Welcome to all the new bumpies! Looking forward to getting to know you all.
This thread is for first time moms to connect with other first time moms, ask all your questions to those who have been through it before, and have a safe place to share your concerns. No question is silly, I guarantee we’ve all called our OB for something laughable later.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19
Re: Ask a STM+ Mom
- an angel care monitor that tells you if the baby stops breathing during sleep. It gave me so much peace of mind, I could actually sleep.
- hire a doula who is calm and knowledgable and won't shame you for wanting an epidural (they're the best btw). In the delivery room, doctors and nurses will ask your permission for things and it's a whirlwind. My husband didn't have the capacity to answer knowledgeably either. A doula keeps a calm head and she will help you go through all contingencies and plan.
- Know there is really nothing that you can do to alter the outcome of this pregnancy, what will be, will be.
I have a lot of experience with scary complications (preeclamsia and HELLP syndrome, c-section and vaginal birth, being induced, having a micropreemie, experiencing the NICU) and things working out. I didn't know I was capable of going through all of that, but I was. I faced the worst possible outcome and came through the other side. Whatever happens, you are stronger than you realize. Feel free to ask anything about those experiences.Has anyone had a VBAC? If so, pros, cons, advice? I go back and forth between loving the convenience and predictability of another c-section and wanting to stick to my crunchy roots and attempt an unmedicated VBAC. I genuinely believe getting an epidural delayed my labor for so long and it's why I ended up with an emergency c-section. It wasn't a horrible experience, but my mom and sister both always did unmedicated home births and their experiences have been really magical for them. It's what I always pictured, just isn't what happened.
So I tried, unsuccessfully, for an unmedicated birth with my first. I was induced with a foley bulb at 41 weeks, but after 36 hours of labor without meds I was forced into an epidural, and eventually a c section because she would not come out. 10.5lbs and sunny side up. The c section was rough, they had to open and close me twice due to bleeding, and I had a bad reaction to the morphine. I do not remember the first 48 hours of my daughters life, and I can never get that back. Recovery was a nightmare.
With my second I was determined to VBAC. I had to switch providers halfway because I wasn’t getting the support I needed. I knew he would be big, and knew the risks, but I believed my body could do it and my new midwife was supportive. I did the spinning babies stuff to ensure good position for delivery. I went into labor naturally, and things progressed easily. I was pushing before I knew it. I delivered his head, and then suddenly my midwife is calling out codes, and every person on the floor was in our room in the matter of seconds. My son had shoulder dystocia, meaning his head was delivered but his body was stuck inside of me, with his shoulder caught on my pubic bone. With a lot of help, my midwife did 3 emergency maneuvers within about a minute or two, and was able to deliver him. He was immediately taken by the peds to check for broken bones, and I hemorrhaged badly due to the trauma. All of this with no pain meds on board. I actually had to get an epidural and go to the operating room after delivery to get stitched up, because the damage was so severe (4th degree tear). It was 5 hours before I was able to hold him. Turns out my son was 11lbs 4 ounces and 23.5” long. He was badly bruised, but considering the other possible outcomes (broken bones, deafness, death), that was the best possible result. I firmly believe that my midwife saved his life that night. The recovery for me was still way better than my c section, and birthing him was one of the most transformative experiences of my life. Even though it all came out okay in the end, I still harbor considerable guilt knowing that my desire for a natural childbirth put his life at risk. Needless to say, I am now a mandatory c section for baby #3.
I don’t say any of this to scare you. Most people who attempt it with a supportive provider have uncomplicated VBACs. There were obvious extenuating circumstance in our case. Going through labor and birthing him changed me as a person, and I would never take back that experience, but I don’t know if I would make the same decision if I had the choice again. I don’t think there are any right or wrong choices, and I hope you will have the best possible birth experience, whatever you decide.
To hear some more positive VBAC stories check out The Birth Hour podcast. I loved hearing other women’s stories as I was preparing.
I've had to mourn and come to terms with the fact that it'll never happen for me. Because my last birth was a classical c-section, a vbac is really risky so I'll have another c-section. My first birth was induction and medicated vaginal delivery. I'm glad I had that experience, at least.
Every mama is different and sometimes we won't have the perfect experience we always dreamed of...but I hope you have a successful vbac if that's what you decide to do! But it's okay if you decide against it, too. There's no shame with choosing the comfortable choice and the less risky option.
@coffeeshay I’m a STM, so not sure how it will go yet, but I’ll share what my OB said when we discussed this topic.
*******TW I had a traumatic birth with my first involving forceps, 4dt, retained placenta, and significant blood loss.*****
My OB is confident that I can do another vaginal birth, unless this baby is measuring larger than my son (he was 9lb 8oz at almost 42 weeks). If this baby is measuring bigger, she recommended a c-section. I do have a friend who had a 4dt tear with her first, her second was a bit smaller and she had a successful vaginal birth with significantly less tearing.
But I mean, anything can happen during pregnancy at any time so...I chose to tell her early because we were excited and wanted her to know about it.
UNQUOTE
8 lbs, 8 oz is really not that big. My first was 8, 12.5, and I delivered her vaginally and unmedicated. Keep in mind that while it sounds like @maggiemadeit had a legitimate case of her body growing a baby too big to safely deliver, that’s pretty unusual. The vast majority of women will not grow a baby that their body cannot accommodate. And most women who receive a diagnosis of “baby too big to deliver” go on to have vaginal births later on, sometimes even with a baby bigger than their supposed “too big to deliver” baby. (Source - https://americanpregnancy.org/healthy-pregnancy/labor-and-birth/cephalopelvic-disproportion/)
This time around he’s 8 and we told him after the first scan at 7 weeks but since he’s older we also explained that it’s possible we won’t get a take home baby.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
@coco2787 I actually really like the idea of having ultrasound photos that look like a baby. I think I’ll be going that route. Thank you!!
as for telling, because she is so little i don't think we'll really do anything with "telling" her.
we're also not big social media announcement ppl, for our daughter i put up a post on our wedding anniversary when i was 6 months pregnant, it finally had gotten to the point where i couldn't really hide it any longer. i kind of enjoy the secret part (also prob why we were team green), i mean if you know me IRL, and see me and are my friend all of those people knew. but like ashley from high school who i haven't talked to in 15+ years, i didn't much care about knowing.
@maggiemadeit I too need to break DS of asking to be carried. When I mentioned I've been picking him up on occasion the NP said while 40lbs is a lot, our bodies are used to it, so it isn't overly concerning for her. She'd be more concerned if I wasn't used to doing it.
5.5.16 | 8.14.17 | 1.30.19