Ask a STM(+) a Q - M/O January 2021 - Page 3 — The Bump
June 2021 Moms

Ask a STM(+) a Q - M/O January 2021


Re: Ask a STM(+) a Q - M/O January 2021

  • @AKuzReve I have similar fears! My one hope is that I have two friends that have two kids whose first is the chill and while their second is both the more adventurous and “wild” they are both still well behaved well mannered. So I keep telling myself that he will be different than his sister, but hopefully not a horrible child. Fingers crossed, maybe I am being naive. 
  • @ramzlau, maybe it’s naive but I really like to think parenting style factors in? I won’t expect the same as my son but hopefully not too terrible? Please?! 😅😅 I mean, we have gone through our fair share of hardship with him as he had health problems from 2 months old and has 10+ allergies so maybe we will get a break with this one. 

    Fingers crossed for both of us! 

    *Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*

  • Loading the player...
  • @AKuzReve - I wouldn't say doomed, just be prepared to have whatever the kid happens to be. My first is wild, and my second is chill. And I did exactly the same with everything, so I know it has nothing to do with my parenting style. You might draw the short straw, and you might get an identical of your first. 
  • @AKuzReve i wouldn't say your doomed, but all kids are different. Our first was our really difficult baby and child and so we were over prepared for our second who when he came along seemed like a piece of cake in comparison. They are so completely opposite in every way. Now, with our third on the way, I'm thinking he will be a mix of the two and have no expectations that he will "easier" at all. 
  • @AKuzReve I have to same fears. DD is pretty chill and is a great sleeper.
    Me: 38, DH: 37
    Married: 8/10/13
    BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
    BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
    BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
    BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21

  • @AKuzReve just be prepared. My second child is WILD!! My first was so calm and collected. He is beyond cautious and would step over a line drawn on the floor. He is shy and sweet. 
    Number 2 is complete opposite. She will climb the walls if you let her. It took a lot of getting used to. I say all the time she’s going to be trouble as she gets older. She is super outgoing and honestly is exhausting. 
    I hope number 3 is somewhere in between. 
  • @kristah2, I feel like I should clarify. Wild is fine. Mine is super adventurous and a daredevil. He never stops moving for 1 second while awake. But he’s always happy and playing and plays well independently. 

    *Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*

  • You should be fine then! She isn’t a bad kid just a lot more of a handful. I’ve heard that a lot with second children. She’s the type that will jump out of her crib because her brother told her to 😆 
  • @AKuzReve My children both play (or destroy) very independently. Their sleep patterns have been pretty similar, which for me is unfortunate. So maybe! 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • sgrn18sgrn18 member
    edited February 2021
    DS is a daredevil.  He gets into anything and everything no matter how “child proof” we make it. He runs and runs and runs till he drops.  He was also a colicky and difficult infant.  I’m prayyyyying for opposites with this one but expecting the same. 😂 

    to not straight bash DS he is a very sweet boy and plays well by himself and with others but whew the energy of that kid is draining sometimes. 
  • @disgruntled_pelican @AKuzReve thank you both! I'm also hoping more milk producing cells developed. I did produce marginally more with ds2 than ds1, but ds1 never really latched so idk how EP vs nursing plays into it. 

    I asked the Dr about reglan/domperidone today and she said she doesn't think it would make a difference for me. From her understanding those may help with prolactin levels to make milk. Since my issue is the glands, not hormones, she doesn't think it will be helpful. She said I could have my prolactin checked after birth to see where they are. I've been trying to find out more about sjorgens this week since I kind of fell a$$ backwards into this diagnosis and it seems like medication can slow how the syndrome affects salivary glands but not"fix" them- so there's that.
  • @AKuzReve you're not doomed! Parenting style plays into it a bit, but you know how it is- they come out having their personalities pretty set! I think ds1 felt harder bc we were trying to figure everything out, while ds2 seems easier bc he's not ds1 😂 both of them are stubborn, but about different things (thank God!!). Ds2 was much more chill as a baby, but was more challenging as a toddler. Most of my friends with 2 kids think the 2nd is more clingy which was definitely true for us - babywearing ftw! 
  • @AKuzReve my first two were absolute angels. I don’t know wtf happened with my third, she’s just SO LOUD and stubborn(currently deep into the terrible twos)She came out screaming like a banshee so that should have been my first clue to how life with her would be lol. But she is the best cuddler out of all three of them. 

    I have no expectations for this next one. As long as she eats and sleeps somewhat decently, I’m sure we will survive....hopefully. 
  • @ramfam2507, omg this baby better want to cuddle! At 9 weeks old, my DS demanded I put him in his crib and put himself to sleep and has ever since. Even now when I put him to bed, he’s the same. But hahaha your reply made me laugh. 🤣

    @_orchid_, good thing I have a baby carrier obsession 😆😆. 

    Based on in the womb personalities they already seem different as night and day. My DS was EXACTLY like he was as a tiny human as he was when I was pregnant. 🤣

    *Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*

  • As a mom of 3, I will say they all have their different personalities and they all have their days. None of my kids are angels but they aren’t bad kids either. Each age and stage in their lives seems to bring something new. As babies, they were all pretty easy thankfully but as they grow up, some have bigger attitudes than others. My biggest thing when they were all babies was sleep training to help me with the sanity some. 
  • @AKuzReve seriously, ds1 never stopped moving in utero and is still the exact same way. He's 7 and our family joke is he just can't sit still unless he's in deep concentration. We had a movie night last night and he was doing jumping jacks, rolling on the floor, crawling in circles 😆 ds2 wiggled a bit in utero, but not like ds1. At like 9 months old he literally crawled to the couch, pulled down a pillow to lean on in the floor, and got the remote. He would be a couch potato if I let him be! 

    Also, I think you are a Sakura Bloom fan too? Do you know when abouts they drop their spring collection? I've been looking at used silk slings but am trying to hold off on buying any until I see the spring colorways. I have a patina already but want more summer-y colors
  • Have any STM+ had C-sections? I’m curious about the recovery period given that I’ll have a little one at home. 
  • @mc0303 I have had 2 c-sections and this will be my third. They make you stay a few days longer in the hospital with a c-section and I have found that walking around in the hospital is harder than when you get home because you sit a lot more in the hospital. Once I get home I'm pretty much walking around normal. I will say that I wind up lifting things and going up and down stairs more than they tell me I should be, but I just keep a close eye on how I'm feeling. We were lucky enough that DS1 was still going to daycare, so I didnt have to worry too much about him during the days alone when I couldnt pick him up, but if you can start saying no now, that would be helpful. You don't have to say no all the time, but start getting them used to holding your hand and walking instead.

    Some things I always found much easier in the first few weeks...We have a cabinet in our living room (or wherever you will spend the most time) that I put extra blankets, burp cloths, diapers wipes, pacifiers...all the thigs I use a lot the first few weeks and I also put a small hamper in there too for frequent changes. If you have a coffee table, keep a basket under it with the care items (diapers, wipes, ointments, nail clippers, comb or brush...) This all helps to eliminate having to move around too much or go to far. I also had a blanket nearby to put down on the couch for diaper changes, and I changed the diapers right on the couch where I was sitting and close to my basket instead of going to a changing table all the time. 
  • @mc0303 did you have a c last time? I had an emergency c (ds1) and a RCS (ds2), so I can compare those experiences but haven't had a vaginal deliver to compare them to. My experiences were night and day. 
  • @mrs_massie thank you so much for sharing!! That’s super helpful. 

    @_orchid_ I didn’t have a c section last time...I had an unplanned induction and gave birth vaginally but experienced a fair share of complications making my recovery AWFUL and months long. I hemorrhaged and had sepsis and I’m just fearful this go around. My OB said an elective C after a traumatic birth was an option and my other doctor recommends an unmedicated vaginal birth 🙃 So lots of opinions. I’m just want to feel best as soon as possible and avoid feeling so scared for my life. 
  • _orchid__orchid_ member
    edited February 2021
    @mc0303 gotcha. I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience the first round!! With my first, I labored for 36 hrs, pushed for 2, and then had the emergency c bc ds1 got stuck and his heart rate was all over the place. For ds2, my drs gave me the option for vbac bc my c was due to ds1s situation. I debated about what to do for months bc the emergency c section was a tough recovery, but ds2 flipped breech at 34 weeks so he made the decision for me 😆

    **I put stuff in a spoiler bc I got a bit long winded.  

    I liked with a RCS that I could plan for DS1's care the day of and for the days I was in the hospital. I felt like it gave me a little bit of control, which helped with my anxiety about delivery. We kept ds1 in preschool part time when ds2 was born/maternity leave (he was 3). It helped him have a routine that was not dependent on how much sleep I got the previous night, and made it easier for me. I wasn't alone with both of them by myself for a day until ds2 was 6 weeks old. 

    After a c section your nurses will likely have you up and moving within 12-15 hours. It's better for your incision and recovery if you are out of bed soon after the surgery. I don't remember much from my emergency c bc I was so beat up, but they didn't have me get out of bed for 24 hours due to my condition, and I was hooked up to nutrition/fluid IVs for 24 hours also bc i was beat up. With ds2, my Dr put some kind of local pain killer in my incision so I didn't feel tender there the first 24 hours. I was able to get up and shower the next day, and was never hooked up to a nutrition IV. I never took anything stronger than Tylenol for either. 

    All in all, I felt much better in about 2 weeks with each (quicker with ds2). The first week is tough, but I felt like I vastly improved each day. You don't really realize how much you use your abs for though, and so going slowly after a c is a good idea for a few weeks and they readjust to being stretched. 

    I kept extra baby stuff by the couch, and a stool by my bed to help me get in at night. I had to stay propped up a night or two with DS1, but was able to get in and out pretty easily with ds2. I did wake dh up to change diapers b4 feedings those two weeks, and then let him sleep. 

    The nerves by my incision feel funny, and I don't like touching that spot. It gets better with time though. After my first c, I loved it bc my incision would feel tender the day before my period so I always had a 24 hour heads up before it started. That only lasted for about a year though. 
  • @_orchid_ thanks so much for sharing! I can definitely see how taking control of the planning helps a lot. I struggle with anxiety and know that would be super beneficial to me. Luckily I’ll have lots of help from my parents and husband so I’d have the opportunity to recover in peace without worrying about my LO. What I’m thinking is Id prefer a spontaneous vaginal birth and if that’s not possible I’d like to opt for a C-section. I have NO intention of being induced and having hands and instruments up my vagina trying to pry my cervix open again. My delivery was short and successful last time except for the complications. I’m hoping I can have a short complication free delivery minus feeling like I may die. 
  • @mc0303 ohhh i totally get that re: induction (ds1 was induced also and I think that contributed to needing the emergency c). I wonder if you could schedule a c for 41, 41.5 weeks? That way you have enough time to go into labor on your own, but still have an end point (which might also help with anxiety!)
  • @_orchid_ @mc0303 I am currently scheduled for a RCS but I'm considering a vbac if I happen to go early.  I like knowing that it is scheduled and that feeling of control.  I bounced back quickly after my CS but I didn't have a toddler so this go around may be quite different.  
    History and blog link in spoiler
    2016 - dx with super low ovarian reserve; failed cycle with clomid, failed IUI, 
    2017 - egg retrieval #1 - 3 eggs, 0 embryos appropriate for transfer; ER #2 2 eggs, 0 embryos on day 3; ER #3 1 egg 0 embryos
    moved to donor egg in summer 2017; 35 eggs retrieved; 19 fertilized; 9 total embryos
    Fresh transfer Dec 2017= BFP!  baby boy born 8/22/18

    May 2019 - surprise natural pregnancy ended in MC
    Nov 2019 FET; MC at 9 weeks
    May 2020 FET; BFN
    July 2020 FET; CP treated with methotrexate
    Oct 2020 BFP! 

    Take a look at my blog

  • @dogmom5 sleep training is so clutch! With DS sleep training saved my sanity and I only had the one kid!
    Me: 36, DH: 38, Together since: 2006, Married: 9/2011 
    **TW Living Child**

    BFP 9/19/20 - EDD - 6/1/21

    BFP 2/2014 - DS - 10/2014

  • I just bought a kindle kids fire 7 for DD (on sale $60 on Amazon). She is 20 months. Does anyone have an suggestions on good apps for toddlers?
    Me: 38, DH: 37
    Married: 8/10/13
    BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
    BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
    BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
    BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21

  • @MelissaMay82 pbs kids, and abc mouse are 2 apps that we use a lot. PBS kids has their show streaming app and they also have an app for activities for the kids to do. My kids really love abc mouse for all of the fun learning activities also. 
  • @dogmom5 thank you.
    Me: 38, DH: 37
    Married: 8/10/13
    BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
    BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
    BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
    BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21

  • @MelissaMay82 We do ABC mouse as well and Play Kids. DD has discovered YouTube as well but she can’t watch unless one of us is sitting next to her to monitor everything (I am horrified by the scary stories about YouTube kids). 
  • @ramzlau thanks!
    Me: 38, DH: 37
    Married: 8/10/13
    BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
    BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
    BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
    BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21

  • @ramzlau I won’t let my kids do anything YouTube for that reason too. Luckily, they haven’t discovered it yet....
  • YouTube trick: you can get YouTube kids and then block literally every single video except for the videos and/or channels you approve. 
    I have the kids set up so they have the Sesame Street channel and Disney junior channel and blippi channel plus the occasional paw patrol video I vetted. The problem is the losers who upload those videos themselves so I block everything. 
  • Any STM getting weird phantom movement pain? I keep feeling movement in the same area ds2 was in at the end of that pregnancy (breech, in my ribs), and there's 0 chance this baby is in the same spot. It's really unnerving. 
  • @_orchid_ , my DS used to stick his butt out on my right side and it was so painful. This baby is literally complete opposite (breech) but I still feel those phantom pains. It’s so weird. 

    *Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards