Thought I'd Introduce Myself

2NewMoms · September 2013

Hi All! My wife and I are TTC our first child. So far, we've done one at home ICI and 1 RE assisted IUI. Both resulted in BFNs

I'm on CD8 now, and should be going in for TTC#3 this weekend

Although we are very excited to have started this amazing journey, I'm in a hard place. My family is not accepting what-so-ever. They refuse to acknowledge the fact that I have a wife, and will most likely lose their minds when I tell them of my pregnancy.

Does anyone have any advice for me? Anyone had to deal with this? My parents live down the street from me, so avoiding them is VERY hard. Also, they immigrated to the US 30 years ago, so hoping they'll eventually "come around" isn't going to happen. They have very strict values that prohibit any form of homosexuality. I love my family dearly, and don't want to lose or disappoint them, but at some point, I have to live life for myself. Perhaps the stress of their reaction to my eventual pregnancy is what's causing the BFNs

GoaliesWife123 · September 2013

You can't change how anyone thinks or feels, unfortunately. However, what you can do is ensure that you are living your lives to the fullest and enjoying your relationship. Once you bring a baby into this world, your number one job will be to protect him or her and demonstrate tolerance and love.

It is sad to think that maybe your family will not be involved with you or your children's lives, but something that I have learned is that you can not take it personally; you should not feel the need to justify your lifestyle and finally, you need to live your life for YOU.

I have dealt with this same thing and up until my wedding day, my mother-in-law was against me and our wedding. She eventually came around and even if she didn't, we didn't care. No one knows about our TTC journey, and when we tell them that we are pregnant (hopefully!), while we hope they are excited about it, their opinions will not matter.

It took us a long time to get to this point, but it feels INCREDIBLE that we are here. Best of luck!

healz413 · September 2013

Welcome!

We are lucky that both of our families are accepting of (and excited about) our relationship and eager to have grandchildren.

I wish you a lot of luck dealing with your family. I have heard of folks coming around once a baby is actually born, but, of course, you can't count on this. Good luck!

Please feel free to join us Monday's (today!) on the TTC check-in for all of us who are currently trying to conceive.

ball.and.chain · September 2013

Just wanted to say welcome to the board.

KH826 · September 2013

Welcome! Best of luck with this cycle!

Greysmom13 · September 2013

Welcome and good luck to you!

ATXmommas · September 2013

Don't have much advice, but I think @GoaliesWife123 said it beautifully. All I'll add is try not to let anyone taint the joy you will surely feel when you become pregnant. Much luck to you and welcome to the board!

mwagner25 · September 2013

Welcome and best of luck. My wife's family was not very supportive when we got married and still will not call us "married" or me their "daughter in law" because they don't believe that our marriage is a true covenant with God. We were not sure how they would handle the pregnancy especially since I am carrying and they do not see me as their daughter in law. But they have actually voiced that they want to be grandparents to our child. Granted they also said they "weren't sure if they would bond with the baby." Lots of things they say and do are hurtful but I try and take the high road and allow them to forge their own journey in this whole process. I am still not sure what to expect when the baby is here, but one day at a time is really the only way I can approach it. If I take too much time to think about it my protective mama bear instincts want to take over which would lead me to say things I would probably regret. My wife and I have decided that her parents will have a role in our son's life if they want to, but until we can trust them ALL visits will be supervised by us. Hope your parents are able to find their own way as you guys start this exciting journey. Again, best of luck!

wishiwaspreggo · September 2013

Sorry you're dealing with that, @2NewMoms My family and DP's family are very accepting of us so I'm not sure what advice I can give, but I can say that things will likely change once you guys get pregnant. This happens to straight folks, too. My cousin married a woman that my uncle didn't approve of but as soon as she gave him a grandson he started coming around. In the meantime, I'd try to find a confidant you can talk to about your pregnancy so you have a sounding board if your mom isn't someone you can talk to about this.

songbird31 · September 2013

Welcome to the board! I completely understand about non supportive families but ultimately you have to resolve yourself to not being able to control other people, even your family. And goalieswife is right- live life for you and demonstrate unconditional love to your LO. That's all you can do.

kristi&p · September 2013

No real advice that I can offer I truly hope when you are able to tell them you are pregnant they don't make it difficult for you both. Good luck on your next cycle.

Jazibel · September 2013

Welcome to the board. EV and my family are "accepting" so to speak but we are not close to everyone in our perspective families. In order to create they type of community we want for our children we've invested a lot of time and energy in creating a family of friends and loved ones.

I wish you all the best in your TTC journey and beyond!!

2MamazInSeattle · September 2013

Welcome to the board! Lots of PPs have great advice. Mine is a little more extreme: Move. My parents were so clearly not accepting that I just left - and honestly, the space made us come back around and then it was so much better.

I realize that isn't possible for everyone and I was way younger than I am now. I went a built myself a "family of choice" and then my "family of origin" came back around. When I was pregnant my sisters and in-laws all called it "our baby" - like J and I were having it for the whole family! I loved that. But it took a long road to get there. Hang in there

KH826 · September 2013

Welcome! I find that it is very difficult to give "blanket advice" in situations like this, as it is so highly personal and individualized. It is easy to say -- go live your life and those who don't support you don't deserve a place in it -- but you have to truly be ready to embrace that choice and only you will know if/when it is right for you... I have had a roller coaster relationship with my father (and subsequently his entire side of the family) for most of my life, but it took an emotional triggering event for me to say "I'm done." Arguably it really wasn't the one event (deciding 1 month before my wedding he "couldn't participate" after over a year of promising he would be there, and not having the courage to even call me but sent me a terse letter instead) -- it was cumulative and that was the icing on the cake. Arguably I should have been "done" long before that, but I just wasn't ready... Wheat I mean to say is that family relationship, particularly with parents who let us down, can be HARD, and you have to know in your gut when it becomes enough for you. I truly hope for you, your wife, and the future family you two are building, that your family comes around and surprises the heck out of you. It can happen. If it does not, I wish you strength to make the decision that is right for you -- and you will know in time what that is -- until then, stay strong in your relationship with your wife and buckle up for the amazingly crazy ride of TTC. All the best!

2NewMoms · September 2013

Thank you everyone! It's so nice to hear encouragement. It gets very overwhelming at times! The best I can do is be accepting and open with my own child. Everyone learns from previous generations. My lesson is to love unconditionally and be supportive. Basically, be the parent I wish I had!

We should be going in for the IUI in a few days. I have a GREAT feeling about this TTC because the due date would fall on my Birthday

I'm not going to mention anything to my family until I'm at least 12 weeks. I hope I don't show for at least 14! I'm getting ahead of myself...step 1...get pregnant! HA

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