Naysayers

Life is Exciting

I'm curious what other people's experience with CD naysayers have been and how you all recommend dealing with the particularly nasty naysayer I have.

DH brought up CD'ing at dinner with my inlaws last night and they jumped all over us. Well, more so me because they knew it was my idea. My mother in law said she planned to buy disposables to put him in while she's watching him. I don't like that idea. She pretty much left it at that. But, FIL decided to go on through the whole dinner about our "stupid decision."

He said everything from "your washer is going to be fille with poop" to "your house is going to smell like shiit all the time" to "people aren't going to want to watch him because they won't want to deal with the cloth diapers."

Of course, I shot right back with all I had, telling him why he was wrong about the poop in the washer thing, how cloth diapers have come a long way, to "we're going to save like $1500 per kid" to "there's a much lower occurrence of diaper rash with cloth diapered babies."

I even showed my inlaws online images of some of the new kinds of cloth diapers and offered to meet them halfway by saying I'd teach them how they work and if they're still uncomfortable with the idea, they can use the gdiapers with the flushable inserts when they watch him.

FIL was not convinced. Just as surly as ever, he told me it was a dumb decision.

I don't understand why people have to be so unaccepting of the choices we make as to how to raise our kids.

Any suggestions? Similar experiences?

Aurora_Borealis

If anyone told me to my face that I made 'stupid' or 'dumb' decisions I would not be visiting them, much less having them watch my child. I don't do verbal abuse.

That said, welcome to parenting. People will always have an opinion about something that is none of their business.

runningyogimama

Aurora_Borealis said:

That said, welcome to parenting. People will always have an opinion about something that is none of their business.

This.

And I didn't tell anyone I planned to CD, even our families, unless it somehow came up. And it really rarely did. After DD was already born, and everyone saw how easy CDs are, no one has said a negative thing about it. I'll answer all of the questions in the world if someone asks me about CDing, but I still don't just bring it up.

Life is Exciting

JmeJme said:

Aurora_Borealis said:

That said, welcome to parenting. People will always have an opinion about something that is none of their business.

This.

And I didn't tell anyone I planned to CD, even our families, unless it somehow came up. And it really rarely did. After DD was already born, and everyone saw how easy CDs are, no one has said a negative thing about it. I'll answer all of the questions in the world if someone asks me about CDing, but I still don't just bring it up.

I'm thinking now, that's what we should have done. But, we registered for some CD stuff, so I don't think it would have been long before it came up anyways.

TJ1979

This whole thing just pisses me off. Whose business is it what your kid pees in? You are the parent, you get to make the decisions. And if they don't like your decisions and think it's ok to talk to you that way, then just like @Aurora_Borealis, I don't know that I would want them watching my kid and teaching him such bad manners.
Personally, I'm super non confrontational, so whatever. I would smile and nod. None of my ILs spend enough time with her to get an opinion.

blondolphn

Um, I'd be the smart ass that leaves the poopy disposable diaper in a crappy plastic bag in a nice sunny window for them. Cause you know, disposables never make your house smell like poo...

Danie007

I didn't have naysayers per say, but my in-laws either put DS in a disposable (even though he has a bag full of pockets ready to go) or go FOREVER before changing him. It is so annoying!

MynaBird

I haven't gotten a lot of comments about our plans to CD, but the ones that have been negative have mostly been from people who are simply ignorant of all the options there are anymore. My dad said something recently about how "everyone we know who tried it gave up," and I gently pointed out to him that the last time any of his close friends had an infant in diapers was 30 years ago. So many people think cloth diapers means prefolds, safety pins and rubber pants. They don't realize how many different ways there are to CD now. 

That said... yeah, it's annoying to have your childrearing decisions questioned/criticized. But it appears to come with the territory. Like PP, we haven't been volunteering our CD plans beyond putting supplies on our registry. It's nobody's business but ours, and we'll be the ones to decide if it works for us.

Mandmeesh

wow, the ILs seem like a pair of gems. 

Don't waste your breath.  And...if they won't watch LO without disposables and you don't like that idea, then they don't watch LO. 

I find that people that are that ignorant about CDing won't be convinced, so just stick with the decision that's important to you and just make sure you don't ask them to change LO

Robi1

It's my kid. My choice. End of discussion. No one else gets any say in what I do with my child, and I have no problem saying that if someone else feels the need to offer their opinion. 

Just do it and let it speak for itself. 

LeahVB2011

I think a lot of the naysaying comes from outdated information and bad experiences from 20-30 years ago or at least that's been my experience with anyone who has said anything negative about CDing. I am sorry your ILs are so negative towards it and hopefully they will come around.

monkeybutt61612

Non CD mom here...just wondering what the issue is with your in-laws using disposables when they babysit if they purchased them?  (No snark intended)

Danie007

monkeybutt61612 said:

Non CD mom here...just wondering what the issue is with your in-laws using disposables when they babysit if they purchased them?  (No snark intended)

Mostly, the waiting forever to change him is the annoying part. The other problems I have with it is they are putting him in disposables that don't fit. They are set on using an entire box they purchased a year ago. That means I've had to deal with cleaning up outfits that have been peed on, or worse. If they at least put him in the right size I wouldn't have a big problem with it.

tjkdlhb

*monkeybutt61612*

I'm not the OP, but my reasons are:

Undetermined time in landfill.  The first disposables ever made still have an estimated 440 years to go.  If they ever break down.

The resources to make and transport including water destroyed by using disposables is immense.

Plus the diapers are made of chemicals.  Some of which are known carcinogens and hormone disruptors.  Do I think a baby will be infertile because disposables are used? No.  But I also don't want to add to her exposure to these chemicals from such an early age which build in their systems from exposure over time. Some babies have rashes because of them, while other moms just prefer not to have them near baby's bottom. 

The diapers are ridiculously easy to use, especially if you aren't the one doing laundry.  There is no need for anyone to use disposables on my baby.  All they have to do is put it in a wetbag instead of a garbage can.

All of the regular people (grandparents, etc) who were reluctant about using cloth diapers for DD have since changed their minds and have said that if they had the option of using modern cloth on their kids they would have.  Lots of people picture folding sheets of fabric and pinning it, when the reality is nothing like that.

megpeg

My own parents thought I was crazy when we bought up cloth diapers. My dad said they would be buying disposables to use. Guess who is the the one showing off how cool the cds are at family functions? My dad! They were both amazed at how different they were from when I was a baby. My mom will even wash them now. When they see them and get to use them(especially pockets) they will see how easy it really is. I have sent sposies that we were gifted and they have never been used.

Life is Exciting

tjkdlhb said:

*monkeybutt61612*

I'm not the OP, but my reasons are:

Undetermined time in landfill.  The first disposables ever made still have an estimated 440 years to go.  If they ever break down.

The resources to make and transport including water destroyed by using disposables is immense.

Plus the diapers are made of chemicals.  Some of which are known carcinogens and hormone disruptors.  Do I think a baby will be infertile because disposables are used? No.  But I also don't want to add to her exposure to these chemicals from such an early age which build in their systems from exposure over time. Some babies have rashes because of them, while other moms just prefer not to have them near baby's bottom. 

The diapers are ridiculously easy to use, especially if you aren't the one doing laundry.  There is no need for anyone to use disposables on my baby.  All they have to do is put it in a wetbag instead of a garbage can.

All of the regular people (grandparents, etc) who were reluctant about using cloth diapers for DD have since changed their minds and have said that if they had the option of using modern cloth on their kids they would have.  Lots of people picture folding sheets of fabric and pinning it, when the reality is nothing like that.

This.

DiannaVB

Robi1 said:

It's my kid. My choice. End of discussion. No one else gets any say in what I do with my child, and I have no problem saying that if someone else feels the need to offer their opinion. 

Just do it and let it speak for itself. 

This.

RangerVic

I guess I'm pretty lucky... My first will be born in September and I plan on CDing her as soon after birth as possible.  Cool thing is?  My mom was totally on board with CDs, even when she thought I was talking about flats and pins and plastic pants, and since I've showed her the modern cloth options she has been helping me build my stash.  Even cooler thing? My in-laws bought a bunch of cloth diapers from my registry, so I'm guessing they are on board with it (MIL doesn't speak English, so I'm pretty much just assuming she knows what is going on).  I have friends who are going to CD their kid, due around the same time as mine, and other friends who would be totally for it if they had kids at all.  No one I've talked to has said anything outright negative about CDs!  The most I get is doubt, and then I usually just say something non-committal like "Well, we are going to try the cloth, and if it doesn't work, we'll have disposables as backup and cloth diapers resell really well".  If someone were watching my child that refused to CD and it caused a specific negative reaction like a rash, I simply wouldn't have that person watch her anymore until they agreed to do things the way I desire for my kid.  I know things get hairy when it comes to in-laws, but hopefully they come around.

MrsBernard

We luckily haven't had to deal with this amount of opposition.  The few people who have questioned us have got to hear me say, "well, you don't have to change his diapers."  Ultimately it's you and your SO's choice.  If people don't like it, they don't have to take part in it.  Good luck!

jess9802

My MIL thought we were nuts for using cloth, and in fact made such a stink about it at one of my baby showers that my friends and family STILL ask me whether she's ever changed a cloth diaper. (She has. She even raved about them to my husband's stepsister!)

It annoyed me. It annoyed me when she asked whether she could use disposables on DS. I ultimately just said yes, because I knew she wouldn't be watching him that much. Once she saw the diapers in action, and heard my husband praising them, she was willing to give them a try. She'll be watching him all day tomorrow and has said she can handle the cloth.

I certainly wouldn't tolerate someone insulting me for deciding to use cloth. If nothing else, it's a sign of a power struggle to come with your husband's family over the child-rearing decisions you'll be making, at least if you don't establish boundaries early on. It would be really, really tempting to say, "Well, you don't have to watch the baby then." But that's probably a tad too petty...

rowanthefrog

My mom was a little dubious when I told her. She watches my boys for me once a week. I bought some easy BG AIO and gave her a lesson. When she watches the boys I put the liner in each diaper and give her a wetbag and tell her not to worry about dumping the poop or anything. After the lesson she hasn't said much since.

As WE know, the cloth diapers they are thinking about are a far cry from what we have now. When you bring baby over there, use your cloth like its no big deal. If they are watching baby, give them a very easy diaper. If they complain and want to use disposables, then fine, but hopeefully they will come around.

A

AlwaysForgetful

My SIL thinks I am nuts and bring up my lack of housekeeping skills (she is a clean freak and my house is lived in but not trashed). *sighs* Then her girlfriend proceeds to tell me how gross it is to have to touch the diapers. Umm, ok. I have a diaper sprayer.

My Auntie in law (closest thign I have to a MIL) makes it way to difficult. She cannot figure it out. Even when I leave her the velcro type all prepped. All she has to do is put the dirty one in the tub and I will take care of it.

To be fair, I have switched from CD several times. Mainly when dealing with extreme nausea (pregnancy) or bad bouts of depression. DH still sticks up for me and informs people that the cost of the diapers we bought already paid for themselves since I only spend the $ as a months worth of disposables and they have been in use (not counting times not in use) for 2 years.

Luckily my own mother is supportive. She CD 3 of us back when it was prefolds and a plastic cover. She thinks today's CD are to fancy but is more than happy to use them. I was given a diaper cake with my daughter that was made of prefolds.

littleredfish

....can suck it. That's what I thought when I read your post title.

Nobody was on board when I presented the idea (even DH who was just going along with it to support me and planned to either just let me change/wash them and he'd buy sposies if he couldn't do it). They all got over it and my mom even brags to her friends about me doing it now, my MIL refers me as a reference to her friends children who are having babies. Even my dad thinks they are really cute even though he's never come around to changed one yet. They get over it, and if they don't they don't have to change your kid. I even found a daycare that would use them and it's going great. Do what you want and they can make decision for their kids. I told my ILs that; they had their chance to make choices for their kids, now it's our turn.

RJM050705

Both my mom and MIL both CD'd their kids in the late 70s/80s, my SIL CD'd my niece her first year (her mom paid for diaper service and SIL used pins and plastic pants!) so we were lucky that none of our family said anything remotely negative.  A few friends have been like, "oh wow, I couldn't do that." Whatever.  CDing certainly doesn't make me supermom.  And I tend to have a messy house (I just do not have the discipline to keep it clean) but my dipes rarely go more than 48 hours! 

TREDgirl

I completely don't understand peoples fear and paranoia about CD. It's beyond frustrating. 

I don't know how shaking off and spraying poo and washing say every other day is ANY worse than have a garbage pail full of stinky poopy disposables. All of our friends who know think we're completely nuts and that it's so gross. Um...last time I checked you still have to change a poopy disposable. 

Ugh...people are annoying. 

MynaBird

TREDgirl said:

I don't know how shaking off and spraying poo and washing say every other day is ANY worse than have a garbage pail full of stinky poopy disposables. 

This. I've always hated disposable diapers, so I'm really committed to making cloth work for us. My cousin and her baby stayed at our house for a couple of days last week, and seeing all those disposables balled up in the guest bathroom trash can just made me feel even better about the idea of not having them accumulating after our baby is born.