Transition to non-public group

queenklau · January 2020

Sorry, late to this convo. The app has been a nightmare the past week, I am sure I missed lots.

1st, I agree about the timing, Feb 1st seems awfully soon. We had many new folks joining the last few weeks and actively participating.

2nd, I am not super happy with the app but will stick it out until we decide to move on to the next group. When the time comes I would prefer we move on to FB rather than PG.

My last BMB move to FB when the babies were a few weeks old. It became so exclusive that we lost a lot of people, you had to somehow prove yourself and that you had participated enough. A few queen bees made the choice and many people for left out...not cool.

Austenista · January 2020

I have two bmb's on my fb for Dec 16 and Jun 18, we did have to weed out one strange person in J18 but it happened pretty quickly with little fanfare. Idk why people want to be strange and join groups when they don't have babies, but both groups I am in were simply concerned with making sure everyone was the real deal before we got too personal. Dec 16 moved not long after babies were born and June 18 we moved while we were still pregnant (around now-ish) and the board here did trickle off because we were all on fb. It wasn't sad though because we were still together. FB is just better because most of everyone's on there anyway and the app isn't as buggy + it's easier to follow. In both groups we've got folks that have dummy FB's just for the purpose of the bmb and it isn't a big deal.

mrswifeytoad · January 2020

So I'm kinda late to this conversation. I struggle with TB a lot because it's not super easy to use. Also, half the time I cant get the board to open for me. As I'm typing this, I wonder if it's actually going to let me post this time. I would be more active if the app would consistently work for me.

brettanomyces · January 2020

I generally spend more time on FB and have been finding it hard to keep up and keep in to TB the last while, same as some above posters. But how and who determines who gets to be in the new group, wherever it may be?

afranzen85 · January 2020

I just joined the group maybe a week ago, but agree that the app is lacking and I would definitely be more active on a FB private group.

catem07 · January 2020

As far as threads go, in my FB BMB we still have them. We start most with a photo so you can find them in the photos section. Most of the conversation happens in Randoms, though. People can also post whatever they want outside of a thread (there are only 55 of us, and probably 35-40 that are pretty active) which is usually what people do when they need specific or urgent advice. We restart the randoms thread when it gets to 1000 posts because that's when FB gets wonky.

shamrocandroll · January 2020

Here's how it went in my first BMB, for anyone curious as to how you decide who does and doesn't make the cut (so as to avoid "queen bees" taking over and making all the decisions) and how we chose to make sure people were legitimate:

A thread was created for moving to a PG on TB. It was started by one of the regulars who people generally agreed were trustworthy. This was decided on as a mid-step because many were not comfortable with using real names yet. People who wanted in commented as such.
The person who started the group started a thread for voting people in. I believe we used something like if 25% of the people in the group recognized you as a regular contributor, you were allowed into the group. This was not meant as a popularity contest, but more of a "yes, this person participates regularly."
A thread for vetting was created. Everyone (including the group moderators) was required to post a photo of themselves that showed their bump, their TB username, their face, and a specific item. This made it challenging for someone to simply steal a photo off the internet. You had a certain amount of time to submit your photo and if you couldn't do so, you were removed from the group.
We then used the PG to tell more about ourselves, HDBD started including faces, and you could generally get to know people a lot better in a way you can't do in a very public forum.
After probably a month or so passed, we made the move to a secret group on FB so we could start getting to know each other by real names before the babies arrived. Several people didn't have a FB account and had to create one, and the group was generally okay with this, except that you had to create an account using your real name and photo. You can make this profile unsearchable, so you could literally use it for nothing except for your BMB group and no one else would be able to find your profile. Many people felt if they were sharing their real name with you, you needed to share your real name with them.
At this stage, we did another photo vetting where you posted another selfie with your TB username so we could make sure there was connection to the same face and a real name.
We had a spreadsheet with people's real names, TB names, and other basic info for people to refer back to early on. Eventually we added in baby names and birthdays as well.
Continue to use basically forever! I still talk to my Nov '16 BMB ladies on FB nearly every day. There's been some drama and people have left the group, but I feel like no matter what you do, that inevitably happens when you have a big group of hormonal women, haha.

Not saying this is what it has to look like, but so far creating a PG on TB and people willing to go for either option are the top 2 choices, so wanted to share an example of what this might look like. We were fortunate and no catfish made it through all of that. Many of us have met in person, and I consider them some of my best friends. I hope that helps!

ETA words

bananapanda · January 2020

I don't have a strong opinion either way on where we go next though I do want to ultimately end up on FB. I typically go MIA on the weekends because it's such a pain to get on the bump on the app when I'm used to using desktop version. So during the week I can be very active while on breaks at work, but on the weekends you'll rarely hear from me. Once we are on FB I think I would be able to contribute more through the weekends as well because I'm always on FB and it's much easier to check.

catem07 · January 2020

(I'm meeting up with someone from April 2017 on Wednesday. We have a map of what city everyone lives in and people tend to try to meet-up if they're going to be nearby for work/vacation/visiting friends or family.)

ETA: a lot of us also send Christmas cards to each other, which is so nice and also tends to be funny for our husbands/partners who are like, uhh, who are these people?

We basically did 1, 2, 5, 7, and 8 from @shamrocandroll's process. I don't recall anyone having to make a FB, I think everyone had one.

shamrocandroll · January 2020

@catem07 Oooh yes, we did the map thing as well! It's been super helpful in meeting up with other ladies during work trips and vacations!

empiricalnarwhal · January 2020

Man I missed the train on this post but definitely feel like a facebook group would be beneficial! The app crashes often when I am writing a response, ready whenever you guys are!

jhysmath · January 2020

We did a very similar transition for May 18. While I understand that tb is a pain and facebook is easier to deal with I do agree there needs to be a vetting process and I don't want this to sound super snarky, but there are plenty of Facebook groups for those who can't use the bump and need to go to Facebook right now. We're not *that * far along that you couldn't make the connections you want with a new group of people before baby is born.

ruby696 · January 2020

Yes to everything you just said @jhysmath. And maybe I'm just a magical unicorn, but 90% of the time, I have no issues with the app. So I would much rather feel like we had a vetting process before jumping right to FB.

catem07 · January 2020

@ruby696 what kind of phone do you have? it sucks on the iPhone (at least on mine).

ruby696 · January 2020

Ah see, yet another reason I hate iPhones 😉 I have a Samsung Galaxy S9 (I think it's a 9?). Sometimes if I'm using a poor wireless signal I have issues (and same with all other apps), but for the most part, i find the app way easier to use than desktop.

m6agua · January 2020

@jhysmath That is honestly what I was thinking. I noticed a lot of people commenting here that don't really participate talking about moving to FB. Honestly if you aren't trying to participate you probably wouldn't end up in the PG and then FB. So if you love FB so much (and hate TB) go find a group for May 2020 on FB, I'm sure they exist.

I was part of the PG transition @shamrocandroll described (same BMB). However, when the PG imploded I did not join FB, instead I stayed on the public BMB and the few of us who were left eventually moved to a new PG group later that I still talk to to this day. We've added each other on social media when our babies were a bit older and now several of us have met, we exchange holiday cards, do a gift exchange and are a close group of mom friends.

shamrocandroll · January 2020

@ruby696 Hahaha, I didn't really understand what everyone was complaining about with app access (though I do generally agree the app sucks), but I also have a Samsung Galaxy S9. Team Android for life!

ruby696 · January 2020

@shamrocandroll I had to have an iPhone for work (so I had two phones). Never again. Being able to actually compare the two, since I used them both, was an eye opener.

mamaqdubu · January 2020

I think there's a general opinion that people would like to wait a bit more (which I get and support). I think everyone is going to have their opinions/pros/cons to anything we decide, but if the group wants to push off this discussion to later this month with an intention to try more of a March or April (before babies) transition to a non-public group I didn't see anyone that had a problem with that, correct? It should give most people time to participate more actively if they want to be part of that group, and give us some more time to decide if PG or FB is a better option. (Personally, if the app keeps being so wonky as it has the last week or two I'm an advocate for direct to FB, but again I'll go with group consensus).

mokay19 · January 2020

My mind is blown right now that it seems to be an app issue on the iPhone only. I’m a mobile-only bumper and I used to be able to make it work so easily. But these last few weeks have been terrible and I miss it so much 😫 don’t leave without me!

shamrocandroll · January 2020

@mamaqdubu I'm not seeing where that's a general consensus, though. In fact, it's the option with the least amount of votes currently.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/aw/l87bnebidqi6.png

catem07 · January 2020

@shamrocandroll I think it is the consensus in the comments, though. I don't see how I can change my vote. I said Feb 1 in the poll, but I really don't mind waiting. I still do want to be on FB before the bulk of the babies are born because it's so much easier to share pics there.

drkoyya · January 2020

I voted based on the medium I'd like to use--without considering the start date. I agree that the consensus came from the comments. I'm on the side of, I'm down to do whatever the majority want to do, whenever we want to do it.

jhysmath · January 2020

I also voted not thinking about the start date, I'd be okay with a private group starting the first, but I think our group would be pretty small. Lately there's been a bunch of new names popping up, or at least new to me names.

lajoliedreamer · January 2020

I was in the same BMB as @shamrocandroll and though I tried to be active and really appreciated the community, was also seriously exhausted/anxious/depressed and dropped out for about a month mid-pregnancy which happened to be the month so many people moved to the private board so I missed it. Later on in the pregnancy and post-baby, the BMB was my lifeline and I'm so grateful for the group of women who stuck around the public board and have become my village, @m6agua included. I will be sad to lose so many of you when you move to a private board or fb, but I'm committed to staying on this public BMB longer. There could be someone else struggling like I did last time who is trying to connect, but doesn't have the mental/emotional capacity right now.

pirateduck · January 2020

After reading all these responses I feel like the division here comes mostly from people who either like to use FB or don't like to use FB. It seems like everyone wants to continue the discussion and be active and get to know people better. Everyone here has opted to use the Bump, it's how we all met, and continuing to use the Bump would be most inclusive, even if it went to a more private group. I'm all for more privacy on the internet when it's an option, but could certainly refrain from offering certain details about my life on a public forum as well when it's not an option.

soprano19 · January 2020

I am pro moving to a PG earlier rather than later. If people feel that February 1 is too soon, perhaps we compromise and say February 15? I feel like waiting all the way till March is kind of late.

louessbee · January 2020

It seems like the poll is saying to transition to a private group on TB, but the comments are waffling on date. Do we want another poll to decide the date of the move?

lisush · January 2020

I didn't comment, just did the poll because I'm cool with whatever everyone else wants to do

rox7777 · January 2020

I will definitely be having an April baby, so March feels late, but at the same time there’s a lot of people/new people that I don’t really interact with yet. I tend to tag the same few names repeatedly so I feel like moving to FB isn’t really for me.

I saw that April started doing one big weekly check in, which I feel like might work better for recognizing and associating people. I really don’t know anyone due towards the end of the month.

randic22 · January 2020

I also haven't commented because I know I am newer to the group and am okay with whatever the general consensus is. I have been trying to stay fairly active the past few weeks though. If the group does move to a PG on the bump relatively soon I would like to join though.

allywat · January 2020

I’m just here again to complain, The Bump app seems to be getting harder and more glitchy with each pregnancy I have. How is it 2020 and they can not get a usable app together.

thepretzelchick · January 2020

I am down with wherever, whenever. Much like Shakira. We're meant to be together.

August '12 never had a PG because they didn't exist yet. We kept the board active until well after the babies were born and then moved to FB. There are 70 of us and we still are close and super active on FB

doctorcrime · January 2020

I am glad this is brought up-- I was debating bringing it up in the FTM mom group to see if there is a group of ladies interested in creating a Facebook group (or chat) or even a Google Chat. I thought it would be nice to have something I could pop into regularly to ask questions, hear about how everyone else is doing, share pics, etc. I like that kind of informal setting more than here. I still enjoy this but it isn't very personal and would love to be able to talk to others who are in a similar position!

mamaqdubu · January 2020

Well I know I started the poll so I have to see this through, but I’m thoroughly confused as to what to do next (I guess I could have seen this coming). In general, do you all think we should extend the “move” date to March 1? Reject the current poll and put up a new one with different options? Or just follow through with the majority? I definitely don’t want to “Queen bee” over here, but I also don’t want everyone frustrated with a lot of discussion and no action.

pirateduck · January 2020

@doctorcrime in the past I was part of a group that started a private chat group and it was fun. The message board still existed and people still participated there, but we had a lot of informal sharing and laughs in the chat group and it wasn’t on display for all of the internet. It was hard to keep up at times and there was no going back to look things up, but we still had the message board and the chat had a secondary purpose.

heyybritt · January 2020

@mamaqdubu maybe a new poll to confirm move date? Maybe move March 1 to PG or move March 1 to FB as the two options?

sunshinesea22 · January 2020

@mamaqdubu It seems from most of the comments that people want to at least transition to a PG first, then maybe on to FB later. The main debate now is timing, so perhaps that should be the next poll. I’d say set dates for Feb 15, March 1, March 15. I think anything later might be too close to babies for us to really get to know each other. That’s just my 2 cents

shamrocandroll · January 2020

Yeah, I agree with @sunshinesea22 if you're going to do another poll. The majority are not comfortable moving straight to FB, so it sounds like just the date needs to be decided on.

mokay19 · January 2020

My final vote (which obviously doesn't matter) is a private Bump group mid-February and then a private FB group sometime in March--exact date will depend on the speed we can get people to join and prove their worth (lol) in the private Bump group.

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