Weekly Randoms - Week of 02/28

laurad75 · March 2021

Thank you everyone for the support. It's so nice to feel heard in a situation like this. I really appreciate you guys.
@disgruntled_pelican You are so right and H is good at dealing with her because he's had so much practice but for me it's totally foreign territory because my family is so normal and giving.

_orchid_ · March 2021

Sorry I haven't been around- it's been a crazy week!

@mc0303 ds1 missed the cutoff by a few days and was always held back. It wasn't because he wasn't ready (he is super smart- not a brag, he is a genius)- his preschool approached me about moving him up, but I wanted him to be kept with the kids he eventually would go to school with. My friend's daughter was in the same situation and they pushed her up, and when her whole class went to K and she stayed by herself in preschool she was really down on herself and kept telling my friend she wasn't smart enough to go with her friends 😭 I'd rather ds1 be the oldest and have confidence than be the absolute youngest and feel left behind. I'm happy we did- he's in 1st, reading on a 4th grade reading level, 3rd grade math, but maturity wise 100% a 1st grade boy lol.

Spoiler bc long @laurad75 @disgruntled_pelican @sgrn18

@laurad75 I'm sorry you're going through that! @disgruntled_pelican gives great advice for dealing with a narcissist. I'm like @sgrn18 and experienced that kind of behavior in my own mother. She also has substance abuse issues that she's unwilling to treat despite knowing it affects all her relationships, and when ds1 was 2 I made the choice to completely cut her off. I couldn't deal with the constant emotional manipulation, and she was starting to behave similarly with my son so I was done. Before cutting her out I coped by having absolutely 0 expectations for any interaction and not feeding into any attention seeking. I set boundaries (told her I would only communicate on the phone, not via text/fb messages, and absolutely not when she was drunk). It's been 5 years and I haven't had a single moment of regret. It is awkward talking with other people about it bc people with non-narcissist or non-substance abuse parents can't really understand- there was never a healthy, loving relationship there, can't lose something you never had. Sorry you are all dealing with this too.

legallykate · March 2021

@laurad75 That is a completely bonkers text, I don't even know how I would respond to that. My MIL goes through phases where she seems like she is trying to be closer to me (I think she is sad she doesn't have any daughters) and will text me one on one instead of group texting with DH and me, but thankfully she is a lot less socially awkward than that!

akoros · March 2021

@legallykate Mine will also randomly text me one-on-one, but thankfully nothing passive aggressive or guilt-tripping. She always wanted a daughter, so gets super excited being able to talk to her daughters-in-law (we *actually* respond!).

My friend has a doozy of a MIL, though, all-in for passive aggressive guilt trips and snide comments. Over the holidays she loved to make weird anti-Catholic comments (my friend was raised Catholic, her husband is Jewish, neither are particularly observant)

laurad75 · March 2021

I did eventually respond to her that I didn't know she felt that way and was surprised she would say such a thing. I wasn't actually surprised but wanted her to know that I thought her text was insane. Anyway, she didn't respond but she reached out this morning with another 'how are you?' text completely ignoring the awkwardness of yesterday. Fine. H says she probably washed down her pain meds with booze again.

_orchid_ · March 2021

@laurad75 that's my mom to a t. Completely insane behavior while drunk and 0 acknowledgement later. A lot of gaslighting too. Sounds like you sent a good response.

sgrn18 · March 2021

@laurad75 and @_orchid_ omg yes! Drunk texts or calls where she will legit say some horrible things to all of my siblings and myself then the next day like nothing happened. I agree your response was a good one. I’ve been seeing more and more people pop up with narcissistic parents. I’m glad we have formed this well rounded group to provide all sorts of support to one another.

laurad75 · March 2021

@sgrn18 @_orchid_ I feel terrible for my husband and for you guys who have narcissistic parents. At least I can just say 'what a crazy woman' and move on but coming from a family where my parents were so giving it's just hard to watch. Sometimes I think spending time with my family makes it worse for H because it highlights how much his parents suck, but he seems to really appreciate my family and treats them like his own.

Omie_Wise · March 2021

Parent drama is such a drain. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it while pregnant.

DS1 is at a Waldorf preschool where they spend most of the day outside. We love it so much. We have an amazing backyard and my kids can spend the whole day outside. It such a gift.

_orchid_ · March 2021

@laurad75 I try to focus on what it has given me. I am very thankful for the good things I have going on, and know I can survive tough things bc I survived a childhood with her (single parent and I'm the oldest so I tried so shield my sibling as much as I could). No one can ever hurt me with mean words- my biggest critic and the most hurtful things ever said to me came from her (she was AWFUL after my first miscarriage). Ultimately I can't change her, but I can change how I react. That saying has helped a lot.

sgrn18 · March 2021

@_orchid_ I really like that outlook. I’m also the oldest and took the brunt of most everything.

Weekly Randoms - Week of 02/28

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