Private group

sjb2215 · April 2022

I've never used discord before, but will give it a try. Although that will give me 3 different platforms for my 3 different private bump groups (FB, bump and discord), so not promising being super active

flikyerbik · April 2022

I finally thought about how to respond after being anxious to even come on here now. I am not neurotypical, and it has caused me problems in the past where I get excluded. I have been posting on whatever I feel I can contribute to, but I dislike talking just to talk (in this case posting just to post.) I was speaking out of fear that I will be forced to show my face or give my real name, but I now feel like I am being told I haven't posted as much as I need to.... so I am feeling I will be excluded from things once again. Which is fine and I will deal with it. I have people to talk to. But I wanted to advocate for myself and anyone else who maybe has extreme anxiety. I know logically that none of you are likely to track me down and harm me or my family. My anxiety doesn't use logic, though. It's really rough and something I need to talk to a doctor about, but I am afraid to talk to a doctor and be made to feel crazy again like they did in my youth. I was fine before pregnancy and now I am not. Remaining anonymous has given me the chance to talk without fear. I guess what I am saying is... I take things personally, so I can understand you taking my post personally. It wasn't personal. I wasn't saying I want to share nothing with yall. I was expressing fear of being excluded because I don't want to show my face or real name.

oli9 · April 2022

@flikyerbik I can relate to you 100%. I suffer from extreme social anxiety and I’ve really enjoyed this open and public platform because it’s given me a little courage to include myself to a limit when at one point on this platform I was bullied off for trying to do the exact same thing. I never thought I’d get back on here years later and be so active, but the public aspect of it has made it feel more of a safe space in certain aspects because I know not to cross certain lines and I know since it’s public, I’m accepted by default (lol). I’m SO anxious about this private group and I wish it could just stay public and this actual thread makes my stomach turn a little (haha for real), but I think a part of that anxiety is that I get nervous about change once I’ve gotten comfortable with something and that’s because of my social anxiety that’s stemmed back to my childhood because of being put in insanely unstable situations as a kid. Thanks for advocating for the anxious. It takes courage to have a voice and I sure do appreciate yours.

peppylilfoxy · April 2022

@inthewoods23 I'm a discord vet. I've run my own discord channel for my gaming raid groups. Lol, there's a way you can create channels that only members on the approved list can see and then in the main introduction/general channel could be where people post their proof of identity before being allowed access to all the others. If you need help, I can talk you through it.

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@peppylilfoxy I have 1 private channel at the moment that only member roles can see. I figure we can discuss what type of channels we want in the server as a group before I go creating a bunch on my own.

Did we ever decide what item we would hold in the photo of ourselves in addition to our usernames written on a piece of paper? I'll add that in the welcome channel so everybody knows what they need to do before they'll see the private channels.

I've also recommended we make our nicknames in the server our current TB usernames to make it easier to know who is who until we get to a point we're fine with just going by full names.

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@flikyerbik I don't want you to feel excluded at all! We'd love to have you write an intro post in our introductions thread and participate in the weekly check ins so we get to know you. It's certainly not talking just to talk. We're all here to share our experiences going through our pregnancies, ask questions, get product recommendations, etc. We're a community!

I can invite you to our Discord server once we've gotten to know you a bit. If you want to stay a little more private when you come over that's fine. Whatever you are most comfortable with. Typically the point of moving off the public BMBs is so that we can be more open with each other and get to know everyone on a much more personal level by showing our faces, knowing names, and sharing more private aspects of our lives. For the most part those that move to a private means of communication have been around here since early in their pregnancies so we've had months to connect.

twentythree19 · April 2022

My husband just about lives on his discord. I'm totally good to move over there.

@flikyerbik I am so sad to hear that your doctors made you feel crazy and invalidated. I hope that you take my next words as encouragement to advocate yourself and your care just like you bravely advocated yourself in this thread (And if you don't want advice, feel free to skip too!).

It's been a little while since we were kids and even in the past few years, care for folks mental health has grown and become something viewed and treated differently. I'm optimistic that you would have a different experience if you reach out to a doctor again. I would encourage you to talk to your OB about this.

Here's why I say this: I am dealing with anxiety and depression for the first time in my life. It seems to be pregnancy induced (but I don't know if it will ease up once I'm finished having kids) so I spoke with my OB at an appointment. I was amazed at the compassion and validation I was given in that appointment. I realize that your anxiety existed before pregnancy, but OB's seem to be trained to be more sensitive to anxiety difficulties in pregnant patients, so this may be a way to start to get medical support that you need and deserve to get.

I'm now talking to a counselor on my own, DH & I are doing marriage counseling and I'm on medication. I've been in counseling before, but I encountered something new with my one-on-one counselor - she told me at the beginning of my sessions, that if we got a few sessions in and I didn't feel like she & I were the right fit, to *please* speak up and she would support me in finding a different counselor that could fit my needs. And she even followed up with me a couple times, to ask me if I wanted to continue with her or was feeling the need to find a better fit.

Anyway, that's my convoluted way to say I'm cheering for you and hoping you can find the additional support to manage your anxiety challenges. And we'll be here to offer support as we're able.

runnergirl2018 · April 2022

@flikyerbik there's nothing that says you can't still join in here! the private board is for those that want to share more so if that's not something you want, you won't be excluded here

moreamoozzarella · April 2022

Hey all! I've been mia for awhile, too many house projects. Did you guys already start this? I didn't really participate in my last bump group until it became private. It feels more comfortable to know everything isn't out there for the world to see.

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@moreamoozzarella I have the Discord server created. Haven't sent invites out yet. We still need to decide what we want to do for our photos as part of our vetting process before you'll have access to the majority of the server.

jessie_95 · April 2022

I’m very introverted, minus when I’m at work (if that makes sense at all). I don’t have any social media accounts and haven’t for years, but I stumbled on The Bump just yesterday and y’all have been so welcoming, helpful, the different threads have been really nice to read and see experiences similar to mine or hearing everyone’s stories and journeys.

That being said, as I’m new here, I’ll continue to post around the public boards and possibly would love to join in on the private group at some point as I, like some others, don’t want to feel excluded/missing out on things, but I’m also super nervous about a private group even though it sounds so much more intimate and less scary than the public boards.

Anyway, hi everyone. Good to be here and I’ll see all y’all around the public boards! Thanks for all your helpful advice so far!

LJMoon6 · April 2022

@inthewoods23 How about a picture with a carrot!? It’s random enough that you shouldn’t be able to google pregnant woman holding carrot lol (plus the whole username handwritten on a piece of paper thing). But since it’s Easter there should be more carrot things around. It doesn’t have to be an actual carrot. It could be a picture of a carrot or a carrot pillow, bunny holding a carrot… etc.

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@LJMoon6 I'm game for doing a carrot. If the carrots in my fridge are old and moldy I'm gonna have to resort to a picture of one 😅

If everyone else is in agreement with that I can start PMing everyone the link to the discord so they can submit their photo this weekend. If you don't feel ready going to the private discord then no worries - come join when you're ready! I don't think the links expire (correct me if I'm wrong discord pros).

Not sure how many people plan on fully exiting this board and using only the Discord once they get the invite. I'm happy to stick around here for a little bit until everyone that wants to eventually join Discord joins the Discord.

courtneyqdk · April 2022

Carrot works for me - if we don't have any at home my son has a stuffy that's holding a carrot he got for Easter one year so I can dig that out!

bumblebee0210 · April 2022

@flikyerbik I'm sorry you're experiencing so much anxiety-- I also have anxiety, and it's not fun (and pregnancy and childbirth/postpartum can make things *much* worse so seeing someone now is a really good idea). I also have a (relatively) public job, and so I am particularly hesitant to show my name and face or give too many details on a public forum. I also think it's fine not to post every week (I never do the check-ins, just the topical posts, but I was also on TTGP so I have a leg-up on people knowing me).

I wanted to say two things. First, I think the reason for the move to private is that there is some benefit to being able to be open about, say, where you live (or just your real name!) in terms of getting closer as a community. No one wants to do that in public, and no one wants to do that if other people are remaining anonymous, because it creates a vulnerability on one side. If everyone has to show their face and name, then there is at least mutual vulnerability, that helps create trust.

Second, I don't think the plan is for this public forum to die out. If you'd rather remain anonymous, you can hang out here and ask or answer questions as much as you like. It may be a bit quieter here, but I think there will still be some community. I know it may evoke those feelings of "everyone is hanging out without me", but as long as you participate here (basically enough so that people actually know you are really a pregnant woman, and not like, going to cyber-bully people) then you will be invited into the private group as well.

I hope that helps.

zinnia19 · April 2022

I like the carrot idea! I’m ready for the private group and will likely still check this one as well.

runnergirl2018 · April 2022

@inthewoods23 I’m good with the carrot thing! We have some fake ones for decoration
and I set up a discord account the other day! I’m all ready

sunshineandlemons · April 2022

Carrot works for me too. Do we show our face? I’ll need to DL and set up a discord account but will try to do that later today/this weekend.

jellie603 · April 2022

Game for the carrot!

Do I need to set up an account/log in for Discord before an invite goes out? I assume it is pretty straight forward to do?

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@jellie603 you don't need to create one beforehand. When you click on the invite link it should ask you to either sign in or create an account. Shouldn't be much different than creating a TB account with creating your login info and a username.

I will note that the username you choose for your Discord account does NOT need to be your TB username. Within the server/space that I have set up for our group you can choose your nickname/display which can be totally different. So feel to make your account username bballgirl4life or whatever that's not baby specific (if yours happens to be) should you currently or eventually want to use your Discord account for other interests in the future. Hope that makes sense for any newbies

tuxielove93 · April 2022

@inthewoods23 thats actually a cool feature. we could eventually display real names if we wanted but our entire discord presence doesn't have to be!

I'm down for a carrot. I have a giant bag from Costco

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@tuxielove93 exactly. At a minimum I say we make our nicknames our TB usernames and if you want you can add your first name too if you're comfortable. Like right now I have the format "TB username | [first name]" for my name in our server.

I don't think your profile photo can change across servers though, just the name you go by.

I'll hopefully work on PMing the invite link tonight and/or Saturday. Unless I should wait a day or 2 so y'all can get a photo taken first?

LJMoon6 · April 2022

@inthewoods23 I say go ahead and get the invites sent out. I think giving people a week to get their photos submitted should be good enough, right?

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@LJMoon6 will do!

In case I haven't mentioned it yet (or you missed it in a previous comment of mine), you'll only see a couple text channels when you first accept the invite. You'll upload your photo in one of those threads. Once I see and and verify you've got the carrot and your TB username in the photo I'll give you the member role so you can see the rest of the channels. Just in case an invite link gets in the wrong hands (aka some random person) they won't be able to snoop around and see our private conversations.

Bonus props if you make your photo humorous lol. Not required but come on, let's be a fun bunch! Everybody gets to see them. Show off some personality.

tuxielove93 · April 2022

So excited!! Thank you in the woods for setting this up

inthewoods23 · April 2022

PM with the invite link has been sent to everybody here that expressed interested and has been a member of this board for a long time.

Any regulars that haven't expressed interest yet can let me know they'd like to join and I'll send them the link.

Any newer members that have expressed interested I can send an invite to once you've been around these parts for a little while and we've gotten to know you

oli9 · April 2022

I have no idea how to check my inbox on here. I only have phone app and no computer access.

NEVERMIND. Found it. Thx 😓

Now to figure out how to use it.

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@oli9 I see you! yeah there's no easy way to find the inbox from the app. For whatever reason they choose not to have it on your main community page *shrug*

sunshineandlemons · April 2022

I got discord downloaded and registered. Do we just pm the picture to you @inthewoods23?

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@sunshineandlemons there's a channel in the discord titled "verification photos" for you to post it in. Once I see it I'll get you set up as a member so you see the rest of the server.

velvetblue88 · April 2022

Btw, since I couldn't seem to find my inbox, and in case others are struggling, here's the link to your inbox: https://forums.thebump.com/messages/inbox

Not sure when I'll take my carrot photo, but likely this weekend.

zinnia19 · April 2022

On the bump app (at least the iPhone version) the inbox is right above “July 2022 moms”, or the name of the thread you are on. The font is small so it really blends in!

inthewoods23 · April 2022

Just a reminder for the few that haven't joined yet - the link I sent in a PM is going to expire in the next day or 2 so if you could at least get yourself on the server that would be awesome! No worries if you can't get to taking the photo for a few days. Upload it when you can.

Anyone else that has not expressed interest yet and wants to join please let me know!

inthewoods23 · April 2022

Hey @stardustskies did you have interest in joining the private group? I haven't seen you mention it at all here. I'm happy to send you the invite link to the discord server. Just let me know!

twentythree19 · April 2022

So...I missed the window. Can I get a mulligan? I've been out of town for a week and haven't checked TB while I've been gone.

inthewoods23 · April 2022

@twentythree19 I'll PM you the link!

caymanmel · May 2022

I'm interested in joining since this one is becoming very quiet

inthewoods23 · May 2022

@caymanmel sent you a PM

cmhme · May 2022

Ok... i am giving in too... i know i will miss you all at 3am while the rest of the world sleeps! So please resend me the link. Thanks!

inthewoods23 · May 2022

@cmhme pm with the link sent!

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