April 2021 Moms

COVID Questions/Concerns

I'm curious what everyone's experiences have been and I thought it would be nice to have a place to specifically talk about COVID and pregnancy. Where I am located (in PA), my husband is still allowed to come to all appointments with me, but my friend who is currently pregnant in Colorado, her husband isn't allowed at any appointments :( 

I've also been wondering how others are handling being around others right now. I've read online that pregnant women are more at risk for serious affects from COVID (hospitalization, etc.) but my OB basically said I'm no higher risk than someone who isn't pregnant. I know where I'm located, you have to have a COVID test when you get to the hospital to give birth and if it's positive, they take your baby and quarantine you away from the baby for 14 days (which is insane to me but true). So obviously that makes me take wearing a mask, social distancing, etc. super seriously. 

I've also been thinking a lot about what this will mean when the baby arrives and visitors (parents, friends, etc.), although obviously we're still months away from that and things could certainly change a lot by then. I have two friends who recently gave birth - 1 had her family completely quarantine for 14 days before coming to visit and they had to wear masks the whole time, the other had her parents quarantine for 6 days (time it takes for COVID to show up on a test after exposure, apparently) and then had them get COVID tests and when they got the negative results they were able to come see the baby and hold him without masks. 

Interested to hear other people's experiences related to pregnancy and COVID.
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Re: COVID Questions/Concerns

  • I'll start by saying that I haven't had my first appointment yet but so far they told me that DH is allowed to come for a sono but not my regular appointments. I've know 2 people (SIL and BFF) who had babies during Covid so I can share their experience: they both were allowed to have their partner in the delivery room but had to be covid tested to go into the hospital. They had to keep masks on anytime someone came into their room (post delivery) but could take them off if it was just them. They weren't allowed to have visitors. It's so hard with all these rules because a lot could (and probably will!) change in the next 7-8 months.

    Just recently support people (ie doulas) were re-allowed to be in the delivery room (I'm in Texas) - this is probably the biggest fear for me (after the fear of DH not being allowed in if things change/get worse next year). I have a fantastically wonderful amazing doula who has been there for babies #2 and #3 and I cannot imagine birth without her there.

    In terms of afterwards & visitors, honestly, I'm kiiiiiind of looking at covid as a blessing in disguise because I LOVE the idea of most people needing to stay away and not being pressured to go anywhere haha. I know that sounds nuts, but our #3 just turned 1 year old, so for the past 6 months we weren't forced to go to family stuff/church/etc. and honestly, it was SO nice not to have to deal with messing up her nap schedule. I think I most feel for FTMs (like my SIL) because there's the fun showing off the baby part and having lots of friends/family come and hold the baby and help and stuff and all that just won't be the same. But as a 4th time mom, (with the caveat of we really have no idea how things will look in April so going off current feelings) I personally feel like we'll have our parents come by to help and maybe very close family that we're currently comfortable with seeing. 

    I've still been doing meal trains & dropping off dinner for friends & neighbors who have had babies and so I think I'll likely be totally comfortable with people dropping off food for us too. I think a lot of it (after exiting the hospital requirements) will come down to personal comfort level.

    Oh and since visitors aren't allowed at the hospital siblings won't be allowed to come...kind of sad but a bigger part of me is like meh oh well, we'll get a cute picture at home. 
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  • kvh22kvh22 member
    edited August 2020
    @goldpolkadot I hadn't thought about siblings not being able to come. It was cute for DD1 to visit. That's a bummer. DH isn't allowed at appointments here which would stink for FTMs. As it is, DD1 & DD2 will be home so DH will have to watch them regardless (we have literally no one who could watch them). Also, more incentive to get out of the hospital as quickly as possible. I'm sure we'll share birth stories at some point but I had a weird, traumatic, fluke thing happen that required emergency surgery and a regular 2 night stay when DD2 was cleared to leave after the first night (which was our plan).

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  • I'm not sure if spouses can come to appts here or not, but in the same boat that my DH would need to watch my other kids anyway. I think DH only came to two appts with my first and none for the other two lol. It wasn't worth it for him to take off work in our case. 
    It will definitely be a bummer to not have siblings come meet them in the hospital. I am really hoping to not have to wear a mask during labor. So curious to see how things go from now til April. As far as after, I will probably still allow my  mom and MIL to visit. And will likely not make them wear masks. But we'll see/play it by ear. 
  • rexnierexnie member
    edited August 2020
    @runsoncoffee ditto - my husband only came to one appointment during my first pregnancy so it’s not as impactful for us but I know that it must be harder for some FTMs. In my area, private ultrasound clinics are still allowing partners, so my pregnant friends have included spouses that way. There are some really affordable options ($20-30)!

    I’m selfishly relieved partners aren’t invited to OB appointments here (yet). I’m immunocompromised (and my babies are for the first 6 months after birth), so I really don’t want to be around other people indoors unless they have an essential need to be there. 

    I am a little bummed about not having my son in the hospital to meet the new baby. I had planned to hire a sibling doula and involve him as much as possible / as long as things were appropriate, and this will obviously be very different. But we will figure it out! I also get a little sad not knowing when the baby will meet aunts/uncles/grandparents, most of whom we haven’t seen since last year anyways. But so much can change regarding treatments, vaccines, and even rapid testing (wahoo to the fda approval yesterday!) so I am trying to just take it one step at a time and focus on the positives. I feel very grateful we’ve been able to largely self isolate this whole time. I miss a lot of how life used to be, but there’s also something really sweet about kind of cocooning to grow this baby and our family. 



  • I keep hearing about a test you can do yourself at home and get results within a few minutes. I'm hoping this ends up being reliable and widely available. Will make introducing to family a lot less stressful for sure. 
  • I'm in California and we are definitely having a huge COVID impact here (lots of debates and anger over how it has been handled although I personally think most of the issue is at the federal level). I'm terrified of getting it, especially as I understand how there are "risk factors" but also feel like it's not uncommon to hear of young individuals with unanticipated issues. DH and I are REALLY lucky and able to both work from home for now, so our only "risk" is having our 22 month old in his small in person day care. The provider wears a mask but of course I am still nervous. I am really hopeful we have huge advancements by the time the baby comes.. even if just with testing! It would be a game changer to be able to have my parents and in laws come to visit and help. Until then, we are taking very few risks.. no social gatherings unless small and outside with 10ish feet of distance, or in masks inside with family we know and trust. No-one at appointments except me but I'm fine with that..
  • @goldpolkadot I sort of agree about not being bummed about the no visitors! I was so wiped and tired with my son that visitors were just stressful to me, it will be nice to have a reason to stay home and snuggle on the couch. Going to be hard with my son though- hopeful the world will be at a place I can take him to a park or let him stay in his daycare to burn off energy!
  • I want to agree with what everyone's saying about visitors, but at the same time, our families are both SO pushy that I know they aren't going to take no for an answer and I'm worried that they won't listen to us about taking proper precautions (quarantining ahead of time, or wearing masks, not kissing baby, etc.) I am prayinggg that things get better by then in some respects so that either testing is super easy or there is a vaccine or something. I get stressed every time I think about our families wanting to visit the baby right after we get home from the hospital, but I have to remind myself that it's so far off and so much could change by then that there's no sense stressing now.

    I can see how if it's not your first baby, the appointments aren't a big deal. For me as a FTM I would be devastated. My friend in Colorado is so disappointed that he can't be there for ultrasounds for his first child. 

    I also get terrified thinking about my husband potentially testing positive and not being allowed into the delivery room with me and having to labor by myself. I would NOT be able to handle that. But we're being super cautious to avoid that scenario. 

    I'm very anxious to see what my doctor says on Monday about rules re: having a doula in the room at delivery. I am hoping we can, but I'm not sure if it's allowed right now because of COVID.
  • DH is allowed to come in the room for ultrasounds but not for appointments. My first appointment (9/15 I think? I am awful at remembering dates but I did write it down 😂) is an ultrasound followed by meeting with the doctor. I’m not sure if DH will come because someone has to watch the kids and we haven’t told our family yet. So he’ll likely have to stay home with them while I go - it’s pretty early too, so it wouldn’t be super easy to get grandparents over here. I do feel bad for FTMs who can’t experience that together with their partners like you could before all this mess started. I also have this fear that he won’t be with me and I’ll get bad news that I’ll have to take on my own, but that’s just my anxiety talking. I have no reason to actually believe that I’ll get bad news.

    One of my biggest concerns isn’t so much exposure to COVID right now, but closer to the time I’m going to be having the baby. My DH is a youth pastor and we started meeting with them on the playground on Wednesday nights back at the beginning of August. We’re outside and not technically “distanced” but they go off in their little groups and I talk to the same few kids every week and I’m not too worried about that. He wants to keep doing more and more with the students, which I get - we love them and it was really hard to be limited to seeing them on Zoom for so long, and it is his job after all! But at the same time I kind of wish we could slow down. I know we don’t know what next April will look like in terms of the virus and everything, and I can’t expect a whole ministry to shut down just because I’m pregnant. But I’m concerned about one of us testing positive for the virus and then having to separate from family/each other/the baby/whoever depending on how it’s going to be then.

    Sorry, that’s long and rambly. I’ve been thinking about it this week though. DH has been in touch with our other youth leader volunteers and a few of them are not willing to come back yet, and he said that’s totally fine, he understands. The thing is I don’t know if I’m ready yet either, but I feel like I have to be there. The wife is really part of the youth pastor package. I love what we’re doing, but this is just hard!
  • @bblair24 I’m sorry, that’s hard. One of my best friends is due next month. We’ve been hanging out regularly, but we actually saw her this morning (outside) for the last time before birth / fourth trimester is over. Their whole family is going back into a strict quarantine because she doesn’t want to risk exposure which could mean her partner couldn’t be allowed into the hospital for the birth, or the newborn could be exposed. All that to say that your comfort level / risk threshold is totally allowed to change as you navigate this journey and get closer to birth. I hope you and your husband can continue to work together to figure out what feels right through each stage of the pregnancy.  

    @theblondebump I have pushy family too and had to lay down firm boundaries when my son was born since he was immunocompromised. It absolutely stunk in the moment, but now it’s nbd and everyone has moved on. I’m here if you want to chat! 
  • @theblondebump My inlaws are so sweet but were surprisingly pushy and "grab the baby" esque when I had my son, it was not what I expected so I do think they would be hurt at us laying boundaries down (they live a few hours away so when they come they usually stay with us which is an intense visit). My SIL is wonderful but I don't trust her farther than I can throw her.. we have already caught her lying about covid precautions (will. FaceTime her and she is with a huge group of people inside with no masks then deny it) a few times so there's NO way she is coming to visit unless the world is a very different place by then! I'll have to cross that bridge when I come to it.. 

    @bblair24 That is so tough. I keep putting my hope into a rapid test widely available like a pregnancy test - and reading articles that more and more companies are developing them and trying to find production mass enough the public can use it (currently just at hospitals and law enforcement for most)... if that happens it would be a game changer! 
  • @rexnie - thank you! I appreciate that and will def take you up on it closer to the end!! @eahayes - we have similar family members, my mom does the same thing - she is always like, I'm not even around other people but then I catch going here and there and visiting this person, etc. and no one is wearing masks and she's like well that doesn't count! :eye roll: 

    I figure I have to just wait and see what things are like closer to April, but if nothing is different, I probably won't want to see anyone for like the last two months or so. Don't want any chance that my husband won't be able to be in the delivery room or that my baby and I will be separated after birth. 
  • @rexnie and @eahayes, thank you guys! We just had a conversation about it and my hesitations. He said I definitely need to do what feels best. I think another quarantine closer to my due date might be a good idea. I’m still hoping deep down that all of this will be magically better by then! Or greatly improved at the very least. 
  • I am also in California (los angeles - so hard hit). We’ve been pretty careful about social distancing and masks and both my husband and I work from home most of the time. I do medical research and go into different hospitals/clinics a couple times a month but I don’t have any direct patient interaction. Our 3 year old just started at a small, outdoor only preschool so we do have some concern there I already have such a high risk pregnancy that it’s stressful to have another factor on top of it all. I am allowed my partner at all visits. My biggest concern is if my baby needs NICU time (like my first did) we would need to test negative before visiting. 

    I agree with others on less visitors. I did not want visitors aside from my mom after my first and I felt like it was a constant stream of people in my face. I do not want to share my pregnancy news with my in-laws until I’m further along but in order to encourage them to be more mindful of masks and social distancing I feel like I may have to tell them sooner than I’d like. A lot is going to change in the next 6+ months though so we will see!!
  • So far my husband is allowed at appointments. We're changing doctors later this month though, so we'll see. 

    A big concern I just thought of is whether we're going to celebrate the holidays with family this year. If things don't drastically change I can't imagine gathering for Thanksgiving or Christmas, as heartbreaking as that is. My 20 something year old cousins have been so irresponsible during this whole thing and I don't want to risk it for my pregnant self or my daughter with sinus issues. I have a 31 year old friend that was healthy before she contracted covid in March and now she's hospitalized, hasn't been able to walk in months, can't eat, is always in constant pain and a whole laundry list of horrible symptoms. We've been overly cautious and now I'll be more so. 
  • I've been thinking about the holidays too @thedomesticgeek ! It's so sad :( But I feel similarly - our families are so big so it would mean being around A LOT of people and I know they aren't being all that safe. I always imagined being pregnant at Christmas time and having my whole family around, but I honestly don't know if that's the best idea with COVID :(
  • @thedomesticgeek I'm so sorry about your friend. I'm definitely terrified of catching this too, which means probably solo holidays this year-- so sad because my (almost) 2 year old is finally old enough to understand what they are!
  • bumpitupbumpitup member
    edited September 2020
    I’m late to this conversation, but this is also a big concern of mine. We haven’t told my in-laws yet but we will be seeing them multiple times over the next few weeks. They definitely feel differently about that whole thing than I do, and I’m not comfortable with the activities they are doing in public. We have a family wedding coming up that would require a hotel stay and I’m super anxious about it. It’s my husband’s sister, so we really can’t skip it. I just don’t know how to handle the situation - it’s indoors with 100+ guests. 
  • @bumpitup I totally understand the family pressure, unfortunately. That said, I feel like each family unit really needs to do what’s best for them so I’d be of the camp of skipping the wedding OR going and not staying at the hotel (if it’s local)? Tho, I will say that hotels (esp. big chains) are doing a good job of keeping things clean, if that helps your anxiety! You guys just need to decide what you’re comfortable with!
  • For me, I heard that people on blood thinners (which I am) are less likely to get covid but being a teacher that works with children who have intensive needs, I am a little worried being that we go back to school this week. My principal (who is the only person that knows in my school) even suggested I go on leave early too because I am a high risk pregnancy as is and he knows how difficult this road has been for us. I guess we shall see...

    For now, my clinic does not allow my husband to come for ultrasounds or appointments with me but who knows if that will change as the months go by. As for family, this baby is kind of a huge deal given our loss history and the fact that even though it's technically the second grandbaby, it will be the first living (hopefully) one. I don't think we will be able to keep the immediate family away. My grandma will be coming out but she is basically permanently quarantined for now because she is 89 and a cancer survivor, so she is hyper cautious with covid. As for our parents, we will probably ask them to be tested first, which I don't see being a problem because my husband's family owns an occupational health and safety company and his mom is a nurse practitioner, so they have the covid tests on hand for them to do themselves.
  • @bumpitup oh man, I don't envy your situation, it would be so stressful to be indoors with that many people. What a tough decision. We decided not to go to my cousins wedding that was actually supposed to be this past weekend because we weren't comfortable traveling for it. She ended up having only about 15 people attend because so many people canceled.


    I'm so happy to see this thread. I've been going over all kinds of different scenarios in my head recently, and I'm so relieved that I'm not alone.

    I'm a FTM and live in BC, Canada. So far it sounds like DH will be allowed at all of the appointments with me, and at the hospital, thankfully. Our area has not had much trouble with covid, yet, but who knows what will happen. I work at the hospital where I will give birth, so I'm actually very familiar with the procedures and protocols there, and it seems pretty safe. We just need to stay healthy ourselves until April.

    I really have no idea what I will do about people meeting the baby, and as other ladies have said, I hope things change a lot between now and April. I think most of our families will respect our wishes, and I would not hesitate asking our families to self isolate before they can meet the baby. Unfortunately testing is not widely available here unless you are symptomatic.
    My dad is pretty low risk, he sees me and DH and that's about it, his circle is very, very small. My FIL I do not trust completely, and I know he sees more people than he says he does.

    It will be interesting to see what happens after kids are back in school for a bit, and will likely determine whether my friends with school age kids will be able to visit the baby at all.
  • @mommeleon If it was anyone else’s wedding, it wouldn’t even be up for debate. I’m thinking we can skip the hotel stay which is one of my biggest concerns. I know there’s still not much info on the virus and pregnancy, and different healthcare providers may suggest different things, but my plan is to put my trust in what my Dr recommends. 

    I’m also so happy to see this thread. We originally pushed back our plans of trying to get pregnant because of Covid, so it’s always been on my mind. This is my second child so I’m a little more relaxed this time in general, but Covid is definitely causing some anxiety. 
  • @mommeleon Yay another Canadian 🍁. I am all the way in Ontario though lol!! It’s awesome that DH can attend appointments with you ❤️. Mine cannot, but I’m a STM and he wasn’t really planning to attend this go round (maybe the 20 week ultrasound). He can be in the room though, but so much can change in these coming months. 
    Hubby & Me: Born 1993
    Married: August 2013
    Son: December 2018
    Baby in heaven: February 2020, was due Sept



  • mommeleonmommeleon member
    edited September 2020
    @theblondebump so glad the wedding worked out well for you. Not having access to a bathroom is literally one of my biggest concerns haha.. I'm going out of town with my dad on Monday to see some family, and I'm already worried about it. 

    @kelseyyh oh yay!!! DH has a ton of family in southern Ontario - St. Catharines, Guelph, etc. We were out a few years ago so I could meet them all. One of his cousins out there is supposed to be getting married Sept 2021 if things are a little calmer by then, so we may even be back out that way (hopefully with a baby in tow!). Also, I thought DH could come to all of my appointments, but our midwife said yesterday that unless things change in the next while, he won't be allowed until the 3rd trimester.  He does get to come to the first US tomorrow.
  • hahahaha @runsoncoffee good to know! 
  • peppylilfoxypeppylilfoxy member
    edited September 2020
    @kelseyhh and @mommeleon Hahaha, I'm one province away from both of you! I'm sitting here in Saskatchewan! 🤣 And technically I'm a STM pregnancy wise since I went full term with my son (stillborn) but FTM if this little bub survives so I'm in between the both of you in that sense too (sorry... I have an odd sense of humour)
  • Question for @jenn622-2 and any other Southern California moms:
    My husband has a job opportunity that would have us moving from Dallas TX to Irvine CA in January. I know the wildfires are dominating the news out that way, but how is the greater LA area doing with covid? Nothing is really happening here with most things running as usual, just masks in all public places. Nervous about whether or not I’ll be allowed to have my home birth as planned if we move. 
  • @Serenamarr Irvine is in Orange County which is doing better COVID wise than LA county where I am. They just reopened the OC schools and obviously the situation is constantly evolving but I don’t see any reason why you wouldn’t be able to have a home birth. I don’t know much about the home birth process but I work in the medical field and everything is pretty much business as usual with extra precautions. I would think as long as you are not testing positive for COVID then it shouldn’t be a problem. Fires are still raging but the smoke has mostly seemed to dissipate in the coastal southern areas (not sure about other areas but Irvine should be fine) Good luck!! 
  • One other comment - just FYI that if your baby ends up needing NICU time, many hospitals make you test negative for COVID before visiting your baby 😢 makes sense as I wouldn’t want potentially sick people anywhere near my baby but it would be so hard if that were to happen. It recently happened to a friend of mine. My first son needed NICU time so I’m being extra cautious in case this baby does too - I don’t want anything to get in the way of seeing my little one and who knows how long you could test positive for after exposure (even if your asymptomatic). 
  • Many of my friends who have delivered since Covid started were told by their hospitals that if the mother tested positive when they went to the hospital for labor, that the baby would be taken away immediately after birth and separated from the parents for 14 days. If husband tested positive, then not allowed into the hospital for labor. 
  • Many of my friends who have delivered since Covid started were told by their hospitals that if the mother tested positive when they went to the hospital for labor, that the baby would be taken away immediately after birth and separated from the parents for 14 days. If husband tested positive, then not allowed into the hospital for labor. 
    This is legit one of my worst fears. I am 100% not okay with this BUT it looks like the AAP no longer recommends that. I actually have a friend there I will ask about it. (https://www.healio.com/news/pediatrics/20200728/aap-no-longer-recommends-separating-newborns-from-mothers-with-covid19) I guess I should also check with the hospital I will be delivering at. Or is that a question for the OB? I'm working on getting my 20 week appointment set up with them after we move.


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  • bblair24bblair24 member
    edited September 2020
    I’m also absolutely terrified of having to be separated from the baby for two weeks. It also blows my mind that they could even do that. I hope that’s not a thing anymore, and definitely not come April. I would be an absolute basket case!
  • @peppylilfoxy Ahh! Saskatchewan - that’s awesome 🍁. One of us lol! A friend actually just told me that she’s thinking of moving to a small town there. My Grampa was also born in Saskatchewan 💕 (son of Ukrainian immigrants). 

    You have to have a weird sense of humour when life gives you the worst. 💕. I get it. 
    Hubby & Me: Born 1993
    Married: August 2013
    Son: December 2018
    Baby in heaven: February 2020, was due Sept



  • How has everyone been handling any large gatherings? Avoiding them all together? Our going with caution? I brought this up earlier, but as the date approaches my anxiety is even higher! My SIL is getting married in two weeks. The location of the wedding is the current #1 hot spot in the country! The wedding is indoors and approx 70ish people. It really should be canceled, and for a number of reasons, we haven’t told my husband’s family yet...I’m so torn on what we should do. I asked my Dr at my first appt and was really hoping she just said not to go, but at that point she said it was ok...just mask up. We also have a 2yr old who we’ve kept mostly home for the last 6 months. It all just seems so risky... but it’s my husband’s sister!! Does anyone else have a similar situation? 
  • rexnierexnie member
    edited October 2020
    @bumpitup I’m sorry - that would be so tough. 

    My brother is getting married next fall, outdoors only though. I’m hoping with every bone in my body things are safe by then, because I can’t imagine missing. 

    We have avoided all gatherings so far but haven’t had to miss anything super big (wedding/funeral). Just birthdays, engagements, and small holidays - that’s already been hard enough! 

    With thanksgiving coming up, my siblings and mom are all flying to my brother in LA. It’s only a 2.5ish hour drive for us so we will meet up with them outdoors with precautions (masks, distancing) which I’m looking forward to! We will skip dinner there since they’re all dining outside already, and I don’t think their yard is big enough to keep distance without masks on. 
  • @bumpitup that is so hard! Could YH go by himself?

    We declined two weddings this past weekend, thankfully they weren't family. DH is going to his aunt's funeral on Friday, but it is outside and he will keep a mask on the whole time. Other than that we avoid any gathering larger than DH's family, who all works together. We will probably do Thanksgiving with my family, but are hoping to have people get tested ahead of time and will wear masks and social distance. 
  • @bumpitup SO stressful! I would probably avoid those types of gatherings but I know it's a personal decision, especially with it being his sister! Maybe he could go by himself and leave early, wear a mask the whole time and avoid people as much as possible? I know easier said than done.. 
  • @bumpitup I’ve been really careful in general so I wouldn’t say I’m in the norm, but I would avoid a large group like that personally. In my opinion, if it were that important for me or my husband to be there, there wouldn’t be 70 other people there. I’m either in your top 20 people to be there or I’m not that important. Masks only work well when everyone wears them, not when only the person at risk wears them. There are safer ways (outside, with masks) so again, if it were important they could make it safer. 
    If you want to go, do it. If you don’t feel comfortable, my only point of this post is that you shouldn’t feel bad. They have the decision making power to prioritize you. 
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