I'm Amanda. I'm 20 years old. I have a 4 month old beautiful little blessing, Nathan. I'm gonna try to make this not way too long, yet still long enough for everybody to know my whole story, with complete honesty. Where do I begin...
I was with my high school sweetheart (Mike) for a long time. We lived together half the time (he had his own apartment and after I turned 18 I practically moved in). We were crazy in love with each other, and I was so sure I'd spend my entire life with him. Unfortunately, I found out he had been stealing from his work. I tried to stay with him through the tough times, but he lost everything. Not only did I lose trust/respect for him, but he had to move 4 hours away to live with his parents again because he obviously lost his job and had no money to pay for court costs and such. Well, after 4 months of long distance and me staying with him despite my unhappiness, I left him. I moved out, got my own apartment, had a job, and loved my life. I was obviously still heartbroken.
Then I met Kevin (DB). I wasn't attracted to him, and I thought he was arrogant and annoying. I didn't like him at all. However, my ''friends'' at the time, convinced me to go on a date with him. He did and said all the right things. He got me right where he wanted me, and after a few weeks, I agreed to be his girlfriend. For a while it was fun, although I knew it was just a rebound and he was just kind of 'there'. I knew it wasn't going anywhere, and I really didn't care. I started to mistake my 'comfortable' feelings for 'care&love', when clearly that wasn't the case. I didn't love him. I didn't care about him. Helll, I didn't even like him. He lived an hour away, and convinced me to let him move in. If you didn't notice, after losing Mike, I became a depressed pushover. He moved in and things got bad. I lost my job (the business I worked for went under) and I couldn't make rent. He told me not to worry and that he'd help out till I found another job (and trust me, I applied and tried everywhere). He ordered cable, DVR, HD.. the works,, and stupid me let him convince me to put it all in my name since it was at my apartment, which obviously had only my name on the lease. Well, the night I got pregnant, I knew I was ovulating. I had gotten off the BCP for insurance/financial reasons, and he was aware of this. We had decided to use the pull-out method. (He is allergic to latex, I know that is true I've seen his medical records to prove it, and lets just say it wasn't really on my mind to run out and get some sheepskin condoms at 10 o clock at night). Well, he promised he would pull out, and he didn't. After I realized, he said, ''yeah, that just happened'', and left the room. I won't lie, part of me wanted to get pregnant. I've always wanted to be a Mom, and I was so upset over losing Mike that I thought it would never happen. I didn't think I would get pregnant (obviously I thought he was gonna pull out), so I wasn't too upset when I found out.
Anyways, about 2 weeks later I dumped him. I threw him out and kicked him to the curb for various reasons (he was cruel and insulting, he was tempermental, he seemed violent, he was still talking to/sleeping with/in love with his ex fiance). A week later, I found out I was pregnant. I called him and told him, and he said, "I don't know what to tell you" and hung up. He showed up at my apartment later that day saying he wanted to try to make things work for the baby and such. I've never been one to be with someone just because a child is involved, so I said no. We spent the day together. He kept making comments like his life was over, and that he wouldn't be involved if it wasn't a girl, but I brushed it off as joking, because he sounded half sarcastic. He was leaving for Georgia for military things, and I was 5 weeks pregnant. We decided to 'try again', and I think I really only did it because I was confused and alone. Well, he didn't pay the rent/cable bills like he promised. I woke up one morning to an eviction notice and nothing to do about it. I called him and he said ''I'm not paying that sh!t, you're moving in with me and my parents". I didn't want to do that at all. I asked family & friends for help, but nobody was willing. I hated his family. I hated him. I moved in, because I felt I had no other choice at the time. Thats when it all started.
He would tell me I looked 'retarded' while I was getting sick with M/S. When I was too queasy to eat he would literally shove food in my mouth. When I would fall asleep early he would pick me up and carry me outside (in the rain one time) to 'get me fresh air to wake me up because im lazy and have no reason to sleep since i dont work'. He would whack me in the vagina and say 'think fast!'. He would open the shower curtain while I was in there and start peeing on me. He would always call me fat & a heffer, and laugh at me for my tight clothes ( I was bloated, I was in my 1st tri, I couldn't help it!). Then he started getting really crazy. He took my credit cards and maxed them out for stupid things like CD's and movies and candy and clothes. Then I found out he took my food stamps card and got everything he liked (which I did not like). He even got 15 dollar steaks and all caffienated pop, which I don't drink. At this point I was infuriated. I started searching for a job.
It got worse over time. He started poking and whacking me in the stomach thinking it was funny hitting my 'fat' which was also our son. Not so funny to me. I also started finding text messages between him and his ex fiance telling her he loved her and all that stuff. I knew they were still sleeping together, and I knew he was still seeing her. He would offer to 'take me shopping' at the mall, and we would accidentally 'bump into' her. It was awful. We went to his Grandmothers funeral when I was 10 weeks pregnant, and he left me alone the whole day with family I had never met and was all over her. Yes, she was invited. Arms around her, hugging her, wiping her tears, making me switch seats with her at dinner after the ceremony so he could sit next to her, ordering for her.. etc. It made me sick. He even wanted to make her laugh so he grabbed my hand and cut my palm open with the knife, thinking it would just leave a mark and not break skin to be funny. It did break skin. It hurt, and bled a lot, and I still have a scar. I needed out. I wanted out so bad.
I found a job at KMart and had an interview. My cell phone had gotten shut off so obviously, I had no way to be reached. I went on my interview and came back to him not speaking to me. I asked what I had done wrong and he went nuts on me for leaving without taking his phone. He started raising his arm at me, then putting it down and walking away and punching the walls, the shower walls (we were arguing in the bathroom hallway). I told him I was going to stay at my Mom's for the night. He wouldn't let me out the door or give me my keys until we 'made up'. I lied, and told him I was over it. He started trying to get me to have sex. I said no, and he said sex makes everything better, so having sex would be my apology. I just wanted to leave. I just wanted my Mom. He kept trying and pressuring, so I just gave in. I laid there and waited to be able to leave. To run home and just feel loved for one day. I wanted to get away. I stayed at my Moms for 2 days and then I had no choice but to go back. That was June 26th. I remember because it was the day Michael Jackson died. He met me at my Moms and we drove back to his house an hour away. I got home, well to his house i should say, felt very queasy from m/s (i was almost 13 weeks at this point) and took a shower and got in bed (it was about 830pm. I called my Mom in tears telling her how much I loved her and how it meant the world to me for her to let me stay and how I felt so loved and cared for and happy for the first time in months when I stayed with her. She didn't yell at me for falling asleep early, she didn't make fun of me when I was sick the next morning, she didn't force me to eat when I wasn't hungry. She even got me what I was craving!! (black pepper green beans from KFC). He was so mad that I was in bed so early so again, he picked me up out of bed, carried me in the rain across the street to his grandmas house, and told me I was rude for sleeping and needed to spend 'quality time' with his family. I just cried and fell asleep. I was drained.
The next day my Mom took half a day off work. She decided to take the trip out an hour to see me. He was at work. She finally arrived at his house and I showed her where I slept, where my stuff was, what I did all day and all the food he bought with my stamps that I didn't like when she asked why I wasn't eating. I had lost 8lbs and knew I was becomming dehydrated. It was time for her to go, and I cried on her shoulder and hugged her goodbye. As she was getting in her car he pulled in. He demanded I go to the gas station with him. I told him I was nauseous and tired and had no desire to go 25 mins to the nearest gas station for oil. He was infuriated. He started screaming at me for never going places with him but 'going to walmart with my mom or going to kmart by myself ' and he sped off, screeching tires and all. I begged my Mom not to leave me there, and I could tell her heart was breaking for me. She left and I went inside to lay down and just cry. I knew she wanted to help me, but I don't think she knew how or what to do. He came home and wouldn't speak to me. I told him there was no point in me going to the gas station. It was the dumbest argument ever. I called my sister, we hadnt spoken in months at that point, and told her everything. She told me I could always come stay. I thanked her for the offer but told her I was okay. I went inside, he didn't speak to me all through dinner, yelled at me for laying down and not wanting dessert.
I had enough. I starting packing up my bags and getting ready to leave. He came and found me upstairs getting my stuff together and called me every name in the book. His parents sat there and watched. His Mom smiled. I'll never forget that. His Dad and I were close, and his Dad just sort of gave me an, 'I'm so sorry' look, and looked away.
I got all my stuff in my little car and tried to leave. He took my car battery out when I was packing my stuff and refused to give it back. I told him if he didn't put it back in I was calling the police. He finally put it back while I was dialing the police, and then he demanded his phone back. I told him I'd have no way to reach anyone and he didn't care. I said "Okay, just let me call my sister and tell her I'm coming". I did. Then I went against his 'orders' and quickly dialed my Mom. I told her what was happening. She was out to dinner with my Stepdad. She was in shock. She could hear him demanding my maternity clothes off my back because he bought them. She heard him calling me a psycho b!tch. She heard him telling me to give the baby up for adoption, and saying that me and the baby ruined his life. She stayed on the phone 12 minutes after I thought I hung up with her, because it was a touch screen phone, and I had thought I hung up but I didnt. She heard me drive off and still was connected in his pocket. She heard his Dad scream at him for treating me that way, and she heard his Mom say I was nothing but trash and shes glad I was gone. I went and stayed with my sister 5 weeks then moved in with my Mom, which is where I still am.
I got a job cleaning and checking chemicals at a local pool. I heard from him the week after I moved out and it was just text messages saying that the baby was a mistake because Sarah (his ex fiance) was not the mother. After that, I hadn't heard from him until August. I attempted to be civil with him. He asked if I wanted to get together and go 'baby shopping'. After hours and days of talking, I figured might as well try to be nice. He picked me up and I expected to get baby stuff. Instead, he pulled into a hotel parking lot. I told him he was nuts and he said we'd just spend some time together (my mom wouldnt let him over her house and we had nowhere to go 'talk' alone). Stupid me, I went in. He never raped me. Well, he never got the chance, because I always gave in to the peer pressure. He kept trying to have sex with me at the hotel, and I kept saying no. So what did he do? Stop speaking to me and refuse to take me home. So, I did it. I did it to get it over with that way I could just leave. He finally took me home, and I told him to NEVER speak to me again. I had also found out he was still seeing/sleeping with Sarah, but she was on vacation at the time that we met up. He left me alone until my due date.
On my due date I had a text message from him wishing me luck and a good labor and healthy baby and such. I didn't respond. I had maximum security at the hospital and everybody knew that he was not to be allowed on the L&D floor at all. I did very well with him not knowing Nathan was born. However, Sarah had a friend who was a nurse at the hospital and she told him how to check the online nursery to see when he was born and see his pictures. I didn't want his pictures online, but they said they no longer ask first. I didn't know that ahead of time. My fault there I guess.
I debated for 3 weeks with my Mom if I should let him meet Nate, and try to be civil. I decided to try it out. He came to meet the baby, and had no clue what to do. He'd never even held a baby before. Sarah kept calling (at this point they were engaged again and living together with his parents... lame).. she told him to get home and it was either her or Nathan. I argued with him about picking her over the baby. I demanded he stay and help me get Nathan fed and to bed because not only was I fuming that he was choosing her over the baby, but I was tired/overwhelmed/home alone and resentufl. When Nathan cried, he yelled at him to shut up. That was the end of it. I told him to leave. I told him I didn't wanna speak to him and that letting him come meet Nathan was a mistake. Nathan had a doctors apt for his Thrush a few days later and DB was paying for it. He showed up there. I brought my sister with me so I wouldn't have to be alone with him and Nathan. He showed up, payed the copay, didn't aknowledge Nathan or say two words to me, told the Pedi he was sorry he couldn't stay for the appointment but he was exhausted from being up with Nathan all night (THAT INFURIATED ME, HES NEVER SPENT MORE THAN 2 HOURS WITH HIM AND IT WAS ALL DAYTIME WITH ME THERE!) and he left. He sent a text that said he was never paying for anything for Nathan again and that he wanted nothing to do with us.
That is the last time I saw him. He sends a text once every 3 weeks or so. Same exact text. Even the same typos. It says "Just wondering how Nathan doing". Same bad grammar, same exact text. I can tell he locked it in his outbox and just hits resend once every month or so. I'm sure there are some little tidbits and facts I may have forgotten, but I'm sure you get the point.
So now, I'm in the process of getting CS, and my lawyer said he has very little chance of getting any visitation, and if at all, he'll most likely get supervised visitation. I should add it in just for an fyi, he drinks a lot. They party all the time. I never have drank, I dont agree with the party scene. Hopefully he'll just disappear.
That is all 100% truth. Sad, but true. If you have any questions at all, I promise I will answer them in complete honesty.
If you really read all of this, thank you so much. I really appreciate it.