On the topic of being a SAHM, if you have the opportunity, do it while you only have one child. Being a SAHM is emotionally and mentally exhausting at times. It will take a lot out of you, even if being a mother is your calling, so to speak. It’s also so much different to experience one little baby and spend those first two years together than it is to raise multiple children at home. I became a SAHM when DS1 was born and those first two years of it just being us were honestly two of my best years. Now I have DS1 in school and DS2 at home and I still get a little one on one time that feels special to us. DS2 will start school shortly after baby turns 1 and we’ll get our one on one time.
Also, don’t wait until you have 2-3 kids at home to decide to try it. It’s a lot more work and requires a different level of patience.
@heyybritt@pirateduck I love both of those class options: 10 weeks that cover everything or just 1-day crash course on child birth. My class is 4 weeks, 3 hours each week. I think I’m also just intimidated at the idea of 12 hours on just childbirth. I guess we’ll really cover every moment of childbirth from admittance to discharge 😅
On the topic of SAHM, I truly admire all parents who stay at home to care for their child. For many of the reasons @rox7777 pointed out. DH & I will both be working but if you’re able to stay at home with your baby, I think that’s a blessing.
I’m thinking about skipping the whole childbirth class and just doing the hospital tour. Although right now with the new virus and cold and flu season I really don’t want to go into the hospital yet.
As far as being a SAHM I would jump at the opportunity if you have can. I’ll be heading back to work we just bought a house and are in no position to go from 2 to 1 income, but if given the choice I wouldn’t even have to think about it.
It’s also incredibly hard to land a public school teaching job where I live (this one took me almost 7 years to get). So I know I have a good spot, and trying to return to work would be very challenging. I’d have to start looking all over again.
My hospital offers three classes, and I'm planning on taking them all - birth, breastfeeding, and infant CPR (I'm certified but DH is not, tho apparently this class doesn't provide certification, just a refresher? Eh.)
We could probably afford for me to be a SAHM, but to be honest, I like my career and I don't want to give it up. Though some days at work I feel differently...
@pirateduck I have been telling, but it's funny to me how much people are DYING to know if I haven't told them yet. At work, I never made a pregnancy announcement. I just told a few people and let is spread around as I knew it would. I wasn't planning on making a gender announcement. Last week someone I don't work with directly much stopped me in the hallway to ask if I knew yet. I told her but part of me wanted to ask "why do you care??"
I just posted about this in the poll thread regarding potentially changing/moving the group discussions. I was thinking of asking you ladies if anyone is interested in at some point making a more private group chat for either Facebook or Google Chat (or some other program that you know of/suggest-- those are just the two I use). It would obviously become burdensome if we have a hundred people in it but I thought something small with FTMs. Even if there are just a few people here who are interested it might be nice to have someone to relate to, ask quick questions, share funny stories, share pics as we move along, and just generally get to know one another better. It can definitely be made a "no pressure" situation if women want to drop in and out as life gets busy. Just a thought!
@drkoyya I took a childbirthing class this weekend with my hospital and found it helpful. They go through the different stages of labord,p and pain relief techniques etc. It was helpful to have someone from the hospital talk about what they do/don't have and have DH with to kind of point out what I want him to ask for if I was delirious with pain. It was also very helpful for him to be there because they discussed different support and relaxation techniques.
Mine was two days on the weekend 9-2. Everyone else in the class was further along than me and if I could change anything I would do it slightly later in the pregnancy. The class did scare me about getting an epidural and now I'm going to try and delay getting it for as long as possible/try going without it if that's at all possible.
@doctorcrime I like the idea of a private group mostly cuz I feel I can understand who's-who better with pictures and consistency in one forum instead of the several different threads we have in the bump. That being said I'm not on Facebook and like others not on FB wondering how else I can connect with other moms without having to join.
Me: 30 | H: 34 Married July 2018 First-Time Mom EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
@pirateduck I've been answering when people ask for a few weeks, but for a long time my go-to answer was "They haven't cooperated enough for us to find out yet!" which usually made people chuckle and then let it go, if you're looking to deflect.
There is a Groupme app that allows group texting where we could easily make a group chat. I only have the app because that is how people coordinate getting together for PokemonGo in my area. It's easy to mute the group if you don't want to see a bunch of messages but go on when you want and even personally message people from the group if you want to talk privately.
We could also use Slack? I have used it yearS ago but it was just a free chat program where we can make group chats.
I like Google Hangouts/chat but if you don't have a Google/gmail account and don't want to make one then that wont work too well.
I am sure there are other chat programs/methods. I know at least on Groupme you can upload a picture if you want and people can still remain a lot more private than you would if we had a Facebook group if you want to join but don't want to tell everyone all the details of your life!
@doctorcrime I like the idea and I'm good either FB or GroupMe. I actually really like the idea of us being on a messenger as FTM. I image a quick/panic "text" is easier than a post on TB or FB.
@pirateduck I've been telling people the sex--mostly because I can't keep a secret to save my life. It is interesting how that is the first question people ask after I tell them I'm pregnant. I have a huge issue with the genderism of babies. I wanted to know the sex because I'm impatient and wanted to connect by calling the baby by their name. Other than that, the sex doesn't matter. It was interesting to watch how my family and friends' reactions changed once we found out we're actually having a boy.
@drkoyya initially I did not want to know the sex. I wanted to be surprised. My husband had really wanted to know. We found out because of other testing we had done due to risk factors. Honestly, I wanted to know at that point because I knew one sex had lower risk factors than the other and I'd hoped it would set my mind at ease while waiting for test results. It was a stressful time and I wanted to do something nice for my husband so we found out.
You are right. It is virtually ALWAYS the follow up question that people ask when they find out you are pregnant. I don't know why. Maybe because they don't know what else to say. Maybe my answer should just be something snarky like "The baby is healthy so far, thanks for asking." Or "I'm feeling a lot better than I was last trimester, maybe we should grab some happy hour food this week." I dunno. I just want someone to follow up with something that matters for once.
Also it's interesting you mention the name thing. We were having trouble with baby names and knowing the sex helps, but then your post reminds me that most names in our culture are still traditionally linked to sex. I wonder if there will ever be a time when that is not a thing. I don't want to restrict our name search to names that are strictly gender neutral, and I'm not trying to criticize, just pointing out naming conventions.
So, I don't want to step on any toes of what is going on with the group overall but was experimenting on groupme to see how I would go about creating a group chat and what information is required/etc. I made a test "May 2020 FTM" group. It is a closed group. It looks like in order for me to add people into the group I would have to add them by name (which I think means they are in my contacts before or were in another group with me), by e-mail address or phone number.
I am a little confused about the private group discussion here-- is there a way we can make private threads or send private messages? I would imagine no one is going to want to post that information on here.
If anyone wants to check out the groupme app in general and see if they think it'd work for us then let me know or if you have suggestions about how we could create the chat. If people want to maintain some anonymity I am sure you could make a new e-mail address to link to it? For now I will sit in the empty chat.
I may have spoke too soon! There is a "share group" button that I have. I can share in an e-mail, on FB etc. I just tested it to share to FB (and set for only me to view) and it posted a link. I think I could then just post the link here and anyone here could join. We could take the link down later if we need to. Thoughts?
The link works fine. I'm just trying to change my settings so it doesn't show my last name which I thought I did in the groupme profile but the link is still saying "ADASDGWE ASDGASDGD invited you to join". Hmmm. Progress though!
I figured it out. If anyone wants to read about groupme/check the app out then let me know what you think. If you think it's not a great idea then that's fine too-- just experimenting. I think it is nice in a way that it allows for another step before jumping to FB (and allows women who don't have or want to be on FB) to participate. I think I can just post the link here then if you have the groupme app you can easily click "join" to join into the group. Right now it is just me with a bunch of test messages. It only shows my first name and a pic I have up. I think when you set up your groupme account you can decide however you want to appear so you can still have a generic pic or use your username from here or whatever you'd like. I don't *think* you can see anything else. My account shows my e-mail and phone number but as far as I know no one else can see that.
@doctorcrime could you send a DM with the link to everyone who indicated they were interested? That would be my vote. I've used GroupMe before and think this is a great option, thanks for figuring it out!
I haven't used GroupMe but I know a lot of people use What's App? I don't know if one is better than the other or easier than the other, but it might be worth experimenting with both options. On The Bump, if you are on a desktop, at the top right corner of the screen is a little inbox icon and you can send users private messages that way. I'm not sure if you can send them to multiple users at once, but it would probably be better to send out the link via the private message feature vs. posting it in this thread. I'm willing to test it out, depending how it goes I may or may not use it often.
@pirateduck I've used both What'sApp and GroupMe and I personally prefer Group Me. They're very similar, Group Me has just been around longer. I will say that GroupMe only works great if you download the app. You can technically use it through text message but it becomes a bulky group chat and you don't know who is saying what.
I don't know a ton about What'sApp but I thought it was more for people trying to *hide* conversations-- that it deletes them after a certain time or allows more anonymity?
Anyway, I am home now so am going to send anyone who said they are interested a private message with the link. I think you should easily be able to join the chat I made if we want to have a test chat. If you don't get a message from me in the next few minutes and want an invite then please let me know!
I meant to post this here but stupidly sent it just to @doctorcrime in the PM lol
Fair warning, when you join if your full name is listed in your profile it will show up when you enter. So probably smart to adjust all your settings before joining the group.
@randic22 from where you are reading this now, go to the top of the app and hit the back arrow in the pink bar until you get to the main menu and just below our BMB you will see “my inbox” click there.
@pirateduck I am 100% with you. I just feel like there are so many things that come up and are unpleasant with the process. I am not a fan of being pregnant. I am certainly a fan of the end result but the process is a lot. I am hoping if my hubby and I want another that I get amnesia on the process.
@doctorcrime every time I complain about the way I feel my husband says "remember, this is what YOU wanted." Ugh, no, I just wanted to miraculously have a baby without the 9 months of anguish, is that so much to ask? Can we fast forward to the end product please?
@pirateduck my husband says the same thing! I told him that he "helped in the kitchen" but this "baking process" is all me, and man is it a struggle at times. My bump isn't huge but I know that baby is long and he's starting to get in the way. Putting lotion on my legs is officially a workout. I can't image what the next 3 months will be like!
Re: FTM check-in - January
On the topic of SAHM, I truly admire all parents who stay at home to care for their child. For many of the reasons @rox7777 pointed out. DH & I will both be working but if you’re able to stay at home with your baby, I think that’s a blessing.
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
We could probably afford for me to be a SAHM, but to be honest, I like my career and I don't want to give it up. Though some days at work I feel differently...
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
Mine was two days on the weekend 9-2. Everyone else in the class was further along than me and if I could change anything I would do it slightly later in the pregnancy. The class did scare me about getting an epidural and now I'm going to try and delay getting it for as long as possible/try going without it if that's at all possible.
@doctorcrime I like the idea of a private group mostly cuz I feel I can understand who's-who better with pictures and consistency in one forum instead of the several different threads we have in the bump. That being said I'm not on Facebook and like others not on FB wondering how else I can connect with other moms without having to join.
Married July 2018
First-Time Mom
EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
@pirateduck I've been answering when people ask for a few weeks, but for a long time my go-to answer was "They haven't cooperated enough for us to find out yet!" which usually made people chuckle and then let it go, if you're looking to deflect.
We could also use Slack? I have used it yearS ago but it was just a free chat program where we can make group chats.
I like Google Hangouts/chat but if you don't have a Google/gmail account and don't want to make one then that wont work too well.
I am sure there are other chat programs/methods. I know at least on Groupme you can upload a picture if you want and people can still remain a lot more private than you would if we had a Facebook group if you want to join but don't want to tell everyone all the details of your life!
@pirateduck I've been telling people the sex--mostly because I can't keep a secret to save my life. It is interesting how that is the first question people ask after I tell them I'm pregnant. I have a huge issue with the genderism of babies. I wanted to know the sex because I'm impatient and wanted to connect by calling the baby by their name. Other than that, the sex doesn't matter. It was interesting to watch how my family and friends' reactions changed once we found out we're actually having a boy.
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
You are right. It is virtually ALWAYS the follow up question that people ask when they find out you are pregnant. I don't know why. Maybe because they don't know what else to say. Maybe my answer should just be something snarky like "The baby is healthy so far, thanks for asking." Or "I'm feeling a lot better than I was last trimester, maybe we should grab some happy hour food this week." I dunno. I just want someone to follow up with something that matters for once.
Also it's interesting you mention the name thing. We were having trouble with baby names and knowing the sex helps, but then your post reminds me that most names in our culture are still traditionally linked to sex. I wonder if there will ever be a time when that is not a thing. I don't want to restrict our name search to names that are strictly gender neutral, and I'm not trying to criticize, just pointing out naming conventions.
I am a little confused about the private group discussion here-- is there a way we can make private threads or send private messages? I would imagine no one is going to want to post that information on here.
If anyone wants to check out the groupme app in general and see if they think it'd work for us then let me know or if you have suggestions about how we could create the chat. If people want to maintain some anonymity I am sure you could make a new e-mail address to link to it? For now I will sit in the empty chat.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
Anyway, I am home now so am going to send anyone who said they are interested a private message with the link. I think you should easily be able to join the chat I made if we want to have a test chat. If you don't get a message from me in the next few minutes and want an invite then please let me know!
Fair warning, when you join if your full name is listed in your profile it will show up when you enter. So probably smart to adjust all your settings before joining the group.
Married July 2018
First-Time Mom
EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
Married July 2018
First-Time Mom
EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20