I'm sure you'll all agree that the FTM pregnancy is an emotional roller coaster (thank you hormones). I'm still concerned about what happens AFTER birth and whether or not I'm truly ready to be a mom whose responsible for a whole little human. However, yesterday my sorority sister sent me a draft of the baby shower invite and my other friend sent me an updated photo of a name sign she's making for the nursery-- they're both so cute and now I'm extremely excited to meet my baby.
How I feel changes day by day but today, I'm feeling amazing.
@drkoyya I feel like I just finally got used to being pregnant, the thought of what happens during birth and after birth with a tiny human is definitely overwhelming some days.
@pirateduck That's why I choose not to think about it most days Unfortunately, the due date is only getting closer so I'll have to face it.
I forgot to mention that I absolutely felt baby kick my hand last night. I felt it on Monday but wasn't too sure, now I'm definitely sure. I think these little milestone are helping me look forward to postpartum life (and completely terrified of it).
@pirateduck@drkoyya it's amazing how much the movement can change how I'm feeling. Yesterday I felt the kicks and paused what I was watching to talk to the baby for 5 minutes while he was kicking and it felt like my first real bonding moment.
Wanted to update on my job/moving situation. It's confirmed that I will be staying with my current company and in a similar position in the new location. So that is a huge relief! On Saturday we looked at places and found one we REALLY want. So I'm hoping we can secure it this week and have that settled too. I made an appointment with one OB that I used to see when I lived up there. But I'm thinking of reaching out to one other just because I may prefer the hospital they use. I'm bummed to leave my practice here but what can you do.
Now I'm making lists of everything else we have to get done as part of this move. I'm feeling simultaneously overwhelmed and calm/confident about it all. Such a strange feeling. I think I'm mostly overwhelmed just thinking about how much money we're about to hemorrhage. We need to make more money lol.
Anyone else getting overwhelmed with all the choices for baby gear? I think I've changed my mind about what stroller to get about 5 times. My poor husband is tired of me 😂
@heyybritt I do a lot of research on everything and i find somet that I love then a few days later second guess myself and redo all of my research lol. I really should just buy something when I decide on it because 99% of the time I stick with my original decision.
I’ve researched some gear that I care about. I just choose one thing at a time to focus on and then make a decision, starting with what I will need first. Don’t get distracted and look at high chairs for a 6 month old when you need to pick a car seat that you need on day one to leave the hospital. Other things I pick impulsively!
I just got my first box of hand me downs from my SIL and started tearing up as I was going through it. There were so many cute tiny clothes and she said she has so much more. She told me I will never need to buy baby clothes and that she has never needed to buy them either as they were either hand me downs from her friends or gifts. I am so grateful right now I don’t even have words.
I’m actually surprised with myself that I haven’t been overwhelmed about baby gear. For me, I want the most bang for my buck and want convertible gear when possible. I just searched for the type I want, found one in the color I want with good reviews and just stuck to it. A travel system was relatively easy because I’m confined to a tiny trunk (electric car with the battery in the trunk). I haven’t allowed myself to get overwhelmed about the gear because everything else is still overwhelming 😅
side note: I have my breastfeeding class tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll be completely freaked out about that afterward.
@heyybritt definitely me. I research everything to death. My baby registry changes daily haha. For me the hardest thing so far has also been the stroller. I THINK I finally settled on the chicco bravo travel system. I really wanted the mockingbird stroller but I cant get over the fact there is no tray attachment. It baffles me that the more exspensive strollers dont have them and the "cheaper" ones do. That bother anyone else?
@randic22 I don’t even know what the tray attachment is and what the tray is for I think it’s safe to say everyone has different priorities when it comes to things like strollers and that’s one reason there are so many out there. I’m over here looking at things like suspension and hand brakes.
@randic22 I was just looking at the mockingbird today and had the same thought about the tray! And then spent 20 minutes debating on if I even needed a tray or not.
@jess09lynn yes this is exactly my process. We had picked some stuff but then i started to reconsider based on prices and now we're going back to buy buy baby again this weekend so I can look all over again.
@drkoyya ooh I hope the class goes well! That reminds me I need sign up for my classes...
@pirateduck that is so great about all of the clothes. I'm going to have the first boy in my family in years but I'm hoping someone has gender neutral stuff they're willing to pass on to me.
@randic22 Right after I read your comment about the chicco travel system, I got a targeted ad on Instagram for it. No surprise since everything I google is baby-related, but still... very creepy.
I will say that's its been hard for me to say no to things I think I need. I keep getting ads and emails and my gut reaction is "I CAN USE THAT," I add it to my registry, and then a few days later I'll look at my register and realize I don't really need that. Now that baby shower invites have been sent out and the registry is "live", I've calmed down on spontaneously adding stuff. My department has a phrase we use during meetings, GEMO (Good enough, move on). At this point my registry has all of the necessities so I have to remind myself "GEMO".
My registry changes daily, but the biggies I put a lot of research into stay the same. Amazon has this amazing way of suggesting products based on my search history that I must add instantly even if I never thought I needed them before. People won't buy everything and if you have changed your mind, you can either delete it from the registry or exchange the item later. I kept going back and forth on a baby carrier, because I feel like I want to try them with the baby actually in them and see if they are comfortable. Hubby said just register for the most expensive one and then I can exchange it for any one I want later, clever man.
@pirateduck There are several baby wearing groups on Facebook. Look up baby wearing international and you’ll be able to find groups local to you that may allow you to borrow and try on carriers. There’s also a huge group on FB called baby wearing on a budget. You’ll find tons of name brand carriers for Uber cheap. If you’re shorter torso I recommend looking into the Tula. I personally like the free to grow option because it goes from newborn to 35+lbs. If you have a longer torso I’d recommend the lillebaby. The 360 option has 6 different wearing options. For newborns I prefer the ring sling because I find it easy to use and no crazy wrapping required. The ktan is also fairly simple and super popular.
I realize this is the FTM thread, I just read everything when I’m bored. 😂
Thanks @rox7777 there was a ktan in the box of hand me downs I just got! I'm pretty excited about that, because even if it doesn't work out, it's free. Being pregnant sometimes makes me feel like I need to join FB to find gear and connect with local moms. I have to figure out if there are other ways to do that locally besides FB, but it seems to be the go to way to do a lot of things around here.
Does anyone else like to believe that their baby is talking to you? I know that our babies can't comprehend what we're saying but I love having conversations with baby-- it truly makes my day. I felt him kicking, so I stopped what I was doing to have a conversation with my unborn child. His little kicks make it feel like he's "talking" back.
If you can't feel big kicks yet, I can't wait for you to experience it I've only been feeling it very strongly for a week and it totally changes my mood.
@drkoyya I did this for the first time last week and it was great. Little guy has been a bit more active this week (anterior placenta) so I'm hoping I plan to do it more often as he gets bigger. It really feels like you're bonding when you can take a minute to be in the moment with them.
I love feeling the movement and it alleviates so much anxiety. Until, of course, they are quiet for a little bit and I start to worry something is wrong Haha.
My husband works second shift and when he comes home at night and talks to my bump the baby goes crazy for a little while. It makes me smile so hard!
@randic22 Don’t give me ideas of new things to obsess over 🤣
i just finished the breastfeeding class. SO MUCH INFORMATION. The class was mostly centered on the first two weeks which freaked me out because baby is really coming REALLY SOON and I’m not ready. Looks like I’ll be spending the next 15 weeks watching all the YouTube videos and reading all of the baby care books.
Anyone considering becoming a stay at home mom? With the daunting costs of childcare we are considering it. I'm also going to be working on some of my masters classes and I just know I wont be able to handle a new baby, my job, and the classes.
@randic22 I would love to if it becomes financially viable for us. Or at least only work part time. Right now it isn't though. You may find it's not that enjoyable after a while, but with all you have going on maybe it makes sense for you.
@randic22 honestly didn't consider it until I saw exactly how much childcare actually costs. After that I totally got why people have one parent stay home.
Depending on how our situation works out, I think I will have a period where I stay home. We've been talking about it more and if we still move home to CA, I either a) won't be able to get someone to hire me because I'll be too pregnant, if we go before baby comes or b) will have just had the baby and moved states and need to get my bearings so won't look for a job right away.
@randic22 I'm totally staying at home and my husband is on board with this. We have many reasons for this choice. I don't know how long I will stay home, depends how I am emotionally, but then if I choose to go back to work full time, my husband would likely stay home. When full time child care costs = 50% of your salary, then you have taxes and healthcare and auto/fuel expenses for commuting come out, it means I are working 40 hours a week to have someone else raise my kid and don't have any income left to speak of. I just can't justify this. If I work only part time then I don't get insurance and my salary/hourly wage is much lower and it's a wash again financially. That is a piece of it. The other piece is that I want to raise my own kid, period. I am not comfortable with the idea of sending them off to some stranger to raise them in their formative years. Also they will be in school for much of their life so there are really only a few years you even have to spend this much time with them (if you want), unless you plan on home schooling. There are more factors, like I've wanted to quit my job for ages anyway and when I go back to work it will be somewhere new, whether it's immediately after baby is born or a few months or years later, I cannot wait to be done with this job. I waited (for many reasons, but this is a whole different discussion) to have kids until later in life and have been planning and saving $$ for this. I struggled with infertility and this baby is a blessing on so many levels and I am so excited and it may be my only one and I want to cherish and take advantage of every minute I can get of being a parent. I will have years of my life to work a meaningless job to pay our bills, but my baby is only my baby once. I could go on and on here, but to answer your question, yes, I plan on staying home as long as I can (emotionally and financially) and I'm very excited about that. If it doesn't work out, we'll figure it out. I'm also terrified about this life decision too, but I can always return to work if I want.
@pirateduck well said! I was feeling a little weird about staying home since most that I know have more than one child. I think you honestly helped solidify my decision.
@randic22 you just have to accept that it's a big change (whether you stay home or not) and you won't truly know how you feel about it until it happens. You might love staying at home, you might hate it. The financial stress might outweigh the emotional gratification or whatever. You can always go back to work later if you change your mind or you could go back to work soon after baby is born and if you aren't feelin it you can quit your job. Just be flexible in your mindset.
I didn't know which thread to put this in, but I decided here because none of us have gone through labor.
I have been SUPER indecisive on whether or not to do a childbirth class. I know that it shouldn't even be a question, but I wasn't sure. I know myself. I'm super Type A and have a very hard time when things are out of my control. I compensate by trying to establish plan B, C, D and so on. I was worried that the more I knew, the more I would try to control my childbirth process. Logically, I know childbirth won't go as planned but that won't stop me from trying. I didn't want to go into it more anxious trying to be in control, so I told myself that I would do my own research on what to expect and put the trust into my OBG/Midwife. Well, I changed my mind. After the breastfeeding class and reading the childbirth pamphlet from my OB/G, I decided to take the formal child birthing class. Part of me still believes this will only increase my anxiety about childbirth but I decided its best. Not just for me, but also for DH. He missed the child care and breastfeeding class because of work. This will give him a chance to learn hands-on instead of reading apps and books. Anyways, I'm really nervous about the class. Is everyone taking a class? How has it been?
@randic22 I'm planning on going back to work after my year maternity leave with this baby, then stay home once we have another one. That may change though. We are trying to decide if we want to put baby in daycare. We're not worried about the financial part of it it's more finding somewhere that fits with what we want.
@drkoyya I want to take a couple classes if I can make it work once I'm settled in our new location. Just being a FTM I feel so clueless and overwhelmed about so much. I always think more info is better even if it means you go into super planner mode. You know you can only do so much but maybe being prepared with all these options will make you feel a little more in control?
@lisush That is true, but I'm also worried that I'll be too focus on what can go wrong in labor leading up to the due date. I somewhat want to be blissfully unaware but as a FTM I do think it is better to be more informed.
I have been in a class since the beginning. My OB’s office gives women the choice between traditional appointments and the Centering Pregnancy program. In Centering I am with the same group of women through my whole pregnancy. We started with once a month and are transitioning to every two weeks as baby gets closer. There are a total of 10 (maybe it’s 12) 1.5 hour sessions. We do vitals and Doppler and can ask questions one on one or with the group. We cover everything from coping with symptoms and stress to breastfeeding to pain management and birth plans and hospital tours. Partners are welcome. My husband comes to some but not all appointments, another woman brings her mom for support. It’s been good and I will continue to go. I want the info and want to learn from others experiences and others questions that I may not h e thought of on my own. Even though I might hear things that are scary I didn’t know about, it would be scarier to be surprised by something down the road. I think knowing things helps us be prepared and make more informed decisions. They won’t talk about every worst case scenario but will likely you have on common ones.
@drkoyya MH and I are doing a day-long childbirth class. Honestly I think it will be great for both of us. I know hypothetically how birth is supposed to go but feel really unprepared right now. I think for MH it will be good for someone else to talk to him about it since he has to listen to me for everything else 😂
We're also going to do an infant safety/cpr class and a car seat safety class. If I feel like I need it after the childbirth prep class I think we'll also do newborn care and breastfeeding. My hospital's website isn't super clear on if the newborn care and breastfeeding are covered in the 1 day class, but I'm hoping they are so I can just knock it out all in one day.
Re: FTM check-in - January
How I feel changes day by day but today, I'm feeling amazing.
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
I forgot to mention that I absolutely felt baby kick my hand last night. I felt it on Monday but wasn't too sure, now I'm definitely sure. I think these little milestone are helping me look forward to postpartum life (and completely terrified of it).
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
Now I'm making lists of everything else we have to get done as part of this move. I'm feeling simultaneously overwhelmed and calm/confident about it all. Such a strange feeling. I think I'm mostly overwhelmed just thinking about how much money we're about to hemorrhage. We need to make more money lol.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
I just got my first box of hand me downs from my SIL and started tearing up as I was going through it. There were so many cute tiny clothes and she said she has so much more. She told me I will never need to buy baby clothes and that she has never needed to buy them either as they were either hand me downs from her friends or gifts. I am so grateful right now I don’t even have words.
side note: I have my breastfeeding class tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll be completely freaked out about that afterward.
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
@jess09lynn yes this is exactly my process. We had picked some stuff but then i started to reconsider based on prices and now we're going back to buy buy baby again this weekend so I can look all over again.
@drkoyya ooh I hope the class goes well! That reminds me I need sign up for my classes...
@pirateduck that is so great about all of the clothes. I'm going to have the first boy in my family in years but I'm hoping someone has gender neutral stuff they're willing to pass on to me.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
I will say that's its been hard for me to say no to things I think I need. I keep getting ads and emails and my gut reaction is "I CAN USE THAT," I add it to my registry, and then a few days later I'll look at my register and realize I don't really need that. Now that baby shower invites have been sent out and the registry is "live", I've calmed down on spontaneously adding stuff. My department has a phrase we use during meetings, GEMO (Good enough, move on). At this point my registry has all of the necessities so I have to remind myself "GEMO".
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
I realize this is the FTM thread, I just read everything when I’m bored. 😂
If you can't feel big kicks yet, I can't wait for you to experience it
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
My husband works second shift and when he comes home at night and talks to my bump the baby goes crazy for a little while. It makes me smile so hard!
i just finished the breastfeeding class. SO MUCH INFORMATION. The class was mostly centered on the first two weeks which freaked me out because baby is really coming REALLY SOON and I’m not ready. Looks like I’ll be spending the next 15 weeks watching all the YouTube videos and reading all of the baby care books.
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
I do recommend Nurse Zabe's channel, I find it very informative.
Depending on how our situation works out, I think I will have a period where I stay home. We've been talking about it more and if we still move home to CA, I either a) won't be able to get someone to hire me because I'll be too pregnant, if we go before baby comes or b) will have just had the baby and moved states and need to get my bearings so won't look for a job right away.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
I have been SUPER indecisive on whether or not to do a childbirth class. I know that it shouldn't even be a question, but I wasn't sure. I know myself. I'm super Type A and have a very hard time when things are out of my control. I compensate by trying to establish plan B, C, D and so on. I was worried that the more I knew, the more I would try to control my childbirth process. Logically, I know childbirth won't go as planned but that won't stop me from trying. I didn't want to go into it more anxious trying to be in control, so I told myself that I would do my own research on what to expect and put the trust into my OBG/Midwife. Well, I changed my mind. After the breastfeeding class and reading the childbirth pamphlet from my OB/G, I decided to take the formal child birthing class. Part of me still believes this will only increase my anxiety about childbirth but I decided its best. Not just for me, but also for DH. He missed the child care and breastfeeding class because of work. This will give him a chance to learn hands-on instead of reading apps and books. Anyways, I'm really nervous about the class. Is everyone taking a class? How has it been?
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
We're also going to do an infant safety/cpr class and a car seat safety class. If I feel like I need it after the childbirth prep class I think we'll also do newborn care and breastfeeding. My hospital's website isn't super clear on if the newborn care and breastfeeding are covered in the 1 day class, but I'm hoping they are so I can just knock it out all in one day.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20