My OB gave me the general schpeel at my first appt to be 'more careful than if I weren't pregnant' and immediately recognized that 'being careful' means different things to different people, lol. Always wear a mask, and opt for outdoor events vs. indoor. Generally stay away from indoor / enclosed areas with large gatherings of people, and avoid air travel unless 100% necessary. All makes sense to me. Who knows where the state of affairs will be come April but my OB wasn't 'optimistic' about having a vaccine that is widely available and administered.
@goldpolkadot I'm totally with you on seeing the positives of using COVID as an excuse to keep people away, haha - but this is also my second pregnancy so I also agree that I would feel different if it were my first.
I'm wondering how the holidays in the more near term are going to play out - we live in a cold weather climate so an outdoor Thanksgiving or Christmas is not an option. There are alot of daughter-in-laws now on my husbands side of the family that are more vocal about COVID than I am so I am happy to hop on their coattails and say that we don't feel comfortable doing a large indoor gathering. The aunts will NOT take this well, haha
Side vent, but the whole setting boundaries and quarantining perspectives back in the spring REALLY stressed me out because my in laws were NOT taking it seriously at all and I basically had to tell them 'no' when it came to stopping by to see DD. It created A LOT of tension and really made me upset and stressed. But now I'm totally over being nervous to upset people's feelings. This pandemic is obviously not going away and as the weather turns cooler again, people just need to respect other peoples boundaries and rules, end of story! Maybe its easier now because I know I'm pregnant? I don't know. But I feel less stressed about it all going into the Fall season. Just hoping everyone I know can stay healthy - and not at each others throats!
@bumpitup, I’m sorry - that’s a tricky place to be in! The only large-ish gatherings we’ve been to are with the family members that we’ve been seeing consistently. My parents and brother and sister-in-law and nieces, and also my in-laws. I know they’re all playing by the rules, so I feel okay seeing them. We turned down an invitation to a birthday party for DD1’s good friend from where we previously lived. They don’t know that I’m pregnant yet, but I told DH I feel good with who we’ve been exposed to thus far and don’t feel comfortable adding people to that list.
Like the others have said, you can only do what you feel comfortable doing! If you don’t feel comfortable, I would stay home. I know it’s hard because it’s family. This whole thing just sucks soooo much. And I know everyone keeps saying it’s “unprecedented times,” which it is, so there’s not like a rule on “what pregnant ladies should do during Covid-19.” Life would be so much easier if there was, but I feel like we’re all just playing it by ear and doing what feels right!
Thank you all so much! You’ve all echoed what I’ve been thinking, but it’s so hard to actually just put my foot down and say we aren’t going. I would have been devastated if one of our siblings wasn’t at our wedding, but I also recognize that this absolutely is not normal times. My state does have a mask mandate, but since most of a wedding reception is eating and drinking, I can’t imagine that masks will be worn much through the night. We’ve though about just having my husband go, but that’s still a risk that he could bring something home. Part of me is just really hoping that the state or county come out and mandated that all large events are canceled, but seeing how that has gone in the past I’m not too optimistic. And there’s a certain NFL team that I’m sure would not let them happen...
@bumpitup Seems like one of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” scenarios. I hope your SIL is an understanding soul. I echo what @forevertired and @emeraldisle17 said.. if you’re not comfortable, I’d err on the side of caution and just try to deliver the news as gently as possible since it probably will be upsetting. But I wouldn’t do what I’m not comfortable with. I don’t participate in any events right now, but I’m also a total helicopter mom and over thinker. The CDC’s recommendations/warnings for pregnant women have shut down any nay sayers or judging judys I’ve come across because, really, who are they to argue with the CDC? Good luck doll, I hope whatever you decide keeps your mama heart at peace.
@bumpitup a mom in my last BMB just missed her sister's wedding in August for a similar thing. It was supposed to be outdoors with immediate family only and she was going to drive relatively far to avoid air travel and stay in a hotel for 2 nights to do it. Her parents got there the day before her and found out her future BIL invited all these friends/family friends so it was going to be 50ppl. She didn't go. If they wanted family there, they should have prioritized the guest list.
My sister went to a wedding last weekend and came down with an upper respiratory infection (tested negative for covid): headache, naesau, vomiting, shortness of breath, fatigue. She saw a Dr as well and apparently it didn't fully line up with covid 🤷 but she caught SOMETHING at that wedding. I was really mad at her for being so dumb when it was just a random friend and indoors at a time of year that could have been outside. Not. Worth. The. Risk. (IMO)
@bumpitup could you go for the ceremony part and stand in the back away from the rest of the guests and skip the rest? Would they consider asking guests to get tested?
I’m a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding in January (rescheduled from June) and there are about 70 people. She’s asking everyone to get COVID tests prior to coming. Unfortunately, I’m definitely not going since it would require plane travel and I don’t feel comfortable with flying but I’m not sure I would go even if it was local. Good luck with whatever you decide! It’s tough.
Ugh thats so tough @bumpitup ! We attended a small wedding earlier in September but it was all outdoor and we actually told the bride and groom we couldn't stay for dinner unless we had our own table and they put us at our own table, haha. I can only imagine how hard that is since it's YH's sister! But I personally am opting out of all events with that number of people and ANY indoor events where masks aren't being worn. In my experience, working in the wedding industry, people are unfortunately NOT wearing masks at weddings right now. I mean, they have to understand that they are asking people to jeopardize their health by attending an indoor event with 70 people, don't they? Is the ceremony also indoors? May you or your husband could attend for the ceremony only, with masks, and social distancing. The ceremony is the most important part any way, right? Ugh, what a tough situation!
@bumpitup if I were in your situation I would have my husband go alone just for the ceremony then leave. Most people will be masked still I would imagine, no one will be talking, eating or drinking. And then that way she can’t really hold resentment that he wasn’t there.
I understand it’s a tough spot to be in to have to cancel or postpone your wedding but it really comes off as so selfish to me to expect people to flout safety and risk their lives for you. I got a formal invite in the mail yesterday to an in-person baby shower indoors in a restaurant and I know there will be at least 50 people there since it’s a couples shower... like 😳 I’m sorry but anyone’s event is not worth my family’s health and people being in such denial is the reason we’re still dealing with this thing 9 months later.
@bumpitup good luck with making this choice. That’s such a hard predicament. I don’t really have words of advice because I also don’t know the 70 guests and how safe they are all being with social distancing and masks, or how large the venue is. I mean, if it’s a place where everyone could sit in their own family pod and be a good 10 feet from each other and everyone wore a mask and the ceremony was short and simple, I might risk it for my husbands sister but decline the reception. But if it’s a small venue and a longer ceremony and most of the other guests play it fast and loose I’d say “we hate that this year has affected such a special day, but really look forward to a day we can see the photos with you” or just let YH attend it solo and shower when he gets home. I hope no matter what happens that you feel comfortable with the choice you make that’s best for you and your nuclear family.
Ahh I’m so happy! The county where the reception was going to take place finally put a ban on all group gatherings of more than 10 people. I’m so relieved! They’re still doing a small outdoor reception, but it will be much safer and easier to distance ourselves (and sneak out early).
Is anyone else having trouble wearing a mask since being pregnant?? I legit cannot wear mine for more than 10-15 minutes without dry heaving. I was perfectly fine with it up until the past month. So weird...
@runsoncoffee I’m struggling with my n95 more than usual, but it’s a shortness of breath issue not nausea.
Can you try a disposable mask? They’re more breathable. Or a drop of peppermint or eucalyptus oil in a cloth mask? And making sure you brush your teeth or rinse with mouthwash right before wearing your mask!
@rexnie we don't have any oils. We do have some disposable masks (although they don't fit me very well) but I'd be willing to try. I'll have to be more mindful of brushing my teeth beforehand too. I dont specifically smell something bad like my breath haha but the minty smell might help!
@runsoncoffee agree on the mask- but I bought some from Joah love and they are much easier to wear! I also have some Old Navy ones but don't wear them that often..
@runsoncoffee yes!! I find a mint just helps for some reason, maybe just changes how I’m breathing, or the smell makes it easier?
Is anyone else dreading upcoming holidays because of covid? I feel like I’d like to be able to just say we are only seeing people for short visits but I know it’s going to upset family members...especially MIL...
@theletlers yes, definitely dreading holidays. We always go to WI to celebrate thanksgiving with my immediate family. Despite everything happening in WI, they are all super serious and safe, so I feel comfortable going, but i don't think my mom is going to feel comfortable having us all inside the house. I get it, it just makes me really sad.
@theletlers Yes!! Definitely dreading the holidays. We usually only celebrate with our immediate families (who we've been seeing, but in the middle of COVID, and flu season it doesn't feel safe to be around even that many people inside.
@cagncoo12 I live in Wisconsin, and I'm so upset with how bad it is here! I can understand your mom not wanting so many people in her house, but as long as you're both practicing safe social distancing prior to the visit, it should be fine!
It's definitely better in some parts of the state than others - I live in the Milwaukee suburbs, and people in my circle are taking it very seriously, but cases are still on the rise. We were "up north" at our cabin last week and there's definitely a different mindset there. The clinics/hospitals changed their visitor policy and my husband can't come to my 20-week ultrasound anymore That was the only appt he was going to be able to come to, and I'm crushed! This is my second pregnancy, which makes it a little easier, but I'm still so disappointed.
I think I’m secretly hoping they put a cap on number of people. I have one sister fro out of state planning on coming for the holidays, but the other two are not. But I have two more sisters who live in the same city as us (big family I know!) But then once we add in husbands and kids just the four of us and our parents would mean 23 people. For Easter none of us got together really (the two other sisters did because one was always watching the others kids during the week so not really a new risk) and then Fourth of July we did, but it was mostly outdoors, so better and cases were lower by us. But case numbers are going up now. I feel like I’ve always had something hard happen during pregnancy and just don’t want this time around to be “i got covid while pregnant because I saw my family for a holiday party.”
@bumpitup that sucks that DH can't go to your 20 week u/s! I'm from Milwaukee suburbs (Wauwatosa/Brookfield.).. i was there for two weeks a few weeks ago and felt pretty good about the mask usage. Talked to my mom last night and we decided that DH and I will get tested before we come as well as my sister who will be quarantining for 14 days prior to coming. I think she is even going to have my two local brothers test before the actual day, so hopefully we will be good!
Ugh, this is all just so stressful. I just want to be pregnant, and happy and safe!
Yes, I'm feeling anxious about the holidays! DH and I have huge families and we would normally be partaking in very large family gatherings for the holidays. I usually find it exhausting, but I actually thought it would be really fun and exciting this year since I'm pregnant. Also, DH and I moved from NYC to the suburbs in April and I really wanted to host our first Christmas in our new house, but covid just complicates everything
I've been seeing my mom multiple times a week, so I'm sure we'll still see her at the very least for the holidays, but I don't really feel comfortable seeing my brother and his wife and their 5 kids, knowing they are all going to work/school etc. and same with DH's large family. It just doesn't seem like the best idea to be mixing households indoors right now, even though it'll make me really sad to not see family for the holidays, it feels especially disappointing while pregnant
@theblondebump just wondering, how do you plan on telling different households you guys are going to see your mom but not others. I’m super nervous about telling my MIL we might not see her. I just honestly don’t feel comfortable being around her with how lax they are about masks and going out and social distancing. But we will have to travel to see FIL (they are divorced) and they live in the same city. But that side of the family does “social distance” gatherings which have all been outside. For Christmas they plan on renting the clubhouse at someone’s subdivision so families can sit farther away from each other and just keep it more of quick visit and not really hugs. But MIL will take a much different attitude. She still hasn’t spoken to us since my text to her almost two weeks ago! Any tips you have for navigating family conflict??
Ugh, today my 3 year old spiked a fever and had massive diarrhea. We took him to get a rapid COVID test and thankfully it came back negative. My husband and I also got tested but didn’t do the rapid results. I assume we are all negative but figured it was the responsible thing to check and my son requires negative test after fever to return to pre-school. We called the preschool just to give them a heads up and the owner/teacher told us she had a stomach bug last week and also got a COVID test (negative). Glad everyone was negative but kind of annoyed that the teacher brought the stomach virus into the school. I’m sure my son is not the only one that caught it and they will all require COVID tests to come back. I just hope the teachers are being as careful in their personal lives as we are being in ours....
@theletlers ugh that's a tough spot. Is there anything you can say that your family is doing that she won't do? Like just something such as "Since I'm immune suppressed due to pregnancy, we're only seeing people who agree to no more than x # of ppl and 6ft apart wearing masks when possible who have also been good about doing that with others."
We will be staying with my mom (we're moving across the country) so we'll see her and my sister of course (my sister lives with her). They asked how we felt about my uncle, grandmother, and family friend coming. Honestly, my mom with her retail job is the most exposed so it doesn't increase our risk by much so we're considering it. We haven't seen anyone since last Christmas but I'd want to do masks and spread out if we see them. MIL and FIL are 15 years older than my mom so higher risk but I think we might go there for an hour and socially distance in masks. I'm really hoping we can have nice weather and be outside for some of it but idk that it's likely. We won't see other siblings as they won't travel/risk exposing.
@jenn622-2 I'm sorry your son is sick. There's so much extra stress around the tiniest thing right now. My sister had headaches, nausea/vomiting, exhaustion, and shortness of breath and her test was negative and she saw a doctor who said it was just a URI. I thought that was crazy. Hopefully it's just a normal bug for your son.
Hi all, I'm new here. I can't figure out how to start a new thread, but my question is over COVID, so I figured I'd keep this one going. I just wanted to get a general feels for how strict you are all being on people you see. I have limited my circle to my three family members that live nearby and 4 of my girlfriends & their significant others. My gfs know I'm pregnant and that I'm being extra careful. We have plans to do dinner at one of our houses next week, but I've noticed through social media that they are starting to see other friends and going to restaurants indoors. We're in MA so indoor dining is limited, but still, i personally won't be eating indoors. Would you guys stop seeing these friends? They're assuring me that they're being safe, etc. But idk, ugh this whole experience is just so hard with COVID. I want to see friends and feel some sort of connection to others, but babies health is priority.
@ally562310617, welcome! It’s such a hard decision to make. We have my MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and nephew in what I consider our “safe zone” and we see them indoors and unmasked. We don’t go to restaurants and they do not either (aside for takeout or outdoor grab coffee types of things). I made sure we were in the same page with this before we started seeing them (more for their sake than ours since they are older). My son goes to preschool which is a definitely a risk but one we felt we needed to take because we need childcare! I’m in Los Angeles and only outdoor dining is allowed but I’ve walked/driven past the restaurants and they still look too close and crowded for me to feel safe. I have friends/family that are going to restaurants and hanging with friends so with those friends we will see them outside with masks on but we don’t go indoors together and keep our masks. My husbands grandmother is fairly isolated but because we are “exposed” with preschoolers and she is in her 90s we only see her outdoors with masks on for her safety. Could you make your dinner outdoors and sit with a little distance between you? That’s what I would do but we all have different levels of what we feel is safe!!
@theletlers sorry for delayed response - had a busy few days and wasn't on here!
My mom lives about 15 minutes from DH and I and my in-laws are about 3 hours away, so we've been seeing my mom multiple times a week and haven't seen in laws since labor day and that was the first time since March. We're basically just telling all family that we're not traveling for holidays this year and if they really wanted to come here to our house, they are welcome, but we're not going anywhere. And honestly, I know there's no way that they will drive here, so it's basically just saying we're not spending the holidays with them. We're not inviting my brother and his wife and kids though even because the kids are in school and my brother is working outside of the house and so I'm not comfortable being around him and his family, so it's only my mom and her partner and we've been seeing them all the time anyway so I don't feel like it's any additional risk. I don't know if that helps at all, but basically I'm just choosing to prioritize my safety and comfort this year and say sorry we're not traveling at all!
Thank you for your response! I'm originally from LA and have just been in Boston the past year :) So it's starting to get cold, but I did tell them I prefer outside if its warm enough, so fingers crossed next Thursday isn't too cold here, because of of my friends has a nice outdoor patio.
@ally562310617 I think patio heaters and fire pits are going to be really big this fall - they can get you through a good chunk of the fall / early winter. I’d buy one and offer to host if it’s too cool.
We see my brother and a few friends, outdoors only with distancing or masks, sometimes both. We’ve spent two weekends sharing indoor space with my brother and his fiancé, but all the adults got tested first.
@bumpitup could you say you’ve been feeling ill for a couple days and excuse yourself from making an appearance for the sake of everyone else? Yes a little harsh but people can’t really be mad at you for taking the precaution. We had our wedding Labor Day weekend(3rd scheduled date thanks to Covid) we didn’t have a big wedding to begin with but we had 40 people and outdoors. I sat co-workers that already engage with each other together, families together, group friends together and I made sure everyone was aware of that seating arrangement and were comfortable. I also purchased custom masks for everyone as one of the favors. In general my DH and I waited long enough so we didn’t want to keep waiting but were super understanding to those that didn’t feel comfortable- which told us- and there is literally no hard feelings. Sadly it’s their time to be excited for their wedding but you have to do what you’re comfortable with.
We’re hosting a gender reveal (not for us) and we’ve purchased a big tent and heater to keep everyone outside.... & I’ll be wearing a mask the entire time. I also am thinking that this would be it as we head into winter. It’s all what you and your husband are comfortable with, others will have to understand.
Ugh, my sons preschool teacher tested positive (tested twice, both +) for COVID so we’ve likely been exposed. She’s asymptomatic right now as are we. We only had small Thanksgiving plans with my MIL/FIL but looks like we won’t be doing that. We plan on getting tested later this week after the recommended incubation time after exposure. Now we just wait 😭
@jenn622-2 that’s sucks, I’m sorry and hope you guys don’t get it!
Our DD’s teacher was exposed and started quarantining on Thursday, no symptoms and we haven’t been told if she got tested 😏. DD had a bad runny nose yesterday and is super stuffed up still today. Basically daycare sucks!
@jenn622-2 ugh so stressful- daycare is so tough because it's SO necessary but there is so much out of your control. I am so nervous to send my son there after thanksgiving because who knows if anyone will have been exposed, but it's literally impossible to work from home with him and I can't take sick days so it sort of just is what it is.. I'm hoping you are all negative or stay asymptomatic - thinking of you!
@ally562310617 welcome! I have been really strict but do occasionally see friends outside in masks. It's freezing at night here but was actually sort of cozy since we all bundled up- felt like we were in Tahoe! What part of LA are you originally from?
@theblondebump literally just got back to this thread!! I wish I could just say we aren’t traveling but they can come here. If I said that she would be packing her car and driving up to see us. Right now she is in Florida. It’s so hard too because what we consider is being safe is not really what she thinks is safe. She keeps saying they are just staying in and keeping to themselves, but yesterday she went to a bigger city than where their vacation house is to go shopping for the day, keeps sending messages to her old friends (she used to live there) asking if anyone wants to get together for dinner, etc. And she always says they’re being safe and wearing masks, but she constantly posts pictures of them not wearing them. Now she is saying she wants to come back to Indiana for a week so she can see us in December and then go back to Florida for a month and then they want to travel through the south for the end of January, February and probably most of March and then come back before the baby is born. I don’t know how to make her understand she is welcome to do this, but we will not be visiting them then in the weeks before baby is due, especially after yesterday’s appointment and being put into a high risk category again.
I've had symptoms since Monday, and went to get tested yesterday... 3 days wait for results . Thankfully my symptoms have been pretty mild so far- sore throat, sinus pressure, chills and body aches.
Wondering how you guys are doing and hoping you didn't get it!
Re: COVID Questions/Concerns
@goldpolkadot I'm totally with you on seeing the positives of using COVID as an excuse to keep people away, haha - but this is also my second pregnancy so I also agree that I would feel different if it were my first.
I'm wondering how the holidays in the more near term are going to play out - we live in a cold weather climate so an outdoor Thanksgiving or Christmas is not an option. There are alot of daughter-in-laws now on my husbands side of the family that are more vocal about COVID than I am so I am happy to hop on their coattails and say that we don't feel comfortable doing a large indoor gathering. The aunts will NOT take this well, haha
Side vent, but the whole setting boundaries and quarantining perspectives back in the spring REALLY stressed me out because my in laws were NOT taking it seriously at all and I basically had to tell them 'no' when it came to stopping by to see DD. It created A LOT of tension and really made me upset and stressed. But now I'm totally over being nervous to upset people's feelings. This pandemic is obviously not going away and as the weather turns cooler again, people just need to respect other peoples boundaries and rules, end of story! Maybe its easier now because I know I'm pregnant? I don't know. But I feel less stressed about it all going into the Fall season. Just hoping everyone I know can stay healthy - and not at each others throats!
My sister went to a wedding last weekend and came down with an upper respiratory infection (tested negative for covid): headache, naesau, vomiting, shortness of breath, fatigue. She saw a Dr as well and apparently it didn't fully line up with covid 🤷 but she caught SOMETHING at that wedding. I was really mad at her for being so dumb when it was just a random friend and indoors at a time of year that could have been outside. Not. Worth. The. Risk. (IMO)
@cagncoo12 I live in Wisconsin, and I'm so upset with how bad it is here! I can understand your mom not wanting so many people in her house, but as long as you're both practicing safe social distancing prior to the visit, it should be fine!
It's definitely better in some parts of the state than others - I live in the Milwaukee suburbs, and people in my circle are taking it very seriously, but cases are still on the rise. We were "up north" at our cabin last week and there's definitely a different mindset there. The clinics/hospitals changed their visitor policy and my husband can't come to my 20-week ultrasound anymore
out of state planning on coming for the holidays, but the other two are not. But I have two more sisters who live in the same city as us (big family I know!) But then once we add in husbands and kids just the four of us and our parents would mean 23 people. For Easter none of us got together really (the two other sisters did because one was always watching the others kids during the week so not really a new risk) and then Fourth of July we did, but it was mostly outdoors, so better and cases were lower by us. But case numbers are going up now. I feel like I’ve always had something hard happen during pregnancy and just don’t want this time around to be “i
got covid while pregnant because I saw my family for a holiday party.”
Ugh, this is all just so stressful. I just want to be pregnant, and happy and safe!
Any tips you have for navigating family conflict??
We will be staying with my mom (we're moving across the country) so we'll see her and my sister of course (my sister lives with her). They asked how we felt about my uncle, grandmother, and family friend coming. Honestly, my mom with her retail job is the most exposed so it doesn't increase our risk by much so we're considering it. We haven't seen anyone since last Christmas but I'd want to do masks and spread out if we see them. MIL and FIL are 15 years older than my mom so higher risk but I think we might go there for an hour and socially distance in masks. I'm really hoping we can have nice weather and be outside for some of it but idk that it's likely. We won't see other siblings as they won't travel/risk exposing.
@jenn622-2 I'm sorry your son is sick. There's so much extra stress around the tiniest thing right now. My sister had headaches, nausea/vomiting, exhaustion, and shortness of breath and her test was negative and she saw a doctor who said it was just a URI. I thought that was crazy. Hopefully it's just a normal bug for your son.
What part of LA are you originally from?
I've had symptoms since Monday, and went to get tested yesterday... 3 days wait for results
Wondering how you guys are doing and hoping you didn't get it!