Ask a STM(+) a Q - M/O January 2021

legallykate · January 2021

@ellieemc26 As PPs have said, recovery varies drastically between women and between births. I was expecting the worst and was pleasantly surprised at how quick/easy my recovery was, but I had a fairly easy vaginal birth - was induced beginning around 7 pm and had her at 7 am after 45 minutes of pushing after napping a good amount post epidural. I did have some second degree tearing and it hurt when I peed for a couple weeks (and I bled/spotted for a solid month), but I just kind of got used to the routine of spraying water, dabbing with TP, and spraying copious amounts of numbing spray. Definitely read up on ALL the postpartum vag care - iced diapers, numbing sprays, and tuck pads will be your best friends. Also I was not even close to ready to DTD when we were cleared at 6 weeks and waited until closer to 10 weeks and drank several glasses of wine first, lol. But otherwise I was able to move around just fine by the time we left the hospital when she was two days old.

dogmom5 · January 2021

@ellieemc26 it was different. For my first, I had a 4th degree tear and more of a traumatic birth. It was also my first so it took some adjusting physically and mentally to get used to having a new baby, being a new mom, having my bottom half of me hurt and not feel normal for 9-10 months after. Then I had my second. Physically, I was a lot better. Mentally, It was easier knowing what to do the second time around but an adjustment having 2 kids. I developed major postpartum anxiety. After my 3rd baby, it was a lot easier. Physically I was ok and bounced back pretty well. Mentally I did a lot better also. I would say mentally I felt better after about 2 months but I would take things day by day and make lists for what I wanted to accomplish in my day and know that everything is ok. I tried to not let everything get the best of me to not get the anxiety and depression again.

ellieemc26 · January 2021

Thanks so much for all the replies!

remi1014 · January 2021

ellieemc26 said:

So I as going to wait until later to ask this, but since the conversation sort of veered this way anyway, how long did it take for you to feel like you could get back doing "normal" things after delivery? And what impacted you most, was it being tired from the baby or your own physical recovery? I've been feeling very nervous about this lately as my family seems to be acting like this is no big thing and I'll just pop right back into the swing of things but everything I see online or in books tells me otherwise. After reading some of your posts I think I may also be setting my own expectations too high!

**stuck in box**

For me with my first it took me a really long time to "get back to normal" I was pushing myself to do things I would normally do but I had severe PPA/PPD and it went undiagnosed for a year because I didn't acknowledge there was a problem and my husband was on 3rd shift so I had no help during the day. So it took me a year before I truly felt like I was enjoying her and had things in a routine that was sustainable. She also never slept and my mental health suffers extremely with extended times of no sleep.

With my second I started up on meds 2 weeks postpartum and I think that made all the difference with my anxiety. I still struggled with lack of sleep but DH was able to take 2 weeks off and it really helped me. I would still say it took me 6-8 weeks before I felt like I had a true handle on the sleep with the baby. I also had an app that I was able to record eating, pooping and sleep and that helped my anxiety immensely so that I knew it was normal and didn't obsess.

All that to say that it varies so wildly. If you have any predisposition to anxiety or depression please let your SO know and talk with your Dr. and do not be ashamed of asking for help and not worry about cooking food and cleaning the house. The most important job you have is healing and taking care of that baby.

mc0303 · January 2021

@ellieemc26 Every birth is so different. I guess just leave yourself some grace if you don’t feel like yourself immediately. I had a traumatic birth where my body took a big hit. What that meant was that I felt physically SO WEAK for 2-3 months, which really impacted me mentally as well. I had no desire to go out in the world. It’s not common though so you may have a perfectly uneventful birth!

I honestly didn’t start feeling like “me” until probably like 8-9 months postpartum.

laurad75 · January 2021

@ellieemc26 I had an unplanned CS but physically bounced back relatively quickly. I was a hot mess in the hospital (labor and meds made me very sick and I couldn't keep food down) but once I got home and got my appetite back I was fine. Everyone is different and it will be difficult to anticipate how you are going to feel.

mrs_massie · January 2021

does anyone else feel like the fourth trimester is really the hardest? FTMs will ask me which trimester is the most difficult and I always say the fourth. Your body changes a lot during pregnancy but over a long period of time, but postpartum is so much change all at once...Not to mention, postpartum weeks 1-4ish really kind of suck with the emotions, bleeding, hormone change, sleep deprivation, ect, ect, ect...

mc0303 · January 2021

@mrs_massie 4th trimester was definitely the hardest for me

marebear15 · January 2021

I think 1st was hardest for me. The constant throwing up and fatigue just wear on my mental health. I do have a lot of help PP so I think that makes the 4th trimester a little easier. And both my babies around 3 days old started sleeping about 5 hours straight at some point during the night, so I'm blessed in that area.

akoros · January 2021

Somewhat related: thoughts on travel? I want to rent a beach house for a week in September, so kid would be about 2 months old. I don't think it sounds that much different than being at home, minus the 3-4 hour drive to get there, and most likely I'd invite my parents to join, but my husband got all freaked out when I mentioned it.

ellieemc26 · January 2021

I just went and quickly read about the 4th trimester in one of my pregnancy books. I’m officially terrified of this now 😳😂

I know everyone’s experience is different and do appreciate everyone sharing theirs!

wanderlustsoul · January 2021

@mrs_massie, it was 100% for me. I had PPA and ppd in a foreign country (aka no support) with a baby with serious health issues. The hormones. I was a mess. I couldn’t even recognize myself. 3 months is when I started feeling sane again.

@akoros, I’d be willing but, as I mentioned, I did a 2 day road trip to Italy with a baby that was 3w 4d old. Then I did a 8 hour flight with a 3 month old. But we are travellers. I’m hoping things are somewhat better by fall and we can do a nice trip and then home to Canada for Christmas.

kristah2 · January 2021

4th trimester is hard. You’re sleep deprived, baby only wants you, you feel alone like no one understands you but you have someone attached to you 24/7, you’ll get jealous of your spouse going to work and wearing real clothes. It’s weird.

@akoros go for it! It’s only a drive away. No different then being home. Enjoy it!

I love travel. Now my trips have changed to cater more to my kids but with my first we went at 6 months and 12 months. Left him alone at 18 months to go on a couples vacation. Then had DD and took both on a trip at 6 months. And we had planned for May past at 1.5 and 3.5 but covid.

mrs_massie · January 2021

@akoros we went on trip from NJ to MA when DS2 was about 4 months. My biggest concern was the car ride there and back, but it was actually the easiest part. I found the sleeping situation the hardest. He was not sleeping through the night yet, but was waking about every 3 hours. On the trip, he was waking every hour. It made the whole trip a lot harder and more stressful.
EDIT to add
I went on several getaways with DS1 as early as 2 weeks old and it was always fine. He was an easier baby when we were out and about. Every baby is different.

@ellieemc26 don't be scared like I had mentioned in a previous comment, every phase is temporary. I just find post partum to be very uncomfortable all around.

rvamom90 · January 2021

@akoros I'd go for it! We're planning a long weekend at the beach in September and it's a similar distance as yours. 🙂

akoros · January 2021

Thanks, everyone! Just wanted to check that I'm not crazy. We love to travel, in general, and I've been incredibly antsy to get out of town. Insane to think I haven't been on a plane in almost 18 months, though it'll take a while for us to feel comfortable flying with COVID (let alone a baby).

dogmom5 · January 2021

Agree. 1st tri is hard with being sick. 4th is hard with the emotions and dealing with your body all stretched out and just weird.

akoros · January 2021

@AKuzReve I think we met up with my friends and their daughter at a bar when she was less than 4 weeks old (I want to say closer to 2 weeks, but I may be wrong). I hope we are able to similarly pull some of that off, even if it's just the 3 of us for a bit due to COVID. We miss going out *so* much, even if it's just for dinner or a drink. I know my parents took me everywhere (I was a very good, quiet baby and child), and I'd love to be able to do the same.

legallykate · January 2021

@akoros I think traveling (especially in a car) with an infant is actually easier than with a toddler (I can't imagine taking my 2.5 year old terror anywhere right now) so I say go for it!

wanderlustsoul · January 2021

@akoros, the first time I took him to a bar he was like 2.5- 3 weeks old I think. I thoroughly enjoyed a beer while BFing him haha. I love europe for this because the only thing I ever got asked was if I needed another beer.

ramzlau · January 2021

DD was a very chill baby, so 4th trimester for me wasn’t hard, but I know every baby is different. 1st trimester is really hard for me with the morning sickness. My hardest point with DD was when I returned to work, so from 3-6 months. It was hard learning how to juggle everything.

For recovery, I had some complications so it took me until 5-6 weeks to feel healed physically, and until about 10 months when I began to feel like myself mentally/emotionally. Lack of sleep does a number on me.

@akoros Once Covid isn’t a risk, don’t be afraid of plane travel with a baby. DD is amazing on planes and has traveled the world (hello 16 hour flight to Dubai at 2 years)! I am happy to pass on all the tips when you get there! The younger the easier it is on planes and the more often you go the more used to the routine they are.

@AKuzReve Haha we took DD out for dinner/drinks around 6 weeks and then I realized that we are those parents that forget maybe babies shouldn’t be everywhere lol, but she was chill and great and we got to enjoy a dinner out with friends with drinks!

dogmom5 · January 2021

What I have learned being a mom of multiple littles is that it sucks taking them out at times but if you don’t do it, they will never learn how to act and behave so dh and I try to get them out to learn so if we want to go to a restaurant and sit down, they are used to it. The same with car rides. If they are used to it, the easier it is. I got this advice from a coworker when I was pregnant with my first. He and his wife never took their first out anywhere and he said that he wishes they did so when they wanted to go out, their son would behave. Every kid is different but this has worked for dh and I.

MelissaMay82 · January 2021

I had a planned csection with DD. My recovery was very very easy, I even checked out of the hospital a day early. The first couple of weeks were a little tough with trying to BF every 2 hours (I’m not good on no sleep). Once I had to pump and start DD on formula it was easier because DH could help a lot more. I would say I was back to doing normal stuff around 3-4 weeks. DD was a May ‘19 baby and I was out a lot in June and july before I went back to work. DD was a great sleeper though so that made it easier.

Before covid, DH and I always had DD out at restaurants. She would go to trivia every Thursday night with us and our friends. I can’t wait until we can go back into restaurants, it’s been so long.

The first week long vacation we did was when DD was 5ish months old. It was a 2.5 hour drive and then a 2 hour ferry ride. We also took her on a cruise when she was 10 months old (during February vacation, 2 weeks before everything went into lockdown).

Edited- spelling

Maggie1202 · January 2021

@MelissaMay82 How was it being on a cruise with a 10 month old? Did you feel like you missed out on any of the experience?

MelissaMay82 · January 2021

@Maggie1202 The cruise was definitely interesting with a 10 month old. In hindsight we would have definitely spent more money and gotten a suite, we got a balcony room and the pack and play barely fit. The cruise left out of NYC, it went to FL (my sister got married), Nassau, and Norwegian’s private island. Leaving out of NYC was actually kind of warm (for February) and it was warm going down the cost to FL and the Bahamas. First stop in FL was all about my sister’s wedding (they got married on the beach). In Nassau we got off the ship and walked around, shopped, went to a bar. We didn’t get off at the private island, there wasn’t much to do there other than spending time in the beach. Going back up the coast was really cold so we mostly stayed inside. On the boat, we went to all the bars and restaurants with DD. The staff would make her soft or puréed foods every night for dinner (we didn’t ask them to do this lol). They all called her princess Lilly the whole time, it was cute. We drove to NYC (4.5 hours) and parked at the cruise port so we were able to bring as much luggage as we wanted (we brought so much stuff for DD between clothes, toys, bottles, formula, bottle sanitizer, bottle warmer, water, purée foods, diapers, car seat, stroller). I love cruising though, this particular cruise probably would have been annoying regardless of if we had DD with us or not.

disgruntled_pelican · January 2021

I haven’t been able to read everything, but my best tip for fourth trimester is to build yourself (and defend) a postpartum nest. I holed myself up in my bedroom with baby 3, I had a basket of snacks and water bottles, DH moved the tv to our bedroom temporarily, I lived in a zip up nightie that was sooo convenient for bfing and skin to skin, and I loved it. It lasted for 2-3 weeks and I had a very supportive H who helped with meals and made sure the house didn’t crumble. Out of all 3 postpartums, though it was the worst physically (shoulder dystocia and spd is a super cool combo), I think it was the one that I was the most well adjusted for. skin to skin, even when choosing to bottle feed is awesome for postpartum recovery. The oxytocin

I am a former doula and recommended this to all my clients. My 2+ moms agreed it’s a different experience. I think a lot of it is also mental, you set your expectations to healing and bonding, etc and that’s what you get.

DoubleUp8 · January 2021

@akoros we drove 7+ hours to visit DH's family in MD at 7-8 weeks old with DS. It wasn't too bad, he slept a lot of the way. I was BFing, so I nursed him right before we left. He was still sleeping 2.5-3 hours later. I had a battery operated breast pump, so I put on a nursing cover and pumped in the car while DH drove. It made it much easier when we stopped to eat because DH could help with feeding him using a bottle while we ate a quick lunch. It also let us be more flexible about stopping during the drive since we could plan stops around when he was sleeping. I would say go for it, especially if you will have family to help once you get there.

Omie_Wise · January 2021

@akoros We traveled a ton with DS1. His first trip was to Hawaii at just shy of 2 months. Just take the drive slowly and lower your expectations. Lower them again. Keep going... keep going, there you go.

dogmom5 · February 2021

Agree with the others. Lower expectations and plan for extra time. If you can drive at night while the kids usually sleep

_orchid_ · February 2021

@akoros late to the game but I think a house in September is totally doable. If you're nursing/pumping you might need to stop once- don't put that off that early. With ds2 we went on a 3 hr rd trip when he was 7 weeks, and pushed through when we hit traffic so it was close to 4 hours. I ended up getting mastitis from skipping that feed.

We're thinking about a trip in late Sept too- I need to get out!! I've been trying to talk DH into something when my parents are here (when baby is 4 weeks) bc we'll have the help with the boys but he's not feeling it. Was really hoping to move our 2020 cancelled Disney trip to Nov but we'll probably wait till 2022.

akoros · February 2021

@_orchid_ Good tip, thank you! If we go to the beach I want to (Cape May) then it'd be close to 4 hours, but my husband's bladder is small so we usually have to stop a couple of times anyway. I figured it'd be doable, particularly if my parents can join (won't take too much convincing, as it is my mom is offering to come down during the week in lieu of daycare and they love the beach). Now the main issue is to figure out what to do with the cat...

Yeah, pretty sure we won't be getting on a plane until at least 2022, and I'm hesitant to book anything that would involve crowds. Renting a house somewhere driveable seemed like the most secure option, if necessary we can easily socially distance ourselves. If nothing else it's at least a change in scenery, and if you can get some help all the better.

wanderlustsoul · February 2021

@akoros, agreed with @_orchid_, our trip to Italy was to take 14 hours but we turned it into a 2 day trip as we stopped every 2.5 hours to feed. I was pretty strict about this as I also wanted him to have out of car seat time since I don’t think they’re supposed to be in it for more than 3 hours and I wanted him to sleep at night. 😅

_orchid_ · February 2021

@akoros CM will be nice then! We're thinking to compromise and do a long weekend at the shore in late July, but might end up just doing day trips instead.

_orchid_ · February 2021

Did any breastfeeding STM use a prescription medication to help supply? I had low supply with both boys and did EVERYTHING except prescription meds.

Met with my rheumatologist yesterday and asked if sjorgens can affect lactation and IT CAN!! (It affects how your body's salivary glands work). This is new to my rheum, and she didn't know any medication that would help, so I'm going to ask my ob what they think. Any one have any experience with the prescription meds?

sgrn18 · February 2021

@_orchid_ I’ve heard of Reglan being used in the US but there is another one that is off label so isn’t usually prescribed called Domperidone (not sure I spelled that right). I haven’t taken either one but I did have to supplement with formula for DS.

_orchid_ · February 2021

@sgrn18 thanks! I'm going to ask my Dr tomorrow about them. I supplemented with both kids- it's hard to combination feed! The daily mental math of ounces pumped vs ounces eaten and formula always had me

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/jd/51auaj43mxa3.gif

sgrn18 · February 2021

@_orchid_ same!!! I had a notebook with all my ounces written down and still couldn’t math all that crap together lol

disgruntled_pelican · February 2021

Reglan and domperidone are similar drugs, domperidone is considered “safer” as it doesn’t cross the blood/brain barrier and potentially cause neurological side effects. When I did my initial research on domperidone with my first (almost 10 years ago) the theory was that isn’t prescribed/approved by US FDA (not sure about other western countries) despite widespread use else where for increased milk production because of the effect it would have on the formula and pharmaceutical industry... but that’s borderline conspiracy. I used domperidone with my first to increase supply and then tandem nursed through the next 2 (after the initial 3 or so months I weaned off and had no issues). It will have been about a year since I last nursed when this baby comes so I am anxious to see how my supply does, but not too worried because it is my understanding that more milk producing cells develop with each pregnancy (I could be wrong).

wanderlustsoul · February 2021

@_orchid_, no firsthand experience but my friend used domperidone as she was trying to BF twins and wanted to up her supply. I’m happy to ask her any questions if you’d like?

wanderlustsoul · February 2021

STM+ Q:

Am I doomed to have a horrible 2nd kid like everyone keeps saying? My 1st is a sweet little angel. Good sleeper, good tempered, and a happy kid. I like to think some of that is our parenting style (my husband and I are very chill (well...mostly) and I kind of let my son be a free spirit while teaching boundaries/manners. Am I doomed?! 😭😭😭

Ask a STM(+) a Q - M/O January 2021

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