Mental Preparation & Processing - Page 2 — The Bump
May 2022 Moms

Mental Preparation & Processing


Re: Mental Preparation & Processing

  • 1st- I feel like I missed something..? 🥴

    2nd- As a FTM, I’m just really worried about PPD, how am I going to feel in my own skin, and the fact that I have my husband for only 7 days after birth and he goes back to working 6 days a week. 😳 I have found myself in my doubts the closer it gets to “go time” (I mean we’re literally ~10 weeks or less now!) and I worry my “instincts” won’t kick in and I won’t be able to handle it? I feel like these are probably common FTM jitters, I’m just overwhelmed I’m actually making a baby that will be in my arms in about 2 months! 
  • Loading the player...
  • Okay I am having a lot of anxiety surrounding bringing this baby home and actually being a mom. My last pregnancy and birth experience is almost blocked out mentally because of the trauma of “losing” my son. (Context if you don’t know, I placed my son for adoption.) I know he is happy and healthy and I love him and his family. But last time I knew I was not going to parent my son from early on. I never got excited for it. I had made a difficult decision that I’ve never once regretted, but it still hurt. It always broke my heart when I had ultrasounds and heard his heartbeat and everything. 

    Now I’m so joyful. Someone bought a jogging stroller from my registry and it came to my house this afternoon. I’m looking at it now just thinking about how I didn’t get to experience this last time. I feel like I missed out on my first pregnancy. I have so many negative thoughts that fly by like how I cheated my first son out of happy neurotransmitters during his time in utero. Like why would I even think that? So then I start beating myself up more for even thinking things….


    Don’t get me wrong, I’m so excited to meet my son and overjoyed to be a mom. I’m not depressed (I have been before so I can recognize it). I’m really doing better than I expected. Which lets that guilt pop up sometimes. Like, my mind is trying to say I shouldn’t feel good. It’s a cycle. I feel like I’m dealing well. But I may be dealing with this kind of thing on and off for years as I watch my sons grow up, one in front of me and one as a part of another family. 

    Thanks for reading. 
  • @taylorharris0522 you are going to be a wonderful mother! I understand your love/guilt for being happy with this baby, for reasons of my own based on decisions I had to make due to my current circumstances. But right now your carrying a sweet baby boy you are bringing home and you are gonna be an amazing momma!! We all have had to live and learn, and that’s okay!! 
  • I'm just going to ignore that madness above lol

    I'm not as anxious as I thought I would be, but I do have moments where I feel panic set in and I try to move past it quickly. I truly think my therapy has helped a ton with this, but knowing myself as I get closer to LO arriving I'll start to get more nervous about the birth.

    I'll happily take any book/podcast recommendations to help prepare for birth! 
  • Recently, I've been in a better mood and trying to think positively about everything that comes with having a baby. Birth, postpartum, being a mom, etc. But, I do normally struggle with depression and anxiety and I'm actually really scared of the possibility of PPD and how it may/may not affect me. 

    I want so much for LO to have a better upbringing than I did. It's hard not to question my own abilities in being able to provide. Of course, my DH is going to go through it with me and he is over the moon with being a dad. I have unwavering faith in him, it's just hard to look at myself in the same light.

    The positive affirmations have never really clicked for me but, maybe I should try them again or do a meditation thing.
  • @germainejeleed I couldn't relate to you more! I myself had a hard childhood, and it has definitely planted that seed of doubt in my own mind about my ability to mother. However, I have been so incredibly blessed with an amazing husband and I know he's going to be an amazing father, and he's always in my corner reminding me that I'm going to be a good momma too. 
    You are going to be great! The fact that you worry shows you love and care for your LO enough to break generational curses. 
  • @jackdetroit being proactive and having a team in your corner ready to support you is SO smart. With their help, you’ve got this, mama ♥️
  • @jackdetroit I knew after my PPD experience with DD2, I needed to be super proactive to not have a repeat. I ended up asking my OB the week before delivery to put in my file that I had a history of depression. Since I had that, they had a social worker come by and talk for a few minutes and she recommended for me to go ahead and be placed on anti depression meds. I was able to start taking them right away and it seriously made a huge difference. I’m not sure how it would work coming from a midwife, but I would assume they could have you referred to a hospital physician in order to get a prescription written before you leave the hospital if needed. I’m planning on requesting a script again since I’m assuming the transition to 4 will be difficult 
  • @skc040512 It is in my medical record that I have a history of depression so after my 3rd baby the social worker did come in to check in before I was discharged. So I'm thinking at the minimum they will do that. But I'm not sure what else is offered in this maternal mental health program, I'm just thinking regardless I will need the extra support at a minimum because I will be struggling!
    Married 11.12.11
    JB 08.02.13 
    EC 12.11.15
    GE 04.04.19
    #4 & #5 due 05.05.22
  • As someone who suffered with severe PPD and PPA after both previous pregnancies, I’m here for support for any of you. Any time. 💜💜💜 
  • Oh gosh @skc040512 I literally could’ve written all of that myself!! Solidarity, sista!! 
  • @skc040512 same. DH has really stepped up with taking care of DD because I just lose the energy to do much of anything with her anymore. I’m sad cause she is a mama’s girl and I feel like I’m letting her down. Fx to getting a second wind.
  • Things I am not mentally prepared to do all over again: 
    Sleeping for 20 min at a time phase
    Pumping breastmilk
    The teething stage 
    Cost of diapers again
    Potty training 
  • Yep @tacosandtums. Yep. 

    Things I’m not ready for: the crying. It was a huge source of anxiety with my first (because she cried non stop), so I’m nervous I’ll feel immediately triggered by this one. 

    On the same note though- I feel much more confident in my ability to judge a situation, what the baby needs, and how to care for myself in the process. So that’s good. Breathe.  

    I need to have a come to Jesus with DH though. My toddler is such a mamas girl - she doesn’t let DH parent her at all unless it’s ice cream dates or movie nights. That can’t be the case when there is a baby attached to my boob. I can’t single parent and have him as just a “backup parent” when I’m 100% out of commission. 
  • @brookejay06 That's good that you are starting to think about that! Your family dynamics will definitely change and adapt naturally once baby is here but it can't hurt to start having these discussions with your partner now. 
  • @skc040512 Have you talked to your OB about medicine for depression now? It sounds like you may be experiencing some neurological imbalances that might be easy to fix. Also, maybe find a therapist you can start a relationship with so you’ll have that support PP as well as now. Full disclosure, I’m always on anti-depressants. I swear by my meds. I don’t function properly without them. There was minimal concern for the baby, especially after the first trimester. They may weigh the risks with you and determine you could benefit from some meds. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards