December 2020 Moms
thankfullyamama
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COVID-19 Pandemic Discussion thread
thankfullyamama
member
This thread is intended for any and all discussion related to the COVID 19 pandemic and how it may be affecting your life, your pregnancy, or your emotions. This is a place where you can safely talk about your fears. It is expected that if you are seeking support you are also able offer support to others!
Re: COVID-19 Pandemic Discussion thread
Diminished ovarian reserve
BFP: 4/14/2020 EDD: 12/20/2020
Married: May 2008
DD Born: March 2018
DS Born: April 2019
Due with #3 December 2020!
I am pregnant, I have 2 small boys at home - 1 with a heart condition and 1 with a history of respiratory illness - and I am terrified. What if I get sick? What if I get them sick? Why is no one else in my family (my parents, my 78 year old grandma, my pregnant sister traveling with her 2 boys) freaking out?!
Tonight is the first night I actually started to think I should not go. It would break my sister's heart and we might never be the same again, everyone else would likely be furious and think me selfish, we'd be out some money and make other people's travel a bit more complicated, and part of me would always regret missing this day for my sister...
But, I would feel safer and I would be doing it to protect my boys and their yet to be born sibling. That alone is unquestioningly enough of a reason for me.
So, I know I need to just sleep on it and keep an eye on the situation until we get closer. I know there is a chance I'm overreacting. But I also know this is the first time I thought about not going and even the thought alone is such a relief that I am afraid whatever choice I make will be for the wrong reasons.
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
I think the bigger reason for everyone avoiding it is that we are, in general, a really close family. All of us desperately want her to have the wedding she is hoping for and are doing what we can to help. I've already been the first to throw a wrench in it because even before Covid I told her I would not be bringing my young sons on a cross country plane trip. From that I had a couple offers from other family to help pay for tickets and such until I finally made it clear it was a choice for sanity and safety.
It all just feels like I must be over-reacting if I'm the only one second guessing while everyone else is going with the program... but I don't feel like I am being unreasonable in feeling strongly that this is a bad idea.
NO WAY!
My point is, it's a really difficult time to make decisions on travel and what the "right" thing to do for your family is. If you decide not to go, don't let anyone make you feel bad about it. It's a total bummer that your sister's wedding has been affected by this - but she's also made the decision to continue as planned. She has to know that's going to change the overall event.
Personally, I think the earlier you break the news to her, the more time it will give her to mentally adjust. I imagine she will be more and more stressed as it get closer to the wedding, which could lead to some OOT reactions. Crossing my fingers for you!
I agree that talking to her about it sooner is probably better. She’ll be upset but then she’ll have more time to deal with it and hopefully come around.
I hope people are more understanding. Sorry you’re in this position!
@cassafrass15 Oh man! I didn’t see that! That makes me even more nervous!
I had to cancel my outdoor wedding this summer. And have a little court wedding in March before the lockdown instead. It sucks but if just one of the 100 guests got severely ill I would never forgive myself.
I know I'm jumping the gun, but this being my mom's first grandchild I know it'll come up soon: I think I want to skip a shower. I realize it wouldn't be until the fall, but looking at how things are going it doesn't look promising. Also, since my family is scattered most of the guests would need to travel no matter where it is (many by plane). It just doesn't feel safe for myself, plus I feel badly encouraging people to put themselves in danger by traveling. While she'll understand, I know this will really upset my mom. This is her only chance to throw a baby shower (I'm an only child), so I'd be taking away a life event she's been eagerly waiting for since I was a child.
I won’t even get to see my parents while I’m pregnant and this is probably going to be the only time for me. It’s been really hard to let go of the idea of not going out for a shower (especially since the shower they threw for my SIL was awesome with baby themed karaoke and I would just love love love to celebrate like that with my friends and family).
Now we’re just trying to figure out if there’s any way to ask people for gifts without having a shower and not be totally tacky. Any ideas??
It actually went really well. A few people left presents on the porch the couple of days before or sent them through Amazon. We just recorded the video and sent it as opposed to a live feed, but his cousins were excited to watch him open presents.
If you did opt for a zoom type thing it would still give you a chance to see people and thank them for gifts in the moment and maybe even do some get to know you or trivia style games.
We were also considering having someone near all the family throw a party that we would attend by zoom. Then maybe my parents would open the gifts and still have party games and fun. My dad doesn't get to see his family a lot, so the family would welcome a trip from him while still keeping us at a safer distance. I don't love being the center of attention, so this might be a great compromise.
@laurenspdx. I am sure people would be overjoyed with sending gifts to celebrate, but just not sure how you spread information about your registry. Otherwise you will get a lot of things, just maybe not what you were hoping for (and probably researched!). Hmmm...have to think on that? Maybe tell your family members about it and then they can pass the info on if anyone asks.
I actually just talked to my mom about it a bit on the phone and she suggested just those two things - a virtual shower and that she can be the person to share information about our registry. She also suggested that we could maybe send people a little card or item so they still feel included and appreciated if they can’t attend a virtual shower.
Would it be totally weird to have a shower and not open gifts on camera? People hate that part during the shower anyway because it goes on forever. If it isn't in person, then you can't even really pass the items around. I guess maybe on Zoom people could just leave after their gift was opened up if they wanted? I am sure the great grandmas would love to see every gift opened though.
All this said, there is absolutely no judgement for anyone who wants and is excited for a shower and gifts. I know I'm the weird one here, and I've always been thrilled to be on the guest/giving side. It's just a weird self-imposed double-standard. @laurenspdx I'm not sure how your family works, but I know for our wedding people just asked my mother. I think for many it's just expected that you'll register, so if you do the usual suspects (Amazon, Buy Buy Baby) and make it public they may also be able to find it on their own.
Saw this board and just wanted to post my feelings. On Saturday night I had an anxiety attack, and am still very anxious yesterday and today. The CDC came out and said if you are pregnant and get COVID-19 you are 5X more likely to be hospitalized. This scares me to my core. I have two other little ones at home. I am still currently working full time ( I have to ) My husband and I stayed home for over 2 months, and didn't see anyone. It took a toll on us and especially his mental health. So i am conflicted on should we go back to not seeing family? I want to remain safe, but my kids went crazy during that time, it took a toll on my husbands mental health. I am seriously struggling on how to navigate this.
How is your family as far as taking precautions and social distancing? We're comfortable seeing our parents since they're even more careful than we are, and my sister-in-law is a microbiologist working in a lab so I know she and her family are also very careful. We haven't seen any friends, though, which is rough. I'd be open to the idea, again because I know they've all been working from home and as careful as we are (even still I'd prefer an outdoor BYO picnic with lots of distance).
@shelmcclel @dobiemom11 @akoros I agree that the watching presents being opened isn’t the most exciting part so maybe we’ll think of another way to make everyone feel included in Zoom and make it about them and not me. My family is super small (it’s basically just my immediate family) so it would mostly be friends participating which makes it feel more fun and less obligatory maybe? Anyway, thanks for the input and advice! I feel like with our current world, people are more tolerant to be giving in these kind of situations. And maybe we’ll just plan on a future visit and party to thank everyone.
@lindsaym2106 Sorry you’re feeling so stressed and it’s so understandable. We were even bold enough to go to a restaurant the other week but I was so nervous the whole time I didn’t enjoy it. Now that things are rising even more, I’m certainly back to being a stay-at-home introvert. I think a lot depends on where you live. Are you in a high risk or dense area?
Also, when it comes to seeing friends or family, I think the key is making sure you’re all aligned on the risk you’re assuming outside of visits. If you’re all on the same page about limiting risk (mostly staying home, social distancing, wearing a mask), it’s ok to extend your social circle and see one another. But, if one person / household is being super safe and another is going to bars and parties and going mask free, it’s not a good idea to see each other. I keep thinking of it like extending your bubble, but only with people who have similar sized bubbles. Hope that’s helpful?
I just went to a restaurant for the first time this week for lunch with 2 of my sisters. We picked a place where we could see the kitchen, all the staff were wearing masks, half the tables were blocked off, and we went during off peak hours. It was still a bit unnerving, but it was nice to just talk with adults in a somewhat controlled and mindful environment.
Completely isolating is rough, but maybe you can find some routine that lets you visit with family at least occasionally in a setting that is less stressful. And if hubs has an option to get out occasionally in a safe way to visit with a friend it helps a ton. I'm a SAHM and I go through days where other people are not available to talk or text because of work or life and I feel completely cut off from the world.
In any case, my family collectively has taken the opinion that we may never know if we over-reacted, but we'll know if we didn't do enough. Do what you need to to feel safe and take care of your kiddos and find a balance with your husband.
@mom_of_the_vogels I haven't been to a restaurant since Valentines day! My boys haven't been to a store since March either. Yea, I feel it's better to be safer than sorry.
@gh1219 That is exactly what my husband said to me yesterday. He said they might admit pregnant women just to be cautious and not because they are in bad shape... so I am trying to remain positive. But I am an extremely sensitive and anxious person so it can be hard on me.
@lindsaym2106 My in-laws are still baking their daily newspaper and mail. While they're in a rural area it's where the suburbs encroach so it seems like people are taking it more seriously there than in other places in Virginia. We don't go quite that far, just wash our hands like crazy after bringing something in from the outside (plus masks, limiting trips to stores, etc).
@laurenspdx That's more or less how I've been thinking about it: your risk level is aligned with the highest-risk individual you're in contact with.
But I’ve been feeling extra worried the over the last week or so. My dad has been spending winters in Thailand. His plan was to come back in June but that’s not happening. He’s just been watching the us go to shit from afar and sometime sending me emails about scary things
including the news about pregnancy being high risk. Then told me my husband should get his job back driving for fed ex until this had blown over. But as an artist myself, knowing he had been wanting to be a tattooist for Years, quit his his job at fed ex to do something he cares about I just can’t ask him to do that. Yet.
my husband is a Tattoo artist and their shop just opened up a few weeks ago. Everyone wears masks. All the clients must wear them too but it’s a long time to be that close to someone indoors in the circulating AC. Clients come in and talk to their artists about how masks don’t do anything snf covid is a hoax. Yesterday my husbands client came in without a mask, he asked her if she had one ,”no. Um. I have asthma ..”. Well, my husband does too, and has minor lung damage from childhood bronchitis and he wears the mask all day. He gave her one and she wore it at least, But geez. She knew their policy. Where else has she been, had she been partying with all her college friends this whole time, does she go to the newly opened bars every night?
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7