My husband just clarified what he read to me. He said the article says that strap gives you a false sense of security and it’s really not perfect. That said, we’re still going to use it 😊
Super important question here. When would you go to this breastfeeding class? There is one on 12/14 and the next one is 2/08. If I go next week, it will be out of the way but maybe going in early February will keep things fresh in my mind?
TTC#1 10/2018: MFI (2 SA under 9 million/ml) 11/2018: HSG shows right Fallopian tube slightly damaged 1/2019: Husband diagnosed with grade 3 varicocele 4/05/2019: varicocele repair surgery 6/13/2019: BFP!!! EDD: 2/22/2020 Baby girl born 2/27/2020 7/18/2019: Total Motile Count at 3 months post surgery = 51 millions!! (number must be >20 millions to conceive naturally).
@rikiteacup I took mine at the end of November but just because I didn't want to have to deal with bad weather lol. They did give us a book and our hospital also offers free weekly meetings where you can bring baby and talk about all things breastfeeding.
@brookert615 true. They also have a LC at my practice. Now I just realized since the class is free, I could always go to both! In other news, I received my Spectra S1 yesterday. I am SO glad I upgraded and go the Spectra shoulder bag. It is so nice! My SIL is dealing with 2 reusable grocery bags for all her pumping stuff. It looks like it's a pain.
TTC#1 10/2018: MFI (2 SA under 9 million/ml) 11/2018: HSG shows right Fallopian tube slightly damaged 1/2019: Husband diagnosed with grade 3 varicocele 4/05/2019: varicocele repair surgery 6/13/2019: BFP!!! EDD: 2/22/2020 Baby girl born 2/27/2020 7/18/2019: Total Motile Count at 3 months post surgery = 51 millions!! (number must be >20 millions to conceive naturally).
Is anyone going to request a walking epidural? Any STMs who has had one have any advice? I'm thinking I might go that route instead of the regular epidural.
Is anyone going to request a walking epidural? Any STMs who has had one have any advice? I'm thinking I might go that route instead of the regular epidural.
Find out if your hospital does them. Many don’t do the decision may not be up to you.
@rikiteacup - My birth class lady gave us a book "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding". She went over everything breastfeeding wise in the class but she was like "This book has all the answers!" I haven't perused it but it will be nice to have on hand when needed.
@burr1371 that is an excellent book and a great resource to have on hand!
x10,000!!! It also has resources for pumping, going back to work, special situations, etc. This and the Baby Book were my two key books from DD. All the rest were a total waste haha.
Me: 38, DH: 36 Married Jan 2008 DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18" so in love Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Not sure if I should be concerned yet because babies move constantly but baby girl has now shifted and is laying completely sideways right now for the last week and hasn't shifted. I've been reading into some of the things to do at home from Spinning Babies but wasn't sure if at 30 weeks I should be worried about how she's positioned?
@brookert615 she has plenty of time to flip and flip again. I wouldn’t worry about it yet. Talk to your provider if you’re concerned though and I’m sure they can reassure you!
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
@brookert615 she has plenty of time to flip. With that said, with DS and with this one I do some of the spinning babies positions to encourage to her to be and stay head down
Is anyone's spouse returning to work super soon after baby is born? Anyone hiring a PP doula? If so how often/ for how long? I have no family or anyone coming to help or visit, and last time DH was home for a month, but this time he only has a week off to be home with us. DH will be taking DS to school all day, but I'm starting to worry about how much harder it'll be all alone with a NB all day. I don't want to freak out with overwhelm, but I'm also worried I'll be sad and lonely without DH.
@craftywitch DH will probably only take a week off which is a bummer! Is it an option to maybe play it by ear and get a PP doula if you think it will help?
DH is planning to take a couple of weeks off and then work from home for a couple of weeks. We have lots of family around, so I am not super worried about feeling lonely or unsupported once he goes back to work. Could totally see it, though, if we were alone. If I were in your shoes, @craftywitch, I would think a pp doula could be super helpful. Or if you have any good girlfriends around who would be supportive and could spend some time with you.
@craftywitch I'll have DH home with me for 2 weeks and then I think he'll probably try to arrange something with work that allows him to work from home a couple days a week. I'm sure his parents will come to meet their grandson after a month or so, but I imagine I'll be alone quite a bit during the early newborn period. I remember feeling really scared and sad when he first went back to work with my daughter. But for whatever reason, I'm feeling a little more confident this time around. I'm sure that might change as we get closer to our due dates...
@craftywitch I think DH only has 2 weeks leave he can use for paternity leave, but he said he may only take 1 depending on how things go. With me being the breadwinner and having that drastic cut in pay on my end, we cant afford for him to take a ton of time off if we want to pay our Bill's. Though I'm planning on taking a loan from my 401k to try and ease some financial stress (plus moving expenses!) But honestly I'm a little scared to be home alone with a newborn. I might try to convince my parents to come up and stay for a week if they can.
@craftywitch last time DH took 2 weeks and then got on a plane for a 4 day business trip. Honestly I think you are forgetting how easy NBs are. They sleep and eat and sleep and eat. It will be harder when your DS is home from school and you are trying to wrangle/manage both of them. My H is taking those 2 weeks again and thats it.
@kiwi2628 I hope you’re right!! I remember DS being up every 1-2 hours at night the first couple weeks and breaking down with hysterical crying around 4-6am when I couldn’t stand it anymore. It’s that early morning relief where I got to sleep 3-4 uninterrupted hours while DH took the baby that I’m most concerned about. So many people said their NB only woke 2 or 3 times at night to nurse though. Maybe I’ll get luckier this time!
@craftywitch for us my DH and I split the night- I would go to sleep at like 8 PM and if the baby woke up before 2 AM it was DHs job. After 2 AM it was my job. It made it so we both got at least 5 uninterrupted hours of sleep
@craftywitch my h gets two weeks paternity leave this time which is amazing. He took two weeks vacation last time and with our first he had to go into work for two hours the day we came home from the hospital and then was off for like a week. But we have family close that are helpful and over often.
I’m team get all the help you can so if a pp doula is an option I say go for it. My kids were both up every two hours to eat for a long time so I understand that sleep deprivation. I would nurse, pump and then go to bed like 9ish and My h would stay up a little later to work/snuggle baby and and do the next feed. I typically would do every feed after that bc it’s easier to nurse than wait for him to get a bottle but that way I got a little longer chunk to start the night.
It will be nice when your big kid is at school so you can try and actually sleep when baby sleeps- don’t feel guilty about house stuff!
@craftywitch my H is prob taking a week? As a FTM I’m a little worried about how I might react to being at home alone so much with a newborn. Hoping my sisters and parents visit a bunch. I agree - get all the help you can.
On this thread did anyone have any sanity saving tips in those very early weeks when you were alone? Any survival tips or words if wisdom? Did you love the bonding time? Freak out? Not sure if I’m misusing the thread but I’d love the insights
@optimism3 tips: that first month just enjoy it. Nap all the time when baby naps. The house won’t be that messy- babies don’t make messes, kids do. Try to leave the house to do little things like grocery shop. After the first month- GTFO of the house. Join a new moms club or exercise group (I joined a local Fit4mom group). See friends. Take a walk around the mall (or outside if you live somewhere warm). Just get out! Also in Jan make a bunch of freezer meals to make your life easier.
@optimism3 all of the above. Overall ds1 was very easy going and didn’t cry a ton unless hungry. He was just a very shitty night time sleeper -for a VERY long time. Most days I really loved nursing and snuggling a sleeping Baby and watching Netflix. I would try and nap a bit in the morning when he seemed to get his best stretch of sleep. Some days just having someone need me constantly drove me absolutely insane. Two was much harder because there was way less kid free time and naps didn’t always overlap. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your h will probably need you to be very specific about what he can do. Lower your expectations for housework.
@craftywitch my H will go back fairly soon. He gets a bunch of time but since he’s the top manager I’m his office, he won’t take much time once we are home. I’m having my mom come stay for a while But if you don’t have that option, do you have close friends who can help?
I do know some people who have hired a night nurse to assist. I have no clue how you go about finding a good one or how much it is.
Once you’re feeling up to going out and about, I would definitely take a daily adventure somewhere. Even if just a short trip to the library or to grab a coffee for yourself. Just to get out of the house and interact with big humans for a minute.
I’m sure you’ll be totally fine!!
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
@craftywitch loneliness has been the biggest contributor to my PPD after both my babies births. If you have the means to hire a PP doula then I would. I’d also start putting a couple trusted friends on notice that you’re going to need them. Even just having someone sit on the couch to drink coffee with is huge. I wouldn’t worry about sleep so much because like a PP said you can sleep while DS1 is in school (lucky).
I’m I’m loving this thread. @craftywitch thank you for raising the question! I’m a FTM and have no idea what to expect (and finding the responses very helpful).
My husband was injured around the same time we conceived, so has been off work and started a full time school program. He’ll have two remote classes next semester (so when baby comes), and no idea what the work situation will be by then. If no work, then presumably quite flexible with being home. If working, he’d have 24 hour shifts away from home every three days (and be sleep deprived from that when he returns), while also taking two college classes. So we’re just playing it by ear.
My mom lives in another state but has said she’ll stay for the first two weeks, and come back if I need. I attended a cool event for mothers a few weeks back and heard a lot about PP doulas and discussed with husband that if we/I feel it’s needed, we make it happen. I also booked a cleaning service to come monthly starting last month and we agreed we’d increase it if we/I feel like we need to after baby comes. In general, being somewhat new to where we live and being far from family, we’re both committed to taking/getting whatever help we may need so we don’t get overwhelmed without a village.
@craftywitch - last time DH took a two weeks off of work and then I was on my own, but we took sleeping shifts so we were both equally sleep deprived haha. It was really hard. One thing that started happening after Bells and I started cosleeping was that we would sleep through until 9 a.m. Once that started happening we were golden.
This time I am hoping he will be able to get Bells out of the house without waking me and baby but we will see how that goes.
I third doing mom groups, etc. I would go to la leche league meetings and the breastfeeding support group at the hospital, and sometimes all the moms would go to lunch afterwards and it was nice all being together and it helped me get acclimated to nursing in public since so many people were doing it at once.
My stepmom is coming up for the first few weeks and then I can always have my mom come up afterwards if I need more help, although TBH she isn't the most helpful, she does play a lot of candy crush and doesn't take a lot of interest in DD1 (she says kids get interesting around 7).
Me: 38, DH: 36 Married Jan 2008 DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18" so in love Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Completely agree with trying to get out of the house. The grocery store and target are my go to errands and both places have a coffee bar or Starbucks, so treat your self. I would get groceries for just a few days at a time so I would go like twice a week. Putting on real clothes, functioning in public and talking to adults makes you feel human. And as a bonus my three year old and 1.5 year old love going to the store and as long as I time it right around naps are well behaved. There are lots of mommy and me classes around me- library events are free. definitely Worth checking out to try and meet some mom friends.
@craftywitch my husband is probably only taking a week but my mom lives close by so she’ll be over a lot. If you can get a pp doula I would. I’m team get all the help (as long as it’s actually help - coming over to hold the baby doesn’t count in my book 😜).
@babyroma taking out a loan from your 401K is a bad, bad idea. Try to find another solution before you resort to that. Even a personal loan would be a better idea.
Has anyone joined a mom group after their child was born? My OBGYN practice organizes them and the friends I know who joined them found them super helpful.
TTC#1 10/2018: MFI (2 SA under 9 million/ml) 11/2018: HSG shows right Fallopian tube slightly damaged 1/2019: Husband diagnosed with grade 3 varicocele 4/05/2019: varicocele repair surgery 6/13/2019: BFP!!! EDD: 2/22/2020 Baby girl born 2/27/2020 7/18/2019: Total Motile Count at 3 months post surgery = 51 millions!! (number must be >20 millions to conceive naturally).
@babyroma taking out a loan from your 401K is a bad, bad idea. Try to find another solution before you resort to that. Even a personal loan would be a better idea.
Yup - although the interest rate is low, you will lose out on ROE. Let's say you have 5% interest, but then you also lose out on the returns for the borrowed amount, let's say 8%, making it a total 13% interest loan. Here is an article about it.
@rikiteacup there are so many free things for mom and baby in my city (and most are drop in!) I highly reccomend to anyone to get out and join things makes you feel less alone, and gives you adult contact lol (let's be real...baby groups are for the mom's)
@rikiteacup our hospital has a moms group that a lot of people join and have loved. I didn't because I was in a PPD spiral, but I wish I had. I did join Fit4Mom which is a PP exercise group that you bring you kid to, and that seriously helped me climb out of PPD and got me exercising again so I felt more like myself. Eventually I also found free baby/toddler library sing a long times and eventually classes you pay for- we joined a music class, a baby gym and tinkergarden
My husband gets up to 5 working days off when baby comes. My whole family lives about 2500kms away from me and this is baby #3 with the oldest only just turning 4. I still send my older 2 to daycare 2 days a week just to try and catch up on sleep and life with a newborn, but it can be challenging. Ask for help when needed and accept ANY help anyone offers you!!! If someone offers they genuinely want to help!
My thoughts on the newborn days: it’s okay to not love the early days. I felt like a bad mom because while I absolutely loved my daughter I didn’t love the huge shift I felt in losing my freedom. I don’t love the newborn phase and that’s okay.
Re: The Great Question Thread
My husband just clarified what he read to me. He said the article says that strap gives you a false sense of security and it’s really not perfect. That said, we’re still going to use it 😊
10/2018: MFI (2 SA under 9 million/ml)
11/2018: HSG shows right Fallopian tube slightly damaged
1/2019: Husband diagnosed with grade 3 varicocele
4/05/2019: varicocele repair surgery
6/13/2019: BFP!!! EDD: 2/22/2020
7/18/2019: Total Motile Count at 3 months post surgery = 51 millions!! (number must be >20 millions to conceive naturally).
TTC #2
9/07/2021: BFP - CP: 9/10/2021
10/07/2021: BFP - CP: 10/23/2021
12/23/2021: BFP! EDD: 08/31/2022
Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
In other news, I received my Spectra S1 yesterday. I am SO glad I upgraded and go the Spectra shoulder bag. It is so nice! My SIL is dealing with 2 reusable grocery bags for all her pumping stuff. It looks like it's a pain.
10/2018: MFI (2 SA under 9 million/ml)
11/2018: HSG shows right Fallopian tube slightly damaged
1/2019: Husband diagnosed with grade 3 varicocele
4/05/2019: varicocele repair surgery
6/13/2019: BFP!!! EDD: 2/22/2020
7/18/2019: Total Motile Count at 3 months post surgery = 51 millions!! (number must be >20 millions to conceive naturally).
TTC #2
9/07/2021: BFP - CP: 9/10/2021
10/07/2021: BFP - CP: 10/23/2021
12/23/2021: BFP! EDD: 08/31/2022
Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
It also has resources for pumping, going back to work, special situations, etc. This and the Baby Book were my two key books from DD. All the rest were a total waste haha.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
But honestly I'm a little scared to be home alone with a newborn. I might try to convince my parents to come up and stay for a week if they can.
I’m team get all the help you can so if a pp doula is an option I say go for it. My kids were both up every two hours to eat for a long time so I understand that sleep deprivation. I would nurse, pump and then go to bed like 9ish and My h would stay up a little later to work/snuggle baby and and do the next feed. I typically would do every feed after that bc it’s easier to nurse than wait for him to get a bottle but that way I got a little longer chunk to start the night.
On this thread did anyone have any sanity saving tips in those very early weeks when you were alone? Any survival tips or words if wisdom? Did you love the bonding time? Freak out? Not sure if I’m misusing the thread but I’d love the insights
Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Your h will probably need you to be very specific about what he can do. Lower your expectations for housework.
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
I wouldn’t worry about sleep so much because like a PP said you can sleep while DS1 is in school (lucky).
My husband was injured around the same time we conceived, so has been off work and started a full time school program. He’ll have two remote classes next semester (so when baby comes), and no idea what the work situation will be by then. If no work, then presumably quite flexible with being home. If working, he’d have 24 hour shifts away from home every three days (and be sleep deprived from that when he returns), while also taking two college classes. So we’re just playing it by ear.
This time I am hoping he will be able to get Bells out of the house without waking me and baby but we will see how that goes.
I third doing mom groups, etc. I would go to la leche league meetings and the breastfeeding support group at the hospital, and sometimes all the moms would go to lunch afterwards and it was nice all being together and it helped me get acclimated to nursing in public since so many people were doing it at once.
My stepmom is coming up for the first few weeks and then I can always have my mom come up afterwards if I need more help, although TBH she isn't the most helpful, she does play a lot of candy crush and doesn't take a lot of interest in DD1 (she says kids get interesting around 7).
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Has anyone joined a mom group after their child was born? My OBGYN practice organizes them and the friends I know who joined them found them super helpful.
10/2018: MFI (2 SA under 9 million/ml)
11/2018: HSG shows right Fallopian tube slightly damaged
1/2019: Husband diagnosed with grade 3 varicocele
4/05/2019: varicocele repair surgery
6/13/2019: BFP!!! EDD: 2/22/2020
7/18/2019: Total Motile Count at 3 months post surgery = 51 millions!! (number must be >20 millions to conceive naturally).
TTC #2
9/07/2021: BFP - CP: 9/10/2021
10/07/2021: BFP - CP: 10/23/2021
12/23/2021: BFP! EDD: 08/31/2022
https://www.investopedia.com/articles/retirement/06/eightreasons401k.asp
I usually ask my budget questions on the Bogleheads forum because they are generally successful and responsible
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020