Thought I'd Introduce Myself — The Bump
LGBT Parenting

Thought I'd Introduce Myself

Hi All! My wife and I are TTC our first child. So far, we've done one at home ICI and 1 RE assisted IUI. Both resulted in BFNs :( I'm on CD8 now, and should be going in for TTC#3 this weekend :) Although we are very excited to have started this amazing journey, I'm in a hard place. My family is not accepting what-so-ever. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that I have a wife, and will most likely lose their minds when I tell them of my pregnancy.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Anyone had to deal with this? My parents live down the street from me, so avoiding them is VERY hard. Also, they immigrated to the US 30 years ago, so hoping they'll eventually "come around" isn't going to happen. They have very strict values that prohibit any form of homosexuality. I love my family dearly, and don't want to lose or disappoint them, but at some point, I have to live life for myself. Perhaps the stress of their reaction to my eventual pregnancy is what's causing the BFNs :(
Attempt #1: July Natural Cycle ICI = BFN
Attempt #2: August Natural Cycle IUI = BFN
Attempt #3: September Natural Cycle IUI = TWW

Re: Thought I'd Introduce Myself

  • You can't change how anyone thinks or feels, unfortunately. However, what you can do is ensure that you are living your lives to the fullest and enjoying your relationship. Once you bring a baby into this world, your number one job will be to protect him or her and demonstrate tolerance and love. 

    It is sad to think that maybe your family will not be involved with you or your children's lives, but something that I have learned is that you can not take it personally; you should not feel the need to justify your lifestyle and finally, you need to live your life for YOU. 

    I have dealt with this same thing and up until my wedding day, my mother-in-law was against me and our wedding. She eventually came around and even if she didn't, we didn't care. No one knows about our TTC journey, and when we tell them that we are pregnant (hopefully!), while we hope they are excited about it, their opinions will not matter. 

    It took us a long time to get to this point, but it feels INCREDIBLE that we are here. Best of luck!

    TTC our first. Married to, and madly in love with, my beautiful wife. Living with our fur baby and enjoying 19 nieces and nephews. 
    • DW and I have been tracking, preparing, getting medical testing since January 2013.
    • First Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 08/02/13: BFN
    • Second Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm 09/11/13, 09/13/13, 09/15/13: BFN
    • Third Cycle: Unmedicated ICI w/ Donor Sperm: 10/13/13, 10/15/13, 10/17/13, 10/21/13: BFN
    • January 2014: Sonohysterogram shows excellent lining & tubes have no blockages
    • Fourth Cycle:  Monitored clomid cycle  w/ ICI's at home: 1/24/14 and 1/25/14. Ovulation verified:  BFN
    • Fifth Cycle: 02/2014 Femara 5mg with ovidrel trigger CD14: BFN
    • Taking a few months off to evaluate if we want to keep trying

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  • Welcome!

    We are lucky that both of our families are accepting of (and excited about) our relationship and eager to have grandchildren.

    I wish you a lot of luck dealing with your family. I have heard of folks coming around once a baby is actually born, but, of course, you can't count on this. Good luck!

    Please feel free to join us Monday's (today!) on the TTC check-in for all of us who are currently trying to conceive.
    ****loss discussed*****

    We're queer. I'm 33, have severe stage 4 endo, and had both fallopian tubes removed. My love ("Manada" on the boards, 32) was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve. We did Partner IVF (my eggs, her uterus). We lost our twins Tavin and Casey at 21 weeks gestation.

    Our IUIs
    with @Manada: IUI# 1-7 (December 2012- September 2013) all BFN. Tried natural, femara, clomid, puregon/follistim, clomid and menopur combo, both the ovidrel and HCG triggers.

    Our IVFs:
    IVF #1 my eggs November/December 2013: Cancelled IVF due to poor response

    IVF #2 my eggs/Manada's uterus January/February 2014
    BCPs and lupron overlap Stimmed: 1/22-2/2: Bravelle and Menopur (dosage ranged from B300 and M150 to B375 and M150 to B300 and M225)
    2/4 retrieved 10 eggs. Endo was much worse than expected. Only 3 eggs fertilized; February 7 transferred two day 3 embryos, froze one. All great condition.
    BFP eve of 6dp3dt; Beta 1 (11dp3dt): 110; Beta 2 (13dp3dt): 175; Beta 3 (15dp3dt): 348; Beta 4 (19dp3dt): 2222; Beta 5 (21dp3dt): 4255
    1st ultrasound (3/6  6w 1d): TWINS!!!! Twin A measuring 6w1d with a heartbeat of 118bpm. Twin B measuring 6w0d with a heartbeat of 113bpm. 

    ***July 18, 2014 we lost our beautiful babies at 21 weeks gestation. They were born too early. Tavin Sara T. and Casey Elizabeth T. are beautiful and precious and we will love them and miss them forever.***

    FET #1 December 2014
    Intralipid infusion on Dec 10. Transfer of 1 day 3 nine-cell embryo into my uterus on Dec. 19. (acupuncture immediately before and after)
    BFP on Dec. 27; Beta 1 Jan 2 (14dp3dt): 665, Beta 2 Jan 4 (16dp3dt): 1859, Beta 3 Jan 6 (18dp3dt): 4449, Beta 4 Jan 10 (22dp3dt): 12,251.

      Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • Just wanted to say welcome to the board.
    Married my wife 8/2007 ~ TTC #1 since 7/2011
    9 IUIs = 9 BFNs
    IVF October 2012: 22 eggs retrieved, 17 fertilized, 5 frozen
    ET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Blighted ovum discovered at 7w5d; D&E
    FET #1: 1 blast = BFP; Missed m/c discovered at 9w5d; D&E
    Karyotyping: normal ~ RPL Testing: normal ~ Hysteroscopy: normal
    FET #2: 1 blast transferred 10/25; BFP 10/31!
    EDD 7/13/14 ~ Induced at 37w4d due to pre-eclampsia ~ Born on 6/28/14
    *Everyone welcome*

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Welcome! Best of luck with this cycle!

    Me - 30, My wife - 31 , Together for 10 yrs - Married August 2012

    5 medicated IUIs w/ RE (March - July 2013) = BFN

    Fresh IVF Cycle in September 2013 resulted in 18 mature eggs, 16 fertilized, 12 made it to day 5. Transfer of 2 Grade A blastocysts on 9/15/13, and 10 embryos in the freezer!


         *****BFP on 9/25/13 - betas: @10dp5dt = 232; @12dp5dt = 465; @15dp5dt = 1,581


    *********William George born June 4, 2014*********

  • Welcome and good luck to you!

    BabyFetus Ticker

  • Don't have much advice, but I think @GoaliesWife123 said it beautifully.  All I'll add is try not to let anyone taint the joy you will surely feel when you become pregnant.  Much luck to you and welcome to the board!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Welcome and best of luck. My wife's family was not very supportive when we got married and still will not call us "married" or me their "daughter in law" because they don't believe that our marriage is a true covenant with God. We were not sure how they would handle the pregnancy especially since I am carrying and they do not see me as their daughter in law. But they have actually voiced that they want to be grandparents to our child. Granted they also said they "weren't sure if they would bond with the baby." Lots of things they say and do are hurtful but I try and take the high road and allow them to forge their own journey in this whole process. I am still not sure what to expect when the baby is here, but one day at a time is really the only way I can approach it. If I take too much time to think about it my protective mama bear instincts want to take over which would lead me to say things I would probably regret. My wife and I have decided that her parents will have a role in our son's life if they want to, but until we can trust them ALL visits will be supervised by us. Hope your parents are able to find their own way as you guys start this exciting journey. Again, best of luck!
    Same sex couple, Married 8/6/11
    Baby Oliver born 11/27/13

    TTC stats with donor sperm...
    IUI #1 with trigger, 1/4/13 - BFN
    IUI #2 with trigger, 2/1/13 BFN
    IUI #3 with tigger, 2/28/12 BFP EDD 11/21/13
  • Sorry you're dealing with that, @2NewMoms :( My family and DP's family are very accepting of us so I'm not sure what advice I can give, but I can say that things will likely change once you guys get pregnant.  This happens to straight folks, too.  My cousin married a woman that my uncle didn't approve of but as soon as she gave him a grandson he started coming around.  In the meantime, I'd try to find a confidant you can talk to about your pregnancy so you have a sounding board if your mom isn't someone you can talk to about this.

    IUI 08/2013 - natural cycle, BFN
    IUI 10/2013 - Clomid cycle, BFN
    IUI 11/2013 - Clomid cycle, BFN
    IUI 03/2014 - Clomid cycle, BFN
    IUI 05/2014 - Femara + FSH, BFN
    IUI 06/2014 - FSH, BFP! DS born 02/2015

    TTC #2 (and #3)
    W IUI 08/2017 - Femara, BFN
    W IUI 10/2017 - Femara, BFN
    W diagnosed as low AMH
    Me: PCOS
    Myo-Inositol, NAC, prenatals
    IUI 03/2018 - Gonal F - BFN

    INVOcell IVF September 2018 - BFP!!! B/G Twins born 04/2019
  • Welcome to the board! I completely understand about non supportive families but ultimately you have to resolve yourself to not being able to control other people, even your family. And goalieswife is right- live life for you and demonstrate unconditional love to your LO. That's all you can do. :)
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  • No real advice that I can offer I truly hope when you are able to tell them you are pregnant they don't make it difficult for you both. Good luck on your next cycle.

    Married in September 2010, started TTC journey November 2012


    7 IUI- 2 CP- 2 BFN

    RPL blood work 12/27, showed a balance translocation in chromosome 11;22  


    PCOS 4 IUI-4 BFN

    New Plan: Reciprocal IVF, me as carrier wife's eggs. Just went through insurance and received partial approval, so my part will go through my IVF benefits and wife's part will be out of pocket. Now just finalizing finance plans to cover the oop costs. Doctors office is in process of moving to a new building so there are no IVF start ups until March/April 2015. 





  • Welcome to the board.  EV and my family are "accepting" so to speak but we are not close to everyone in our perspective families. In order to create they type of community we want for our children we've invested a lot of time and energy in creating a family of friends and loved ones.

    I wish you all the best in your TTC journey and beyond!!

  • Welcome to the board! Lots of PPs have great advice. Mine is a little more extreme: Move. :) My parents were so clearly not accepting that I just left - and honestly, the space made us come back around and then it was so much better.

    I realize that isn't possible for everyone and I was way younger than I am now. I went a built myself a "family of choice" and then my "family of origin" came back around. When I was pregnant my sisters and in-laws all called it "our baby" - like J and I were having it for the whole family! I loved that. But it took a long road to get there. Hang in there :)

    Lil'mamaz was born on Aug 21, 2014! She's PERFECT!

    It's been a long road to here...
    Me (43) and J (45) - same sex couple. And we don't feel 40+!
    June'12 - First RE Visit
    Sept. '12 - Tubes removed
    Dec. '12 - Donor Egg/Donor Sperm IVF Cycle - 4 good embies!
    Dec. '12 - Fresh transfer, BFP! EDD 8/29/13
    Mar. '13 - Missed m/c at 16w1d, baby boy stopped growing at 15w4d
    Loss due to umbilical cord was perfect. :(
    Jul '13 - FET#1 - c/p
    Sept. '13 - FET#2 - BFN
    Dec.' 2, 2013 - FET#3 with our last chance embie - BFP!!!
    Dec' 26, 2013 - hb!!
    EDD 8/20/14 with a baby girl!
    Little S was born on 8/21/14 - 8lb, 14 oz and 20 inches long.
    We live in Seattle and used SRM for our donor egg IVF cycle


  • Welcome! I find that it is very difficult to give "blanket advice" in situations like this, as it is so highly personal and individualized. It is easy to say -- go live your life and those who don't support you don't deserve a place in it -- but you have to truly be ready to embrace that choice and only you will know if/when it is right for you... I have had a roller coaster relationship with my father (and subsequently his entire side of the family) for most of my life, but it took an emotional triggering event for me to say "I'm done." Arguably it really wasn't the one event (deciding 1 month before my wedding he "couldn't participate" after over a year of promising he would be there, and not having the courage to even call me but sent me a terse letter instead) -- it was cumulative and that was the icing on the cake. Arguably I should have been "done" long before that, but I just wasn't ready... Wheat I mean to say is that family relationship, particularly with parents who let us down, can be HARD, and you have to know in your gut when it becomes enough for you. I truly hope for you, your wife, and the future family you two are building, that your family comes around and surprises the heck out of you. It can happen. If it does not, I wish you strength to make the decision that is right for you -- and you will know in time what that is -- until then, stay strong in your relationship with your wife and buckle up for the amazingly crazy ride of TTC. All the best!

    Me - 30, My wife - 31 , Together for 10 yrs - Married August 2012

    5 medicated IUIs w/ RE (March - July 2013) = BFN

    Fresh IVF Cycle in September 2013 resulted in 18 mature eggs, 16 fertilized, 12 made it to day 5. Transfer of 2 Grade A blastocysts on 9/15/13, and 10 embryos in the freezer!


         *****BFP on 9/25/13 - betas: @10dp5dt = 232; @12dp5dt = 465; @15dp5dt = 1,581


    *********William George born June 4, 2014*********

  • Thank you everyone! It's so nice to hear encouragement. It gets very overwhelming at times! The best I can do is be accepting and open with my own child. Everyone learns from previous generations. My lesson is to love unconditionally and be supportive. Basically, be the parent I wish I had!

    We should be going in for the IUI in a few days. I have a GREAT feeling about this TTC because the due date would fall on my Birthday :) I'm not going to mention anything to my family until I'm at least 12 weeks. I hope I don't show for at least 14! I'm getting ahead of myself...step 1...get pregnant! HA
    Attempt #1: July Natural Cycle ICI = BFN
    Attempt #2: August Natural Cycle IUI = BFN
    Attempt #3: September Natural Cycle IUI = TWW

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