Do you have a baby shower for the 2nd child?

Shan327 · April 2011

I am due with my second son in August, so my two boys will only be 23 months apart, I feel that is plenty of time between kids, but my family averages 4 years + between kids. My mother in law (who threw my shower with my son) doesn't think that you should have a baby shower with the 2nd kid. I would like to have a shower but my family typically doesn't offer to do much for me so I don't know if I am being unreasonable wanting another shower. So I need opinions, Shower for 2nd baby, yes or no?

buckeyeki · April 2011

megd06 · April 2011

not unless you want to be gift grabby.

julygal · April 2011

The general consensus on the bump tends to say no to second showers.

I did have a second shower. However, I had moved between having kids and it was a group of friends that were not at my first shower. They offered. I did not ask, and in fact I told them no at first. They insisted. It was also just a small lunch with small gifts...mainly clothes since it was a different gender. I did not register.

There will be no 3rd shower.

Gummybear · April 2011

There is no correct answer to this. It depends on what is the norm with your friends and family and in your area. Do you typically get invited to showers for second+ babies (sprinkles, diaper parties, whatever)? Then by all means, don't feel bad about it. But if not, then it will probably be viewed as rude and gift-grabby. And you should never ask anyone to throw you a shower, even for a first baby.

Around here, showers/sprinkles/meet the baby whatever you call them are unheard of for anything except first babies. I have never been invited to or attended one in all my 34 years. I never even knew people did this until I read these boards.

+diana82+ · April 2011

megd06:
not unless you want to be gift grabby.

Confused I wasn't expecting one, but one of my oldest friends and her mom are planning one anyway. Honestly, I wasn't going to make a production of declining - if they want to do it I say why the hell not. It will be a smaller group. I'm not even going to ask that they put no gifts on the invite, even though we don't "need" much because to me that's just awkward and people don't listen in general anyway. I think the idea that you shouldn't celebrate another kid is kind of ridiculous.

heather_09_15_07 · April 2011

nonono

mmbaby32 · April 2011

I really don't think so. I mean I guess it depends on if someone brings it up or offers. I don't have a big family at all and I know I won't be having one, but that's fine with me because I've kept everything from # 1.

nic326 · April 2011

Im not, especially since I have a ton of stuff I can reuse. I only have 3 big ticket items we really need and I think our grandparents are getting some of that.

Shan327 · April 2011

Don't get me wrong, I am not asking for one and I'm not a selfish person at all. I was simply curious because I have been to/ invited to numerous showers for 2nd, 3rd or 4th babies in my area, and my sisters have had showers with all of there kids (7 in all) so I had never heard of the no shower for your second one. I thought maybe my family was just being this way because they don't agree with me having my kids so close together.

aandg · April 2011

I don't want a shower. We're thinking about doing a party for family and friends to celebrate the baby. We would make a no gifts request.

babes12 · April 2011

Nope.

bellethebride · April 2011

Agree with other posts. No second shower.

jonnygurl76 · April 2011

no, i think it is rude and those that do just want gifts. the only time i feel it is not rude is when there is a very large age span from the last child born.

iverske9 · April 2011

No...and I would never attend a shower for a second child. Not for nothing but how much free stuff are you trying to get?

rainlily · April 2011

I have been invited to only one shower for a second child. The friends had their first baby right after they got married, ten years ago. They had another baby recently (different gender) and another friend offered to throw them a baby shower. That being said, I always send a gift for a new baby.

itsmevkb · April 2011

Maybe your family is assuming that if you're having your children spaced closer together what exactly would you need? I have only ever been invited to two showers for something other than a first baby - one was for a woman having twins and another was for a woman who had about seven years in between her kids and she had given all her baby stuff away.

Not having a shower doesn't mean you can't celebrate the birth of your baby in other ways - ways in which people aren't obligated to buy you gifts.

chillyupnorth · April 2011

My SIL's friends threw her a diaper shower for her second one, where everyone was asked to bring a package of diapers. I don't think it's common, but it is definitely a regional thing.

ETA: I don't think that you should EVER ask someone to throw you a shower. Period.

PearlPink · April 2011

The rules of etiquette say no showers for 2ND children, usually if you want a celebration for a 2ND or other child, you could do a family BBQ but gifts shouldn't be a requirement or implied. No Registry. Especially since the children will be so close together. I would say is also a bit tacky to ask for a shower, especially on the 2nd pregnancy. The only time I think its appropriate to have another real shower is if the babies are several years apart (think 5+) and/or a different gender. If they are close in age, and different genders it might be okay to have a something, if someone offers with just REALLY close friends and immediate family.

Gummybear · April 2011

hocus:
No you don't need a shower. Your kids are close in age and the same gender. You really shouldn't need much.

I'm a big believe that showers welcome the woman into motherhood and you only become a mother once. You don't get a shower with each kid.

Yes It really annoys me when people use the excuse "every baby should be celebrated" as if those who don't have showers aren't celebrating their subsequent children as much as their first. Trust me, this second baby will be even more of a miracle if it works out.

Someone even posted some horrifying poem to use in second+ shower invites the other day and people on here actually liked it. It was to the effect of baby being on the way and (insert older child's name) hand-me downs just won't do.

If I got that poem on an invite I would wrap up a steaming pile of poo as a gift. Are you kidding me?

Mereou12 · April 2011

No. Tacky tacky tacky. And calling it a sprinkle doesn't make it any less tacky.

Shan327 · April 2011

OK people thanks for making me feel like a selfish piece of crap. I was simply asking a question, I am SO SORRY if you people assumed it was ok to be completely rude to me for asking it. I thought this was supposed to be a supporting community and not a place for you to go and be rude to others for asking questions. I am NOT a selfish person and I was planning on asking people to NOT bring gifts if I did have one. So I would just like to thank all the rude people on here for being total assholes to me, you really know how to make a person feel good on a new board.

tori2008 · April 2011

Shan327:
I am due with my second son in August, so my two boys will only be 23 months apart, I feel that is plenty of time between kids, but my family averages 4 years + between kids. My mother in law (who threw my shower with my son) doesn't think that you should have a baby shower with the 2nd kid. I would like to have a shower but my family typically doesn't offer to do much for me so I don't know if I am being unreasonable wanting another shower. So I need opinions, Shower for 2nd baby, yes or no?

I believe that this is something you will decide for yourself and not what everyone tells you to do. Of course if someone offers to give you one why wouldn't you have one? All of my friends that have had two kids had a shower for each. I don't see why you would only shower and celebrate the birth of just the first child? Not having one for each baby is saying that they arn't equally as important as the first? So conclusion to what I am saying do what makes you happy, thats all that matter not what a bunch of women that don't know you say!

SugarQueen101 · April 2011

My mom has had more than one baby shower. Not a big deal. People just wanted to do it for her & it really helped because our family didn't have a lot of money at that time.

My family in general is good at offering to do things, but don't really follow through LOL So, my husband is throwing my baby shower Can't wait!

+diana82+ · April 2011

Shan327:
OK people thanks for making me feel like a selfish piece of crap. I was simply asking a question, I am SO SORRY if you people assumed it was ok to be completely rude to me for asking it. I thought this was supposed to be a supporting community and not a place for you to go and be rude to others for asking questions. I am NOT a selfish person and I was planning on asking people to NOT bring gifts if I did have one. So I would just like to thank all the rude people on here for being total assholes to me, you really know how to make a person feel good on a new board.

I had your back until this. Seriously though, you asked for opinions - you will get them whether you like them or not. A hissy fit isn't going to help your case.

leahraewku · April 2011

Shan327:
OK people thanks for making me feel like a selfish piece of crap. I was simply asking a question, I am SO SORRY if you people assumed it was ok to be completely rude to me for asking it. I thought this was supposed to be a supporting community and not a place for you to go and be rude to others for asking questions. I am NOT a selfish person and I was planning on asking people to NOT bring gifts if I did have one. So I would just like to thank all the rude people on here for being total assholes to me, you really know how to make a person feel good on a new board.

Here we go...

tori2008 · April 2011

SugarQueen101:
My mom has had more than one baby shower. Not a big deal. People just wanted to do it for her & it really helped because our family didn't have a lot of money at that time.

Exactly a lot of people don't have a lot of money to buy new things if the baby is a different gender or for any other reason. I think this is a decision for everyone to make on their own not what society or some rules of etiquette say!?! Who really uses etiquette everyday anyways? Noone I know.

WorkingMomofTwo · April 2011

I don't think so. I have a friend who's had one for each of her 3 pregnancies and each time got smaller and smaller. I don't think its fair to everyone. If your family wants to help by buying something then thats fine but no reason to have a shower.

pennysuedog · April 2011

Only if someone offers you one. You can't ask to have one. I had one with my 2nd but she was a girl and my first was a boy also they were 5 years apart.

Gummybear · April 2011

tori2008:
Shan327:
I am due with my second son in August, so my two boys will only be 23 months apart, I feel that is plenty of time between kids, but my family averages 4 years + between kids. My mother in law (who threw my shower with my son) doesn't think that you should have a baby shower with the 2nd kid. I would like to have a shower but my family typically doesn't offer to do much for me so I don't know if I am being unreasonable wanting another shower. So I need opinions, Shower for 2nd baby, yes or no?
I believe that this is something you will decide for yourself and not what everyone tells you to do. Of course if someone offers to give you one why wouldn't you have one? All of my friends that have had two kids had a shower for each. I don't see why you would only shower and celebrate the birth of just the first child? Not having one for each baby is saying that they arn't equally as important as the first? So conclusion to what I am saying do what makes you happy, thats all that matter not what a bunch of women that don't know you say!

Sigh. THIS is exactly what I am talking about. Listen, if it is the norm for your area, go for it. But I DESPISE the assumption here. It's my opinion that my husband and I are adults, we are capable of providing for our child on our own, and I don't like to burden my friends and family with the expectation that they will subsidize my spawning every time we reproduce. Just like I would not expect them to furnish my kitchen and bathrooms via a bridal shower should I choose to divorce my husband and decide to get married again. Offensive, no? My insinuating that because women have second showers they are being gift grabby and can't buy their own stuff is off base and rude, just as insulting as your assumption that people who forgo second showers don't celebrate each of our children equally.

tori2008 · April 2011

pennysuedog:
Only if someone offers you one. You can't ask to have one. I had one with my 2nd but she was a girl and my first was a boy also they were 5 years apart.

yes I agree with this

tori2008 · April 2011

Gummybear:
tori2008:
Shan327:
I am due with my second son in August, so my two boys will only be 23 months apart, I feel that is plenty of time between kids, but my family averages 4 years + between kids. My mother in law (who threw my shower with my son) doesn't think that you should have a baby shower with the 2nd kid. I would like to have a shower but my family typically doesn't offer to do much for me so I don't know if I am being unreasonable wanting another shower. So I need opinions, Shower for 2nd baby, yes or no?
I believe that this is something you will decide for yourself and not what everyone tells you to do. Of course if someone offers to give you one why wouldn't you have one? All of my friends that have had two kids had a shower for each. I don't see why you would only shower and celebrate the birth of just the first child? Not having one for each baby is saying that they arn't equally as important as the first? So conclusion to what I am saying do what makes you happy, thats all that matter not what a bunch of women that don't know you say!
Sigh. THIS is exactly what I am talking about. Listen, if it is the norm for your area, go for it. But I DESPISE the assumption here. It's my opinion that my husband and I are adults, we are capable of providing for our child on our own, and I don't like to burden my friends and family with the expectation that they will subsidize my spawning every time we reproduce. Just like I would not expect them to furnish my kitchen and bathrooms via a bridal shower should I choose to divorce my husband and decide to get married again. Offensive, no? My insinuating that because women have second showers they are being gift grabby and can't buy their own stuff is off base and rude, just as insulting as your assumption that people who forgo second showers don't celebrate each of our children equally.

I would never ASK anyone to throw me a shower after my first, I am just stating that if someone OFFERS then there would be no reason to turn it down. I also would inform my hostess not to do anything huge or fancy just a small casual gathering, gifts or no gifts, and I would not register for anything and leave it up to people to decide if they want to bring something.

Gummybear · April 2011

tori2008:
Gummybear:
tori2008:
Shan327:
I am due with my second son in August, so my two boys will only be 23 months apart, I feel that is plenty of time between kids, but my family averages 4 years + between kids. My mother in law (who threw my shower with my son) doesn't think that you should have a baby shower with the 2nd kid. I would like to have a shower but my family typically doesn't offer to do much for me so I don't know if I am being unreasonable wanting another shower. So I need opinions, Shower for 2nd baby, yes or no?
I believe that this is something you will decide for yourself and not what everyone tells you to do. Of course if someone offers to give you one why wouldn't you have one? All of my friends that have had two kids had a shower for each. I don't see why you would only shower and celebrate the birth of just the first child? Not having one for each baby is saying that they arn't equally as important as the first? So conclusion to what I am saying do what makes you happy, thats all that matter not what a bunch of women that don't know you say!
Sigh. THIS is exactly what I am talking about. Listen, if it is the norm for your area, go for it. But I DESPISE the assumption here. It's my opinion that my husband and I are adults, we are capable of providing for our child on our own, and I don't like to burden my friends and family with the expectation that they will subsidize my spawning every time we reproduce. Just like I would not expect them to furnish my kitchen and bathrooms via a bridal shower should I choose to divorce my husband and decide to get married again. Offensive, no? My insinuating that because women have second showers they are being gift grabby and can't buy their own stuff is off base and rude, just as insulting as your assumption that people who forgo second showers don't celebrate each of our children equally.
I would never ASK anyone to throw me a shower after my first, I am just stating that if someone OFFERS then there would be no reason to turn it down. I also would inform my hostess not to do anything huge or fancy just a small casual gathering, gifts or no gifts, and I would not register for anything and leave it up to people to decide if they want to bring something.

You are missing my point. I don't care if someone has a second shower or not or what the circumstances are. I take umbrage with your assumption that by not having second + showers, we aren't celebrating our child as much as the first. That is completely off base, IMO.

luv2luvry · April 2011

I've always heard no - - - however I am a first time mom so I am not sure. I was invited to a friends 2nd little ones baby shower so I guess some people do have them. Sorry I am not much help

Dani3679 · April 2011

I typically lean to the "no for a 2nd kid side" however my friends are throwing me a shower, but there is 7 years between my DD and this new baby. I don't have any of my old baby stuff anymore. We usually go with the 6 or more years and you can have a 2nd shower rule.

hepcats · April 2011

Yeah I think most ppl think its probably ok if the second is a different sex but not if they are the same.

Tigerlilym15 · April 2011

Gummybear:
There is no correct answer to this. It depends on what is the norm with your friends and family and in your area. Do you typically get invited to showers for second+ babies (sprinkles, diaper parties, whatever)? Then by all means, don't feel bad about it. But if not, then it will probably be viewed as rude and gift-grabby. And you should never ask anyone to throw you a shower, even for a first baby.
Around here, showers/sprinkles/meet the baby whatever you call them are unheard of for anything except first babies. I have never been invited to or attended one in all my 34 years. I never even knew people did this until I read these boards.

I agree with all of this. Where I live/in my circle of friends people have showers for the second child all the time. I have been invited to and attended several. Usually these are more focused like diaper showers or something gender specific if the second child is the opposite gender of the first. If this is the case for you, I don't think it would be rude or gift grabby as long as someone else offers to throw the shower. I think it IS rude/gift grabby to ask for a shower or throw your own shower.

plumag · April 2011

My co-workers wanted to throw me one but I felt a bit uncomfortable. Instead we're having a BBQ during the summer to celebrate everyone's families.

crzygirl · April 2011

If someone offers then yes, but I will not ask or expect. I was thinking about doing a sip and see here at my house after the baby arrives for friends and family to come meet the baby. No gifts required.

italnprncss78 · April 2011

If the baby is a different sex..yes.

Ceridwen21 · April 2011

Shan327:
OK people thanks for making me feel like a selfish piece of crap. I was simply asking a question, I am SO SORRY if you people assumed it was ok to be completely rude to me for asking it. I thought this was supposed to be a supporting community and not a place for you to go and be rude to others for asking questions. I am NOT a selfish person and I was planning on asking people to NOT bring gifts if I did have one. So I would just like to thank all the rude people on here for being total assholes to me, you really know how to make a person feel good on a new board.

Waah waaah waaah. No one was rude to you. You asked for opinions and didn't like what you heard. Suck it up.

Do you have a baby shower for the 2nd child?

Re: Do you have a baby shower for the 2nd child?

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