Excited to meet baby but nervous about some of the logistical and logical choices we have made i.e. MIL moving in to take care of baby for the first year because 2500$/month is just way too much money to pay.
I'm also super tired today. I did work out three days in a row including a 5 mile hike and got a Brazilian wax over the weekend. I'm hoping the tiredness is just my body recovering from an intense weekend and not my body slowing down in preparation for the third trimester. I like this sprout of energy and still have a ton of decluttering/rearranging/organizing to do to make space for two new arrivals...baby and MIL.
Me: 30 | H: 34 Married July 2018 First-Time Mom EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
@tj_2 that's a big decision and I'm sure it will be an adjustment, but I think that having your MIL help instead of paying $2500/month is the easy choice. Sounds like you had a great weekend, hopefully the energy comes back!
As for myself, I've been feeling anxious. I actually just had a friend from out of state visit and she said "I'm surprised you're not nesting." She knows me well, I have a strong urge to nest but there's nothing for me to do but wait until the baby shower. My department chair also hasn't come up with a back-up plan for my class for once I go on leave. Unfortunately, substitute teachers aren't a thing in college. I am trying to do as much as I can now to prepare my students for my abrupt leave. I've also started to feel a shift in energy and comfort level, which makes me anxious about the 3rd trimester. The good thing is that I've started going to therapy once a week to deal with all the anxiety.
@tj_2 that's definitely going to be an adjustment but worth the money you are saving Do you generally get along with your MIL?
@drkoyya I also want to nest but can't yet waiting for the baby shower is going to feel like forever even though I know March isn't really that far away. If your dept chair doesn't come with a back up plan, what happens? Do your students recieve grades based on coursework completed up to when you go?
I've also been feeling anxious just due to the uncertainty of our situation. I've mentioned before that we had hoped to move back to CA before baby comes, but the closer we get the worse the timing is. If we still move, I can't hide my pregnancy from a future employer while interviewing and I'm not confident I can find someone to hire me when I'd just be going out on leave right away. At this point I think it'd be easiest to just have the baby here in WA and then move after. MH doesn't seem to be as stressed about this as me, but he doesn't have to worry about finding a new job and a new doctor and a changing body and all of these hormones!!
On the bright side, I am loving getting to feel this little guy kicking around ❤️ that's been the highlight of my last few days.
@heyybritt that is tricky, you have to do what best but it doesn’t sound like it’ll be more stressful to move before the birth (if you don’t have to).
My chair’s current plan is to just take over my class herself for the last two weeks of the semester (four classes). Which is fine, but if I end up with an early delivery I doubt that she’ll be able to handle it because it’s not her subject area. Really, it’s on her to figure out what to do with my class if I have to leave suddenly but I don’t want my students to suffer because of it (the last thing I want is for them to have a negative impression of a pregnant professor).
@drkoyya I am also a professor so understand your worries. I am due the 9th. My university has finals during the week of May 4th. I plan to give finals in my classes the last week of classes at the end of April. Is there a way you could give them finals/assignments early? Is there an online component? Another professor at my university was talking about how she had a baby during the semester and turned the class into a hybrid one and just had 5 weeks of the semester be online.
@tj_2 if you get along pretty well with you're MIL that is a great deal! I would always feel more at ease knowing baby is with a trusted family member than a stranger. Doubt I'll have that option though!
@heyybritt right there with you except that for us it's pretty much a certainty now. If my company can't relocate me I may just not work until after baby, despite the financial strain. I can't imagine finding a new job this far along. Time will tell though I guess. Definitely stressful. If I had the choice I would wait until after baby was born, this is not my ideal timeline for sure.
If your financial situation is pretty secure though it may not be as big a deal for you to move. What is YH's reason for wanting to move now vs later? Or is he waiting to hear about a new opportunity with his current employer?
@doctorcrime it’s great you’re able to do that! I’m sure your students don’t mind being done with the class a week early.
Based on the amount of content of the course I can’t shorten it too much. Without compromising the student’s workload and risking negative feedback (yay tenure pressure). I’m due May 4th and finals week starts May 11th. I was planning on recording a bunch of lectures ahead of time in case the class needs to move online. There’s options, I just don’t know what will work.
@lisush long story short this job for a new company has been pending since May but it's taking forever. It's government so the process is ridiculously long. He was originally told it would take 6 months - so much for that window! That's great you have the possible option of relocation with your current company, have you already talked to them about that?
@heyybritt ah yeah government. That's frustrating! I'm sure it will all work out in the end.
Yea before Thanksgiving I talked to the woman who would become my direct supervisor. It won't be up to her but she definitely wants to find me something. I'm just waiting for MH's official offer so I can give her a timeframe and then see if it's gonna work out or not.
@drkoyya when is the baby shower for? Can you clear out other things/spring clean your own things until then? I have my baby shower coming up in a few weeks & I am madly trying to declutter and organize everything I can to make space. Good luck on a plan for your class, could you help to go over it with the chair so there's a few different back up plans depending on your situation? What about quizzes/other ways of testing that's spread out a bit more through the semester so you don't have to do as much on the back end? Just some thoughts but I'm sure you'll figure it out. Good luck!
@lisush and @heyybritt I can't imagine having the uncertainty of moving states/jobs along with all this other stuff. Good luck! I'm usually a planner so I can imagine researching all my doctors/options etc if I was in a similar boat and just thinking about it is exhausting.
My MIL is generally pretty great and was one of the reasons I married my husband. As time goes by and she grows older, we've noticed her becoming more and more stubborn about doing things her way which worries me. I would rather have a caretaker who has to follow my instructions than have to explain all my decisions and then hope they are followed. At least with a daycare setting there's a ton of research and multiple people following a very specific routine/plan.
I'm trying not to think about it too much and just see what happens when it does. It helps that my husband and I are on the same page about all of this so I'm not the only one freaking out and anxious about the changes. We moved across the country to have some distance from our families and now we are inviting them into our house. 🤯🙈
Me: 30 | H: 34 Married July 2018 First-Time Mom EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
@tj_2 Thanks for the advice. I am planning on meeting with the Chair soon and basically let her know everything that I have planned. My biggest question is how the final project and final exam will get graded. My shower won’t be until March 7th and I have no decluttering to do. We moved into our house a week before I found that I was pregnant so while we were unpacking we kept everything out of the future nursery. So no nesting to do but I’m trying to put that energy into course planning.
Funny how life works with family 😅 As long as you and your H stay on the same page, I’m sure it’ll be fine.
@tj_2 agreed with @drkoyya that it helps so much to be on the same page, especially about this big change. I'm so grateful MH and I tend to feel the same about my MIL and her actions as well.
I was just thinking that a lot of us have baby showers that are either coming up or being planned, how’s that going?
My shower in March 7th. My sorority sisters from college are hosting mine, but to make it easier on DH and I the shower will be at my house. At first there was some confusion on “what they’ll be doing” which really confused me. We’ve put on two other baby showers for our sisters, I’m asking for the same thing— plan the shower. Now we’re all on the same page and we’ll be sending out invites soon. DH is actually fronting the most money for the party which I know is non-traditional, but he’s doing it with the hopes that our guests will help us get the things we actually need.
@drkoyya I just had a chat with my sister about it over the weekend. She had been talking about it with my mom and SIL but it's the first anyone has said anything to me. I was just like yes I want a shower and someone has to set a date and start planning it soon because if anyone needs/wants to travel, arrangements will need to be made, and if I'm the one that needs to travel, I won't be able to travel for much longer. We live across the country from each other, so picking a date that allows for a flight to be booked reasonably is a very real concern. I feel like we are running out of time. Yes the shower is just one day in the future, but a location, invites, and plane tickets all need to happen like now.
Also in regards to finding a new job... I was job hunting prior to getting pregnant and actively interviewing etc. I opted to put that on hold and start again once I'm ready to return to work after baby is born. Many companies have waiting periods for insurance and this is a time of my life I cannot afford to be without. Also if you are at somewhere for less than a year you are not eligible for FMLA leave for the birth of your child (or any complications of that or pregnancy), so they do not have to hold a job for you and you may not have a job to go back to after baby is born.
I asked my sister point blank if she wanted to throw me a shower back in November because my family lives in Canada which would be a 5 hour flight for me. I did not want to have to deal with travelling in my third trimester and or getting tickets last minute.
We are having our shower this weekend and with the MLK holiday I won't have to take a super short exhausting weekend trip or take a day off work. I am so glad I pushed for them to set a date early on.
I'm going to be bringing a pile of hand me downs from baby's cousins in Toronto and put limited things on my registry. I read someone mention giving birth at 28 weeks and have been freaking out a bit about the child coming early and being completely unprepared for it. I am glad that once the shower is over I can get all the baby essentials purchased/set up.
Me: 30 | H: 34 Married July 2018 First-Time Mom EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
@tj_2 yes, I have heard from others that early is nice because you still (hopefully) have time to figure out what you need and track it down before baby comes.
Fortunately my SIL on the other side of the family just reached out to me a few days ago and said she has loads of baby stuff to send my way! I'm excited for our first box of hand-me-downs. I'm sure there will be more in the future, her oldest is only 2 and the newest niece will be about 9 months when my baby is born. I'm excited to have cousins close in age and anticipate our little girls being adorable heart-breakers together!
@pirateduck yay for hand me downs and cousins close in age.
I think the need to get all the things for baby figured out is more my own need for control because there's so much more I can't exactly prepare/plan for. We have the car seat and stroller ordered which comes with a bassinet, have one or two newborn outfits and boobs hopefully ready to feed the child. I have the diaper service picked out and will be using disposable for the first week anyway. So technically there isn't much else we need right away to help baby survive the first few weeks.
Me: 30 | H: 34 Married July 2018 First-Time Mom EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
@tj_2 a mom told me to make sure I have my breast pump BEFORE I have the baby. She was saying that even if I plan on breast feeding right away and not using a bottle that sometimes your breasts will become engorged with more than the baby is taking and you need to be able to express that milk somehow as it's not healthy to have too much in there for too long.
@pirateduck I just read your post about the job hunting. It must be a relief to have it figured out and not having to deal with the additional stress of hunting/figuring out insurance etc.
Me: 30 | H: 34 Married July 2018 First-Time Mom EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
Yay for hand-me-downs. We’re getting our first batch of clothes from DH’s cousin this weekend and I have three other close friends who plan to give me clothes from their boys, so we’re set with clothes.
@tj_2 I’m with you about being nervous I’m not ready for an early baby. Unfortunately, we’re really waiting until the baby shower to buy anything. DH is an only child and this is his first kid so he fully expects a lot of his family to buy big ticket items. My hope is that we have all absolute necessities by the end of March.
@pirateduck I heard the same about having a breast pump early. Luckily I got my breast pump through insurance and Edgepark and they sent it right away, so I already have it. I was considering still getting a haaka type hand expression pump. I wonder if that would be a good early substitute for those that have to wait until after birth for the breast pump.
Agreed with all of you about not feeling prepared and like there isn't enough time. As it's the 15th it's exactly 4 months until my due date today and that freaked me out this morning. We haven't gotten any of our big items yet, I just have a box with the free samples I've gotten so far and 2 outfits I've bought. I am going to a coworkers house on Monday to go through some clothes she has for me, she has a 1 year old girl but is giving me some of her gender neutral items. Maybe I'll feel better after that?
I am having two showers because my mom wants me to, one in northern CA and one in southern CA. I have friends and family in both areas so it makes sense, I didn't want to have to travel twice (I am in WA) but my mom insisted. My friend's mom is hosting the northern one on Feb 29th and the southern one will be late March. My mom and sister are supposed to be planning that one but I'm afraid everything will be left to the last minute so I've been trying to look up places to have it.
I have purchased a car seat and one onesie and one piece of art for the nursery, that is all. Definitely not prepared when it comes to stuff. Mostly been worried about baby's health and all my appointments. I did give my husband a honey do list while I was out of town and he tackled some of it, the biggie being to clear his stuff out of the nursery so I can start getting it ready for baby. I keep going back and forth on paint colors, but most of the inside of my house needs to be painted, so I figured the nursery is as good a place as any to start and will be easiest if I can do it soon before more stuff is in there!
@pirateduck glad you got the nursery cleared out! We are in a big one bedroom place right now and have decided not to move until after baby is here, so don't have a nursery to decorate but would still really love to have MH clear out some of his junk that he never uses so we can make some room. He is dragging his feet on it of course.
@heyybritt I had a freak out this morning too. One of my apps said I'll meet baby in 15 w 5 d and I was in total shock for a minute The semester starts for us on Tuesday and I'm due the week before finals. So this semester is pretty much my baby count down. Week 1 is 15 weeks until Birthday, Week 2 is 14 weeks, etc.
@heyybritt yes, you will definitely need to designate some "baby" space in there. Maybe the baby has his/her own dresser or section of the closet or something!
@pirateduck that's what I'm thinking, I was just looking at dressers last night. We already have a space for the crib but I figure a dresser for clothes and a changing pad will also be necessary.
Anyone worried they won't love being a mom? The whole permanent life changing thing sounds stressful and terrifying and what if I want things to go back to how they were before children?
@pirateduck thanks for starting this conversation. I think it's important to acknowledge that especially for FTMs it's not all happy feelings as we get ready for these little ones.
@heyybritt there are a lot of what ifs! I don't know how I will feel, I can only hope that I will feel a certain way! People say having kids will change your life, and a friend of mine says that yes, it should change your life if you are good parents because you will be involved with your kids. However she likes her life the way it is and doesn't want it to change and has elected not to have children. Then I start thinking how much do I want my life to change? and how do I know it will change in the ways I want it to and not in some bad way?
@pirateduck absolutely! I like having our schedule and our routine and being able to do what I want when I want to. This is all going to go out the window in May. I think your friend is right but that part comes after you figure out how to be a good parent, which you have to learn from scratch.
I've been thinking about this as well lately. I'm the type of person that needs time for myself, I also go a little crazy if I'm just stuck at home and doing the same thing over and over every day. MH actually brought this up the other day. He knows how my moods get and wanted to come up with a plan for what for we can do and what he can do if that happens. He wanted to do it now while I'm in a stable mindset which I really appreciated.
It helps me knowing that there is a plan in place.
Re: FTM check-in - January
I'm also super tired today. I did work out three days in a row including a 5 mile hike and got a Brazilian wax over the weekend. I'm hoping the tiredness is just my body recovering from an intense weekend and not my body slowing down in preparation for the third trimester. I like this sprout of energy and still have a ton of decluttering/rearranging/organizing to do to make space for two new arrivals...baby and MIL.
Married July 2018
First-Time Mom
EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
As for myself, I've been feeling anxious. I actually just had a friend from out of state visit and she said "I'm surprised you're not nesting." She knows me well, I have a strong urge to nest but there's nothing for me to do but wait until the baby shower. My department chair also hasn't come up with a back-up plan for my class for once I go on leave. Unfortunately, substitute teachers aren't a thing in college. I am trying to do as much as I can now to prepare my students for my abrupt leave. I've also started to feel a shift in energy and comfort level, which makes me anxious about the 3rd trimester. The good thing is that I've started going to therapy once a week to deal with all the anxiety.
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
Do you generally get along with your MIL?
@drkoyya I also want to nest but can't yet
I've also been feeling anxious just due to the uncertainty of our situation. I've mentioned before that we had hoped to move back to CA before baby comes, but the closer we get the worse the timing is. If we still move, I can't hide my pregnancy from a future employer while interviewing and I'm not confident I can find someone to hire me when I'd just be going out on leave right away. At this point I think it'd be easiest to just have the baby here in WA and then move after. MH doesn't seem to be as stressed about this as me, but he doesn't have to worry about finding a new job and a new doctor and a changing body and all of these hormones!!
On the bright side, I am loving getting to feel this little guy kicking around ❤️ that's been the highlight of my last few days.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
@heyybritt right there with you except that for us it's pretty much a certainty now. If my company can't relocate me I may just not work until after baby, despite the financial strain. I can't imagine finding a new job this far along. Time will tell though I guess. Definitely stressful. If I had the choice I would wait until after baby was born, this is not my ideal timeline for sure.
If your financial situation is pretty secure though it may not be as big a deal for you to move. What is YH's reason for wanting to move now vs later? Or is he waiting to hear about a new opportunity with his current employer?
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
Yea before Thanksgiving I talked to the woman who would become my direct supervisor. It won't be up to her but she definitely wants to find me something. I'm just waiting for MH's official offer so I can give her a timeframe and then see if it's gonna work out or not.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
@lisush and @heyybritt I can't imagine having the uncertainty of moving states/jobs along with all this other stuff. Good luck! I'm usually a planner so I can imagine researching all my doctors/options etc if I was in a similar boat and just thinking about it is exhausting.
My MIL is generally pretty great and was one of the reasons I married my husband. As time goes by and she grows older, we've noticed her becoming more and more stubborn about doing things her way which worries me. I would rather have a caretaker who has to follow my instructions than have to explain all my decisions and then hope they are followed. At least with a daycare setting there's a ton of research and multiple people following a very specific routine/plan.
I'm trying not to think about it too much and just see what happens when it does. It helps that my husband and I are on the same page about all of this so I'm not the only one freaking out and anxious about the changes. We moved across the country to have some distance from our families and now we are inviting them into our house. 🤯🙈
Married July 2018
First-Time Mom
EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
We are having our shower this weekend and with the MLK holiday I won't have to take a super short exhausting weekend trip or take a day off work. I am so glad I pushed for them to set a date early on.
I'm going to be bringing a pile of hand me downs from baby's cousins in Toronto and put limited things on my registry. I read someone mention giving birth at 28 weeks and have been freaking out a bit about the child coming early and being completely unprepared for it. I am glad that once the shower is over I can get all the baby essentials purchased/set up.
Married July 2018
First-Time Mom
EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
Fortunately my SIL on the other side of the family just reached out to me a few days ago and said she has loads of baby stuff to send my way! I'm excited for our first box of hand-me-downs. I'm sure there will be more in the future, her oldest is only 2 and the newest niece will be about 9 months when my baby is born. I'm excited to have cousins close in age and anticipate our little girls being adorable heart-breakers together!
I think the need to get all the things for baby figured out is more my own need for control because there's so much more I can't exactly prepare/plan for. We have the car seat and stroller ordered which comes with a bassinet, have one or two newborn outfits and boobs hopefully ready to feed the child. I have the diaper service picked out and will be using disposable for the first week anyway. So technically there isn't much else we need right away to help baby survive the first few weeks.
Married July 2018
First-Time Mom
EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
Married July 2018
First-Time Mom
EDD: 5/1/20 *please stick, baby*
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
I am having two showers because my mom wants me to, one in northern CA and one in southern CA. I have friends and family in both areas so it makes sense, I didn't want to have to travel twice (I am in WA) but my mom insisted. My friend's mom is hosting the northern one on Feb 29th and the southern one will be late March. My mom and sister are supposed to be planning that one but I'm afraid everything will be left to the last minute so I've been trying to look up places to have it.
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
The semester starts for us on Tuesday and I'm due the week before finals. So this semester is pretty much my baby count down. Week 1 is 15 weeks until Birthday, Week 2 is 14 weeks, etc.
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
FTM
BFP 08/25/19, EDD 05/04/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
FTM
BFP: 9/5/19 ~ EDD 5/15/20
It helps me knowing that there is a plan in place.