I am due with my second son in August, so my two boys will only be 23 months apart, I feel that is plenty of time between kids, but my family averages 4 years + between kids. My mother in law (who threw my shower with my son) doesn't think that you should have a baby shower with the 2nd kid. I would like to have a shower but my family typically doesn't offer to do much for me so I don't know if I am being unreasonable wanting another shower. So I need opinions, Shower for 2nd baby, yes or no?
Re: Do you have a baby shower for the 2nd child?
The general consensus on the bump tends to say no to second showers.
I did have a second shower. However, I had moved between having kids and it was a group of friends that were not at my first shower. They offered. I did not ask, and in fact I told them no at first. They insisted. It was also just a small lunch with small gifts...mainly clothes since it was a different gender. I did not register.
There will be no 3rd shower.
There is no correct answer to this. It depends on what is the norm with your friends and family and in your area. Do you typically get invited to showers for second+ babies (sprinkles, diaper parties, whatever)? Then by all means, don't feel bad about it. But if not, then it will probably be viewed as rude and gift-grabby. And you should never ask anyone to throw you a shower, even for a first baby.
Around here, showers/sprinkles/meet the baby whatever you call them are unheard of for anything except first babies. I have never been invited to or attended one in all my 34 years. I never even knew people did this until I read these boards.
DD #1 born 9/07 ** DD #2 born 7/11 ** Operation Take Back My Body has begun 10/11
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Rock and Roll Half Marathon 09/16/12 - Philadelphia, PA
Philadelphia (Half?!?) Marathon 11/18/12 - Philadelphia, PA
I wasn't expecting one, but one of my oldest friends and her mom are planning one anyway. Honestly, I wasn't going to make a production of declining - if they want to do it I say why the hell not. It will be a smaller group. I'm not even going to ask that they put no gifts on the invite, even though we don't "need" much because to me that's just awkward and people don't listen in general anyway. I think the idea that you shouldn't celebrate another kid is kind of ridiculous.
I don't want a shower. We're thinking about doing a party for family and friends to celebrate the baby. We would make a no gifts request.
Nope.
I have been invited to only one shower for a second child. The friends had their first baby right after they got married, ten years ago. They had another baby recently (different gender) and another friend offered to throw them a baby shower. That being said, I always send a gift for a new baby.
Maybe your family is assuming that if you're having your children spaced closer together what exactly would you need? I have only ever been invited to two showers for something other than a first baby - one was for a woman having twins and another was for a woman who had about seven years in between her kids and she had given all her baby stuff away.
Not having a shower doesn't mean you can't celebrate the birth of your baby in other ways - ways in which people aren't obligated to buy you gifts.
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This Cluttered Life
My SIL's friends threw her a diaper shower for her second one, where everyone was asked to bring a package of diapers. I don't think it's common, but it is definitely a regional thing.
ETA: I don't think that you should EVER ask someone to throw you a shower. Period.
The rules of etiquette say no showers for 2ND children, usually if you want a celebration for a 2ND or other child, you could do a family BBQ but gifts shouldn't be a requirement or implied. No Registry. Especially since the children will be so close together. I would say is also a bit tacky to ask for a shower, especially on the 2nd pregnancy. The only time I think its appropriate to have another real shower is if the babies are several years apart (think 5+) and/or a different gender. If they are close in age, and different genders it might be okay to have a something, if someone offers with just REALLY close friends and immediate family.
It really annoys me when people use the excuse "every baby should be celebrated" as if those who don't have showers aren't celebrating their subsequent children as much as their first. Trust me, this second baby will be even more of a miracle if it works out.
Someone even posted some horrifying poem to use in second+ shower invites the other day and people on here actually liked it. It was to the effect of baby being on the way and (insert older child's name) hand-me downs just won't do.
If I got that poem on an invite I would wrap up a steaming pile of poo as a gift. Are you kidding me?
DD #1 born 9/07 ** DD #2 born 7/11 ** Operation Take Back My Body has begun 10/11
Upcoming Races
Gobble Wobble 5K 11/24/11 - Abington, PA 29:40
Superbowl 10K 02/05/12 - Allentown, PA 54:28 PR!!!!
Broad Street 10 Mile Run 05/06/12 - Philadelphia, PA 1:30:44
Rock and Roll Half Marathon 09/16/12 - Philadelphia, PA
Philadelphia (Half?!?) Marathon 11/18/12 - Philadelphia, PA
I believe that this is something you will decide for yourself and not what everyone tells you to do. Of course if someone offers to give you one why wouldn't you have one? All of my friends that have had two kids had a shower for each. I don't see why you would only shower and celebrate the birth of just the first child? Not having one for each baby is saying that they arn't equally as important as the first? So conclusion to what I am saying do what makes you happy, thats all that matter not what a bunch of women that don't know you say!
My mom has had more than one baby shower. Not a big deal. People just wanted to do it for her & it really helped because our family didn't have a lot of money at that time.
My family in general is good at offering to do things, but don't really follow through LOL So, my husband is throwing my baby shower Can't wait!
I had your back until this. Seriously though, you asked for opinions - you will get them whether you like them or not. A hissy fit isn't going to help your case.
Here we go...
Exactly a lot of people don't have a lot of money to buy new things if the baby is a different gender or for any other reason. I think this is a decision for everyone to make on their own not what society or some rules of etiquette say!?! Who really uses etiquette everyday anyways? Noone I know.
Sigh. THIS is exactly what I am talking about. Listen, if it is the norm for your area, go for it. But I DESPISE the assumption here. It's my opinion that my husband and I are adults, we are capable of providing for our child on our own, and I don't like to burden my friends and family with the expectation that they will subsidize my spawning every time we reproduce. Just like I would not expect them to furnish my kitchen and bathrooms via a bridal shower should I choose to divorce my husband and decide to get married again. Offensive, no? My insinuating that because women have second showers they are being gift grabby and can't buy their own stuff is off base and rude, just as insulting as your assumption that people who forgo second showers don't celebrate each of our children equally.
DD #1 born 9/07 ** DD #2 born 7/11 ** Operation Take Back My Body has begun 10/11
Upcoming Races
Gobble Wobble 5K 11/24/11 - Abington, PA 29:40
Superbowl 10K 02/05/12 - Allentown, PA 54:28 PR!!!!
Broad Street 10 Mile Run 05/06/12 - Philadelphia, PA 1:30:44
Rock and Roll Half Marathon 09/16/12 - Philadelphia, PA
Philadelphia (Half?!?) Marathon 11/18/12 - Philadelphia, PA
yes I agree with this
I would never ASK anyone to throw me a shower after my first, I am just stating that if someone OFFERS then there would be no reason to turn it down. I also would inform my hostess not to do anything huge or fancy just a small casual gathering, gifts or no gifts, and I would not register for anything and leave it up to people to decide if they want to bring something.
You are missing my point. I don't care if someone has a second shower or not or what the circumstances are. I take umbrage with your assumption that by not having second + showers, we aren't celebrating our child as much as the first. That is completely off base, IMO.
DD #1 born 9/07 ** DD #2 born 7/11 ** Operation Take Back My Body has begun 10/11
Upcoming Races
Gobble Wobble 5K 11/24/11 - Abington, PA 29:40
Superbowl 10K 02/05/12 - Allentown, PA 54:28 PR!!!!
Broad Street 10 Mile Run 05/06/12 - Philadelphia, PA 1:30:44
Rock and Roll Half Marathon 09/16/12 - Philadelphia, PA
Philadelphia (Half?!?) Marathon 11/18/12 - Philadelphia, PA
I agree with all of this. Where I live/in my circle of friends people have showers for the second child all the time. I have been invited to and attended several. Usually these are more focused like diaper showers or something gender specific if the second child is the opposite gender of the first. If this is the case for you, I don't think it would be rude or gift grabby as long as someone else offers to throw the shower. I think it IS rude/gift grabby to ask for a shower or throw your own shower.
Waah waaah waaah. No one was rude to you. You asked for opinions and didn't like what you heard. Suck it up.
Oscar born October 2011
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DD due September 1, 2014