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August 2021 Moms
Panaceia
member
PGAL 12/27
Panaceia
member
This is a check in for those of us who are experiencing pregnancy after a loss (miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, stillbirth, child loss, to name a few). Hopefully we can all lend support to each other through the hormone filled craziness that is pregnancy!
Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread.
Just a reminder: there is a general loss trigger warning on this entire thread.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones?
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
4. When is your next appointment?
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
Re: PGAL 12/27
5+4. No milestones. I won't pass one until we get through the first u/s.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
Too good. It's making me nervous. I took my last FRER on Friday and the line was a super dye stealer and way darker than Wednesday...so I know my hcg is progressing...I'm just nervous that my symptoms haven't really kicked in yet. I don't think they really did until after 6 weeks with my girls, but I thought I'd at least have sore breasts by now:/
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? HA! My anxiety is still through the roof. I'm still completely detached from this pregnancy and expecting the worst at the first ultrasound.Everything has me stressing out. Tests, symptoms, dreams, etc.
4. When is your next appointment? First ultrasound is January 25th. If we have a healthy growing bean then I'll get the NIPT done on the 29th.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I used my last FRER on Friday and had SO remove my box of wondfos from the house. BUT when I was freaking out about my clear blue digital last week I ordered more of them. I tried to cancel the order but it was too late:/ So now I'll have cb digis showing up tomorrow. My stupid loss brain has started to cling to the idea that if I see a 3+ this week then everything will be fine...but I'm terrified if I take one and see 2-3 weeks again or worse, 1-2 weeks that my head will explode (especially since I don't have any strip tests to check it against:/) I know I need to just not use them. That's why I got rid of the Wondfos. Plus I know it won't tell me anything and that they are notoriously inaccurate. With both MMCs my hcg was rising beautifully the whole time and was exactly where it should have been when we found there was no heartbeat...and my symptoms started early and were strong with both losses as well. So I know the only thing that will give me answers is my ultrasound. I did read that hcg is lower the older you are (I'm 41...) as well as if you're carrying a boy. So I'm holding on to that. Which again is stupid because I haven't had betas done so for all I know my number could be 500 000 right now. Ok. Sorry. I'm done now:)
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 8 weeks today - Yes I’ve passed both loss milestones at this point
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? I was feeling okay Christmas and yesterday but back to feeling really nauseated and sore boobs today
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? Not terrible
We told our family on Christmas. I talked to my dad the next morning at the kitchen table and said I was worried and not really confident that this one was going to make it because I’m still having some bleeding issues. He said “think about the process going on in there. It has to be perfect and if it’s not then it can’t and shouldn’t continue” and it was so straightforward I was like uh yeah you’re right lol and so that’s what it is. Either it’s fine or it’s not. Let it be what it will be. And it strangely made me feel better. I am not an emotional person by nature and respond well to facts and straightforward statements that make sense
4. When is your next appointment? Jan 15th just with OB. Already had my first ultrasound and everything looked normal
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here)
I felt okay on Christmas and the day after. I was so worried that was a bad sign I stopped taking Diclegis to see if it was just the medication I was taking... ya know. The one to make me feel better... What a clown. Now I feel terrible again.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 6+3 not yet, our MMC was detected at 10 weeks and development had stopped at 9 so I’m still steadily both freaking out and completely detached
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
I didn’t have nausea last time either but it’s still worrying me that I don’t this time either. I have symptoms but I still wish I felt more pregnant I guess. Boobs are HUGE and sore, heartburn comes and goes, low back is sore, twingy mild cramps. I gagged eating dinner yesterday, the only thing that sounds good lately is chicken and I had to spit that out yesterday and immediately wanted fruit and popcorn instead so who knows lol my partner assured me I’m acting pretty damn pregnant but it’s still not enough to exhale
I’m also having teeny tiny bits of blood tinged discharge which I keep reading is normal but yesterday had me ready to call it. It’s like EWCM mixed with old brown blood only when I wipe and not every time but I’m still upset over it
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? Eh I’ve been better, I was really zen at first but I find myself panicking at the thought of another ultrasound
4. When is your next appointment?
My insurance got interrupted 2 months ago and just got reinstated so I don’t have one yet. Calling tomorrow, I have just a pregnancy confirmation appointment tomorrow but I’m hoping they can get me in soon for the ultrasound and blood work, I’ll mention the spotting and see what they have to say
I had 5 huge fibroids removed 6 months ago, they were detected during the ultrasound that confirmed my loss and probably contributed to it. We got pregnant right away after I was cleared to so I’m trying to get back to my old RE for another checkup on that
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) Nothing rn just trying to keep my head above water and distractions up, I want to be more positive but it feels nerve wracking to be vulnerable like that. I found myself eyeballing little baby hiking style boots yesterday because that’s how we planned on announcing last time (we’re both avid hikers) then I just got nervous. What a mind f***
@cocoliso13 & @Panaceia I feel you on detached. If I didn't have symptoms I'd think there's no way I'm pregnant. Expecting my period any day now. Not quite sure how to change that and connect.
5+4, I hit one of my loss milestones on Christmas.
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)?
I’m feeling mostly okay. I still can’t stay up past 9:30, but DS3 has been waking up before 5 every morning so that can’t be helping. Also I am so bloated, I don’t remember it being this bad with my first 3. I hate that I’m wishing for more nausea, but I just really want some more solid symptoms... hopefully week 6 will bring that.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)?
The lack of symptoms this week is making me nervous for sure. I did a test two days ago (I’m trying to do one every few days instead of daily) and it was nice and dark right away, so that was good to see.
4. When is your next appointment?
I was originally scheduled for an US on the 30th when I’d be 6 weeks exactly. I called and asked them to move it to next week, when I’ll be 6+5. I’m hoping we’ll have a better chance of seeing something more concrete at that stage.
5. Rants/raves/whatever
I’m realizing that scheduling appointments is going to be a big challenge in COVID times. No kids are allowed in the office and the only person with the ability to watch our kids and that we have in our little pod is my mom, who works full time. With my oldest two being on hybrid schedule they are home, more than half the time... so it will be interesting. I’m glad to have this problem and still be pregnant, but with the amount of visits they want me in for (high risk) it does create some logistical stress.
@ladyk127 Your dad's comments are so so right. That is how I feel about things too and it is something my grandmother always used to say about pregnancy as well. I just wish I could know sooner whether this bub is healthy. I think it would help me to connect.
@cocoliso13 I completely understand the stress. My MMCs were 14 weeks and 10 weeks so I don't feel comfortable until at least second tri:/
@doodlemom131 With my last pregnancy I saw the heartbeat at 7 weeks which is what helped me to connect. I'm hoping to see a heartbeat at our first u/s at the end of January and I'm hoping once I do that will help me to be able to feel more connected to this pregnancy. I think it's mostly self preservation that makes us feel this disconnect. It's hard to have your heart broken over and over again:/
@ladyk127 I did that last time with the diclegis last time and lived to regret it haha
I'm trying to use the same mindset as your dad. I have zero control of what it happening in my uterus right now.
@cocoliso13 I hope you get in soon! Any sort of bleeding no matter how little is terrifying after a loss. ❤️
@doodlemom131 I don't know if seeing a HB will help me connect. I had a healthy HB at 8w3d last time and it stopped growing 11 days later. Maybe when I can feel it move?
5w2d
Finally have sore boobs! Yes! 🤣
Insomnia and crazy dreams have also started.
I'm relatively calm until I'm not. Something will pop in my head and then I run to google.
Tuesday! I have an ultrasound, I know there won't be much to see. I have another ultrasound Jan 13th too so hopefully there is a HB then.
I like everyone else am feeling pretty disconnected with this pregnancy. Likely to protect myself in the event of another loss. If we lose this one I think we will be officially one and done which makes me sad to even think about.
I am trying to stay zen and healthy for this bean because it's all I can control with this process.
1. How far along are you? Any milestones? 5+2. I won't hit my first milestone until 8 weeks
2. How are you feeling (pregnancy symptoms)? Sore boobs, complete exhaustion, constipation, starting to have cravings and aversions, but no morning sickness yet. Guessing that will start within the next week.
3. How are you feeling (anxiety wise)? It comes and goes in waves. Sometimes I'm okay and others I am just hoping for a healthy baby in my arms in 8 months.
4. When is your next appointment? Jan 14. Calling the nurseline tomorrow in hopes to get an ultrasound.
5. Rants/raves/whatever (Dear diary posts and venting are welcome and encouraged here) I honestly won't be confident with this pregnancy until I can feel the baby move. I just am taking things as easy as I can with an almost 2 year old and hoping for the best.
here to tell you it is definitely not always a sign of something bad. Honestly I know more people that spotted during their healthy pregnancy than didnt.
I'm sorry you are struggling with this though. It's such a mind f*ck of a time. ❤️
@baby_yoda1986 I decided to use the last 3 for science (and because I would have a full on melt down if I got to Friday with it still saying 2-3). So I did one with FMU, one with SMU and one with diluted SMU. They all said 2-3 but the SMU line was quite a bit darker than the FMU. So I'm gonna call that a win. Plus I feel so much better knowing there are no more digis in the house!
With both of my MMCs my levels rose beautifully and were exactly where they should have been even after no heartbeat was found. They almost put off my 2nd D&C due to the levels...so unfortunately for me hcg basically tells me nothing:( Plus my doctor doesn't want me risking exposure only to stress about numbers.
I did cancel my order for the frers though. I took a few wondfos today...for science...and the hook effect has already come into play (super dark with diluted urine) so I'm feeling ok about things. I only have 2 wondfos left and I'm not planning on using them.
I'm resigned to leaving this up to fate. The lines on the digi when I cracked it open looked like my cb digi opk a few hours before I get a positive, so I would likely have gotten 3+ in a matter of days...or that's what I'm choosing to believe 🤣
Anyways, I'm done with the testing. My frer progression was really good so I'm going to try to trust in that.
I wish there was like a green light in your belly during pregnancy and if something was going wrong it would turn red.
I have my ultrasound tomorrow at 1:30 but that feels like forever from now.
@Panaceia they won't see me until later in my pregnancy unfortunately. I tried going in at 13w with my MMC but they sent me to ER 🙄
My scan is at 1:30pm (PST) but I've already told my boss I'll likely be useless today and to cover the radios for me.
@ladyk127 I think I had spotting for a day or two with my DD. Just seeing the tinge of bloody cm sent me through the roof and back to my MMC last time.
It seems to have stopped now. I'm keeping everything crossed for this afternoon 🤞🤞🤞
@baby_yoda1986 and @avocadotoast30 I’m so sorry you both have spotting and the added stress of it. I can’t add anything to what’s already been said, just sending some good vibes your way.
Baby Yoda I’ve got fingers and toes crossed your your scan this afternoon!! ❤️
I have another ultrasound on Jan 13th so hopefully it's just a measurement error 🤞
My doctor should call me today with more detailed information.
I'll see if I can get more info from my doctor too!
I'm kinda bummed since I didn't get a picture of my last one at 8w3d because the tech said "there isn't much to see, your next one will be better" 🙄
I'll definitely get a print out next time!