Now that we're closing in on the 1 year mark from when the pandemic started directly affecting us all, and (here in the Southeastern US) it's just starting to get warm enough to be excited for Spring, I'm finding myself feeling weirdly sentimental remembering back to the first couple of weeks of the pandemic effects last year. Our family took walks outside every day, we were trying new delivery things (DH and I tried a mail-order wine tasting that was really fun), Zoom hang-outs were novel and new, and everyone was talking about Tiger King. I was pretty stressed about work, and I let the uncertainty whether the small non-profit I work for would survive feel pretty hard on my shoulders. But still, the time we got to spend playing outside and enjoying the early-Spring weather was nice for that first little bit when we thought it wouldn't last.
The monstrosity of the past year turned into something so unrecognizable and this new normal is just so terrible and traumatizing, that those first few weeks, when I thought for sure it would all be over sometime during the summer were kind of nice?
Back in the late Spring, I was so worried about money at my job that I held onto some of my paychecks without depositing them "just in case." I knew where they were this whole time, but hadn't actually looked at them or held them until I cleaned out what's supposed to be our master bedroom over the weekend. I'm going to go ahead and deposit them all today. It feels... not great. I'm so upset that this is still completely ruling our lives a year later.
@Aerialmrs I feel this! Although for me I had the hardest time at the very beginning. The minute I felt like I couldn’t even go to the store or to the doctor I FREAKED out and had a 2 month long episode of crippling anxiety and zoom-therapy. In may I finally started feeling better and the “new normal” was horrifying but still better than how I had been feeling. I kind of refuse to let it rule my life now, a year later, although I’ve been feeling it hard this week knowing that Indie turns two next Monday and we cant have a “real” birthday party. It comes in waves I guess. I am so hopeful that by the time these September babies are born things will look different.
My random for today: will it ever stop snowing in NJ??? Last year for Indie’s birthday it was 60 and sunny and we had a huge bash at an alpaca farm. This year? I can barely get to Nordstrom to buy (bigger) underwear because every day we seem to get 6 more inches dropped on us IMMEDIATELY At the onset of her nap...... can’t catch a break! Speaking of bigger underwear - I’m 10 weeks today and my leggings are officially starting to roll down on their own.
@runningonindie yesss, I feel this. It’s snowing again in PA today and is winter going to last forever? My SIL wedding shower is outside early April and I’m thinking we’ll still have snow at this rate 😬
@Aerialmrs Your perspective is interesting! i am really hoping things will be at least a little better by September. This past year was tough, at the beginning of the pandemic I was working full time and ended up changing jobs because my childcare arrangements got so screwed up. If I have any nostalgia it’s for summertime when I thought things were getting a lot better.
I called my old OB this morning and was on hold 25 minutes and then it took them 20 more minutes to schedule an appointment. But I’ll have an ultrasound first week in March and then can decide for sure which OB I want to use this time around!
I’m ready to just wake up one day and the pandemic be gone.
Last night I had friends over and we did fondue and played cards. I had sooo much fun. Apparently I haven’t been hiding this pregnancy very well because I went to tell them and they already knew. 😆 My bloat is pretty insane though and there is no hiding it even with a baggy, frumpy sweater that I was wearing. They left around midnight and then my 15 month up was up for several hours. He is teething so I expect a new tooth to be popping through. Needless to say, we may not do school today because I’m exhausted. I feel like I need to just lay on the couch and rest all day long.
@Aerialmrs I feel this. At the beginning of the pandemic I was in my 3rd trimester, had horrible sciatica, and barely had any clothes that fit. I was honestly thankful for the breather. I was able to finish working in pajama bottoms and take more walks during the day which helped my sciatica. I was also able to spend so much one on one time with DS1 during those last 2 months before his brother was born. But my husband works in a hospital as an OT and I also remember feeling so anxious that he was going to bring home the virus or that he would get sick and not be able to be there for the birth - it was awful - he would change in the garage, wipe himself and everything down with wipes, and then come inside and go straight to the shower every day. And here we are again...still in a pandemic, pregnant again! This year has been so challenging in a lot of ways, but I do feel like our family is so much closer - even our extended family who we haven't seen in over a year now.
I'm already feeling bleh about this week. I was super close to calling in this morning, but I know I need to suck it up and save my time for appointments or days when I'm really not feeling well. I think knowing that I'm not returning to work after May is making it harder to focus - I feel like I'm already checked out
I am really holding on to hope that when these babies arrive in September, things will be 'somewhat' back to the old normal. I can't imagine being on mat leave with this still going on...no thank you!
For me the start of the pandemic was the worst. We were living in NYC, the center of the first peak and it was terrifying. I was obsessively watching Cuomo’s daily press conferences, wiping down our groceries, trying to juggle kids at home full time and do my full time job. I had to fire people and wasn’t sure if our company would survive. There’s still uncertainty in our future but i don’t live in the same constant overwhelming fear. The isolation has been pretty constant as we haven’t seen friends or family in a year and have moved to the burbs since. were mostly making things work but the anniversary of it all is sobering.
@Aerialmrs@agea I appreciate hearing the different perspectives! For me my biggest frustration was I really wanted to return to my job as an elementary sub but I know it isn't safe. I work in an overpopulated school district with over 100 different elementary schools I could be randomly sent to - and no one except me would have to wear a mask in my classes (in other words, could be exposed to up to 600 different kids in one month working fulltime). By November 50% of the schools I normally work at had exposures. Currently my district is exploding with the new variant, my area is known for having one of the highest rate of covid in the country, and sadly my province actually has the lowest vaccination rate in my entire country. Despite all this, my government refuses to mask mandate for elementary or high school kids (also, few districts even offer online school). So, looks like I'll be at home for a while longer.
At the beginning of 2020 I had such big expectations. My son was around 1.5 when Covid hit and lockdowns started. I was more comfortable leaving him and was planning on doing a few girls nights or date nights. I was so excited to take him to the swimming pool, parks, indoor play places, the aquarium and the zoo. So for me the worst part is missing out on doing fun toddler stuff outside of the house.
Ugh just got the first daycare bill to hold a spot for these babies. Luckily my current daycare can take both babies and she is only charging one spot and not 2.
I did the sneak peek test today! I had to do 2 finger pricks to get enough blood for the sample, but it wasn't too bad. My mom is going to drop it at the post office for me tomorrow and then hopefully we will find out sometime early next week. I had the results emailed to my SIL so she's going to bake us a cake for a family sex reveal next weekend!
I have been awake since 1:30. I’m pretty sure I have only gotten short 1 hour intervals between all my kids waking me up. My poor baby is sick with a nasty cold. He has a fever and snot just pouring out of him. Plus he is cutting another set of molars. Then my 5yo wet the bed. I decided since DH is out of town we should do slumber parties but one at a time so I get one on one time with each kid. My oldest daughter came into my room to wake me up and ask if we were done yet. 🤦🏻♀️ She didn’t do that just once but TWICE. The baby was up and down between all of that. I’m going to be drinking the max caffeine allowance today just to survive.
@emeraldcity1214 oh no! I had a terrible night sleep last night as well. Hope you're able to get some much needed rest tonight! Will your husband be home soon or is he gone for a while?
@emeraldcity1214 that's an awful night. Hope you are able to get some sleep tonight!
I should be cleaning my house right now. I invited a few kids over for a birthday playdate for DD on Saturday morning and I need to just decanter and put stuff away but I just have no energy.
@sleepydaze He is gone for 5 days. He gets in Monday morning. My youngest is already looking like he feels much better today so I’m hoping his sleep improves. He is still pouring snot but the fever is gone.
@emeraldcity1214 with you on the nasty cold front. DD has had snot pouring and horrible congestion for 48 hours now. Fever too. I think the fever has finally broken but unfortunately she’s developing MAJOR medical related trauma and won’t let us come near her with a thermometer, tylenol, etc. I’m lucky she lets me wipe her nose. What’s worse is that after 48 hours of prodding at her, now she is even rejecting her twice daily reflux medication that she has been on literally since birth. She would take the syringe from us and drink it herself. Now today she is refusing it. We went one month without it in December and she almost immediately started having feeding problems so I NEED her to trust this medication again. It has been an AWFUL day and to see your kid scared of you is the absolute worst feeling. Ugh.
@runningonindie That sounds awful. My youngest daughter had trauma after getting an antibiotic shot (I can’t remember what they call it) to clear up a stubborn ear infection. Apparently the needles are big and the liquid is thick so it hurts really bad. She wouldn’t let a nurse or doctor come near her for a year after that.
@runningonindie that really sucks. DD has such white coat syndrome any doctor visit is an ordeal. She was a very healthy child so any interaction with a doctor was her getting shots. Even me giving her meds I would have basically force her to take them when it was necessary so I feel your pain. She just turned 5 and is finally better about it now that I can reason with her. Hoping your daughter starts to trust again and will at least take her meds when needed.
@runningoonindie that's so tough - I'm sorry! Are you allowed to mix it with anything? I know when my son would refuse his medicine we sometimes would mix it with greek yogurt or pudding - but I know some medications you're not supposed to mix with anything
Incredibly stressful day
yesterday. I found out late Wed night
that my dad had a mini stroke due to an aneurism on Tuesday (he doesn’t like to worry/tell anyone
anything until he knows what it is, so he waited to tell me). Last week my mom had surgery to repair a
bypass on her leg that she’d had emergency surgery for over the summer,
yesterday morning there were some issues while she was at a follow-up and they
wound up taking her back in to surgery. So
I spent all Thursday on the phone with my mom, her Drs, My dad, and his wife just
trying to find out what was going on with the two of them. Dad’s out of ICU as of today and mom’s
hopefully headed home tomorrow. Stress levels are starting to come back down,
but ooof Thursday sucked.
@grizzlymama86 I'm so sorry your family is dealing with so many health scares - definitely sounds stressful. Hopefully the weekend will allow time for a mental break
@grizzlymama86 - I’m so sorry to hear that you had a stressful and anxiety filled week. Hugs.
I also had probably one of the scariest medical concerns. Last November, I had a biopsy done on my left breast for some calcifications that were found. (Ladies, advocate for your health. I’m only 35 but pushed for starting my screenings early.) Thankfully, the biopsy resulted in benign results and two markers were inserted so in the future, it would be known where the two calcifications are and if they’ve gotten larger, etc.
So on Wednesday night, I was taking off my sports bra to get in my nightly hot bath. As soon as I took my bra off, my left breast felt so heavy. Like I was nursing and needed baby to wake up and eat. I got in the bath and was washing myself and felt a massive lump in my breast. I freaked out and was able to get an emergency appointment with my OB the next day. She was pretty sure it was an infection. She pulled some strings for me and I was able to have an US and a consult with a breast cancer surgeon today. 95% positive that I have an infection, most likely a clogged milk duct. I did not know this could happen this early in pregnancy and I’ve never had this with any of my other pregnancies, even while nursing. So now I’m off to pick up antibiotics and I have follow-up US and breast cancer consult in 3 weeks to ensure the antibiotic did it’s job, and no biopsy is needed.
I was seriously in a rabbit hole last night googling chemotherapy and pregnancy and risks.
Ugh. Thanks for letting me vent.
M14 January Siggy Challenge: Resolution I have no intention of keeping...SHOPPING LESS!
@gutsysneakers Wow, that is a lot! I’m glad you have been advocating for yourself. I have had early mammograms because my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer at 35. So I have had lots of genetic testing and biopsies from different lumps. They have all been benign and one was found to be a lactating adenoma. It was found after I started nursing my second baby. I highly recommend the genetic testing if they offer it to you. I have been checked for all the markers and they all came back negative. So my actual chances of getting breast cancer are much lower than the average person when you take in consideration the number of years I have been breastfeeding.
@gutsysneakers They have identified several other genes associated with breast cancer. Some they recently added to the screening in the last few years. I can’t remember them all off the top of my head but I got tested in January of 2019 and they had more than the BRCA genes on the list. My mom got tested for those years ago when I was getting several different tests and close monitoring. They wouldn’t test me back then. Then my mom had some other things come up and I wanted to get further testing based on that.
@gutsysneakers and @grizzlymama86 thinking of you both - such scary ordeals!!! I’m so sorry. I hope this weekend you can both relax and decompress.
@chewie5990 we tried chewable Tylenol crushed in ice cream and she wouldn’t take it!!! We tried chewable antibiotic crushed in yogurt and she wouldn’t take it!!! It’s a nightmare. Her Prevacid (which is what I’m most concerned about) I think only comes in liquid form but at this point I’ll have to wait and call her GI doctor on Monday to see if there are any other alternatives.
@gutsysneakers Wow what a stressful couple of days! I'm so glad it's not anything scary and hope the antibiotic works quickly so you can have even more peace of mind!
You guys, good God, this week has been tough on a lot of you, and I’m so sorry to hear it!!!
@runningonindie I don’t have any advice, I’m just really sorry you’re going through it with the medicine!
@gutsysneakers such a relief that it’s not cancer! My emotions would be exhausted from processing that!
@grizzlymama86 that’s a lot emotionally and logistically on your plate! Happy to hear your dad is no longer in the ICU! How’s your mom doing after the 2nd correction surgery?
This year has been the most difficult of my life and has transformed and hardened me in ways I do not want. Even physically- I have a pressure injury on the bridge of my nose that never gets a chance to fully heal. We pulled my kids from school. We didn’t see my parents for 4 months when PPE was unfitted and wholly inadequate. Now my kids scream and melt down every time my parents leave- and it’s not like I can say they’re acting ridiculous. Back in June I was at rock bottom. I read a story about a doctor committing suicide after treating covid patients and I thought “yeah, that makes sense.” I was numb to my own and everybody else’s emotions. I had chest pain (anxiety) every night, and I could not sleep. There was barely a tether. Thankfully I have my amazing DH who encouraged me to try online therapy and/or quit. I was able to find some of myself and feel again through therapy and working out, but I was unable to leave my coworkers deeper in short staffed covid hell. So, I’m much better but still wounded. I am not optimistic that this will end by September. Everyone’s celebrating how much better it is now, but it’s still magnitudes worse than in the summer...and celebrating that is how it got this bad. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who can read statistics when I talk to the world about it. It’s a year later and I’m still stripping at the door and doing my whole exhausting decontamination routine before coming inside. The only glimmer of hope I have is in vaccination.
@cassafrass123 - oh man. I don’t totally get it, but I get it. My mom was an ER nurse and just retired in November 2020. We didn’t see her from Christmas 2019 until Thanksgiving 2020 because of COVID. It’s a thief of time and joy. I, too, feel like I have this false sense of security. I’m vaccinated but my husband isn’t. I still need to take every precaution and it’s hard to have your guard up 💯 of the time. It’s mentally and emotionally debilitating.
M14 January Siggy Challenge: Resolution I have no intention of keeping...SHOPPING LESS!
@cassafrass123 that is so incredibly overwhelming. And I’m sorry you carry so much of the weight of society’s choices. We’ve definitely relaxed as we’ve learned more (IE we no longer wash our groceries and our kids go to school with strict Covid protocols) but we haven’t seen either of our families in over a year, haven’t eaten in a restaurant or been to our office since March, haven’t been social in all that time either. Its easy to forget how much our healthcare workers are still doing and no one is banging pots & pans to celebrate them at 7 every night like we were last spring.
Thanks for sharing what it’s still like because I don’t feel like we hear it enough anymore. People are fatigued, misinformed, selfish, sometimes all of the above and it’s so unfair it takes a much higher toll on your life and mental health than others.
Late to the reply party because I hid from the internet this weekend. Thanks everyone for the sympathetic ear! (eyes?) I picked my mother up Saturday and was able to get her settled in at home. She's pretty weak but honestly I think that's a bit of a blessing since she felt great after the last surgery and I think she wound up doing too much and possibly caused her own issues. At least now she'll rest. Mh let me nap and veg out for most of the day on Sunday which was awesome and now he's being a good son-in-law and checking in on my mom since he's out of work.
@gutsysneakers That must have been a terrifying ordeal! Glad to hear it is most likely an infection and hoping those antibiotics do their trick!
@cassafrass123 You have had one hell of a year, and I appreciate you sharing so much! I'm sorry you've been so overwhelmed, I wish I had more to offer than empathy and sympathy, but I'm definitely sending those your way. Mh works for a linen delivery company and deals with literal tons of soiled linens worn by others daily. We have a strict decontamination process that he is still going through whenever her gets home as well, and he is definitely showing signs of burnout with it. I'm glad you were able to start talking to someone and begin to feel a bit like yourself again. We are so thankful in this house for all of you healthcare workers and everything that you do. You are so appreciated and we're hopeful that we will come out of this (though I agree with you that it's not likely to be September )
Re: Weekly Randoms 2/22
The monstrosity of the past year turned into something so unrecognizable and this new normal is just so terrible and traumatizing, that those first few weeks, when I thought for sure it would all be over sometime during the summer were kind of nice?
Back in the late Spring, I was so worried about money at my job that I held onto some of my paychecks without depositing them "just in case." I knew where they were this whole time, but hadn't actually looked at them or held them until I cleaned out what's supposed to be our master bedroom over the weekend. I'm going to go ahead and deposit them all today. It feels... not great. I'm so upset that this is still completely ruling our lives a year later.
@Aerialmrs Your perspective is interesting! i am really hoping things will be at least a little better by September. This past year was tough, at the beginning of the pandemic I was working full time and ended up changing jobs because my childcare arrangements got so screwed up. If I have any nostalgia it’s for summertime when I thought things were getting a lot better.
were mostly making things work but the anniversary of it all is sobering.
Her name is Suzie.
I should be cleaning my house right now. I invited a few kids over for a birthday playdate for DD on Saturday morning and I need to just decanter and put stuff away but I just have no energy.
Incredibly stressful day yesterday. I found out late Wed night that my dad had a mini stroke due to an aneurism on Tuesday (he doesn’t like to worry/tell anyone anything until he knows what it is, so he waited to tell me). Last week my mom had surgery to repair a bypass on her leg that she’d had emergency surgery for over the summer, yesterday morning there were some issues while she was at a follow-up and they wound up taking her back in to surgery. So I spent all Thursday on the phone with my mom, her Drs, My dad, and his wife just trying to find out what was going on with the two of them. Dad’s out of ICU as of today and mom’s hopefully headed home tomorrow. Stress levels are starting to come back down, but ooof Thursday sucked.
So on Wednesday night, I was taking off my sports bra to get in my nightly hot bath. As soon as I took my bra off, my left breast felt so heavy. Like I was nursing and needed baby to wake up and eat. I got in the bath and was washing myself and felt a massive lump in my breast. I freaked out and was able to get an emergency appointment with my OB the next day. She was pretty sure it was an infection. She pulled some strings for me and I was able to have an US and a consult with a breast cancer surgeon today. 95% positive that I have an infection, most likely a clogged milk duct. I did not know this could happen this early in pregnancy and I’ve never had this with any of my other pregnancies, even while nursing. So now I’m off to pick up antibiotics and I have follow-up US and breast cancer consult in 3 weeks to ensure the antibiotic did it’s job, and no biopsy is needed.
@gutsysneakers such a relief that it’s not cancer! My emotions would be exhausted from processing that!
@grizzlymama86 that’s a lot emotionally and logistically on your plate! Happy to hear your dad is no longer in the ICU! How’s your mom doing after the 2nd correction surgery?
This year has been the most difficult of my life and has transformed and hardened me in ways I do not want. Even physically- I have a pressure injury on the bridge of my nose that never gets a chance to fully heal. We pulled my kids from school. We didn’t see my parents for 4 months when PPE was unfitted and wholly inadequate. Now my kids scream and melt down every time my parents leave- and it’s not like I can say they’re acting ridiculous. Back in June I was at rock bottom. I read a story about a doctor committing suicide after treating covid patients and I thought “yeah, that makes sense.” I was numb to my own and everybody else’s emotions. I had chest pain (anxiety) every night, and I could not sleep. There was barely a tether. Thankfully I have my amazing DH who encouraged me to try online therapy and/or quit. I was able to find some of myself and feel again through therapy and working out, but I was unable to leave my coworkers deeper in short staffed covid hell. So, I’m much better but still wounded. I am not optimistic that this will end by September. Everyone’s celebrating how much better it is now, but it’s still magnitudes worse than in the summer...and celebrating that is how it got this bad. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who can read statistics when I talk to the world about it. It’s a year later and I’m still stripping at the door and doing my whole exhausting decontamination routine before coming inside. The only glimmer of hope I have is in vaccination.
Its easy to forget how much our healthcare workers are still doing and no one is banging pots & pans to celebrate them at 7 every night like we were last spring.
@gutsysneakers That must have been a terrifying ordeal! Glad to hear it is most likely an infection and hoping those antibiotics do their trick!
@cassafrass123 You have had one hell of a year, and I appreciate you sharing so much! I'm sorry you've been so overwhelmed, I wish I had more to offer than empathy and sympathy, but I'm definitely sending those your way. Mh works for a linen delivery company and deals with literal tons of soiled linens worn by others daily. We have a strict decontamination process that he is still going through whenever her gets home as well, and he is definitely showing signs of burnout with it. I'm glad you were able to start talking to someone and begin to feel a bit like yourself again. We are so thankful in this house for all of you healthcare workers and everything that you do. You are so appreciated and we're hopeful that we will come out of this (though I agree with you that it's not likely to be September