August Randoms

chrissdee · August 2023

It’s a new month. Who’s ready for back to school chaos? (Not me.)

makingbacon · August 2023

@chrissdee We have 2 going this year (pre-K and K), and it's been crazy trying to fit everything in before school starts. I'm slightly ahead of school schedule because I took the boys early to get their supplies. I can't even imagine the crazy once we have all 4 kids in school.

UnwritteN12 · August 2023

We have 2 going into 8th grade and 2 going into 2nd grade and I am READY! I need quiet in this house during my work hours and I need the routine. I also get excited for the kids' sports to start up again. I'm that loud mom in the stands cheering for my kid as well as everyone else on the team.

Also, I have officially hit the stage of pregnancy where my bladder thinks it's completely full but really it just doesn't have enough room anymore. Ugh.

chrissdee · August 2023

@UnwritteN12 I can't wait for my kids to get into sports. Or band, or whatever else they end up interested in. I WILL be that mom, too. I take my almost-8-year-old to the local high school football games, even though I'm not from here and don't know anyone playing. I just like the sense of community and the fun atmosphere of it, and I like exposing her to things that might pique her interest -- right now, she most loves watching the cheerleaders and trying to copy what they do, and the girls on the squad seem to get a kick out of it. My favorite is the marching band halftime performance (yes, I was for sure a band geek in high school).

chrissdee · August 2023

I took DD1 back to school shopping last weekend, even though this coming weekend is the tax-free weekend here. I don't do crowds, and I needed to make sure I got everything before my paycheck inevitably dwindled away.

So we're set to go with that. Next week is the meet-the-teacher event (they call it "Opening Act"... she attends an arts magnet school with a heavy emphasis on performance arts, so all of the school events have some sort of performance-related names. The auditorium is called Center Stage. The quarterly awards ceremonies are Red Carpet Awards -- complete with an actual red carpet photo op. They're kind of extra.) She's going into 3rd grade and has been invited to the Gifted and Talented program. She's super excited but also nervous. I know she can handle it though.

makingbacon · August 2023

@chrissdee The older boys love playing sports, and it is so fun to watch them. They're too young to play through the school, but they play in Y leagues and the city parks and recreations programs. My only rule is 1 sport at a time because schedules are hectic lol. DS1 is currently enrolled in swim lessons (doesn't technically count as a sport), and DS2 is playing t-ball for the first time.

@UnwritteN12 I don't know how you juggle 4 kids for back to school. One day I will have to do it too, but not today lol. I am always the loud mom in the stands cheering for everyone. DS1 and DS2 are just starting to play different sports, and it is so fun watching them master new skills.

chrissdee · August 2023

@makingbacon My oldest has been wanting to do soccer or cheerleading through a local rec league, which I would love to have her do. But with everything so up in the air with this pregnancy right now I'm afraid of making a commitment and then letting her down.

UnwritteN12 · August 2023

@chrissdee - I love that your little one likes to imitate the cheerleaders! That's so sweet.

I was a band geek in HS too and am (so far) raising 2 more! DH was too. Funny part is DD#1 plays my flute that I played all through my band career and DS#1 plays tuba just like DH.

@makingbacon - lol I think it helps that it sometimes just feels like I'm prepping 2 kids since it's 2 sets of twins!

Soooo....my in-laws are coming down this week. Even though they were specifically told multiple times that THIS IS NOT A GOOD TIME FOR THEM TO VISIT. Granted, they're apparently just taking a road trip with a quick stop for dinner with DH and kids on Wednesday night which I don't understand. It's an awfully long road trip from MN to TX and I think that they're hoping we'll change our minds and just be like, yeah let's go ahead and say screw it to our schedules and plans and just entertain them. MIL guilt tripped DH hardcore about not feeling wanted and yada yada yada. Honestly, these people make me feel so uncomfortable and anxious even after 20 years. Their lack of respecting boundaries and guilt trips have just gotten worse. I'd love to not have them down here when I have the baby because I will be on edge the ENTIRE time when it's already going to be crazy and emotional. So I'm trying to figure something out because I don't want the extra stress from them.

chrissdee · August 2023

I’ve gotten used to seeing “AMA” and “advanced maternal age” on my after-visit summaries on MyChart, but now I think they’re just being mean.

UnwritteN12 · August 2023

@chrissdee - Whaaaaat?! That's crazy. It so frustrating to be considered AMA already but to be referred to as elderly?! Jerks.

makingbacon · August 2023

@UnwritteN12 Can your H just tell them not to come? I have a strict no visitors policy at the hospital, which really only applied to DS1 because Covid restrictions happened for DS2 and DS3. We’re more local now, and both sets of parents have already been told no one is coming to the hospital, and we’ll let his parents know when they can visit new baby. My parents will be watching the boys, so they’ll be at the house when we get home.

@chrissdee I think they tack the elderly part on to the AMA when we hit a certain age. I didn’t like being called AMA with DS3, and being called elderly would thoroughly piss me off. They act like we don’t know we’re older sometimes.

chrissdee · August 2023

@UnwritteN12 It can for sure be tough managing boundaries with family when a new baby comes. I’m so thankful my mother-in-law is respectful of my boundaries. My parents (or more specifically my mom) are a different story. I get the excitement and wanting to spend time with the new grandbaby and all, but priority should be on what you and baby need at that time, not what the grandparents want.

UnwritteN12 · August 2023

@makingbacon - We won't allow anyone at the hospital the first 24 hours as we designate that for us and the kids. We've allowed people to come up after that (I've always had about 5 days in the hospital). I think we could pull off not having them come to hospital at all....possibly. Maybe. Not without so many guilt trips though. Honestly it's even having them in my home at this point. Ugh. I just don't think I can get away with telling them not to come down to TX.

@chrissdee - Good point. It should definitely be about what is needed and not what they want. Being around them stresses me out which stresses DH out and I'm sure would stress the baby out. And I've made it clear to DH (who certainly wants them here when the baby comes) that it's not like his parents are going to help around the house. My parents would gladly help with whatever we need - cooking, cleaning up, laundry. His parents 1) Not so much, 2) they don't do much cooking and 3) I don't want them doing my laundry.

makingbacon · August 2023

@UnwritteN12 Ugh, that is hard. Hopefully you can get things sorted out, and they don't try to stay for more than dinner this time. My in-laws must have felt a disturbance in the universe because they've started asking if they'll actually get to meet this baby when they're a newborn. We lived 10 hours away when I had the boys, and I had really bad PPD with DS3. I told DH that I would power through their visit, but DH made the decision to cancel their initial visit. They ended up meeting DS3 at DS2's birthday party 4 months later. DH told me not to respond, and he'll deal with them. So we'll see how that goes lol.

UnwritteN12 · August 2023

@makingbacon - I adore your husband for handling the situation!

makingbacon · August 2023

@UnwritteN12 DH is pretty non confrontational, but when I went down with PPD, he was my rock.

How does everyone handle older siblings’ winter birthday parties? We’ve always had summer birthdays until DS3. DS3 is February 2022, and we usually do family parties. With a new baby, and a severe dislike of people playing pass the baby, how has everyone handled it? For reference, parties this year have had 25-ish people in attendance.

varimama · August 2023

@makingbacon any chance you can do an experience instead of a party? Like my 6 year old asked for a hotel stay instead of a party this year. A 2 year old probably wouldn’t care either way but you could just be like instead of a party we are taking the family xyz. If that won’t fly or you really want a party my go to against baby passing is to just wear the baby. People are much less likely to get all in your baby’s face when their face is smooshed into your boobs and they’re much less likely to try and take the baby if they’re attached to you!

makingbacon · August 2023

@varimama That makes sense. I like the idea of a family experience (DS3 isn't a huge fan of people lol), I would just need to research 2-year-old friendly activities. I try really hard to center the parties around the birthday kid because they don't get that kind of individual attention every day. Our families will throw huge fits if we don't have a party, but that doesn't really bother me. The mom guilt of him not being the center of attention would definitely bother me more.

UnwritteN12 · August 2023

Agree with @varimama - We've done experiences lately and it's much more relaxing to me than throwing a big party. DS1 & DD1 have a December birthday and we've done an indoor Waterpark which was fun. Maybe a zoo or aquarium would be an option?

fitandnerdy · August 2023

The conversation about birthday parties is making me wonder... how are people planning to handle Thanksgiving (if you are an early Nov due date) and/or Christmas?

DD1 was a 2020 baby, so no one got to meet her as a newborn. I know people are going to try to meet baby ASAP, which I'll have to figure out how to handle that because I mostly don't want people visiting unless they'll be helpful with my toddler rather than trying to hold the baby lol. But Christmas is doing to be a whole other issue. My SIL just had a baby, so I know my mother is going to go crazy with trying to get us all together at her house for an extended period of time. And at like 4 weeks pp, I'm not sure how I feel about that...both because of my own recovery but also having a teeny tiny baby around tons of people.

makingbacon · August 2023

@fitandnerdy I probably won't have the baby by Thanksgiving, but we do Christmas at home. We told both sides of the family that we aren't ever traveling for Christmas because we wanted Christmas memories at home, not shuttling back and forth to other people's houses. We had to reiterate that when we were local long distance (2-3 hours) from everyone, but it has always worked well for us. How does your SIL feel about a bigger get together with their new baby? If you aren't wanting to go, I'd tell them no - you need to heal, and it is cold and flu season.

varimama · August 2023

@fitandnerdy I’m due day after thanksgiving so we’ve made it clear that we will not being doing thanksgiving with anyone this year. If baby isn’t here I’ll be too huge to travel or make a giant meal and if baby is here we’ll be too sleep deprived to want to travel or cook.

I’m dreading Christmas. Idk why but anyone holding my babies besides DH and DS1 & 2 makes me crazy and possessive. Maybe I can do short visits and plan them around feeding times so I can be like here’s the baby sorry he’s hungry see you all in 30 minutes… idk I really liked having a pandemic baby with DS2 and not passing him around. Part of me wants to cancel Christmas get togethers but I also feel like that’s not fair to the older 2.

fitandnerdy · August 2023

@makingbacon @varimama I also won't have baby by thanksgiving (due after thanksgiving on 11/29), and my family thankfully understands that I can't travel to see them at 39+ weeks pregnant. I know they will not understand me not traveling to see them for Christmas 4 weeks later though...

@makingbacon We live "local long distance" at about 3.5 hours... which I feel like is the worst distance. It's close enough that they expect us at every possible gathering, but far enough away that we can't just pop in for a quick hour. My SIL will be totally fine with a gathering. She lives just 5 minutes down the road from my parents, so she can come for dinner or presents or whatever and then go back home. She also already had the baby so her baby will be like 6 months at Christmas. Still young, but old enough that it's had some vaccines and time to build up its immune system...

I know I can just tell them no if that's what we decide we want, but I'm already dreading the backlash I will get for it. Even if covid had never happened, I would still be worried about taking such a young baby around so many people and also not wanting to travel because of my own recovery. But my parents definitely hold a grudge about missing out on so much of DD's first year because of Covid that I know they will just give me so much grief about missing this too.

Kiek · August 2023

So generally for holidays, we will travel all over to see family for thanksgiving. But we will not travel for Christmas. We established that years ago when my oldest was a baby. But this thanksgiving I’ll still be recovering so we won’t be going anywhere lol. And unless you’re my momma, my MIL or my sister, you’re not invited 😂.

makingbacon · August 2023

@Kiek You're way nicer than me. Unless I'm actively having the baby on Thanksgiving, which is possible, if they don't live here, they aren't invited lol.

rachinthemidwest · August 2023

Unless there’s a big outbreak by me, I’m not sure I’ll do anything different for the holidays (hoping for induced early Nov). My SIL will be my baby’s pediatrician, my son (4yo) will be in daycare and around potential germs, my husband will be in an office working, I’m not sure staying in will mentally be good for me. My family and friends are respectful of vaccine requests, and if I say no holding the baby they’d understand. I’m more concerned about my in-laws but I don’t know if anyone is planning to come to town. I will need my family and friends as this has been a journey for me.

knottiee3a565ac10d4d5f7 · August 2023

Baby Inca will only be a couple of weeks old so thanksgiving will be just the 3 of us. Christmas we will hopefully travel about 10 miles to family. Also planning baptism for the week between christmas and new year

Kiek · August 2023

@makingbacon I’m not that nice 😂. those 3 people have earned it lol.

UnwritteN12 · August 2023

While I desperately miss my family, one nice thing about living on the other end of the country from everyone is that we aren't expected to be anywhere for holidays. DH and I grew up VERY differently. He was up and traveling to see family from the buttcrack of dawn on Chriatmas into the evening. Pretty sure for Thanksgiving too. My family is military so it was always just my parents, siblings and I. My parents will occasionally come down here around the holidays but DHs parents usually don't. They play Santa and Nana Claus at events so they're generally pretty busy anyway.

runsoncoffee · August 2023

We are hosting my MIL for the week of Thanksgiving, but she will be helpful with the other kids too! For Christmas, we don't go anywhere and will probably do our usual of my family can visit if they want to (they are local). I'll definitely be more stingy with letting people hold the baby than I was with my summer babies though.

@makingbacon one of my kiddos is a Feb birthday and in the past we've rented out a play gym room at a local church. It's only $75 for 5 hours and includes a kitchen, bathroom, tables/chairs, and the climbing structure/play gym thing. We may do something different going forward like inviting 2-3 friends to do a fun outing but still figuring that out!

UnwritteN12 · August 2023

Y'all! It's the first day of school!! The house is so quiet!

makingbacon · August 2023

@UnwritteN12 I've had different combinations of kids home with me for the last 2 weeks. Quiet house is going to be weird next week for us. Are they going a full day or half day today?

UnwritteN12 · August 2023

@makingbacon - Full day. They usually don't start until Thursday though so Wednesday is a bit different. Makes the week more worth it.
Yeah, the quiet is weird for sure. I keep hearing creeks and groans in the house and gave to remind myself it's just the cats and dogs walking around! Lol

makingbacon · August 2023

Today I vacuumed the stairs using the entire vacuum because I decided bending with attachments was too hard. I don't regret it.

kiki047 · August 2023

Late to the chat as usual but re: holiday get togethers, our oldest nephew's 5th birthday party will be approx 2 weeks after baby is born and I already know we're going to be guilted into making an appearance, but I most certainly will NOT be attending. He's school age now, and 99% of the times we've gotten sick in the last 5 years is because of him bringing something home and BIL/SIL not respecting/caring about getting anyone else sick.

Christmas will be a different story. My side of the family will be totally fine, everyone is respectful of boundaries. My in-laws on the other hand... last year I had an abdominal myomectomy surgery on Dec 19th (so basically a mini c-section) and MIL still insisted on hosting Christmas for their side of the family AT MY HOUSE. She said it's because we have the most space, and she'll "do everything". They most certainly did not do everything, they did not respect my request to please start after lunch and leave after dinner (it was a whole day thing), and also what the actual F, I was barely even mobile at that point. Anyway, there's no way they're going to respect my wishes not to all come trooping in or 2. respect my boundaries about passing the baby around. A 5 year old, 2 teachers, a healthcare worker, and an aunt who works retail... entirely too much exposure for me. Already dreading it.

On another note... my mom is currently in Italy and asked if she can bring home anything specific for the baby. Besides clothing, are there any particular stores or gifts that would be meaningful/worthwhile to get while she's there? She's on the Amalfi Coast right now but will be heading to Rome next so I'd love to be able to give her some very specific requests. Thoughts? I'm drawing a blank.

makingbacon · September 2023

@kiki047 Are they planning to come again this year? Oofta to the disrespect last year! For DS3's birthday party, I've been seriously considering just pushing it back to end of April/beginning of May. I've already gotten a lot of push back for the idea, but they're not the ones who will have to deal with the sick baby. I would cut the list way back, but the most likely germ carriers are the nieces and nephew, so that would mean only inviting our parents. My sister doesn't have kids, so then she'd be mad, but how do you cut all of H's siblings because they have kids, but not my sister? It's hard. My other 2 boys are summer babies, and that made birthdays so much easier. Hopefully your H's family listens this year and doesn't try to party at your house.

kiki047 · September 2023

@makingbacon I'm anticipating her insisting again and DH caving. I already asked him yesterday to start planting the idea in his brother's head that maaaybe THEY can host for once in their lives. Problem is they don't really cook. Not well, anyway. But MIL can go invade their house instead. I dunno, going to start casually bringing it up that I'm not going to want too many people around for the first few weeks/months so it won't come as such as shock that I'm going to refuse to host Christmas.

fitandnerdy · September 2023

@kiki047 ugh I’d have been so annoyed. I never thought about the potential issues to think about with having a winter baby! My first is a summer baby, and a 2020 baby… so we never saw anyone when she was little anyway. My mom is planning on hosting thanksgiving at my house this year because I told her will not be driving 3.5 hours to her at that point. I’ll be 39 weeks so not sure how I’ll feel about having everyone in my space at the very end, if the baby’s still inside even!

varimama · September 2023

@kiki047 I hope you get can your H on board to say you won’t be hosting! Saying no is not a bad thing and they need to respect your decision. Ideally he should be the one to stand up to his family. If they don’t listen I’d 100% be camping out in the nursery with the baby until the event was over. I’d come down wearing the baby occasionally for food perhaps.

kiki047 · September 2023

@fitandnerdy I know pandemic restrictions were their own beast and made things SO challenging for parents but on the other hand, it was something our families actually respected. I just want a little bit of that back? The part about being cautious, I mean. I'd also be a little wary about people all up in my space at the very end. I hope you're able to find some kind of happy medium for Thanksgiving!

@varimama the good news is DH is more scared of me than he is of his mom

I have no qualms about hiding out upstairs with baby if they still insist on showing up but hoping that will be a non-issue.

knottiee3a565ac10d4d5f7 · September 2023

Or estimated Nov 8th arrival date makes thanksgiving/christmas awkward because baby will probably be 2 months already and people will want to see. But we fully intend bunkering down on our own for thanksgiving and going to my cousins house for a very low key and low numbers Christmas

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