Trying to Get Pregnant

NTTGP: My husband fights dirty

Sorry everyone, this is more of a vent than anything else. I don't really know what to do anymore.

My husband is (generally) a great guy. He does a lot for me, he's kind and he works hard. But he flies off the handle at almost nothing.

When we disagree or I do something wrong he absolutely goes ballistic.

Tonight he placed a pot (closed) with pasta in the sink. I washed my hands over the closed pot because I didn't think anything was in there, and he went flucking nuts. He said I'm stupid, lazy and he's "sick of always cleaning up my messes." I'm not exaggerating... nothing else set him off. We were having a lovely dinner until I washed my hands over the closed pot.

I calmly told him he's overreacting, and he said, "fluck off. go do nothing like you always do."

Last week I casually said I didn't like the color of our bedroom, and he again he LOST it on me. Calling me names, and freaking out thinking I was going to spend money to fix it. I think his exact words were, "flucking move out them.. fluck you."

His meltdowns always result in me just walking away and not engaging with him, but it really hurts. He eventually comes and finds me 30 minutes later, apologizes and swears he won't do it again... but he does.

I don't know what to do anymore. How do you know when enough is enough? Is this abuse or is this just a bad side of him? 

ETA: grammar  


image

image
BFP #1 04.19.13 
DS #1 born 12.31.13
TTC #2 - Summer 2014
«1

Re: NTTGP: My husband fights dirty

  • Does he hit you? 

    image

    The Making of Baby Banker
    TTC since 03/2011 | BFP#1 05/2011-M/C at 7w | BFP#2 06/2013-M/C at 5w
    Diagnosis: Unexplained IF
    After multiple IUIs and one IVF...
    photo 416d5dec-9345-4772-9e55-326f4db59ad6_zps8d684e9d.jpg03/2014: FET #1=BFP!! EDC 12.06.2014
    photo 416d5dec-9345-4772-9e55-326f4db59ad6_zps8d684e9d.jpg
    Beta #1: 197 | Beta #2: 556 | Beta #3: 2354 | FHR: 158
    Stupid amounts of love to my TBBFF turned IRLBFF Kiki
    image GUAYAQUIL image
    {All are Welcome}

    imageCafeMom Tickersimage

  • That is a problem.  Nobody (especially your husband) should ever be talking to you like that.  I hope you find a solution very soon.  Good luck.
                                                                 Married 12/17/2011

                                             K born 8/31/12                           C born 1/11/14
                                         image               image

  • image Banker&BSN:

    Does he hit you? 

    Never 


    image

    image
    BFP #1 04.19.13 
    DS #1 born 12.31.13
    TTC #2 - Summer 2014
  • This is verbal abuse IMHO.  Only you can decide when enough is enough, but I would encourage you to go to a counselor asap.  See if he will go with you, but if he won't go without him.   Whatever you do, don't ignore it.   

    Please be careful too... sometimes the angry outburts can graduate to something more.

    photo shecodes3_zpsf5f82f7c.jpg
    image
  • That's abuse I'd be talking to a therapist and figuring out your options. Trying to get him help should be your number one priority.
    image

    image

    TTC since November 2012 - My Chart

    BFP 11/29/2013 - EDD 8/9/2014 - MMC 12/31/2013 8 weeks 2 days - Tried to MC naturally for 4 weeks, D&C 2/2/2014

     
     
     
  • image Slapptastic:

    That's verbal abuse.

    You shouldn't be yelled at like that.

    This. There is absolutely no excuse for him speaking to you like this, no matter what he's like when he isn't ticked off. Not cool at all. 

  • It sounds like he's verbally abusive (one sign is that he keeps promising it won't happen again). I agree you don't deserve to be treated like that. No one does.  
    image  image image
  • image penelopemaria:
    image Banker&BSN:

    Does he hit you? 

    Never 

    I would look into counseling ASAP.  This is verbal and emotional abuse and there is NEVER a time when this is okay.   

    image

    The Making of Baby Banker
    TTC since 03/2011 | BFP#1 05/2011-M/C at 7w | BFP#2 06/2013-M/C at 5w
    Diagnosis: Unexplained IF
    After multiple IUIs and one IVF...
    photo 416d5dec-9345-4772-9e55-326f4db59ad6_zps8d684e9d.jpg03/2014: FET #1=BFP!! EDC 12.06.2014
    photo 416d5dec-9345-4772-9e55-326f4db59ad6_zps8d684e9d.jpg
    Beta #1: 197 | Beta #2: 556 | Beta #3: 2354 | FHR: 158
    Stupid amounts of love to my TBBFF turned IRLBFF Kiki
    image GUAYAQUIL image
    {All are Welcome}

    imageCafeMom Tickersimage

  • That sounds like a really frustrating, uncomfortable environment to live in. What he is doing is a form of abuse and it should not be happening. No one has the right to treat you that way and you shouldn't have to live like that.
    TTC#1 since August 2012 | BFP#1 6/1/2013 CP @ 4w3d | BFP#2 9/13/2013 EDD 5/28/2014


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I forgot to add; I really hope you are not TTC with him.. Probably not a good idea until he gets help.
    image

    image

    TTC since November 2012 - My Chart

    BFP 11/29/2013 - EDD 8/9/2014 - MMC 12/31/2013 8 weeks 2 days - Tried to MC naturally for 4 weeks, D&C 2/2/2014

     
     
     
  • image PugMum:
    That's abuse I'd be talking to a therapist and figuring out your options. Trying to get him help should be your number one priority.

     

    I disagree. Take care of yourself first, and make sure you are safe before you start worrying about him. 

  • As others have said, you need to get him into counseling and counseling together.  When he is calm, you need to tell him that what he is doing is very wrong and he needs to fix things so he will never do it again.

    BFP: 1.19.2013 - EDD: 10.2.2013 - It's a girl! 9.25.13: Welcome Addison!

    image

  • If he's acting like that over you stating an opinion on the color of your bedroom, I would hate to think how he might react to a child actually doing annoying kid things. I would see a therapist with him, make sure he is following through for a considerable amount of time, have a set amount of time to wait and see if he regresses and then think about bringing kids into the mix. Wish you luck, that must be stressful to deal with.
    A: 10.02.03         M: 01.28.11 
  • image CayleighDawn:

    image PugMum:
    That's abuse I'd be talking to a therapist and figuring out your options. Trying to get him help should be your number one priority.

     

    I disagree. Take care of yourself first, and make sure you are safe before you start worrying about him. 

    Absolutely.

    TTC#1 since August 2012 | BFP#1 6/1/2013 CP @ 4w3d | BFP#2 9/13/2013 EDD 5/28/2014


    BabyFruit Ticker
  • image anamouse:
    It sounds like he's verbally abusive (one sign is that he keeps promising it won't happen again). I agree you don't deserve to be treated like that. No one does.  

    This.  

    http://media-cache-cd0.pinimg.com/736x/0b/41/23/0b412360e1b2f96b81b7c8b88b64b511.jpg
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    photo image-2.jpg

    TTC#1 since August 2012
    BFP #1 03/02/13 - EDD 10/24/13; m/c at 6w2d
    BFP #2 07/19/13 - EDD 03/29/14 - Baby Jacob arrived 03/25/14!
    My BFP Chart

  • All these ladies had great things to say. Definitely look into counseling, both solo and as a couple.  I wish you the best of luck.
  • image PhilaPhan:
    If he's acting like that over you stating an opinion on the color of your bedroom, I would hate to think how he might react to a child actually doing annoying kid things. I would see a therapist with him, make sure he is following through for a considerable amount of time, have a set amount of time to wait and see if he regresses and then think about bringing kids into the mix. Wish you luck, that must be stressful to deal with.


    This.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Married Since March 2011 TTC since July 2011 Medical issues finally sorted out May 2012
  • Um. No. That's not good.

    Boy the First 12.10.2010  I  Boy the Second 4.11.2012  I  Boy the Third 8.6.2014

                image

  • It's abuse and he will do it to any and all children you have. Still think having a child with him is a good idea?

    Get out. If he is willing to do therapy for both himself and for you two as a couple, you can consider going back. Otherwise run. It will escalate.

     

    image

     
    "People seem to couple an inordinate amount of stupidity with extreme laziness." ~ A wise interwebz friend.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers


  • image GhostMonkey:

    It's abuse and he will do it to any and all children you have. Still think having a child with him is a good idea?

    Get out. If he is willing to do therapy for both himself and for you two as a couple, you can consider going back. Otherwise run. It will escalate.

     

    I agree with GM. 


    image
    image

    TTC #1 since 10/2012.
    BFP#1 11/28/12, MC, BFP #2 CP
    BFP #3 10/21/2013, EDD 7/3/2014
    Beta #1 (4W6D): 1768 Beta #2 (5W1D): 5255
    1st US at 6W4D HB of 112 BPM!

    1/20/2014: IT'S A GIRL! 

  • image GhostMonkey:
    It's abuse and he will do it to any and all children you have. Still think having a child with him is a good idea? Get out. If he is willing to do therapy for both himself and for you two as a couple, you can consider going back. Otherwise run. It will escalate. nbsp;


    This! My father was emotionally abusive, and this sounds exactly like what he would do to my mother...in front of me! He needs help, or he may yell at your children too. Protect yourself, and your future children!
    image
    ~ It's a BOY!!! Expecting baby brother October 17 ~
    image


  • that is definitely verbal and emotional abuse. I'm glad he doesn't hit you but it's serious nonetheless. I am so sorry you are going through that, no one should and you don't have to. I just get a bad feeling while reading your post....He may not be physically abusive now but things do tend to escalate. I'm so sorry and please be safe.
    Anniversary Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic
    3TC March Siggy Challenge: Funny Internet Meme Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Age: Me 26, DH 27, Married Oct. 10, 2009 ,TTC since March 2012
    Problem: Irregular menstruation, unexplained
    Nov&Dec-Provera because of no period after 35+ days
    First RE appt 1/10/2013
    Tests: TSH (normal), Prolactin (normal), SA (abnormal)
    Hysteroscopy (normal) and PCOS labs (negative/normal) 1/15/2013
    2/1/13- HPT BFP but Beta Hcg was negative
    Plan: Femara + Trigger + IUI in April if no real BFP before then Bloggy Blog!
  • image Slapptastic:

    That's verbal abuse.

    You shouldn't be yelled at like that.

    This. 

    OP, your husband needs help.  I went through a very similar situation in my marriage.  My husband would fly off the handle at the smallest thing.  I would get screamed at, sweared at, and called names.  A little while after the fight he would appologize, tell me he wouldn't do it again, and admit that he has anger issues and promise that he would get help.  We would be ok for awhile and then the cycle would repeat.  It got to the point that I was constantly worried that I would set him off. 

    Eventually I hit my breaking point.  After one fight, he threatened to leave and instead of begging him to stay, I let him go.  I told him that I couldn't live like that anymore and he had to get help for his anger.  I think when Iet him go, it was his wake up call.  He ended up coming back and he made an appointment with a therapist.  It turns out that he was diagnosed with anxiety/depression and he was prescribed antidepressants.  On the medication he is a changed person.  We also did some couples counseling as well.  It really helped us learn how to communicate better.  It also really helped DH to learn that every disagreement is not the end of the world. 

    I would recommend counseling for the both of you. If he refuses, go to counseling by yourself. 

    imageimageimage

    imageimage

     

    imageimageimage

    image

    TTC #1 since August 2011

    My Blog

    September 2012: Start IF testing

    DH (31): SA is ok, slightly low morph  Me (31): Slightly low progesterone, hostile CM, carrier for CF, and border line high NK cells

    October 2012: Clomid + IUI w/ OB/GYN = BFN

    November 2012 - March 2013: Break while finding the right RE and more testing

    April 2013: Unmedicated IUI #2 due to hostile CM = BFN

    May 2013: Clomid + Trigger + IUI #3 = BFN

    June 2013: Clomid + Trigger + IUI #4 = BFN

    August 2013: IVF w/ICSI #1 6R 5M 3F All 3 embryos are slow growing and poor quality.  All 3 arrest before transfer

    October 2013: IVF w/ICSI #2 8R 7M 5F Transferred 1 beautiful early blast.  Nothing to freeze.  BFP! Beta #1 14.6  Beta #2  3  Chemical Pregnancy

    January 2014: IVFw/ICSI #3  8R 8M 8F Transferred 1 grade 1 expanded blast and 1 grade 2 early blast.  Nothing to Freeze.  BFN

    February-March 2014: Getting Second Opinions from RMA NJ

    March 2014: Start Embryo Adoption/Donation with FIRM.  We've selected our donor and have 9 snowflakes!

    May 2014: FET w/ donor embryos- Transferred 2 blasts and 1 morula, nothing to re-freeze.  BFN

    June-August 2014: On a treatment break until our appt. w/ Dr. KK August 14th


    PAIF/SAIF Welcome!

  • Yes, that is definitely verbal and emotional abuse.

    Has he always been this way? Is he having outbursts more often? Is it just toward you?

    My dad was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive. This isn't something to mess with. I agree with GM. It will get worse. Trust me. I would leave and I wouldn't go back until he gets some help. And if you're TTC with him, STOP.

    GL with everything.
    <3 *Evan Michael* <3
    {06/15/2010 ~ 9lbs. 4oz, 22.5in.}
    <3 *Twin Angel Babies* <3
    {Said Goodbye on 08/13/2011 at 17w3d}
    No longer TTC
    *~Kisses to My Bestie Boo, ScrappyLika~*


  • These ladies covered it all but I want to add good luck, keep YOUR best interest in mind and stay safe!

    image



    image



    Maybe not inspired, but definitely intrigued by Virginia. She is watching you...





  • I agree with everything above. I am from an abusive family and have studied family dynamic extensively, as well as my dh becoming a counselor. Please get help, whether its couples counseling, counseling for him, or leaving him. Verbal and emotional abuse too easily turns into physical, especially with little ones around.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    My Ovulation Chart   My Blog
    TTC since 10/31/12 and no luck yet
    PCOS, Operating on only the left fallopian tube, prediabetes, and Vitamin D insufficiency DX
    Cycle 1 - Clomid, Prenatal, Vit D, and TI- BFN
    DH S/A analysis reveals great results, but abnormal morphology, so lots of vitamins have been prescribed
    Weight loss regime is in the works.
    Cycle 2 - HSG, Clomid, Metformin, Prenatal, Vit D, TI, IUI #1 -> BFN
    Cycle 3 - Clomid, Metformin, PRenatal, Vit D, TI< HSG, IUI #2 ->
    conceive_you_will

    image
  • I don't usually put this out there, but my oldest son's father was abusive towards me. It started out exactly how you described YH, but it escalated. He slapped me around, grabbed me by my arms and held me backwards over our back balcony. The day I finally opened my eyes, he had his hands wrapped around my neck until I saw black spots. To this day, I still have no clue how I got away from him when he was doing that.

     

    Please, talk to a relative and get out of the house until you can go to counseling. Stay safe!

    Miss you forever, Mom. 11/9/50 ~ 8/20/09
    photo e01fe903-c086-4b29-a4a3-90c7089276ec_zps34bee937.jpg

    Our Crazy, Paranormal Life
    My Blog The Story of the Cicadas in my Siggy


    image

    When Harry stood up for Snape and you would give anything for Snape to know. | 45 Times Harry Potter Fans Lost Their Cool At The Movie Theater
    Me: 31 DH 40

    Married since 06/18/2011

    Vote for my Vow Renewal Dress

     Mirena IUD removed February 28th, 2012

    TTC #3 since March 2012

    Took a break between December '13 and March 14

    Mom of four:

    Two in my arms, Two in my heart.

    BFP #1 01/29/03 EDD 10/02/03 Due Date Baby!
    BFP #2 11/05/2005 EDD 06/30/06 A Day Late!
    BFP #3 07/08/12 C/P 07/09/12

    FF FAQ page ~ ~ ~ Newbie Blog

    photo dc19608b-4d66-4dc2-b98e-29b85b3b5b29_zps95bb6342.jpgimage

     

  • image penelopemaria:
    image Banker&BSN:

    Does he hit you? 

    Never 

    Until he does.  OP I watched a very good friend go through this and I know how hard it is.  But you need to get out of there before you end up sitting with a friend in the ER because he broke your hand, and then going to the courthouse for a restraining order.  It was hard enough being with my friend watching her go through this, let alone be in her shoes.  Get out and get help.  Please.


    image

    Image and video hosting by TinyPicImage and video hosting by TinyPic
    New here? Check out the TTGP blog!

    image

  • I left my husband in September because of exactly this type of behavior and have never been happier. Feel free to PM me at any time if you'd like to talk.

    TTC since June 2010.
    DX hypothyroidism, pituitary hyperfunction, and PCOS.
    On med/treatment break indefinitely. Not currently trying.
    Lots of love to all of my Golden Girls!
    The Vagtastic Voyage
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I always think it is weird when people tell a story and ask for marriage advice as serious as "Should I leave him?".

    We don't know you.

    We don't know what really happened.

    See a counselor because if you leave him because a bunch of internet strangers tell you to, that's a pretty flimsy reason.  Strangers are good at suggesting restrurants for anniversaries or gifts for baby showers.  Not "divorce or no divorce".

    It's not that I think you're lying - it's that we should have no part in the decision on what you should do with your marriage. 

«1
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards