Transition to non-public group

mamaqdubu · January 2020

For those of you who haven't been following in the UO thread this week, there is reasonable consensus that we would all like to get to know each other a bit better, but are hesitant to do so in such a public forum. Putting together a poll with majority rule. I propose that we keep this up for one week (we'll try to keep it bumped), and make the call on Feb 1st. Please, feel free to list your comments/concerns/opinions below.

pirateduck · January 2020

timing of the transition may change my response... I initially thought this was intended for after birth, not starting now, in which case I'm all in for continuing to follow along with you women and seeing your littles grow up. I wouldn't realistically participate in an additional group, but ultimately would pick one or the other and would probably stick with the existing BMB at this point because being a FTM having the large pool of people to draw on for advice based on past experiences in invaluable. Also I'd worry that starting another group now we'd essentially lose the active people to the new group so that in the regular BMB discussions are no longer as beneficial as the regular participants have dropped out. Hmm... I'm just one person though, but the timing of it definitely changes the way I feel about it. In short I'm all for another group later, but I think it's good to have the input of many people/experiences now on our BMB and I wouldn't want to jeopardize that.

ruby696 · January 2020

@pirateduck Just some food for thought - if the active people all moved to a PG, you'd still be getting the same support/insight, without wondering who was lurking and not participating. In that regard, maybe timing is less important?

pirateduck · January 2020

@ruby696 I guess it doesn't bother me if people are lurking and reading and absorbing everything and not commenting. Then part two of my concern is that I don't do FB and if the group moved off The Bump, unless it was a messenger group, I'd be out. Hmm... could always try and see how it goes, I guess I'm more in the camp of if it ain't broke don't fix it, and don't have major issues with the way things are going currently so don't feel a need for change at this time.

sunshinesea22 · January 2020

@pirateduck What @ruby696 said. Most of the helpful advice is coming from the active participants and if all the active people, including you, moved to a PG then you would get just as much, if not more support!!

catem07 · January 2020

If we don't eventually move to FB, I will eventually fall off. I basically suffer through the bump's interface to get to the FB point. I'd rather skip the PG but if that's what the group wants first I'll go with that.

m6agua · January 2020

I'm open to a PG, but not Feb 1 yet. If you all move Feb 1, I would probably just stick around here. Maybe March or April I would be open to the PG starting.

chewie5990 · January 2020

I don't see any point in a private "the bump" group...I don't really see how it makes people more "legit" than the regular bump? I do understand why people would share more - as it's private, but don't see any difference as far as trust goes - but I might be wrong - my D15 group never went to a private bump group so I've never been involved in one. I would definitely like to move to facebook eventually, but I don't see any reason to rush it - with my last group we didn't move to FB until a few weeks after babies were mostly all born. I will most likely go with whatever the group decides though. If we don't eventually end up on FB I will bow out at some point - as I feel like bump website isn't at all conducive to actual relationships/conversation.

jrouge12 · January 2020

I second the thought that February 1st feels too soon. I'm all for the PG though.

lajoliedreamer · January 2020

Feb 1 is too soon for me and I will definitely stay here no matter what. Though I am much more reserved in my interactions in this public group, I am comfortable staying at that level for now.

My group from DD really came together post-birth and we didn't move into a private group until our kiddos were 7-8 months old. Even then we've stuck to the bump because not all of us are on FB or want the group to be there. I admit it can be frustrating because the bump has its issues, but I prefer it.

mokay19 · January 2020

I agree that February 1st is too early. Also, TB has been giving me SO MANY ISSUES lately that I’ve barely been able to open any threads.

Also, TB is not as easy to access and use as FB so I would 100% prefer a FB private group over a bump private group.

ETA: my last BMB didn’t move to FB until 1 month before the earliest due date and after a couple people had already given birth. I think that’s a more appropriate time.

mamaqdubu · January 2020

I agree with everyone who said eventually they will fall off the TB and prefer FB when & after babies arrive. TB is too finicky for me and has too poor of a thread set-up for me to give it my all. My first BMB moved to FB the same month as babies were due which was nice. My second BMB went to FB I believe pretty early and I wasn't active enough to participate in it. I'm trying to be active here, and I know for me personally I just work better in smaller groups w/ daily threads. I feel reasonably caught up in my "group 3" check-ins, but I want to know more of the group too and think that first names and a picture can help sometimes.

I guess lets let this play out for a week and try to keep it bumped. If there's no obvious majority, then no problem to pause for a month and revisit it later. Group consensus wins in my opinion.

rox7777 · January 2020

My last BMB moved to FB a month or so before babies were born, but our BMB had tons of issues (early TB days) so we broke into 3-4 smaller groups. There was only 22 people in our private group so it never bothered me and now I’m friends with the people I talked to regularly and don’t even interact with the private group at all.

I’ll say this, you’ll figure out quickly in a more open environment who you clash with and who you don’t mind. Large FB groups tend to have a lot of back and forth and disagreement. TB is conservative, but I don’t mind that. I’m in enough mom groups to know how nasty they can get at times.

catem07 · January 2020

I'm fine with waiting. I would rather move before the babies are born, though. I suppose given people wanting to wait I'd propose March 1 to a PG and then April 1 to FB, because presumably we'll have some April babies (perhaps some March ones too particularly with our multiples, but I'm hoping that all the babies cook as long as they can).

I also think it's nice to give lurkers some time to get active, so if we say now, basically, that you have a month to contribute and become part of this community before many of us migrate that seems fair.

mamaqdubu · January 2020

@catem07 i like that idea/timeline. It does give people who might want to participate more but haven't put a priority on it a chance to get going over the next few weeks. I know for myself I have days i'm super active, and then days I just can't deal with the TB, so I'll try to be better about activity in the same way.

pirateduck · January 2020

So my question for all of you who want to move to FB... would your stop participating in the bump entirely or would you participate in both?

I guess after months I'd be sad to see everyone go, especially before babies are born and not share birth stories and such.

miss_lynn9 · January 2020

If we moved to FB, I would probably participate in both, unless there wasn't much activity on TB.

bananapanda · January 2020

@pirateduck I think if there was activity on both still I would participate in both

mamaj1220 · January 2020

@pirateduck I think most people would try and be involved in both for a while at least. My last BMB was early bump days and didn’t move until the ban hammer came and took out a bunch of our PG active members.But I will say these larger groups tend to become dead towards the end when people do want to share more personal things like birth stories etc.

mamaqdubu · January 2020

@pirateduck I would participate in both up until baby is here, and then I know I'll only have time for FB where my other mom groups are.

shamrocandroll · January 2020

I posted this in the wrong thread by mistake, so copying over to here and adding a couple more thoughts.

I don't think it needs to be a very long period of time between PG and FB. I just need SOME amount of time to make sure the people I'm interacting with are legit before going to FB. I've had a couple too many catfish experiences on TB to just trust anyone who wants to join a FB group. We'd only need like a month or so maybe, then could possibly move to FB to get to know each other a bit more and by name a little bit before the LOs arrive. As far as waiting until after the babies arrive.... I won't be posting any photos of myself or my baby in a non-private forum.

*fixed typo

allywat · January 2020

My last group moved right when the first set of babies were arriving; partly for privacy and partly just because The Bump app is so difficult to navigate. I’m all for a Facebook move at some point because I literally despise the app and would love to be able to participate in community more.

soprano19 · January 2020

I think my previous BMB went to a PG right around this time, but that was partially due to some factions arising... mainly, there were some very vocal anti-vaxxers/crazies and most of us decided to move away from that and get to know the people who were a little more science-based and rational. We moved to FB a couple months later, before the first babies were born, and we are still a very tight-knit group. I attribute a lot of that closeness to how well we got to know each other early on, which is why I would advocate for moving to a PG sooner rather than later.

adventuresawait2 · January 2020

Moving to a private bump group seems like a way to just winnow down the group. I think until the babies are born or about to be, it’s nice to have it more open. My old group moved to Facebook around when the babies were born and that has been awesome (and I say that as someone who slid in on less participation than many and now have been active nearly daily there for a long time), but I don’t think it makes sense to do it now.

rachelg777 · January 2020

It seems like most of the STM’s+ are leaning towards whatever their previous BMB did. Just pointing out that it seems like good experiences were had by moving both early and later.

Personally, I would like to be on FB at least a month before the bulk of babies will start to arrive so the timeline @catem07 suggested would work for me.

soprano19 · January 2020

@rachelg777 I agree about getting to FB at least a month before babies start being due.

JStill0603 · January 2020

I prefer FB just because it’s easier for me to see who is who with RL names and pics. Plus I haven’t been able to even open the UO Thursday thread originally referred to and I’ve tried multiple days in a row. I do think it’s a little early for fb but would prefer to do that over a private group on bump because I feel that would literally just entail moving all this information to a different bump place. Either way I’d like to follow along. Some of the best parenting tips I received from my nov15 fb group. Especially in those very early days when you really need to bounce things off someone other than your already stressed out spouse.

jhysmath · January 2020

I prefer Facebook just because it's easier, though I did deactivate my real account in a bet with my husband and secretly opened another one in November that I have just for my may18 bmb and other mommy groups. I must say it's freeing not getting 100 comments and posts from my MIL on each thing I post now so I have to see all the junk she posts, but I think if we went straight to Facebook now people would think I'm a fake account. I think the pg should go first even though I hate tb interface so much.

mokay19 · January 2020

I’m okay with the PG and then FB! I just won’t stay on TB as regularly after birth...
with how bad the app has been lately I'm having trouble keeping up now and it’s making me sad.

sunshinesea22 · January 2020

Maybe I’m just naive but it seems crazy to me that someone would fake being pregnant and “catfish” a group of pregnant people. Then again, I can also totally imagine that happening and someone trying to use it to snatch a baby(thanks Lifetime movies). Maybe I just never actually considered that possibility before because I would never do something that off-the-deep-end. Any who, I’m happy to “prove” my realness however is preferred and hope that whatever happens, I still can keep in touch with people after baby is here. I don’t have really any friends geographically close to me and this group makes me feel more connected.

splashmountain · January 2020

I'm on the same page as @jhysmath in that I don't actually have a fb. Although, I never deleted it, just stopped getting on it. If we moved to FB I might create a new one just to participate with this group but would totally look like a fake. I really like the idea of a PG first

mamaj1220 · January 2020

@sunshinesea22 believe it, we had one in my D13 BMB. It was insane

sunshinesea22 · January 2020

@mamaj1220 That IS insane! Now I’m going to be paying extra attention to see if I can find a cat fisher. Hmm now to figure out what would be a good clue...you can fake a bump and you can use somebody else’s US pic. Naked bump HDBD next week 😂 jk

rox7777 · January 2020

@sunshinesea22 We had two different catfishes make it all the way into our private FB groups before they were discovered. They can easily steal pictures from the internet and make up stories. You’ll see it a lot in mom groups across the board. Whether it’s sympathy stories to try to collect from other moms, weirdos that just want to bond with people or those that are even more creepy. They exist.

pirateduck · January 2020

@splashmountain I was thinking the same thing. I’d consider making a fake FB account just so I could keep up with the group. Does that make me more or less legit? I would be real on TB and fake on FB? Is that any better? The conversation would be the same either way. It’s still the internet. I could say my real name is anything and no one would know either way. I guess I don’t see the point other than people not liking TB app, but that’s just me.

ruby696 · January 2020

@splashmountain Same. I don't have FB and I don't know how I feel about creating one. I'm especially leery of posting pictures of my kids on FB.

catem07 · January 2020

I've dreamed of deleting my FB and making a dummy account to stay in my April 2017 BMB. But I haven't done it. I guess that is where the private TB group might come in extra handy, for people to prove themselves as "real" if their FB accounts are pretty devoid of anything.

heyybritt · January 2020

I also don't have a FB but if we do the PG first I'd consider making one just to stay connected. Like @sunshinesea22 I don't have family or friends close to me so have really valued this group.

ETA sounds like a consensus right now might be wait until March and then open this discussion again?

pourmeanothermocktail · January 2020

I've had good experiences with both moving to PG and moving to FB and my last BMB moved to proboards and created a private board. I'm pretty open with options.

Pros/Cons:

PG-keeps same user names, easy way for some people to share more specific info like names, pictures, etc, keeps the stuff we post from being available to the entire internet (public TB stuff you don't have to be a member just to read and see literally everything). Still deals with clunky website/app, which sucks. Either way gives chances to open up with more details to learn more about people and hopefully figure out who isn't going to be around to stay and who is just trying to make drama or make up a whole life. It's set up to be invite only and we can keep/kick creeps out.I don't think it's a great long term solution as many people are glad to be rid of the bad app/website when having to care for newborns.

FB-user interface is easier and for people who use it often it's one less thing to check for social media. Can set up a group to be entirely invite only and invisible to the rest of the interwebs. Easy to kick/keep people out. Would have to relearn names. Doesn't have quite the same ease of threads as a real forum site, but is way less clunky and crashy. BUT, lots of people don't have/want/like FB, so we'd lose some.

Proboards - user interface is easier than TB, not as easy as FB. It's ONE MORE THING to have to check into. User names can totally change. Just as conveniently private as either above option so randos that aren't in group can't find or see it. Ability to tag and quote and just reply in general is less streamlined as you can't see any previous replies while you are typing your response. I hate that app too (Tapatalk) but some people love it and use it for other forums, and there is a website to use with computer or mobile browser. It's a free app, but if you want to post more than one photo at a time and get rid of annoying ads, you have to pay. We'd lose people just because it's another website/app to use and some people don't have time/energy for learning new stuff (I get it). Still has the convenience of deliniated threads in a true forum fashion.

So that's just my thoughts for people to peruse.

pirateduck · January 2020

@pourmeanothermocktail thank you for the thought our reply. That did answer something I was wondering about moving. I like that OnTB we Have different threads topics and find myself weeks (or more) later going back and looking for specific topics as they become more useful/relevant. For example when I get ready to order a breast pump I can relatively easily find the whole discussion on different models. I fear things will get lost/cluttered on FB, but maybe there is something out there that’s better than TB. I’m not familiar with proboards that was mentioned and do not know if there are others that might be better.

bender29 · January 2020

I’m kind of up for whatever, but I do feel like I’m slacking/falling off in this board already because TB is just not working well for me, so I avoid it for days and then by the time I open it I’m so far behind on things I don’t feel like I can hop into conversations.

Transition to non-public group

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