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Third Failed IUI & Feeling Hopeless

jwilliamson3jwilliamson3 Newbie
edited December 2021 in Infertility
Just got my period after my third two week wait following IUI with donor sperm. We’ve had four other cycles that have been cancelled before IUI. I’ve had a mix of letrozole, gonal-f, menopur and progesterone. And I’m crushed. The doctors have said that I’m not a good candidate for IVF because of my weight. Mentally, I don’t know how I’m going to go on. I am desperate to be a mom and it just feels like it is never going to happen for me.

This process feels insanely isolating and lonely. I have my partner, but not many others who I can talk to about it. And I feel terrible for being so upset. It’s not like I’ve had a miscarriage or lost a child. So, I feel like I don’t have a right to be this sad. But I just feel so hopeless.
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Re: Third Failed IUI & Feeling Hopeless

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    relizabethprelizabethp member
    Hold on- you have EVERY right to be upset- you don’t need to compare tragedies and feel like yours is less impactful for any reason. Having the strength to try again and not getting the results is devastating, emotionally and physically. I would maybe consult with your dr about next steps and then step away from the process. I think taking time to mentally and physically detach and then prepare yourself for those next steps might be helpful. I know that in between IUI and IVF i took over six months because i needed to feel like i had control over my body again and i needed the headspace to find resolve in whatever was to happen next. I am so sorry you have not gotten your baby , it’s ok to be sad ! 
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    bender29bender29 member
    @jwilliamson3 if you don’t mind me asking, what is your BMI. The first clinic I went to, I needed to lose 50lbs to be considered for IVF, the second clinic never mentioned my weight once. It might be worth finding a new clinic.
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    mbradfo2mbradfo2 member
    @jwilliamson3
    I would also explore other clinics -- larger ones tend to have rules like that but a smaller practice might be more willing to work with you. My weight was never mentioned (good or bad) at my clinic even though I put on about 40-50 lbs between my last IUI and starting my IVF. I went to a solo practice and my first and second cycles have been successful in giving us our two beautiful little girls.
    ~~ Our Story in Spoiler! TW loss/child~~
    Fall 2012 -- started TTC
    Summer 2015 - no BFP yet, labs normal, referred to RE
    Fall 2015 - Summer 2016 - Further testing all normal. 3 IUI's -- BFN. Recommended move to IVF. Planned cycle for fall 2016.
    September 2016 - Surprise natural BFP. MMC @ 8 weeks. RE expressed confidence that we just needed the 'right' embryo.
    Fall 2016 - Spring 2017 -- Break from TTC
    June 2017 - Started IVF; egg retrieval for freeze all cycle. 9 mature eggs retrieved, 5 fertilized. 2 4BB embies on ice.
    August 2017 - FET transfer both embies. BFP.  Twin pregnancy confirmed by ultrasound. EDD 4/28/18
    September 2017 - Twin B stopped developing; Twin A doing perfectly! Graduated from RE @ 10 weeks
    March 2018 - Baby Girl born via C/S due to pre-eclampsia -- strong and healthy!

    TTC #2
    January/Feb 2021 - Freeze-all IVF cycle 
    March 2021 - FET of 1 PGS normal female embryo. BFP! Beta #1 156,  #2 472, #3 1241, #4 5268 EDD 12/5/21 - Christmas baby!


    "When all is lost then all is found."


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    blacksnowwblacksnoww member
    If I am not wrong, same restrictions as to weight are applied in IVF and IUI. If your clinic did IUI for you, this means another clinic will probably accept you for IVF. Do you research, contact clinics and see what info you will get from them.
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    ivfmeerutivfmeerut member
    IVF is all the more complicated and scary for people who are considered overweight or obese. if you don't mind tell me what is BMI. Because the same restrictions as to weight are applied in both IUI and IVF treatment. If your clinic did IUI for you, this means the clinic will probably accept you for IVF treatment also. By getting a second opinion you are consulting with another doctor to confirm your diagnosis and find other possible treatment options, which will enable you to make the right decision. At the same time, getting a 2nd medical opinion should never be delayed as the quicker you act, the quicker the treatment procedure can be started, and the sooner you will be on the road to recovery.
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