@vetgirl2011 That is super hard. SO don't feel bad for being upset about it. I don't know how you are monitoring it, but when I was a dietitian in the hospital and educating those with gestational diabetes we usually said count carbs and every once in a while including a small treat with those counted carbs is okay.
Thanks @mtengl! I felt stupid crying over a food craving, but I’m trying so hard to keep my numbers good for the baby! I am counting carbs and doing BG 4 times per day. I also take insulin at night because my fasting numbers were always a little high. I was only told that I could have a treat if it fits in with my carb count for that meal/ snack. It is really hard some days.
@vetgirl2011 That is good advice. Don't ever feel stupid for crying over a food craving. It is really hard to restrict your diet. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job and you have such a strong reason to.
@mtengl it’s our parents who probably wouldn’t be able to or willing to self quarantine for two weeks. I think we are just going to do a super small outdoor thing
So, I just got off of the phone with the person at my company that is in charge of my MAT leave. I've been waiting to hear from her on what they'd be able to offer me, and have been worried because we are a small company and therefore I am not covered by FMLA or anything like that. Thankfully, the conversation went well! They are giving me 6 weeks fully paid leave (and if I want to extend that unpaid they are good with that as well) and then we discussed a transition period where I stay home but start taking calls and working part-time for another 6 weeks or so at partial pay. I feel good about this. I really was scared they were going to only do unpaid leave or only a couple of weeks paid, so this is definitely way better then I was expecting. Also, they seem like they're gonna be really flexible when I transition back in, so that is great as well. Just wanted to share!
@bserena oh what great news! I"m so happy to hear that for you Have you heard anything further with school regarding your chem 2 class? Also how did the exam go?
BFP 3/21/2020! OMG We're having TWINS! 4/17/2020 -------------------------------- LO arrived 11/9/2018! We have a baby! -------------------------------- Me: 33 | DH: 41 Married: March 2016 TTC #1/IUD out January 2017 PCOS dx January 2018 Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018 BFP 3/10/2018! -------------------------------
TTGP December Siggy Co-Winner: Favorite Moments from Holiday Movies/TV
@lurvleybunchococonuts thank you!! Exam went great, I got a 93 and finished with a 94 in the class! So happy. And nothing more yet from school, I am still waiting to find out who my professors are so I can ask them specifically
@bserena good work!!! Booooo at not knowing who your profs are yet. *fist shake*
BFP 3/21/2020! OMG We're having TWINS! 4/17/2020 -------------------------------- LO arrived 11/9/2018! We have a baby! -------------------------------- Me: 33 | DH: 41 Married: March 2016 TTC #1/IUD out January 2017 PCOS dx January 2018 Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018 BFP 3/10/2018! -------------------------------
TTGP December Siggy Co-Winner: Favorite Moments from Holiday Movies/TV
@bserena that’s amazing to hear about work and school!! hopefully you find out the professors soon, in the mean time celebrate your other not so small victories!!💛💛
@bserena not gonna lie... I'm a smidge jelly over the mat leave they're offering you I WISH my company would do something like that. I get FMLA and short term disability for I think it's 6-8 weeks which is like 80% of my pay, but I carry our medical so a good chunk of that goes back to pay for insurance. It's frustrating to say the least. They're flexible with allowing me to stay off for longer without pay and coming back part-time to start but having full pay for those initial 6 weeks off would be aahhhhmazing. I'm a little nervous how it's going to go especially considering the twins may end up in NICU or being pretty little once they're here. Work told me they'd give me the option to come back to work early and then take mat leave, but honestly... if they are in NICU, I will not be able to emotionally leave them there and return to work full-time just to be able to then take leave once they're home. It's all just a stressful headache.
BFP 3/21/2020! OMG We're having TWINS! 4/17/2020 -------------------------------- LO arrived 11/9/2018! We have a baby! -------------------------------- Me: 33 | DH: 41 Married: March 2016 TTC #1/IUD out January 2017 PCOS dx January 2018 Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018 BFP 3/10/2018! -------------------------------
TTGP December Siggy Co-Winner: Favorite Moments from Holiday Movies/TV
American parental leave is such extreme bullshit. I hate that we even have to worry about this stuff, especially like you're saying @lurvleybunchococonuts about a possible NICU stay. It's wrong.
@bserena that's awesome news about your leave and your class - well done! I'm totally jealous about your leave too - as a teacher I get... wait for it.... TWO DAYS of paid maternity leave. Then I have to blow through all of my sick leave and vacation time (I won't ever need that again, right? Like, for instance, when I come back to work with an infant?) Then I can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave. And we don't quality for short term disability. Because we really value teachers in this country.
TW
Me: 33 DH: 32 Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013 Started TTC August 2016 BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17 BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17 BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18 BFP: 2/27/20
@hedgepig WHAT? Two days? TWO?! 😮 wtaf. That is such complete and utter bullshit. I took off more time the first year DD was born than any other time. Babies have appts, get sick, etc. Being forced to use sick time/vacation time for mat leave is so wrong. You are so so right that mat leave in the US is a bunch shit.
BFP 3/21/2020! OMG We're having TWINS! 4/17/2020 -------------------------------- LO arrived 11/9/2018! We have a baby! -------------------------------- Me: 33 | DH: 41 Married: March 2016 TTC #1/IUD out January 2017 PCOS dx January 2018 Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018 BFP 3/10/2018! -------------------------------
TTGP December Siggy Co-Winner: Favorite Moments from Holiday Movies/TV
@hedgepig No way!!!! I totally thought/assumed that teachers would get really good (or at least decent) MAT leave. That is insane!
@lurvleybunchococonuts I carry our insurance too so I definitely get that. My check would be SO much bigger if it wasn't for that. Ugh, we really do get so screwed here in the US it is crazy! Everytime I see/hear about leave in Canada or other places I get so frustrated with the system in place here. We can do so much better.
@hedgepig Two days!?!?!?!?!?! I can't get over that. It's like we're in the old country where you'd squish a baby out and then it was back to the fields for you!
@hedgepig I really wasn’t expecting any paid maternity leave, but I recently learned that I get two weeks. Yay. 2 days is a slap in the face! Why have it at all?
I’m trying to decide how to take my leave as well. I was thinking about doing 10 weeks and then 4 weeks of part time to ease myself back into it. And that would count as my twelve weeks. I think a lot of people don’t realize that you can break it up like that. Like I think you could go PT for 24 weeks, that way you can have a little income coming in.
I’m going to be going straight into busy season, I’m not looking forward to working 60 hours a week when I come back FT.
@potofgolden It depends on the job. My last job wouldn't let me do part time FMLA. It was full or not at all. Which is BS because my co-worker was able to do part time to take care of his wife after she had her baby at the same time I had DD, but I couldn't come back just part time FMLA. @hedgepig I was also working in the school districts as administration for child nutrition program so yeah school systems aren't great when it comes to maternity leave. We did have a disability program which if you paid into they gave you about half of your pay for 6 weeks. Also they required me to use all my sick/vacation leave and It doesn't refresh or I didn't build back up until my new contract started it was crap so I feel you!!
I technically don't qualify for FMLA until like the day before my due date, but my new job is much more reasonable. They said I could take paid time or unpaid off until I qualify for FMLA and then start FMLA from there. I don't have any paid during leave except for any paid time I want to use. I haven't talked to them about part time for a couple of weeks but I may do 8-10 weeks FMLA and then 1-2 weeks part time if they let me. But I may be working from home still so it might not matter.
Work has been busy this week. Not a moment to breath when I am on the clock really. Then chasing the kid off the clock. DD is sleeping in my bed and has been for three weeks now. She wakes up screaming and won't go back into her crib even when she is asleep. I am exhausted!
@lurvleybunchococonuts@bserena@laurenmicheley Wanna know the crazy thing? Not that long ago the paid maternity leave in my district was ONE day, but the paternity leave was TWO days! Whaaaa? Anyway, I know some districts have way better paid leave options, and like @mtengl said, some have a special short term disability program, but you have to know ahead of time to start paying in to it. Luckily for me, this time we split my workload up so I am only teaching 1st and 4th quarters, which means I I won't have to deal with a maternity sub, or technically taking leave, but it does leave me unpaid for half the year. I'm happy to have the opportunity to be home with baby, but am not looking forward to a few lean months...
TW
Me: 33 DH: 32 Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013 Started TTC August 2016 BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17 BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17 BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18 BFP: 2/27/20
Man, all of this discussion about maternity leave in the U.S. sure is depressing. Only to be followed by the obscene costs of daycare. I remember just tearing myself up about trying to decide what to do about it and ended up quitting my job to stay home as I would have been pretty much paying to work when the childcare costs were offset, especially knowing we wanted a second pretty quickly after. It was one of the toughest decisions ever as I pretty much had the dream job that I'd been working towards for the entire decade prior and never had had any real sentiments or thoughts about being a SAHM. It's still hard for me to think about it too much and not get super resentful that I felt pushed into that position by how impossible this country makes it to raise children on any type of reasonable budget.
@auburnvelvet86 so true. I have done the cost of stay at home versus going to work and babysitting multiple times. unfortunately I still would need an income even with the kids home... I need to cut down some bills again once this kid comes along because I will be paying 1350 for daycare each month... Which is is almost double what my mortgage is...
Re: maternity leave and daycare costs- I put off having kids until my mid-30s because I knew that despite having a decent job, I wouldn’t be able to afford to give them a good life.
I had planned to work up to as close to my due date as possible and save up for the baby, but covid hit and I decided it would be safer to stay at home.
It seems pretty backwards that in the US, things like mat leave and childcare costs limit many of us so much from just living our lives.
I’m curious, @babywiik, what is your experience with maternity/paternity leave in Norway?
I am also a teacher and have to use all my sick time if I want to get FMLA unpaid leave. I met last year with an insurance representative for our district to talk about disability insurance and he said “some new moms take a full 12 weeks off if they can stretch their funds,” like that would some sort of long luxurious vacation🙄.
At my last appointment I went ahead and scheduled a repeat C section. And I feel like...I don’t want to tell anyone? Obviously I told my mom because she’ll be taking care of my son. But I don’t want anyone planning visits, texting me, my over sharing SIL posting something online before I do, etc. I know it’s probably not the reality but in my fantasy world of birth I’d like to just respond to people a week after he’s born to say “oh yeah, we had the baby. Yeah it’s fine. Have a nice thanksgiving!” 🤷🏼♀️
I'm in Canada and it's shocking to hear what leave is like in the US!!! We have the option to take 12 to 18 months through something called Employment Insurance (although that's only if you pay into it, if you're self employed you don't usually get it). It's not a lot of money, but at least enough to pay rent/mortgage. And my work does 100% top up for the first 6 weeks of mat leave. People complain about having to leave baby at daycare after a year... I can't imagine doing that at 6 weeks!!!!!!
I was just complaining to my mom about maternity leave! I teach at a community college, I can use my sick leave in conjunction with FMLA. Here's what made me so mad last time, I didn't know I had a limit on how much sick leave I can use. I chose to take off the entire semester (last baby was due early Jan). In my head, 16 week semester, I will do 8 weeks from sick leave to get paid and 8 weeks unpaid (minus that since FMLA only is 12 weeks I would have to pay the employee and employer portion of my insurance for the last 4 weeks). Nope. You can only take 6 weeks sick leave for vaginal delivery and 8 weeks for a c section regardless of how much leave you have.
All of it's such a pain. I feel very grateful for the little bit I do get, but it should be better for everyone!
@mia80 okay I know it’s only a show but they talked about this on Working Moms! It’s a Canadian based show and the moms were complaining about going back to work after 9 months of mat leave and my jaw literally dropped!! We get nowhere near that time here in the US 😂 That being said going back to work can be tough for any momma, regardless of the time period, not trying to minimize the difficulties for those with longer mat leaves!
I think my employer would have given me 4 weeks of maternity leave, had I stayed.
@teachingbp That seems really wrong to me that your employer cares about how the baby comes out. I know that recovery for vaginal vs cesarean is different (and even within those categories, I sure there’s a range). But as far as my employer is concerned, my vagina is none of their business!
I feel very strongly that the US should provide better and more equal maternity leave across jobs. Also, paternity leave or just parental leave that the parents can determine how to best split for their family or if a single-parent they get it all. It's ridiculous that so much of it depends on your employer. When you get hired you usually don't know if they have paid maternity leave, short-term disability options, or if it's just FMLA which could be required to use your paid time off or may be unpaid. And you have to cover your insurance while out still. Also, your company determines your healthcare plan options, which again you don't have detailed information on when looking/getting hired. So you don't know how much deciding to have a baby while working there will cost you. So much to worry about when pregnant and raising children in the US even without a pandemic.
I have a friend in a European country who was put on work restrictions then not having to work by the time she was 4 months pregnant then after the baby was born she had one year of maternity leave. She received 80% of her paycheck that entire time and had a job waiting for her when she returned. It's crazy how bad it is in the US in comparison. There are still issues in other countries but they're just much more advanced than US policy.
@csardaszz after reading everyone else's posts, I feel bad saying anything! I knew it was bad in the US but i didnt know it was that bad! Here parents are pretty much paid to have children so if you want to read all about feel free!
Here in Norway mom's can have 40 weeks with 100% pay or 50 weeks with 80% pay. Dad's get two weeks when baby is born and then if/when mom goes back to work he can have 15 weeks with 100% pay or 19 weeks with 80% pay. Besides that, all parents get a lump sum for having a baby and for non working moms that lump sum is bigger. After that there comes a couple hundred $$ check every month until the kid turns 18 years old. Daycare is partially payed for by the government and if the child does not attend daycare the parents get part of the money that would have gone towards childcare. Besides that, its free to have a baby in Norway. I've payed for my zofran so far and thats it. I'm not currently working so won't get all the benefits with this baby but I'm not complaining in the least! Something needs to change over there!!!! It's ridiculous how little is offered to new mothers especially when it's so important for infants to have their mom as much as possible!!!
I should probably also add that MH pays close to a third of his income in taxes and theres 25% sales tax on pretty much everything so it's not exactly cheap to live here on a regular basis. The taxes seem so small though in comparison to the stress of having to juggle childcare, work and finances all at the same time as having a newborn baby! Hugs to all you moms!
I love to hear about companies that have great maternity leave packages!!
my company gives 6-8 weeks (8 weeks for c section) at 80% of your salary, FMLA, and “bonding time” which is an additional 4 weeks off with full pay. So a total of 16 weeks off and after that you can use any PTO you have to stretch it more. I have planned to be off from the November to April.
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@babywiik personally, I am ok with paying taxes to have a great things like great leave you don't have to stress about!!
@wychets that's pretty great!! So nice to be off November to April! I will take off 12 weeks, likely teach for about 12 more and then it will be summer 🙌🏻
I was teaching when I had my first and got no mat leave. I used up 3 years of vacation and then it was summer break. I did come in for an end of the year meeting where they told me they were replacing me... that was fun... Now I'm self employed, so I get nothing again, but at least I know I'll have a job afterwards. Lol Hubby gets 5 days PTO.
@babywiik don’t at all feel bad about posting what other countries do. I think we just need to make employees treat maternity leave better here. I think being more flexible about allowing people to come back part time would be great. I felt really bad for one my coworkers because she was the breadwinner and she felt she could only take 6 weeks off without pay.
I slept so soundly last night I didn’t even realize DH came to bed or that at some point DD woke up and she ended up in our bed
Re: August Randoms
--------------------------------
LO arrived 11/9/2018! We have a baby!
--------------------------------
Me: 33 | DH: 41
Married: March 2016
TTC #1/IUD out January 2017
PCOS dx January 2018
Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018
BFP 3/10/2018!
-------------------------------
--------------------------------
LO arrived 11/9/2018! We have a baby!
--------------------------------
Me: 33 | DH: 41
Married: March 2016
TTC #1/IUD out January 2017
PCOS dx January 2018
Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018
BFP 3/10/2018!
-------------------------------
--------------------------------
LO arrived 11/9/2018! We have a baby!
--------------------------------
Me: 33 | DH: 41
Married: March 2016
TTC #1/IUD out January 2017
PCOS dx January 2018
Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018
BFP 3/10/2018!
-------------------------------
@bserena that's awesome news about your leave and your class - well done! I'm totally jealous about your leave too - as a teacher I get... wait for it.... TWO DAYS of paid maternity leave. Then I have to blow through all of my sick leave and vacation time (I won't ever need that again, right? Like, for instance, when I come back to work with an infant?) Then I can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave. And we don't quality for short term disability. Because we really value teachers in this country.
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
--------------------------------
LO arrived 11/9/2018! We have a baby!
--------------------------------
Me: 33 | DH: 41
Married: March 2016
TTC #1/IUD out January 2017
PCOS dx January 2018
Medicated cycle 2.5mg Letrozole CD3-7 February 2018
BFP 3/10/2018!
-------------------------------
@lurvleybunchococonuts I carry our insurance too so I definitely get that. My check would be SO much bigger if it wasn't for that. Ugh, we really do get so screwed here in the US it is crazy! Everytime I see/hear about leave in Canada or other places I get so frustrated with the system in place here. We can do so much better.
I’m trying to decide how to take my leave as well. I was thinking about doing 10 weeks and then 4 weeks of part time to ease myself back into it. And that would count as my twelve weeks. I think a lot of people don’t realize that you can break it up like that. Like I think you could go PT for 24 weeks, that way you can have a little income coming in.
I technically don't qualify for FMLA until like the day before my due date, but my new job is much more reasonable. They said I could take paid time or unpaid off until I qualify for FMLA and then start FMLA from there. I don't have any paid during leave except for any paid time I want to use. I haven't talked to them about part time for a couple of weeks but I may do 8-10 weeks FMLA and then 1-2 weeks part time if they let me. But I may be working from home still so it might not matter.
Work has been busy this week. Not a moment to breath when I am on the clock really. Then chasing the kid off the clock. DD is sleeping in my bed and has been for three weeks now. She wakes up screaming and won't go back into her crib even when she is asleep. I am exhausted!
Luckily for me, this time we split my workload up so I am only teaching 1st and 4th quarters, which means I I won't have to deal with a maternity sub, or technically taking leave, but it does leave me unpaid for half the year. I'm happy to have the opportunity to be home with baby, but am not looking forward to a few lean months...
Started Dating: 2003 Married: 2013
Started TTC August 2016
BFP: 2/1/17 MC: 2/8/17
BFP: 3/8/17 MMC: 5/1/17
BFP: 7/23/17 EDD: 4/5/18
BFP: 2/27/20
I had planned to work up to as close to my due date as possible and save up for the baby, but covid hit and I decided it would be safer to stay at home.
It seems pretty backwards that in the US, things like mat leave and childcare costs limit many of us so much from just living our lives.
I’m curious, @babywiik, what is your experience with maternity/paternity leave in Norway?
All of it's such a pain. I feel very grateful for the little bit I do get, but it should be better for everyone!
@teachingbp That seems really wrong to me that your employer cares about how the baby comes out. I know that recovery for vaginal vs cesarean is different (and even within those categories, I sure there’s a range). But as far as my employer is concerned, my vagina is none of their business!
I have a friend in a European country who was put on work restrictions then not having to work by the time she was 4 months pregnant then after the baby was born she had one year of maternity leave. She received 80% of her paycheck that entire time and had a job waiting for her when she returned. It's crazy how bad it is in the US in comparison. There are still issues in other countries but they're just much more advanced than US policy.
my company gives 6-8 weeks (8 weeks for c section) at 80% of your salary, FMLA, and “bonding time” which is an additional 4 weeks off with full pay. So a total of 16 weeks off and after that you can use any PTO you have to stretch it more. I have planned to be off from the November to April.
@wychets that's pretty great!! So nice to be off November to April! I will take off 12 weeks, likely teach for about 12 more and then it will be summer 🙌🏻
Now I'm self employed, so I get nothing again, but at least I know I'll have a job afterwards. Lol
Hubby gets 5 days PTO.