Weekly Randoms - Week of 02/28

mindyb2019

What’s new in the zoo? what’s going on?

disgruntled_pelican

Ahhh. In order to get baby’s room ready we have to move our oldest into what is currently our guest room. Both rooms are painted hideously bright/saturated tones of blue and the people who lived here before us did the WORST job painting ever. The trim paint is slopped on and they clearly used no tape. The ceiling in one room they decided to paint the same color as the walls so it’s kind of trippy. Not to mention the cheap, flat paint they used. Anyway, we just had a painter (a relative of my best friend) come give us a quote and it is going to be $1650 to paint both rooms. I had budgeted about $1000 for the job, but it needs to be done and it’s so much work because of the previously done poor job. We are able to shuffle some things around, but oof. That hurts. LOL

_orchid_

@disgruntled_pelican ahh that does hurt. That's a lot of work you won't have to do though, especially with the ceilings and trim. The previous owner of my house had the downstairs professionally painted but not the upstairs, and did a terrible job of it. I enjoy painting so when we moved into our house I did all the bedrooms by myself and it was A LOT. Our bedroom was a crimson color and they spilled paint on the floor so it looks like someone was murdered. I didn't do the upstairs hallway and there is so much paint all over the ceiling, drives me nuts.

_orchid_

My kids camped out in our living room last night so DH slept downstairs and I had the bed to myself. Still slept like crap though- thanks pregnancy!! 

disgruntled_pelican

@_orchid_ I usually enjoy painting, too! But with my energy level and alllllll the work to go into it, I thought hiring out would be best! The team is coming tomorrow so very soon we will have much prettier rooms. attached photo is the what we’ve been living with!

DoubleUp8

@disgruntled_pelican 😲 that's insanely bad. I hope you got a deal on your house because of the terrible paint job.

disgruntled_pelican

@DoubleUp8 - we did get a deal but not necessarily because of the paint. We rented for a couple years and the owners wanted to sell quickly. We were only approved for x amount (about 15% below appraisal) so they just took it to not have to deal with the whole process. Covid played a lot into it, we didn’t want to house hunt, already had enough uncertainty with ya know a pandemic, and we weren’t sure how to coordinate a move with 3 kids while quarantined that wouldn’t cost $$$.  It isn’t my dream house by any means, but we own it which is more than I ever thought possible!

_orchid_

@disgruntled_pelican yikes!! You are going to feel so happy when it's done! Yeah, pregnant me wouldn't be doing anything more than walls, and honestly at this point in my life I never want to paint a ceiling again... Esp one with darker paint on it. Congrats on becoming homeowners!!! Post pictures when they're done!! 

mindyb2019

Ok question... On a random whim today I finally decided to buy a pregnancy pillow lol as my sleep has been hurting more and more and getting uncomfortable. Worth a shot! Anyways, my question is this..with these big pillows can you push them up at an incline and sleep on your back in them or is that still not allowed?? 

@disgruntled_pelican wow! That paint job is the shits lol  That's the worst job I've seen. Geesh! How do people be ok with it looking like that? im too anal hahah. Eeek, Sorry you have to spend so much money hiring a painter to redo it all. Send pictures of the after. I want to see the color. 

wendy838

@disgruntled_pelican oh wow that is bad. You should do a before and after photo! 

Our house has a pretty sloppy paint job too but the colour isn’t horrible so I can’t be bothered with it right now. If we were to ever sell, we’d need to repaint for sure. 

dogmom5

@disgruntled_pelican yep, I would definitely be paying someone to do that too. No energy to paint! Lol

@mindyb2019 I always sleep on my side still with my pregnancy pillow. I could never get comfortable enough on my back.

work has been crazy for me lately. I am really dreading this upcoming week 😭 hope everyone in here has a good week! 

mc0303

@disgruntled_pelican oof! Def have someone paint that. How many quotes have you gotten? I generally like to get 3. 

I’ve had such a busy week of trying to get my move in order!! We signed a lease and hired some movers to pack and ship. I found a new pediatrician for DS and found an OB, just have to schedule it. 

I recently hired a doula and registered for a Bradley class...but now I’m moving 😕so now I’m trying to figure out how to make that work. 

So much stuff to get done! But I’m getting more and more excited. 

klj0228

@disgruntled_pelican that’s a rough paint job. It will be nice to have that fixed. 

@mindyb2019 you probably could finagle the pillow to get you propped up, but I’m not sure it would be very comfortable. 

@mc0303 sounds like you are doing great getting things together for your move. You seem well prepared, and very excited. 

I am off work today for only the 2nd time since January 3rd, including weekends. I feel like I need to be productive because there are house and baby things I need to do, but I don’t want to! Hoping to get our taxes sent to our tax person and our insurance info sent to a broker for new quotes. Other than that anything else I get done will just be a bonus I think. 

akoros

@mindyb2019 I do. I wedge it under one side of my back so it feels (to me) like I'm on my back, but really I'm lying at an angle (probably 20-30 degrees?). I'm not a huge back-sleeper, but noticed that I was doing it naturally because it starts to get uncomfortable on my side so I'll switch to a semi-back position for a bit to take a break. I do the same thing to be able to sort-of sleep on my stomach (where I'm usually most comfortable). That said, whether this is comfortable will depend on how firm your pillow is. Mine isn't super squishy, but a bit less firm than my head pillow, so it's enough to prop me up without feeling odd. Since you're still at an angle and not flat on your back I think it's ok. Even still, my doctor said that if something bad is happening while on my back I'll probably get uncomfortable and naturally move, it's just a good idea to try to sleep on your side when you notice it. 

MelissaMay82

@disgruntled_pelican that’s a rough paint job, good idea to hire a painter. I absolutely hate painting. I thankfully pulled the pregnancy card so DH thinks it’s not safe for me to help him paint the bathroom and 3rd bedroom.

@mc0303 good luck with your move!

DH is allergic to everything so we got a fish for DD. We found a really cool tank online and I did the color scheme in pinks, purples, and whites.

mindyb2019

@MelissaMay82 I'm loving the fish tank!! Looks awesome 👌  The colors with the white really pop and look really damn cool. 

kfc1983

@disgruntled_pelican that is a tough pill to swallow, but you will be so happy you did it when the job is done! I love house updates, please do share after pictures! 

@mc0303 good luck with the move! Glad you’re getting it done, and sounds like you’re pretty organized which should make things go smoothly. 

@MelissaMay82 fish tank is by far the chicest tank I’ve ever seen! 

This past week we attempted to do a little house hunting of ourselves. We are thankfully not desperate enough to get into any of the crazy bidding wars that we’ve seen, so we actually looked at this horrid fixer upper. We’ve never attempted anything of this magnitude, and especially during such an uncertain time (first time parents, Covid, insane house prices...), but it’s actually a good amount of land in a rather populated area that you just don’t see anymore. I might be crazy, but I’m very intrigued at the potential. 

MelissaMay82

@kfc1983 good luck with the house hunt.

ellieemc26

@disgruntled_pelican oof, that paint job is rough!  that will be so nice once its finished!  We've also been working on painting but doing it ourselves.  We're doing the same color it currently has, but have to deal with the issue of filling cracks and chips (of which there are many!).  I would have preferred to hire someone but we have so many updates to make to this place I guess we should save a buck where we can.  The joy of old houses.....

Sounds like lots of people on the house hunt!  We are too, but aren't planning to officially start looking until the end of summer as DH is wanting to change jobs and we need to pick a location that won't make it a bad commute for him (he's a teacher so since they start so early we want to be no more than a 20 minute drive away for him).  I still can't help checking on zillow all the time, though!  

disgruntled_pelican

I will definitely post before and after shots. There were like 10 people in my house this morning. I am hoping it’s done today! He said it likely would be. 

akoros

@kfc1983 Fwiw, in late 2019 we bought a house that needed a decent amount of work. Talk to your buyers agent to see if they have a recommendation for a contractor to come by during inspection (or earlier, if you can get another showing slot) and draw up a rough estimate for the work you'll need to do. Definitely retain the inspection contingency in your offer, so if it's a lot more work than you expected you can still back out. My general sense is that if the work is largely cosmetic it may be worth it, it's the structural work you may want to avoid (unless it's a crazy deal). Also, try to do as much as possible before you move in, you definitely don't want to deal with the noise or mess, particularly with a new baby. The contractor should also be able to give you a sense of timeline and whether there are any delays (I've heard from a friend that the ones near her are super backed up, so getting someone in quickly isn't an option). The realtor recommendation was also helpful because if they screwed us over they wouldn't only lose our business but her future business, so there was more pressure on them to be fair. We still did get a second estimate from someone else. 

We got lucky, the cost of the work + purchase price brought us at about what we'd pay for a similar updated house in the same community, so in our minds it was worth it. We'd also saved enough to pay for a more expensive place, so we had the cash on hand to pay for the renovations as well as rent + mortgage for a couple months. There are financing options that can help with this, which your agent should be able to help you understand if that's needed. Our lease was also flexible so we could stick around in the rental for a few more months to let them do all the work. For reference, we had them totally redo the kitchen (new floor, lighting, counters, cabinets, appliances), take down a wall between the kitchen and living room, redo one bathroom (new tile, shower/tub, toilet, sink, and fixtures), refinish hardwood floors on top 2 floors, rip out wall-to-wall carpeting on the bottom floor and replace with tile, install ceiling light fixtures the bedrooms, new lighting in living/dining area, and repainted everything. We also had them totally re-do the second bathroom which was partially a mistake (they accidentally demo-ed it when doing the kitchen and other bathroom, so we got all the labor on that one for free). 

TL;DR -- It was an interesting proposition we hadn't considered before, but have been happy with the decision. It's nice to have a place that is done exactly the way we want it, and financially it has made sense. You do need to be prepared to do a decent amount of planning and decision-making, though, beyond the normal house-buying process. Our contractor helped us with a lot of it, but there were still a lot of choices on finishes and such that we needed to decide on ourselves. Lots of spreadsheets, lists, and trips to Home Depot.

DoubleUp8

@kfc1983 I think if you have updated a house before, it is very doable with a little kids as long as you know what you are getting into.

We bought cosmetic fixer upper. Removed wall paper, painted over the horribly colors, painted the 1960s wood trim throughout, redid the half bath (took down wall paper, painted, removed carpet and put down flooring, painted the vanity).

It was in the location we wanted, had the space we wanted, had the layout we wanted, etc. I would rather put in the work to make a place the way I want it rather than pay for someone else's design choices and work. We were looking for a "forever home" so I know we will eventually finish the basement, reno the kitchen, etc. But things were livable the way they were. We had a 1 year old when we bought this place. I will say I got a lot more done when he was little and napping twice a day then we did one he got older and was not as consistent with his naps.

mc0303

Such interesting takes @akoros @DoubleUp8 We’ve been kind of on the fence about buying a fixer upper. Thanks for sharing your experiences! Location is the most important to us and everything close is just not our style. We’ve also been thinking about new construction. 

akoros

@mc0303 Good luck with your decision! It's hard, we honestly hadn't been considering fixer uppers before, but when this one just hung around on the market for so long and was a decent price (we were able to buy for ~$50-75k lower than similar, but more updated, units on the market) we decided to give it a shot. Was a lot of work, even though we decided to hire for all of it and not trust our own skills (at the time of the offer I was also pregnant, and planning to move when I would have been 6-7mo pregnant), but wasn't as terrible as I always expected. If you hire out, a good contractor is definitely key. Even with their mistake, which worked out in our favor in the end, they were fantastic and made the whole thing so much easier. 

mindyb2019

Well I'm on a roll lately with baby stuff.... Go big or go home 😆 I ordered a crib online on February 25th because it was on sale and then I had another coupon on top of that to use for more money off so my husband was like we both like so F- it just buy it 🤣  not that we need a crib anytime soon as the baby will be in a bassinet in our room when born but, I love a good deal lol It wasn't supposed to be here for another 9 days and it got delivered today. Yay!!! 😁 it came so fast. So excited to see it and put it all together etc.  

ramzlau

@mindyb2019 That is why I have a crib already too! It was on sale for over 50% off and I was like there is no way I am passing that up! 

@mc0303 Ah! I can’t believe you are moving! But so excited for you! Sounds like you have made so much progress on things already! 

@disgruntled_pelican How is the painting going? 

AFM: DD had her first day of preschool today! We have been waiting a year for this, so I can’t believe it finally happened! 

mc0303

@ramzlau awww how did the first day go??

I want to sign up DS (he’ll be 2 in October) but all the places say they have to be 2 by Sept 1st. Am I supposed to wait for a year?! Seems crazy. 

ramzlau

@mc0303 We chose a play based preschool and it is outdoor 90% of the day. They have a few acres for the kids. There were a few moments of tears during the day, but overall she loved it! They have chickens and a giant tortoise, so much fun! This particular one does take them as young as 18 months, so I would say keep looking if you are wanting to get him in one. You will find some that do! 

disgruntled_pelican

@ramzlau - painting is all done I’m hoping to get my oldest moved to her new room by the weekend and then I can’t start nesting in the nursery and send some pics. It looks amazing and I am so glad it’s over and done!!


more random: If anyone remembers I am interviewing for a new job... I am actually in the running for 2 positions and they’ve been checking references. I don’t want to count chickens but I am so anxious about how this all plays out! If I were offered both it would be very difficult to choose. One position is less money, on soft money but part of a large research organization on campus so moving projects wouldn’t be difficult, but is really really close to my dream career goals. The other is more pay (and like, 2x as much as I make now) and is hard money. It is very prestigious, but would be intense. Like I said, I don’t want to count chickens, but I can’t believe I’ve gotten this far and things are getting real!

wanderlustsoul

@disgruntled_pelican, that’s so exciting! FX for you! How did the painting turn out? 

@ramzlau, that sound so fun! I’m glad she had such a good time. I am hoping my son will start preschool in the fall too! 

@mc0303, all the moving stuff is sooo exciting! Do you guys have a tentative date? Is it ASAP? 

laurad75

@disgruntled_pelican Good for you!  I hope it works out!

@ramzlau The nursery school that DS goes to has been almost exclusively outside and he’s been there since Sept.  He only goes twice a week for 3.5 hours but I’m so happy that he’s in a school setting and they’ve done a great job keeping them safe.  Also, thanks to school, he’s better about wearing a mask than most adults I know. 

@mc0303 I would reach out and see if they make exceptions but I think you’ll find most schools will have a 2 by Sept 1 cutoff unless it’s primarily a daycare. 

sgrn18

@disgruntled_pelican ahhh!! Good luck!! And congrats on the painting getting done!  What a relief! 

@mc0303 our daycare turns into a preschool but they do a lot of teaching in all the classrooms.  I think he even does some school type work once he gets to the 4 year old class.   But a month off for a cutoff seems silly,  if he is ready they he’s ready! 

DoubleUp8

@disgruntled_pelican good luck!!! Love to see women succeeding in the world of higher ed!

akoros

@disgruntled_pelican That's so exciting! Best of luck with both of them!

laurad75

OMG my effing MIL!  She's so rude and narcissistic - always has been but she's family so we deal with her.  Thankfully she lives in a different state so I don't see her all that often.  She's been texting me almost every day just making small talk which is not a thing we normally do and the other day she told my husband that she was annoyed that we don't have much of a relationship.  We do.  It's fine.  It's very DIL/ MIL and she's being ridiculous. 
Her actual problem is that she doesn't have a relationship with DS mostly because she moved and also because she is an enormous pain in the ass.  She is very close with our SIL (H's brother's wife) and their 3 kids because they used to live down the street from one another and she was their childcare so she is feeling disconnected to DS.  I want DS to have a relationship with her because she is his grandmother but even the shortest visits with her are difficult and she doesn't try to connect with him when she's with him.  She's also jealous of my parents who are very close with him but they are totally reasonable people without substance abuse problems so they watch him for me all the time.  
Today she sent me one of her random texts that said 'How are you today? I want to be your friend but that's not going well.'  WTF is that supposed to mean?  How is that the best way to strengthen our relationship?  Sorry for rambling but I'm so annoyed right now.  

mc0303

@AKuzReve yes! We’re leaving March 29th. Our movers leave the Friday before and then we’re headed to my ILs for a couple days to celebrate Passover. It’s so wild that it’s happening so fast!! I’m just over the moon to finally have some help and homecoming. 

@laurad75 dude! I’d be soooo pissed!!! I have MIL issues and can relate. No advice just commiserating with you 😭😭

ramzlau

@laurad75 No advice because MIL issues here too. But I would be so annoyed by that text. It actually made me laugh.

DoubleUp8

@laurad75 I would be very annoyed. I like my MIL. She is really nice, but we do not text daily. 

disgruntled_pelican

@laurad75 - I am so sorry!!! My MIL is verrrrry into guilt trips as well. Its kind of her parenting MO. She doesn't really have a good relationship with *any* of her kids (a lot of history, a lot of abandonment and broken promises) but she is basically tolerated by them. I say this not to shift from your frustration, but to give my experience: we've stopped feeding the guilt monster. We don't react to the s(n)ide comments she makes, we don't reply to the things like, "oh I wish I would have been a better mother and we could have a better relationship", etc. Its hard because we (my DH and I, and my SIL) are kind and loving people so when we see/hear the hurt we want to reassure. But that wasn't going anywhere so it stopped. It feels cold sometimes, but acknowledging that there is a problem only goes so far if the problem actually isn't being solved... that's manipulation. I hope you guys find some balance and a peaceful solution. MIL drama is the worst! My last comment is just to make sure you and your H are on the same page with everything. Don't make assumptions and don't hard feelings or frustration fall through the cracks. 

akoros

@laurad75 Ugh. Anything after "how are you?" is too much. I agree with @disgruntled_pelican, don't feed the monster.

sgrn18

@laurad75 oh man I hate parental issues.  My mother is the one who gives us the most issues.  There is a huge disconnect between me and my mom and beyond very superficial communication we have no relationship.   I agree with @disgruntled_pelican with ignoring the snide comments and not feeding into the narcissistic side of people.  Narcissistic people are exceedingly good at playing the victim and not accepting that they cause the issues to begin with.  They don’t accept responsibility for any of their actions and will find any excuse in their minds to keep their narrative in the best light.   I’ve mostly kept my mother as an arms length especially emotionally for my entire adult life.