So I need to vent here because I don't really have anyone to speak to in real life.
I am seriously sick of being married. This feeling isn't just pregnancy hormones coming out. I felt like this before he got me pregnant. Infact I told him before this happened that I intended to get my crap in life together to leave him in the future. My exact words to him where " I may not leave you tonight, tomorrow, or even next week but I will leave you. And I will leave you when I'm in a place where I won't need your help or anyone elses".
The only thing he contributes to this marriage is his paycheck. And even then thats a struggle. The entire time time I paid off medical bills and our car he was against it every step of the way. The only reason he eased up on his spending habits was I told him if I can't afford clothes for our kids while I'm with you then I should just leave and collect welfare because our kids would be better taken care of then what he provided.
He spends every free moment hes home on world of warcraft. Theres no compromise with him. I have asked if he could wait to play until our youngest is in bed. I have asked him to have designated nights where he played or for him to spend weekends playing at his designated times. He won't do any of it.
I have asked him to go to marriage counseling. He refuses. He tells me I would just pick some bitch who will agree with everything I will say. I tell him you can pick out a male therapist then. He tells me no a male therapist will just want to sleep with me.
I take our son to speech therapy twice a week. He refuses to take him even once a week on his own. If I have my daughter in after school activities he won't help take her even one night a week to it. I have to. If I leave our son home with him he won't help with him. He won't watch him so our son destroys the house. our son broke 2 playstations when he was 2 because my husband left him 100% unattended while I took my daughter to her stuff.
He doesn't deal with the schools for the kids at all or the doctors. Infact when I was having my mc last pregnancy my son got super sick with croup and he cussed me out for taking him and not me taking him. I didn't take him because I was literally bleeding through my clothes. When I was pregnant with our son I caught him on dating and hook up apps where he sent pictures of his penis to people.
I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I am mentally just drained. I feel like I am married to a 16 year old. He won't help with the kids or house even when I'm sick. He won't even feed the kids. Before anyone says I shouldnt have gotten pregnant by him again. This pregnancy wasnt planned on my part but I think it was on his.
Honestly I have set up a separate checking and savings account from him where I deposit small sums of money each week. For now its my college fund to go back to school. He has always made going to college difficult for me and I am dyslexic. So going to college is already difficult for me. on top of having kids an a home to take care of.
At this point I think I am going to take online college classes and not tell him so he can't sabotage me and I can work at my own leisure. My dad and stepmom have agreed to help me watch my kids if I need help so I can go back to school.
I just feel so fed up. He doesn't even acknowledge valentines day, my birthday, christmas, or even our anniversary. And its incredibly depressing to see how little effort he puts into everything in our lives.
I paid our car off this week and he doesn't care at all.
Can I get some words of wisdom or something? I feel so lost. My family constantly says leave him and move back home. But I refuse to move back to my narcissistic mother with bipolar disorder who still lives with her abusive husband. And honestly my dad and stepmom have my dads mother living with them i their 2 bedroom house so theres no room for me and 3 kids, which is why I'm trying to get my crap together.
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007 Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014 Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015 Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019 Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
@psychobutthead I'm sending you all the hugs right now! I wish I had more advice for you!! For what it is worth it sounds like you are doing an amazing job taking care of your kids and doing the best for them. I think it is amazing how you have managed to get your finances in order and have paid off your car! I hope you are able to start taking classes and make that work with the support of your Dad and Stepmom helping with the kids. I'm so sorry that you are in this situation and that your husband doesn't give you the respect that you deserve. You are such a good mom to your kids and you definitely deserve something for yourself such as those classes so that you can be more independent. We are always here for you to vent anytime! ♥️
I was having a very lazy day and was not on here much so I had a lot to catch up on!
@lachnessmomster I agree with what everyone else said! Hope you're feeling a little better after getting a little time to sleep in. Hope your daughter is feeling better!
@psychobutthead wow that’s a lot. It sounds like you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and your kids are so lucky to have you, I hope you put together a plan that works for you and your kids. I have no advice but we are here.
@psychobutthead honestly I would leave him too. I would have left after the dating app thing but I totally get why you didn't.
As for college, local schools will have most of your pre reqs online. However Western governor's University is online and affordable and you can work at your own pace. I about killed myself but finished my masters in a year so I could be done before DS2 arrived. You can work as fast or slowly as you need to. Do you know what you want to major in? If you do want to apply they often wave the application fee to so don't apply without a fee waiver.
Good for you having a seperate checking and savings account. That's smart. Also congratulations on paying off your car. That will be a huge help financially. Is the car in both your names? If so see if you can get him to sign it over to just you. That way when you leave him you'll know you have the car.
Other than that, have a plan, find a good lawyer, and leave ASAP.
@psychobutthead wow! You are going through a ton, but you are taking all of the right steps. I would not move in with my mother either if, if that’s what you have to deal with. I will say that my husband didn’t take me seriously until I told him that I going to leave and I could take care of me and our daughter without him. Men don’t take threats seriously without seeing some type of action first. When you get your shit together and actually leave him, he will be at a lost. May I ask besides going to college, what else do you need to get together before you leave him?
And can I just say that you are a damn good mother! Even with all of the shit you are going through, you are still putting your kids first and making sure that they are happy. I hope that you are taking some time during all of this and taking care of you as well. And don’t hesitate with asking your dad for help! I hate asking people for help, but when I have asked for help, I was so happy I did.
Married: August 2012
TTC #1: July 2015
BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
@psychobuttheadI would have to agree with the other ladies on this. I don’t have advice for you but what I can tell is you’re a strong woman with the right mindset and your children are so lucky to have you as their mom. You got this - keep your head high, focus on getting yourself together to a point where you can get out.
If I can be totally honest, I’m pretty much in the same boat as you as far as being fed up. I too am working on becoming more independent so when the time comes, I can leave and be ok on my own. I’ve also been looking into online courses I can take to get a degree in something!
Marriage is not easy but what I do know is it sure takes two to make it work.
People grow up, change for better, priorities change, some people don’t grow up or change at all. I am surely not the same person I was 10yrs ago, he isn’t either but I can say I don’t like who he’s become. I’ve voiced that too him many times.
I’ve put in my work and even his share without him making any compromise.
All false hopes and fake promises. I don’t feel I’m a priority to him.
I do everything for that man and he walks all over me.
I couldn’t even tell you where he’s been all day and he’s still not home after 9pm.
He promised me we would do valentines tonight, he would take me for dinner.
I thought maybe he was out doing something special. Well, I should know better than to have that sort of expectation because I always let myself down. When I called him hours ago, he was drinking with friends. He’s like Jekyll and Hyde. He can be one way or the other. It’s too much stress on me, i would much rather do this on my own. 😔
I’m sorry you’ve been going through this tough time, you are not alone!! ((Hugs))
So many hugs to you @charhar0820! my husband and I have been together for ten years. We are for sure different people than now. We had a rough patch for a couple years, but we are finally on the other side and doing extremely well. I hope that you are able to work things out with your partner. But I’m also proud of you ladies for working towards independence and not accepting this as your life!
Married: August 2012
TTC #1: July 2015
BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
@jwhite3116 I didn't leave him after the app thing because I had just quit my job and was 8 months pregnant. I didn't have a car of my own that was paid for and before that our bank account was shared and I had no money saved up because of our awful spending habits at the time.
@jwhite3116@blackgirlmagic Honestly with having 3 kids my intention is to go to schook to be a teacher at the middle school or high school level. I'm not eligible for financial aid because of my status caused by my gpa.
My current intention is to take classes when I can as I can afford to and pay cash for them. I do have some classes I have passed so i just need to work on half the classes it takes for an associates. I would like to work on getting my associates so I can work as a teachers aid. They don't make amazing money but I'd like to get my foot in the door with a school and use the income to pay for working on a bachelors so that when I leave I don't have to heat him say I used him.
I used to be a head custodian at a school. I realky made a name for myself and was well liked. I'm hoping I could be a teachers aid maybe in that district and use who I worked for the principal and AP as a reference. My dad lives in that district. They have plans to sell their home in a few years and put it towards their RV. So maybe I can luck out and live there a year or two once I'm working without them there while I save up for a down payment for them. I'm hoping if I agree to pay the taxes on the house they would let me do that. They want me to leave him too it just not reasonable for me to live there. My dad is 65 and hes just too old to want to deal with noisey kids 24/7.
I have had a lot of friends just tell me just leave. Well its not thay simple when you have kids. I'm not being abused amd hes not drinking or on drugs. Hes just a selfish prick.
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007 Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014 Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015 Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019 Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
@psychobutthead I just want to hug you so hard right now. I don’t have any words of wisdom or advice but I hope you’re able to do what you need to go after what you deserve in life. Whether that’s forcing him to fix his selfish behavior or leave him, I hope you find peace, love, and support 💗 And you don’t sound hormonal or crazy or anything. I hope no one is saying that to you and if they are, cut them out of your life.
@blackgirlmagic i forgot to respond to your message. To leave him i need a degree, a job, a car in my name, and enough money in savings to get a place and have everything turned on, and enough money for furniture and beds.
@charhar0820 i understand. Its hard to explain to people why we cant just leave. No they arent abusive they are just shitty. And im just left with do i want to leave with nothing? Or do I want to get my crap together and deal with him longer? We have been together 9 years this march. My problem is he never changed. Its always been promise after promise that never happened. That things would ve different once we bought a house, different once we got married, different once we had more kids. But it never is. It doesnt change. Im not the hopeful 20 year old i was. I feel like my soul has died along with any hope, or feelings i had.
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007 Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014 Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015 Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019 Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
@psychobutthead The fact that he was posting dick pics on a dating app while you were EIGHT MONTHS PREGNANT crosses so many lines. Pregnancy and postpartum are the most vulnerable times for a woman and put stresses on even the strongest of relationships without having to deal with something so demeaning on top of it all. You are an incredibly strong woman for navigating new motherhood after such an experience. As previous posters have mentioned, your kids are so, so blessed to have you. It sounds like you are their safe place and offer a sense of stability that they're not getting in many other places. I'm glad that you have family willing to help, as well, but I get that you need your own space and don't want to move into one potentially harmful situation to escape another one.
I have no doubt that you'll do whatever is necessary to get yourself into a place where you can afford to get your family out of that toxic environment. It's not your job to do it all alone while he sits and plays video games all day and can't even be trusted alone with your son. No marriage is perfect, but that's not a marriage. It's not a partnership at all. You didn't make those babies by yourself, and you shouldn't have to care for them by yourself. But if that's the choice he's left you with after you've tried time and time again to get help for your marriage, and if he doesn't realize what he has, then yeah, you'll do better without him. You've already proven that you're more than capable of balancing it all without a bit of help from him, so yes, even though you shouldn't have to, sometimes there are situations where going solo is the better alternative. I know it's practically impossible, but try to think about this long term. It's hard as hell right now, but in ten years, how much better is your life going to look with a degree under your belt and without all that deadbeat baggage living under your roof? You can do this.
I hope that you and @charhar0820 both find the paths you're searching for and are able to find some light and happiness, and I'm just so sorry that each of you are struggling during your pregnancies which are difficult enough all by themselves. Sending so much love to you and any other ladies who need some extra positive vibes. You're doing an amazing job. Keep going.
@psychobutthead it sounds like you are doing everything right in terms of forming a plan that will allow you to gain independence from him as soon as possible. You’ve done everything you could to try to save the marriage and you’re an incredible mom who’s doing the best thing for your kids. My only advice would be to keep following your exit plan, accept help when it makes sense for you, and possibly talk to a lawyer about what else you could do to protect yourself financially and make sure you can get the custody arrangement you want. We all have your back (and yours too @charhar0820).
I'm so sorry you find yourselves so alone in your relationships. It's true that no marriage is perfect the whole way through, and it takes work, and both people being willing to grow and change for the better through the years. I know DH and I have been having some growing pains lately, too, but at least he admits that he sees the same issues or problems as I do, and doesn't want things to be that way. If you can't even get on the same page about THAT, how do you even start? :/
<div class=" Spoiler">That said, we have been working on getting ahead in a lot of ways, and our last remaining chunk of debt unfortunately is my own (student loan). So as urgently as I feel we need to make that debt go away (even moreso because it would only become my own albatross if anything were to happen to him), I am grateful that if I were to go back to teaching, I have that Masters in my pocket. I don't think he values that piece of paper in the same way I do, but I know you ladies get it. So there's that. And there's one crappy old jeep in my name. But it's something. You are all also helping me plant the seed to remember that our next vehicle (that I need to be able to fit all the kids and dogs into at once - ideally - AT LEAST THE KIDS, Sorry dogs, we'll come back for you lol), because that's an excellent point about it actually being <i>in my name, </i>because it doesn't help me if it's titled in his and something happens.</div> <div class=" Spoiler">Certain things DH is excellent for, other things, not so much. And reading all this makes me realise if he's not going to be that guy, then it's up to me to just get it done. One example being submitting the tax papers to the accountant. There are one or two things I need to get myself, everything else "should" be up to him. But I need to bite the bullet and do as much as I can, plop it in his lap and say okay, "now you," rather than wait for it to happen the other way around. But I see how this is already working in my favor. Because when the accountant asked me for direct deposit information, I just had our refunds go into my accounts and he never even saw the money. :| Granted, if he cared enough to ASK and follow up, I have the direct deposit receipts in my desk, but he never asked. 🤷 He seems to think any money I were to get, I would just spend, but little does he know about my little nest egg. He sort of knows I have something set aside to help pay bills, but he has no idea how much. So that is my plan, whether just to keep quiet in case I need it, or one day to be able to surprise him with a down payment on a house (we currently rent), I am looking forward to a moment like that when I get to surprise him with what a good little secret squirrel I can be. And hope and pray I don't need it for some other horrible reason. I still breathe easier just knowing it's there.</div> So honestly, I think everything you're doing is just smart. I would never want my daughter to be totally in the dark about her family's finances, or SOL if something were to happen to her husband. Even in the best relationship.
Keep up the good work! :) being awesome moms and setting such a good example. I will personally hope and pray that your relationships may improve, but only time will tell. And in the meantime, it will be a good thing to have all the ducks in a row, regardless. As we get older, we will want to have more serious conversations about things like life insurance, wills and more in depth retirement conversations. But that is a lifelong process setting yourselves up, and your kids, and everything for after we're gone, too. It's just a shame you feel like the only ones in the relationship thinking about the future. Be strong, ladies. ❤️❤️❤️
@lachnessmomster how I feel is if I am doing everything by myself already why even stay? He is too lazy to work on his end of things. i have asked for years what I need in the relationship and it doesnt happen. Hes unwilling to compromise in anyway and I have enough for the last 9 years. I just want to be happy.
@gomillis I plan on following threw with my plan. I just needed our debt paid off so I would have the money to go back to college and get things in motion.
@BusinessWife exactly! If we can't get on the same page about that how do we start to fix anything? We just cant. And one person cant fixnit all.
Thank you everyone for listening. I'm just tired. i got sick from taking care of my son and husband and now I get 0 help in return. Things shouldnt be this way.
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007 Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014 Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015 Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019 Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
@psychobutthead you are in an incredibly difficult place and for this I’m so sorry. I think thT no matter if you leave or stay with him....becoming more independent and having the ability to leave If and when you want will make you happier and less stressed. So if you understandably don’t want to make a decision right now I think you are working on doing all the right things!
@jwhite3116 generally speaking retinol is a no during pregnancy however I have heard some OBs say the topical kind is fine so I’m not really sure what the right answer is!
@charhar0820@psychobutthead I'm so sorry you guys are going dealing with jerks! You two seem like such strong woman and it really sucks you don't have an equal counterpart contributing toward what it takes to raise a family. I think you both have your head on right and know there is a problem, it's just knowing when is the best time to leave if that is what's best. I really hope you guys find your way out of this - either your men have a wake-up call or have your Ms. Independent moment - and can be happy again
@psychobutthead@charhar0820 like all of these wonderful women have already said, I'm so sorry that y'all (and your children) have been put in this situation by men who vowed to protect you and be equal partners though life. I hope that you both take comfort in knowing that you are indeed doing something about bettering you and your children's lives, no matter if the steps seem small now y'all are making moves. Sending positive vibes your way!
@psychobutthead I'm not sure which state you live in but if there is a teacher shortage like there is here maybe you can figure out a way to do some type of lateral entry and/or get grants to become a certified teacher. My state is in serious need of teachers and i'm pretty sure they would do anything to help get people in the profession!
@psychobutthead Like the girls have said you are an amazing mother and strong woman. I'm so sorry you are in this position, but you'll make it through. You're making the smart, tough decisions to make your and your kids future better. These days wont be easy but they will be worth it. I worked full time and took night/weekend classes and it was hell but I made it. I know you're not thrilled with the idea of debt, but would you qualify for a Stafford loan? These don't charge any interest until 6 months after your graduation, but only lend a certain amount based on your tuition costs. I used this type of loan for the max I could, then paid the rest oop. This may be an option to help you preserve your nest egg. Whatever happens stay strong, you are strong and I admire you. I'm a child of divorce and I know how truly unbelievably strong women can be. Big hugs to you and @charhar0820. We are here for you girls ❤
Me: 33 DH: 36 Dating 4/2008 Married 6/2016 TTC #1 9/2019 BFP 12/13/2019! EDD 8/27/2020 Baby Girl
Re: Weekly Randoms 2/10
@maelove I've beaten you in the naivety department. Are we not allowed to use retinol? I don't think any of my products have it but I will check now.
@psychobutthead hope everyone is feeling back to normal soon. Sorry about the sickness.
I am seriously sick of being married. This feeling isn't just pregnancy hormones coming out. I felt like this before he got me pregnant. Infact I told him before this happened that I intended to get my crap in life together to leave him in the future. My exact words to him where " I may not leave you tonight, tomorrow, or even next week but I will leave you. And I will leave you when I'm in a place where I won't need your help or anyone elses".
The only thing he contributes to this marriage is his paycheck. And even then thats a struggle. The entire time time I paid off medical bills and our car he was against it every step of the way. The only reason he eased up on his spending habits was I told him if I can't afford clothes for our kids while I'm with you then I should just leave and collect welfare because our kids would be better taken care of then what he provided.
He spends every free moment hes home on world of warcraft. Theres no compromise with him. I have asked if he could wait to play until our youngest is in bed. I have asked him to have designated nights where he played or for him to spend weekends playing at his designated times. He won't do any of it.
I have asked him to go to marriage counseling. He refuses. He tells me I would just pick some bitch who will agree with everything I will say. I tell him you can pick out a male therapist then. He tells me no a male therapist will just want to sleep with me.
I take our son to speech therapy twice a week. He refuses to take him even once a week on his own. If I have my daughter in after school activities he won't help take her even one night a week to it. I have to. If I leave our son home with him he won't help with him. He won't watch him so our son destroys the house. our son broke 2 playstations when he was 2 because my husband left him 100% unattended while I took my daughter to her stuff.
He doesn't deal with the schools for the kids at all or the doctors. Infact when I was having my mc last pregnancy my son got super sick with croup and he cussed me out for taking him and not me taking him. I didn't take him because I was literally bleeding through my clothes. When I was pregnant with our son I caught him on dating and hook up apps where he sent pictures of his penis to people.
I'm not depressed. I'm not suicidal. I am mentally just drained. I feel like I am married to a 16 year old. He won't help with the kids or house even when I'm sick. He won't even feed the kids.
Before anyone says I shouldnt have gotten pregnant by him again. This pregnancy wasnt planned on my part but I think it was on his.
Honestly I have set up a separate checking and savings account from him where I deposit small sums of money each week. For now its my college fund to go back to school. He has always made going to college difficult for me and I am dyslexic. So going to college is already difficult for me. on top of having kids an a home to take care of.
At this point I think I am going to take online college classes and not tell him so he can't sabotage me and I can work at my own leisure. My dad and stepmom have agreed to help me watch my kids if I need help so I can go back to school.
I just feel so fed up. He doesn't even acknowledge valentines day, my birthday, christmas, or even our anniversary. And its incredibly depressing to see how little effort he puts into everything in our lives.
I paid our car off this week and he doesn't care at all.
Can I get some words of wisdom or something? I feel so lost. My family constantly says leave him and move back home. But I refuse to move back to my narcissistic mother with bipolar disorder who still lives with her abusive husband. And honestly my dad and stepmom have my dads mother living with them i their 2 bedroom house so theres no room for me and 3 kids, which is why I'm trying to get my crap together.
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
@lachnessmomster I agree with what everyone else said! Hope you're feeling a little better after getting a little time to sleep in. Hope your daughter is feeling better!
@wildrainbow I hope the cramps are easing up!
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As for college, local schools will have most of your pre reqs online. However Western governor's University is online and affordable and you can work at your own pace. I about killed myself but finished my masters in a year so I could be done before DS2 arrived. You can work as fast or slowly as you need to. Do you know what you want to major in? If you do want to apply they often wave the application fee to so don't apply without a fee waiver.
Good for you having a seperate checking and savings account. That's smart. Also congratulations on paying off your car. That will be a huge help financially. Is the car in both your names? If so see if you can get him to sign it over to just you. That way when you leave him you'll know you have the car.
Other than that, have a plan, find a good lawyer, and leave ASAP.
If I can be totally honest, I’m pretty much in the same boat as you as far as being fed up. I too am working on becoming more independent so when the time comes, I can leave and be ok on my own. I’ve also been looking into online courses I can take to get a degree in something!
Marriage is not easy but what I do know is it sure takes two to make it work.
People grow up, change for better, priorities change, some people don’t grow up or change at all. I am surely not the same person I was 10yrs ago, he isn’t either but I can say I don’t like who he’s become. I’ve voiced that too him many times.
I’ve put in my work and even his share without him making any compromise.
All false hopes and fake promises. I don’t feel I’m a priority to him.
I do everything for that man and he walks all over me.
I couldn’t even tell you where he’s been all day and he’s still not home after 9pm.
He promised me we would do valentines tonight, he would take me for dinner.
I thought maybe he was out doing something special. Well, I should know better than to have that sort of expectation because I always let myself down. When I called him hours ago, he was drinking with friends. He’s like Jekyll and Hyde. He can be one way or the other. It’s too much stress on me, i would much rather do this on my own. 😔
I’m sorry you’ve been going through this tough time, you are not alone!! ((Hugs))
@jwhite3116 @blackgirlmagic
Honestly with having 3 kids my intention is to go to schook to be a teacher at the middle school or high school level. I'm not eligible for financial aid because of my status caused by my gpa.
My current intention is to take classes when I can as I can afford to and pay cash for them. I do have some classes I have passed so i just need to work on half the classes it takes for an associates. I would like to work on getting my associates so I can work as a teachers aid. They don't make amazing money but I'd like to get my foot in the door with a school and use the income to pay for working on a bachelors so that when I leave I don't have to heat him say I used him.
I used to be a head custodian at a school. I realky made a name for myself and was well liked. I'm hoping I could be a teachers aid maybe in that district and use who I worked for the principal and AP as a reference. My dad lives in that district. They have plans to sell their home in a few years and put it towards their RV. So maybe I can luck out and live there a year or two once I'm working without them there while I save up for a down payment for them. I'm hoping if I agree to pay the taxes on the house they would let me do that.
They want me to leave him too it just not reasonable for me to live there. My dad is 65 and hes just too old to want to deal with noisey kids 24/7.
I have had a lot of friends just tell me just leave. Well its not thay simple when you have kids. I'm not being abused amd hes not drinking or on drugs. Hes just a selfish prick.
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
Same goes to you, @charchar0820!
To leave him i need a degree, a job, a car in my name, and enough money in savings to get a place and have everything turned on, and enough money for furniture and beds.
@charhar0820 i understand. Its hard to explain to people why we cant just leave. No they arent abusive they are just shitty. And im just left with do i want to leave with nothing? Or do I want to get my crap together and deal with him longer?
We have been together 9 years this march. My problem is he never changed. Its always been promise after promise that never happened. That things would ve different once we bought a house, different once we got married, different once we had more kids. But it never is. It doesnt change.
Im not the hopeful 20 year old i was. I feel like my soul has died along with any hope, or feelings i had.
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
I have no doubt that you'll do whatever is necessary to get yourself into a place where you can afford to get your family out of that toxic environment. It's not your job to do it all alone while he sits and plays video games all day and can't even be trusted alone with your son. No marriage is perfect, but that's not a marriage. It's not a partnership at all. You didn't make those babies by yourself, and you shouldn't have to care for them by yourself. But if that's the choice he's left you with after you've tried time and time again to get help for your marriage, and if he doesn't realize what he has, then yeah, you'll do better without him. You've already proven that you're more than capable of balancing it all without a bit of help from him, so yes, even though you shouldn't have to, sometimes there are situations where going solo is the better alternative. I know it's practically impossible, but try to think about this long term. It's hard as hell right now, but in ten years, how much better is your life going to look with a degree under your belt and without all that deadbeat baggage living under your roof? You can do this.
I hope that you and @charhar0820 both find the paths you're searching for and are able to find some light and happiness, and I'm just so sorry that each of you are struggling during your pregnancies which are difficult enough all by themselves. Sending so much love to you and any other ladies who need some extra positive vibes. You're doing an amazing job. Keep going.
I'm so sorry you find yourselves so alone in your relationships. It's true that no marriage is perfect the whole way through, and it takes work, and both people being willing to grow and change for the better through the years. I know DH and I have been having some growing pains lately, too, but at least he admits that he sees the same issues or problems as I do, and doesn't want things to be that way. If you can't even get on the same page about THAT, how do you even start? :/
<div class=" Spoiler">That said, we have been working on getting ahead in a lot of ways, and our last remaining chunk of debt unfortunately is my own (student loan). So as urgently as I feel we need to make that debt go away (even moreso because it would only become my own albatross if anything were to happen to him), I am grateful that if I were to go back to teaching, I have that Masters in my pocket. I don't think he values that piece of paper in the same way I do, but I know you ladies get it. So there's that. And there's one crappy old jeep in my name. But it's something. You are all also helping me plant the seed to remember that our next vehicle (that I need to be able to fit all the kids and dogs into at once - ideally - AT LEAST THE KIDS, Sorry dogs, we'll come back for you lol), because that's an excellent point about it actually being <i>in my name, </i>because it doesn't help me if it's titled in his and something happens.</div>
<div class=" Spoiler">Certain things DH is excellent for, other things, not so much. And reading all this makes me realise if he's not going to be that guy, then it's up to me to just get it done. One example being submitting the tax papers to the accountant. There are one or two things I need to get myself, everything else "should" be up to him. But I need to bite the bullet and do as much as I can, plop it in his lap and say okay, "now you," rather than wait for it to happen the other way around. But I see how this is already working in my favor. Because when the accountant asked me for direct deposit information, I just had our refunds go into my accounts and he never even saw the money. :| Granted, if he cared enough to ASK and follow up, I have the direct deposit receipts in my desk, but he never asked. 🤷 He seems to think any money I were to get, I would just spend, but little does he know about my little nest egg. He sort of knows I have something set aside to help pay bills, but he has no idea how much. So that is my plan, whether just to keep quiet in case I need it, or one day to be able to surprise him with a down payment on a house (we currently rent), I am looking forward to a moment like that when I get to surprise him with what a good little secret squirrel I can be. And hope and pray I don't need it for some other horrible reason. I still breathe easier just knowing it's there.</div>
So honestly, I think everything you're doing is just smart. I would never want my daughter to be totally in the dark about her family's finances, or SOL if something were to happen to her husband. Even in the best relationship.
Keep up the good work! :) being awesome moms and setting such a good example. I will personally hope and pray that your relationships may improve, but only time will tell. And in the meantime, it will be a good thing to have all the ducks in a row, regardless. As we get older, we will want to have more serious conversations about things like life insurance, wills and more in depth retirement conversations. But that is a lifelong process setting yourselves up, and your kids, and everything for after we're gone, too. It's just a shame you feel like the only ones in the relationship thinking about the future. Be strong, ladies. ❤️❤️❤️
@gomillis I plan on following threw with my plan. I just needed our debt paid off so I would have the money to go back to college and get things in motion.
@BusinessWife exactly! If we can't get on the same page about that how do we start to fix anything? We just cant. And one person cant fixnit all.
Thank you everyone for listening. I'm just tired. i got sick from taking care of my son and husband and now I get 0 help in return. Things shouldnt be this way.
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
@psychobutthead I'm not sure which state you live in but if there is a teacher shortage like there is here maybe you can figure out a way to do some type of lateral entry and/or get grants to become a certified teacher. My state is in serious need of teachers and i'm pretty sure they would do anything to help get people in the profession!
Dating 4/2008
Married 6/2016
TTC #1 9/2019
BFP 12/13/2019!
EDD 8/27/2020 Baby Girl