out, I'm trying to get my hormones in check and keep them in check but whats a girl going to do?


Normally I'm all in favor of a calm, balanced response but sh*t, girl, GET THOSE HORMONES OUT OF CHECK AND GO APESH*T ON THE BOTH OF THEM.

You deserve better, period.

adawn1981

OP I am glad you are not making excuses for their behavior.  Time for a serious talk.  Stand up for yourself.

cantsitwithus

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

What is it with grown men that are worse than 12 yr olds??  (My DH isn't like this at all....But, our roommate - DH reamed him out today over some stuff DH found when DH went into roommate's room to get a towel I needed washed....Good thing I wasn't there, I would have gone BALLISTIC) 

Ooh! What was it?

lollipoppoop

ClaireFraser said:

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

What is it with grown men that are worse than 12 yr olds??  (My DH isn't like this at all....But, our roommate - DH reamed him out today over some stuff DH found when DH went into roommate's room to get a towel I needed washed....Good thing I wasn't there, I would have gone BALLISTIC) 

I think we need to hear this story!

DO tell!!!

FutureMrsCaesar

Okay I totally agree your husband is acting like a douche bag...but don't sit there day dreaming about how most everyone elses husband busts his ass at work all then comes home and cooks and cleans and takes care of everything.  While some people may make it seem like that, for the vast majority of us, that's not exactly the case.  Yes our husbands probably do help more than yours but for most of us that comes from communication, setting expectations, nagging, etc.  

My husband is awesome, but certainly not without fault (nor am I for that matter) but he doesn't clean, doesn't do laundry, doesn't generally do dishes, and travels a ton, so I am still big and fat and sore and tired and busting my ass over here too.  Not saying it doesn't suck, just letting you know that I feel your pain.  My husband loves his children more than anything once they are in his arms, but he always has a hard to being sympathetic during pregnancy and feeling that emotional bond that we feel during these 9 months.

I think you guys just need to communicate more, stop expecting things from him without discussing them with him first.  He's being immature with the xbox, hopefully you guys can come to some sort of agreement that he will help with the chores and baby prep for a few hours on the weekend before sitting down to play his video games.  It really helped my husband when I flat out told him all the things I would like to get done before the baby got here.  They didn't all get done immediately, but we are more on the same page and slowly chipping away at the list.

I don't know what to tell you about the roommate, I have no experience there!

BootsOrHearts

Unless the roommate is a close family member or you owe him money - boot his ass OUT. Done.

And you need to have some hard conversations with your DH. Is he ready to be a father? Does he understand what's involved? The sleepless nights, poopy diapers, trips to the doctor, cholic, spitting up, etc.? Parenthood is not for wimps. And if he thinks he can play Xbox all weekend with a baby, he can think again. He needs to get his crap together.

MEP923

Yea, he is being very immature. He is 35 and wants to spend all his free time playing video games? Outlets are great but when everything that needs to be done is finished. He's going to be a dad soon. Free time becomes few and far between when the baby is here.

cantsitwithus

@sweetsouthernmomma08 Please come back and tell me. I am missing you over here.

2010weddinggal

Loolaide said:

Wait, so is it OK to bag on him now?  I got in trouble for that in the car post.

Sorry loolaide if I came off as mean, I wanted to have faith in him apparently I put too much and it bite me in the ass.

MEP923

FutureMrsCaesar said:

Okay I totally agree your husband is acting like a douche bag...but don't sit there day dreaming about how most everyone elses husband busts his ass at work all then comes home and cooks and cleans and takes care of everything.  While some people may make it seem like that, for the vast majority of us, that's not exactly the case.  Yes our husbands probably do help more than yours but for most of us that comes from communication, setting expectations, nagging, etc.  

My husband is awesome, but certainly not without fault (nor am I for that matter) but he doesn't clean, doesn't do laundry, doesn't generally do dishes, and travels a ton, so I am still big and fat and sore and tired and busting my ass over here too.  Not saying it doesn't suck, just letting you know that I feel your pain.  My husband loves his children more than anything once they are in his arms, but he always has a hard to being sympathetic during pregnancy and feeling that emotional bond that we feel during these 9 months.

I think you guys just need to communicate more, stop expecting things from him without discussing them with him first.  He's being immature with the xbox, hopefully you guys can come to some sort of agreement that he will help with the chores and baby prep for a few hours on the weekend before sitting down to play his video games.  It really helped my husband when I flat out told him all the things I would like to get done before the baby got here.  They didn't all get done immediately, but we are more on the same page and slowly chipping away at the list.

I don't know what to tell you about the roommate, I have no experience there!

I agree with this to an extent. I don't think all husbands are working all day then coming home and cooking and cleaning. My husband is 27 and very hardworking though. He works 60-90 hours a week, commutes 2 hours and still comes home and works on the nursery and our new house. Days off are dedicated to the house. I do the cleaning, cooking and caring for DS1. I think we found a balance that works for us and we both work hard. OP, If you don't feel like DH is holding up his end of things then you need to talk to him about it.

cantsitwithus

Cashingn2 said:

sehart3478 said:

@sweetsouthernmomma08 Please come back and tell me. I am missing you over here.

I'm still hung up on the fact that her H went into their roommates room. Am I the only one that would have waited until the roommate got home and had him get the towels? I mean, I assume the guy pays rent; therefore, that is his space. I would be pissed if I were him.

Unless they are friend roommates and they do that type of thing but I don't really know their situation because SSM is vaguebumping!

alanna7777

There definitely needs to be a discussion about expectations with your husband. And an understanding of what is to come with a newborn as well. As for the roommate., he can go back to the van if he doesn't help. You are not married to him and he doesn't need to participate in your family meals. If he isn't helping out after dinner he doesn't need to have dinner. I would make that clear. Your husband better realize that baby's schedule will be your schedule and dinner won't be on the table when he gets home.
My husband is military and works longer hours than me-I am appreciative that he steps up and does alot. Through the course of this pregnancy (our first together and we had my stepdaughter with us thru te summer) I have learned to let go of some things and focus on the
Positives. It is a give and take and when I have energy I have been on it with dinner and housework. I have learned a ton about communication this pregnancy along with managing my insane hormones lol!!
And I am 35 and husband is 40 lol!

Lroberts1187

I currently want to punch mine in the face right now, so I totally empathize with u!! And the more mad I get it makes me cry... Which results in making me more mad! It's a shitty cycle

lisab613

yeah it seems like you have lost all balance in your relationship, or you didn't have it to begin with. working all day doesn't give you a pass for household stuff, or if it does, it swings both ways on the weekends.

and the roommate, yeah, i seriously don't think you should put up with crap from him. he's a TENANT, you're not asking him for a favor, you're asking him to contribute to the household needs, and that should be spelled out in whatever WRITTEN agreement you have with him. If he doesn't comply, show him the door. you shouldn't put up with this crap from either of these men.

and i mean, seriously, your husband was complaining that HE was uncomfortable in L&D? SERIOUSLY?!?!

 

2010weddinggal

When I feel good, I get shit done when I do not feel good I lock myself away from everyone because it is not their fault I do not feel good. I'm going to sit both of them down tonight and open the floor for a huge discussion, I'm going to let them know that they are going to have to be more responsible for stuff around the house. They can cook on the weekends no excuses, they can take turns cleaning the bathroom no excuses and hubby can stop playing xbox and step it up on getting house ready for baby. I internet love you ladies I cried myself to sleep last night cause I was so sad. You guys made me feel so much better

2010weddinggal

SweetSouthernMomma08 said:

sehart3478 said:

@sweetsouthernmomma08 Please come back and tell me. I am missing you over here.

I created a post....So I didn't thread jack...

You could have we can start they crappy things DH's did this week, as a matter of fact anyone who wants to vent can vent. This will be a I need to vent before someone gets killed thread

notkateanymore

I'm stuck on that he slept on the floor of a hospital. I would dip him in bleach. 

He needs to grow the fuck up. How old is he?

lollipoppoop

Cashingn2 said:

sehart3478 said:

@sweetsouthernmomma08 Please come back and tell me. I am missing you over here.

I'm still hung up on the fact that her H went into their roommates room. Am I the only one that would have waited until the roommate got home and had him get the towels? I mean, I assume the guy pays rent; therefore, that is his space. I would be pissed if I were him.

If I own the house and he pays me rent then I would go in there (only if I really had to) but if we were both renting I probably wouldn't.  I bet they are just fed up and said screw it.

KateMW said:

I'm stuck on that he slept on the floor of a hospital. I would dip him in bleach. 

He needs to grow the fuck up. How old is he?

I think she said hes 35

lisab613

superspecialsnowflake said:

2010weddinggal said:

When I feel good, I get shit done when I do not feel good I lock myself away from everyone because it is not their fault I do not feel good. I'm going to sit both of them down tonight and open the floor for a huge discussion, I'm going to let them know that they are going to have to be more responsible for stuff around the house. They can cook on the weekends no excuses, they can take turns cleaning the bathroom no excuses and hubby can stop playing xbox and step it up on getting house ready for baby. I internet love you ladies I cried myself to sleep last night cause I was so sad. You guys made me feel so much better

Some suggestions:

1) Talk only to DH first.  Leave the roommate for later.

2) Before saying anything, make a list of the things that you need help with or need him to do.  Be specific, and write it down.  Take a moment to reflect if your requests are reasonable, based on his work schedule and past behavior.  Consider how he will react to each of the requests before you bring them up.   This will help you choose your wording carefully.

3) Part of your stress in the household is your tenant who doesn't pull his weight.  This is why you need to talk to DH alone first.  You and DH need to have a unified plan on how to address the roommate situation.  If you put your foot down only to have DH undermine you later, that is counterproductive and toxic.  Again, being specific, work with DH to address the problems with the roommate.

Good luck!

so much this.

bishesbcrazy

KateMW said:

I'm stuck on that he slept on the floor of a hospital. I would dip him in bleach. 

He needs to grow the fuck up. How old is he?

LOL @ "dip him in bleach". Love it.

2010weddinggal

Thanks ladies I will do all of this and yes kate I could not get over him laying on the floor either ew!

fauxvegan

Sorry your H is being this way. Like other PPs said, you need to let him know how you feel and put your foot down. If he was uncomfortable in at the hospital let him know you were even more uncomfortable. I can't believe he actually slept while you guys were there in the first place, he should have been alert to make sure you were okay. Definitely talk to him about the situation, especially with what happened. You dont need to deal with the emotional and physical stress of it all. DH does all the household chores now because I'm on bedrest. You just need to let him know your expectations. Oh, and I made DH get rid of his PS2 years ago because I could not put up with that. Good luck! I hope things get better for you.

74dragonfly

superspecialsnowflake said:

adawn1981 said:

Sorry, but he is being a real douche.

Yep.  I would steal the Xbox power cord until you two have a calm, thorough conversation about this.

I love this suggestion. 

lolinshag

My DH has an xbox addiction. Grrrrr. I finally had to sit him down and lay out some ground rules. What we came to was that he was allowed to pick 3 days a week he could play to his hearts content. (M/Th/Su) the other days were to be spent with me, doing chores, etc. He was pissy for a few weeks, but this has worked oit great for over 3 years now.

One thing that might help is getting a dry erase board and writing down exactly what chores are assigned to a person for each day. Like mondays i clean the bathrroms, Dh takes out trash, roommate does dishes. Tuesday, i do laundry, DH does dishes, roommate vaccums. Etc. Hope this helps!

sav34mm50pb

I hope his current behavior is not indicative of how he's going to be when the baby arrives. You're going to need all the help you can get... and as the father - he has responsibility there. Best of luck!

mightymousy

Yikes, I'm steamed up for you! None of this story would fly with me, I would have lost my cool. I'm liking Kate's bleach idea lol.

lifesaverz

wow, I don't even know what to say.  I'm sorry, it sounds like your H is being incredibly immature!  For one, I can't believe he would lay on the floor of the hospital, wow.  I agree w/ Kate, that's so disgusting.  And for another thing, there's NO reason he should be playing his video-games all weekend.  Don't get my wrong, my DH loves his video-games, but he typically only plays when I'm gone, unless we're both home & both agree we're gonna do our own thing for awhile.  If you're home at all the same times he is that might be a different story, but still no way should he be playing all weekend...he needs to make your relationship a priority, as well as getting ready for the baby!  Sounds like you need to have a heart to heart w/ him, & maybe set up some type of agreement on how much you're okay with him playing, & how much you want him to dedicate to time with you & helping w/ baby things.  Also I agree with whichever PP said to make a list of what needs to get done too.  I hope it works out!