2nd- As a FTM, I’m just really worried about PPD, how am I going to feel in my own skin, and the fact that I have my husband for only 7 days after birth and he goes back to working 6 days a week. 😳 I have found myself in my doubts the closer it gets to “go time” (I mean we’re literally ~10 weeks or less now!) and I worry my “instincts” won’t kick in and I won’t be able to handle it? I feel like these are probably common FTM jitters, I’m just overwhelmed I’m actually making a baby that will be in my arms in about 2 months!
Okay I am having a lot of anxiety surrounding bringing this baby home and actually being a mom. My last pregnancy and birth experience is almost blocked out mentally because of the trauma of “losing” my son. (Context if you don’t know, I placed my son for adoption.) I know he is happy and healthy and I love him and his family. But last time I knew I was not going to parent my son from early on. I never got excited for it. I had made a difficult decision that I’ve never once regretted, but it still hurt. It always broke my heart when I had ultrasounds and heard his heartbeat and everything.
Now I’m so joyful. Someone bought a jogging stroller from my registry and it came to my house this afternoon. I’m looking at it now just thinking about how I didn’t get to experience this last time. I feel like I missed out on my first pregnancy. I have so many negative thoughts that fly by like how I cheated my first son out of happy neurotransmitters during his time in utero. Like why would I even think that? So then I start beating myself up more for even thinking things….
Blah.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited to meet my son and overjoyed to be a mom. I’m not depressed (I have been before so I can recognize it). I’m really doing better than I expected. Which lets that guilt pop up sometimes. Like, my mind is trying to say I shouldn’t feel good. It’s a cycle. I feel like I’m dealing well. But I may be dealing with this kind of thing on and off for years as I watch my sons grow up, one in front of me and one as a part of another family.
@taylorharris0522 you are going to be a wonderful mother! I understand your love/guilt for being happy with this baby, for reasons of my own based on decisions I had to make due to my current circumstances. But right now your carrying a sweet baby boy you are bringing home and you are gonna be an amazing momma!! We all have had to live and learn, and that’s okay!!
I'm not as anxious as I thought I would be, but I do have moments where I feel panic set in and I try to move past it quickly. I truly think my therapy has helped a ton with this, but knowing myself as I get closer to LO arriving I'll start to get more nervous about the birth.
I'll happily take any book/podcast recommendations to help prepare for birth!
Oh ladies, I love this post. It’s real and raw and so honest! We all will do amazing. Maybe not every day, but overall, we will get there. You’ll figure out a balance with other children and this one, you’ll figure out a balance with your partners and your baby will get fed. I believe it is easier to have more grace with yourself after the first. You’ve proven you can raise a child so you have nothing left to “prove” to others. Breastfeeding is wonderful, but so are bottles. Breastfeeding isn’t the only way and a fed baby is a happy baby. Period. FTMs, older moms and everything in between - your body CAN do this. Birth has been happening for literally forever and your body wouldn’t have gotten you this far if it was just going to cop out. That baby will make it out safe and happy and you’ll be alright too. Just keep telling yourself that. Anyone into positive affirmations? I use hypnobabies and they have positive affirmations to listen to daily. They’re wonderful and reassuring.
I’m not all sunshine and roses over here either. I get flashes of anxiety about how similar this pregnancy is to my first (anterior placenta, baby’s position and constant feet up in my ribs, accessory lobe on my placenta, etc) and the delivery of my first was traumatic, to say the least (happy to explain sometime in the private group…not here. It’s sensitive) and I sometimes fear that because the pregnancy is so similar, the delivery will be too. But I’m wiser, more informed, more confident and better prepared. I whisper a positive affirmation to myself, don’t hide my feelings but try to not to dwell on them either, and keep running the good race. We’ve got this, mamas.
Yes yes yes. Yes, I’m with you all and feel some of the fears and worries. And I also know that often times, our worries can show that deep down we desperately want to be good mothers to our children and I think that is a lot of what makes a “good mother”. From what I know of you ladies, you love these babies and are willing to sacrifice for them. You’re willing to learn and admit mistakes along the way. You will get the hang of it and when you feel out of your league, ask for help.
I feel a lot better lately after doing some processing with a trusted friend and my midwife. I am able to see clearly things that were hard with my first, a lot of which were out of my control and so i can have grace for myself. But some of the struggles were self inflicted from wanting to do my best aka do everything by myself a certain way and not allowing others to help. I can see that too. And so I know I can make changes this time.
I’m going into this with as much of a “game plan” as a I can. My husband and I are making a plan for sleep, and I’m swearing to myself that when he is doing a night feed, I will ACTUALLY sleep and not lay there awake wondering if he needs my help. I will be ok with a bottle or formula if needed. I will let other people hold my baby even when he cries. I won’t believe that I’m the only one who can soothe him. I’m not going to feel guilty when I walk away to spend time with my other kid, or go to work, or have time to myself or with friends. (These are hopes and I know I’ll fail sometimes but this is how I’d like to do things different)
Recently, I've been in a better mood and trying to think positively about everything that comes with having a baby. Birth, postpartum, being a mom, etc. But, I do normally struggle with depression and anxiety and I'm actually really scared of the possibility of PPD and how it may/may not affect me.
I want so much for LO to have a better upbringing than I did. It's hard not to question my own abilities in being able to provide. Of course, my DH is going to go through it with me and he is over the moon with being a dad. I have unwavering faith in him, it's just hard to look at myself in the same light.
The positive affirmations have never really clicked for me but, maybe I should try them again or do a meditation thing.
@germainejeleed I couldn't relate to you more! I myself had a hard childhood, and it has definitely planted that seed of doubt in my own mind about my ability to mother. However, I have been so incredibly blessed with an amazing husband and I know he's going to be an amazing father, and he's always in my corner reminding me that I'm going to be a good momma too. You are going to be great! The fact that you worry shows you love and care for your LO enough to break generational curses.
I missed this thread the first time I think, but I'm glad to have it here! I am really having a hard time now that the twins birth is looming. I want them out - but don't want them out. I just know it's going to spin our family/life into pure chaos and I am not prepared. We are a pretty laid back family and everyone keeps reminding me of that, but it feels like a lot of pressure because I am NOT feeling laid back at all. I spoke to my midwife at my last appointment about how we (DH and I) are concerned about PPD when they're born. I've never had it before but I do have a history of depression, and with the huge changes and different experience this will be, I'm nervous. So she referred me to another one of their group midwives who runs the maternal mental health clinic for the health system. So I'm going to meet with her next month and we will formulate a plan for support and resources. I'm feeling good about that!
Married 11.12.11 JB 08.02.13 EC 12.11.15 GE 04.04.19 #4 & #5 due 05.05.22
@jackdetroit I knew after my PPD experience with DD2, I needed to be super proactive to not have a repeat. I ended up asking my OB the week before delivery to put in my file that I had a history of depression. Since I had that, they had a social worker come by and talk for a few minutes and she recommended for me to go ahead and be placed on anti depression meds. I was able to start taking them right away and it seriously made a huge difference. I’m not sure how it would work coming from a midwife, but I would assume they could have you referred to a hospital physician in order to get a prescription written before you leave the hospital if needed. I’m planning on requesting a script again since I’m assuming the transition to 4 will be difficult
@skc040512 It is in my medical record that I have a history of depression so after my 3rd baby the social worker did come in to check in before I was discharged. So I'm thinking at the minimum they will do that. But I'm not sure what else is offered in this maternal mental health program, I'm just thinking regardless I will need the extra support at a minimum because I will be struggling!
Married 11.12.11 JB 08.02.13 EC 12.11.15 GE 04.04.19 #4 & #5 due 05.05.22
Chiming in with love and support re- all the upcoming postpartum emotions. I have been diagnosed with depression/anxiety since way before kids. I’m not a medical professional but I’ll share my experience.
I went off meds for my first pregnancy because it was an SNRI and not safe for pregnancy, but after she was about 2-3 months old my PPA was really extreme (couldn’t eat, lost a drastic amount of weight, cried multiple times a day, could never be in the moment) so I went back on an SSRI (Zoloft) and I’ve been on it ever since—being on it last pregnancy was like night and day. My postpartum experience was so much smoother- no PPA, felt better equipped to handle the baby blues, etc.
All of this to say if you are having a serious concern don’t be afraid to reach out for help and find a solution that works for you. This group is a great start but a psychiatrist is better suited to handle unique situations involving mental health.
Not really sure where to post this one because it’s not really about prepping mentally for delivery but it is with pregnancy and my current mental state.
I’ve just reached that point in pregnancy where I’m DONE. I’ve hit a wall and am having a hard time with literally everything. I feel like I hurt after doing the littlest thing for more than 10 minutes (probably because she’s got her feet or something jammed in my lungs and makes it hard to breathe lol). I’m also so freaking tired all the time. I feel like I’m neglecting my other kids because I’m not doing nearly as much as I usually do with them, and DH has had to take over a lot of the household stuff because 1) bending over is hard lol and 2) I seriously just pass out randomly throughout the day if I sit still long enough.
TL;DR I’m basically already at that miserable state in pregnancy where I’m so ready to be done but I don’t want baby to come yet because she needs to keep cooking a bit more (and we basically have nothing ready). I’m having such a hard time motivating myself to do anything, and then feel like crap for not doing things. Why can’t pregnancies be 30 weeks instead of 40?? That just seems too long lol
ETA: I think I’d feel better about all this crap if I was just so excited to meet LO and that was the driving reason for wanting to be done, but I’m honestly like “Sure meeting her will be great, but laying on my stomach and not getting winded walking up the stairs…”
@skc040512 same. DH has really stepped up with taking care of DD because I just lose the energy to do much of anything with her anymore. I’m sad cause she is a mama’s girl and I feel like I’m letting her down. Fx to getting a second wind.
Things I’m not ready for: the crying. It was a huge source of anxiety with my first (because she cried non stop), so I’m nervous I’ll feel immediately triggered by this one.
On the same note though- I feel much more confident in my ability to judge a situation, what the baby needs, and how to care for myself in the process. So that’s good. Breathe.
I need to have a come to Jesus with DH though. My toddler is such a mamas girl - she doesn’t let DH parent her at all unless it’s ice cream dates or movie nights. That can’t be the case when there is a baby attached to my boob. I can’t single parent and have him as just a “backup parent” when I’m 100% out of commission.
@brookejay06 That's good that you are starting to think about that! Your family dynamics will definitely change and adapt naturally once baby is here but it can't hurt to start having these discussions with your partner now.
@skc040512 Have you talked to your OB about medicine for depression now? It sounds like you may be experiencing some neurological imbalances that might be easy to fix. Also, maybe find a therapist you can start a relationship with so you’ll have that support PP as well as now. Full disclosure, I’m always on anti-depressants. I swear by my meds. I don’t function properly without them. There was minimal concern for the baby, especially after the first trimester. They may weigh the risks with you and determine you could benefit from some meds.
Re: Mental Preparation & Processing
2nd- As a FTM, I’m just really worried about PPD, how am I going to feel in my own skin, and the fact that I have my husband for only 7 days after birth and he goes back to working 6 days a week. 😳 I have found myself in my doubts the closer it gets to “go time” (I mean we’re literally ~10 weeks or less now!) and I worry my “instincts” won’t kick in and I won’t be able to handle it? I feel like these are probably common FTM jitters, I’m just overwhelmed I’m actually making a baby that will be in my arms in about 2 months!
Blah.
I'm not as anxious as I thought I would be, but I do have moments where I feel panic set in and I try to move past it quickly. I truly think my therapy has helped a ton with this, but knowing myself as I get closer to LO arriving I'll start to get more nervous about the birth.
I'll happily take any book/podcast recommendations to help prepare for birth!
I’m not all sunshine and roses over here either. I get flashes of anxiety about how similar this pregnancy is to my first (anterior placenta, baby’s position and constant feet up in my ribs, accessory lobe on my placenta, etc) and the delivery of my first was traumatic, to say the least (happy to explain sometime in the private group…not here. It’s sensitive) and I sometimes fear that because the pregnancy is so similar, the delivery will be too. But I’m wiser, more informed, more confident and better prepared. I whisper a positive affirmation to myself, don’t hide my feelings but try to not to dwell on them either, and keep running the good race. We’ve got this, mamas.
I want so much for LO to have a better upbringing than I did. It's hard not to question my own abilities in being able to provide. Of course, my DH is going to go through it with me and he is over the moon with being a dad. I have unwavering faith in him, it's just hard to look at myself in the same light.
The positive affirmations have never really clicked for me but, maybe I should try them again or do a meditation thing.
You are going to be great! The fact that you worry shows you love and care for your LO enough to break generational curses.
JB 08.02.13
EC 12.11.15
GE 04.04.19
#4 & #5 due 05.05.22
JB 08.02.13
EC 12.11.15
GE 04.04.19
#4 & #5 due 05.05.22
All of this to say if you are having a serious concern don’t be afraid to reach out for help and find a solution that works for you. This group is a great start but a psychiatrist is better suited to handle unique situations involving mental health.
ETA: I think I’d feel better about all this crap if I was just so excited to meet LO and that was the driving reason for wanting to be done, but I’m honestly like “Sure meeting her will be great, but laying on my stomach and not getting winded walking up the stairs…”
Sleeping for 20 min at a time phase
Pumping breastmilk
Cost of diapers again
Potty training
🥲🥲🥲