Update: Sorry but this is going to be a tough and long winded post...
So, I had my amniocentesis done today at the hospital and that was f#$king horrible and traumatizing!! 😭😭 Literally the worst thing I have ever experienced in my entire life and I never want to go through that ever again. The procedure is only supposed to take like a few mins and i was in there in pain for an hour. They had issues and couldn't get any of the amniotic fluid out from around the baby and the nurse had to pull the needle out and go get another man doctor that's better to do it. I got stabbed multiple times over and over with the needle with them trying.The doctor said he has done thousands of Amnio's and mine by far was the worst and most difficult he's ever seen due to complications with the sac around the baby (of course it is). 😥 They gave me the choice to stop if I couldn't handle anymore and come back in a few days to try again or have another doctor try it to see if he had better luck or just not have the Amnio done at all. I said " I dont really want more pain but I didnt come all this way for nothing so you better get some fluid out" literally by the time I left, I was drenched and wet from sweat and stress, my hair was a disaster and my makeup was pretty much melted off my face from crying and gagging and trying not to puke or pass out from anxiety. Worst day ever!!! I'm sore and tender and my tummy hurts and feel like I got the shit kicked out of me in an alley way.
If that's not bad enough, they said that the ultrasound of the baby didnt look good at all. They said that my baby is sick and has problems. They said that the babys skin was swollen which means that its lymphatic system isn't good and it had hydrops fatalis which is a condition that occurs when large amounts of fluid build up in the baby's tissue and organs and cause the swelling she was seeing. They saw on the ultrasound that the baby also had markers for the down syndrome in the brain and other markers. Also problems with its heart so she said that even if I had this Amnio test done or not that I would be higher risk for complications and that the babys heart would just stop beating on its own more then likely before I even had my next ultrasound done and not make it. 😭😭 Overall, this has been the shittiest day of my life and soo tough for my husband and I. I've taken some days off work to rest as I'm not supposed to do much activities or lift anything. We should hear the results of the amnio back the tues the latest they said and we will know for sure but no matter what the results are (which I know what there going to be) this baby isnt going to make it so I'm heart broken and feel like such a failure and cant stop crying😥😭💔 I'm emotionally and physically and mentally exhausted from today.
@mindyb2019 my heart aches for you. I’m so sorry that this difficult situation was even more difficult then could have been expected. Be kind to yourself.
@mindyb2019 I am so, so sorry for everything that you’re going through. As @jchpg said, please be kind and gentle with yourself - it takes an incredible amount of courage and strength to go through what you have, and you are absolutely not a failure. Wishing you so much healing ❤️
@mindyb2019 I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that. I wish they could’ve just done the ultrasound and not have had to do the amnio. I’m so sorry for the outcome of today as well. Ugh that sucks so much. Rest and take care of yourself this long weekend
TTC History:
Me: 36 H: 40 Married 2015. Together since 2010. TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017 BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018. TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020 Due date was Nov 2020 DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma. TTC: March 2021 IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022 IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
@mindyb2019 I’m so so sorry to hear this and for the experience you had to go through. I hope you and your husband can take the time and space you need right now. You deserve to have some time to heal. You are so brave and strong and I hope you two can continue to find strength in one another. Sending you so much love 💕
@mindyb2019 I’m so so sorry this has happened to you and your husband. Like the others said, please try to be gentle with yourself 💜 we’re here if you need to vent.
@mindyb2019 I am so sorry this is the news you recieved. Please take the time you need, and consider reaching out to a support group of family, or other mothers going through the same thing.
@mindyb2019 - I’m so sorry. I hope you and your husband both are able to take time off to be together right now. Praying for healing and peace for you both ❤️
@mindyb2019 I’m so sorry that you are going through this. It sucks that on top of everything else you had a traumatic amnio experience. We’re here if you need us!
Another update: So, I got my results back already today from the Amnio yesterday. That was crazy fast! The genetic specialist said that the results she got confirmed that my baby boy did indeed have Down syndrome and a cystic Hygroma as well on the back of the neck 😭😭 so the baby more then likely wouldn’t have made it to term and would pass away before birth or not been viable. So DH and I have made the tough choice to terminate the pregnancy out of love and suffering for the baby. I spoke with the CARE team at the women’s hospital and I am scheduled in to have the D&E procedure on July 16th and 17th. They had next weds free and available but I don’t get put to sleep in that one so I’m waiting an extra week so they can book the surgery room and actually be knocked out under anesthesia. I don’t want to feel or see anything after what I went through with the Amnio. This has been a really hard week for my husband and I trying to cope with feelings and coming to terms with everything. 😭😭😢 My heart is hurting so very much and really wished that this pregnancy could have been different.
With that being said, I think I’m going to leave this group and say goodbye to all you fine ladies. I’m going to grieve my loss for the next 2 weeks until my procedure and then work on healing from there. It has been an absolute pleasure getting to know you all and I’m sooo very sad to be leaving. I wish the very best for all of you in your pregnancies and for happy healthy babies during Christmas time. I hope to one day soon be back on another BMB with a happy story to share the 3rd time around. Take care and thanks for all the love, support, prayers and hugs you have sent me in the last few months during this journey. Luv you guys xoxo 😘
@mindyb2019 Your presence will be missed and it’s been wonderful getting to know you a bit. I’m so sorry for your loss. You are such a strong woman and I hope you can heal with kindness and love for yourself. Wishing you all the best and that you’ll be back here with happy news in the future. 💕
@mindyb2019 you will be missed but I understand leaving the group. I'm sorry this is how your journey is ending this time around and will pray for you and your husband and that you'll be back on another board when your ready with happier news.
@mindyb2019 I’m echoing what others have said. So sorry you’re leaving us. Please take care of yourself, and know that we’re still here for any support you might want.
@mindyb2019 I’m so sorry for your news. You will be missed around here, though I agree with the others, we’re always here if you need the support. Be kind to yourself and grieve however you need to. 💕
@mindyb2019 I'm so, so sorry. Please do whatever you need to do, but I strongly encourage you to reach out to a support group when you're ready. They have been an immense help as I worked through my own grief from a similar diagnosis/decision, and my complicated emotions with this subsequent pregnancy. There are also some husbands in the Facebook EWP support group I sent, if that's something your husband would be interested in. I'm so sorry you have to go through this hell, I'd never wish it on anyone. If you need, please don't hesitate to reach out, but also no obligation to do so. Take care of each other.
@mindyb2019 I'm so sorry that this has happened. I'll echo comments above recommending a support group when you're ready. We're here if you need us, but leaving the group is understandable (I'd do the same). Take care of yourself.
Re: 6.28 - 7.4 Weekly Randoms
Side note: Happy Canada Day to all the Canadians here
So, I had my amniocentesis done today at the hospital and that was f#$king horrible and traumatizing!! 😭😭 Literally the worst thing I have ever experienced in my entire life and I never want to go through that ever again. The procedure is only supposed to take like a few mins and i was in there in pain for an hour. They had issues and couldn't get any of the amniotic fluid out from around the baby and the nurse had to pull the needle out and go get another man doctor that's better to do it. I got stabbed multiple times over and over with the needle with them trying.The doctor said he has done thousands of Amnio's and mine by far was the worst and most difficult he's ever seen due to complications with the sac around the baby (of course it is). 😥 They gave me the choice to stop if I couldn't handle anymore and come back in a few days to try again or have another doctor try it to see if he had better luck or just not have the Amnio done at all. I said " I dont really want more pain but I didnt come all this way for nothing so you better get some fluid out" literally by the time I left, I was drenched and wet from sweat and stress, my hair was a disaster and my makeup was pretty much melted off my face from crying and gagging and trying not to puke or pass out from anxiety. Worst day ever!!! I'm sore and tender and my tummy hurts and feel like I got the shit kicked out of me in an alley way.
If that's not bad enough, they said that the ultrasound of the baby didnt look good at all. They said that my baby is sick and has problems. They said that the babys skin was swollen which means that its lymphatic system isn't good and it had hydrops fatalis which is a condition that occurs when large amounts of fluid build up in the baby's tissue and organs and cause the swelling she was seeing. They saw on the ultrasound that the baby also had markers for the down syndrome in the brain and other markers. Also problems with its heart so she said that even if I had this Amnio test done or not that I would be higher risk for complications and that the babys heart would just stop beating on its own more then likely before I even had my next ultrasound done and not make it. 😭😭 Overall, this has been the shittiest day of my life and soo tough for my husband and I. I've taken some days off work to rest as I'm not supposed to do much activities or lift anything. We should hear the results of the amnio back the tues the latest they said and we will know for sure but no matter what the results are (which I know what there going to be) this baby isnt going to make it so I'm heart broken and feel like such a failure and cant stop crying😥😭💔 I'm emotionally and physically and mentally exhausted from today.
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
With that being said, I think I’m going to leave this group and say goodbye to all you fine ladies. I’m going to grieve my loss for the next 2 weeks until my procedure and then work on healing from there. It has been an absolute pleasure getting to know you all and I’m sooo very sad to be leaving. I wish the very best for all of you in your pregnancies and for happy healthy babies during Christmas time. I hope to one day soon be back on another BMB with a happy story to share the 3rd time around. Take care and thanks for all the love, support, prayers and hugs you have sent me in the last few months during this journey. Luv you guys xoxo 😘