GTKY - Unnecessary Commentary Edition — The Bump
March 2020 Moms

GTKY - Unnecessary Commentary Edition

pdx2020pdx2020 member
edited November 2019 in March 2020 Moms
We haven’t done one of these in a minute and it seemed like there were a couple of them in a this week’s thread already. 

So - what are the unnecessary, unhelpful, rude, unexpected, uneducated, annoying, etc. things people have said to you TTC, pregnancy, and postpartum? 


EmilyLove25

Re: GTKY - Unnecessary Commentary Edition

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  • @kantobean After DS2 with my diastisis recti I looked pregnant for several months postpartum - it was a big point of stress for me.  Thankfully, a combination of physical therapy and diet tweaks eventually helped there.

    @miss.sally we co-sleep and nurse on demand MOTN for the first two years, no sleep training.  It prompts a lot of unwanted sleep advice.
    DS1 07/2015
    DS2 10/2017
    DS3 due 03/2020
    miss.sallystassischroederprojectalice
  • @treetop19 I got the “it wasn’t meant to be” also. Or “god will give you a baby when it’s your time”

    I know people usually mean well. But ugh! 
    treetop19silverhopeEmilyLove25
  • To me, the most offensive comments are about my weight. Whether they're like, "Oh, you look great! You're all baby!" or my (female) nurse manager TOUCHING MY BUTT during my last pregnancy and telling me I was getting a "chunky booty" or something like that (I've luckily half-repressed this memory).
    miss.sallymrsvp614silverhope
  • @treetop19 ahhh that story made me cringe! Why can men be so ridiculous?

    Just today a student who’s not even in my class asked “are you feeling any kicks yet?” And then rubbed my stomach. Awkward. Especially since when I do feel kicks, they’re basically like an inch above my crotch. 
    miss.sallysilverhopetreetop19lemonlove86
  • Today I got “Your pregnant right? I didn’t want to ask but I noticed you gained weight and I was like she’s not normally that fat so I asked your friend” Omg I just can’t with people. 🙄
    miss.sallylemonlove86
  • Ooo I finally have one of these. We had dinner at this boomer lady's house who lives in our town and is super sweet and has been trying to get us to come over for dinner for a while now. Everything was lovely, though she's a little neurotic. Anyway, she was asking us why kept mentioning that we might be moving and I mentioned I was on the job market and she was like "but you're going to want to stay home with the baby once it's born" and started feeding me all this "the bond btw mother and baby is so strong" and "when I had my daughter, all my ivy league degrees didn't matter anymore" and "I came from a wealthy family but we lived on $600 a month" sort of crap and I am like. Lady. We need to pay our bills. We CAN'T pay our bills on one income. I'll have from when I graduate (bc as a grad student I get 0 maternity leave and have to work through all third tri/birthing/having a newborn, though my dept. is understanding and gave me jobs for next semester that will allow for that to be... possible [I hope]) so yeah, from when I graduate in May and then when the Fall semester starts I'll have just me and the baby/only gig work like editing and such but I Can't Not Work or we can't pay our bills, which we already can't pay? She just DID NOT GET THAT. At one point I was like, "okay or we just WON'T pay our bills, but I don't see how that's an option." ..... I should have just said "ok boomer." I was clearly annoyed, but way more pissed than I was giving off. 

    ....And like sure, I know being a mom is probably magical and it will be hard to go back to work but like... I Can't Not Work, there is no other option, and she was like "oh when the baby comes you'll see--" like, see what?! I hate that whole "you don't know yet" sort of crap. Obviously I don't know yet. But I am practical enough to know that we need to pay our bills, which is already a struggle. Blah.


    Me: 35 // H: 40
    Married: June 2013

    TW
    MMC January 2019 @ 6w4d w/ D&C February 2019
    CP: October 2018
    BFP: July 2019



    silverhope
  • @kagesstarshroom I feel like probably 90+ % of moms work now; I can’t believe she hasn’t caught onto that. It’s definitely the norm (at least arnd here). Also I know a lot of women that *want* to go back to work after maternity leave. They are ready to get that part of their life back and enjoy it.

    it’s really annoying when people can’t see others’ points of view. Not everyone is the same and feels the same about things. 
    Me: 32 | DH: 35
    Married: 8/22/15
    BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18 
    BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy  Baby Tracker

    kagesstarshroom
  • @kagesstarshroom oh my god, that was definitely an “okay boomer” moment! Literally no concept or grasp on how things have changed between boomers and us. And how did someone used to live on $600 a month? That’s literally impossible now! Even my patients on social assistance for disability support get like $1200 and that’s NOT enough to live off. 


    kagesstarshroommiss.sally
  • @kagesstarshroom ugh that drives me crazy! I know myself and I love working. I hated when people would say stuff like this to me. I’m a better mom as a working mom. Besides, in academia you’ll have plenty of long breaks with your kid. That’s what I love about teaching. I get two months a year to experience life as a SAHM kind of. But I would not make it as a real SAHM.
    kagesstarshroom
  • Adding:

    a parent of one of my students has gotten really into rubbing my belly. It’s weird. I’ve seen her three times this week and she groped me every time. The first time she “asked permission” but didn’t even wait for me to respond before rubbing. It’s weird too, she puts her face down by my belly and it freaks me out!


    miss.sallykagesstarshroomEmilyLove25
  • @kantobean ooo weird indeed! you should say something to her--i'm sure you would do so nicely and in a way that would help her grow from the situation. no need for you to be consistently freaked out. and thanks for weighing in about your experiences about a teacher and a working mom. i feel more validated after everyone's responses here that my frustration at her insistence was valid.


    Me: 35 // H: 40
    Married: June 2013

    TW
    MMC January 2019 @ 6w4d w/ D&C February 2019
    CP: October 2018
    BFP: July 2019



    silverhope
  • so i went home this weekend and took a small roller suitcase - like one that is small enough to go in an overhead bin. literally EVERYONE kept asking me if I should be lifting my bag. Mind you - I checked it... so all that was needed was getting it off the baggage claim belt & in to a trunk. Come on.
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

    kagesstarshroomsilverhopeEmilyLove25mommyxthree2020
  • @kantobean that is really strange!

    @chichiphin, my DH gets like that sometimes, thinking pregnancy is a disability.. we needed to shovel our driveway after the latest snowstorm and he refused to let me do it, like my pregnancy was making me an invalid or something.. lol.

    @kagesstarshroom, I got the same 'lecture' from my aunt when I was pregnant with my first, that I should just quit my job and be a SAHM.  Those boomers just come from a different time, I think, when it was possible to live off one income.. whereas now, most moms 'have' to work just to pay the basic bills, and they don't really get that because they never dealt with it.  I personally would have loved being a SAHM but it's never been financially possible for me.   For me it was definitely hard to go back to work after my 8 week leave was up, even though I liked my job... even only taking 8 weeks, we were a month behind in rent ( that job didn't offer any paid leave)  so I knew it was go back to work or be homeless.  lol.  but yeah, the condescending 'you'll see' attitude always annoyed me as a FTM too.  There were a lot of things that I truly didn't know, but definitely figured out right after DD was born.  :)



    kagesstarshroom
  • @chichiphin This gives me hope lol when I roll my roller bag onto the plane later this month and it is way too heavy for even a non-pg me to lift that someone will just lift it for me bc I am notttt paying to check it bc I am both broke AND cheap lol and it is free to bring on the plane--largest carry-on roller suitcase allowed! I'm transferring in Atlanta, too, so this will have to happen FOUR times--twice on my way to PHL and twice on my way back to Louisiana. ...... but I am sorry everyone was annoying to you. Like, if you are not ABOUT TO lift it, they should just... not say words?


    Me: 35 // H: 40
    Married: June 2013

    TW
    MMC January 2019 @ 6w4d w/ D&C February 2019
    CP: October 2018
    BFP: July 2019



    miss.sally
  • @kagesstarshroom oh dude for the holidays I can GUARANTEE they gate check that sucker for free lol so you won't have to lift it overhead anyway!
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

    silverhopekagesstarshroom
  • @EmilyLove25 haha I can’t believe your MIL said that! I stopped shaving around 20 weeks last time (and this time if I’m being honest) no one mentioned anything at delivery last time about me being too hairy. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    @kagesstarshroom yup they’ll probably just make you check it free at the gate. I’d make sure you have a small bag with anything you absolutely need, like meds, a change of clothes, etc... sometimes I’ve had them just put them on the plane so you pick it up between flight legs but other times they’ve checked it to the destination. 

    @chichiphin I get so annoyed when people don’t think I should be doing normal stuff... I’m pregnant I didn’t loose my arms!
    Me: 30 | DH: 31
    Married: October, 19, 2015
    EDD 2/22/17 <3 DS1 born on 3/2/17
    EDD 3/8/20 <3 DS2
    (Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)


    EmilyLove25
  • @varimama Oh yeah, I will have my personal item as well as my carry-on, as both are free, and all the good stuff in the personal item in case @chichiphin is right--I hope you both are!! I am usually the last boarding group so as soon as they offer to check a bag under the plane for free, I go up there since there tends not to be room when the last boarding group boards. But it's a good reminder to make sure I've got all the stuff I "need" in that personal item. Thanksss. <3


    Me: 35 // H: 40
    Married: June 2013

    TW
    MMC January 2019 @ 6w4d w/ D&C February 2019
    CP: October 2018
    BFP: July 2019



    chichiphinvarimama
  • @EmilyLove25 wtf to getting waxed at 9 months pregnant?! Hell no. Besides, I’m pretty sure anybody who’s delivering baby has seen it all and will not mind a bit of...natural overgrowth...lol. It’s got to be the last thing on their minds. 

    @treetop19 oh I would totally use pregnancy to get out of shoveling. We had to rake leaves this weekend and I made a deal with H that I would rake them into piles if he would bag them. My pregnant butt just could not deal with bending over 3695 times to pick up leaves.
    kagesstarshroomEmilyLove25treetop19miss.sally
  • @EmilyLove25 omg I would be mortified if my MIL asked me that. I attempted a wax at about 11 weeks this pregnancy to see if I could stomach it and I stopped her after one strip. I could NOT imagine a wax at 30 weeks. 
    **tw**


    married 11.1.14

    ttc #1 since 5.18

    bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone

    d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks

    bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI 

    little girl A born 3.26.20

    silverhopeEmilyLove25
  • @mommyxthree2020 I have NEVER met a woman--in any state--who would like to be called Chunky hahahaha
    *TW*

    DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015

    DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017

    BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019

    BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020 

    chichiphinmommyxthree2020silverhopeMalidocious
  • @EmilyLove25 RIGHT?! I seriously couldn't even have a conversation with him about it because I was so appalled at him lol. Like, your wife had SIX CHILDREN and I'm 100% sure she would not have enjoyed that comment lmao
    EmilyLove25Malidocious
  • @chichiphin I HATE when people treat me like I'm incapable of living lmao. Like, if I need help I'll ask. I won't shovel or lift heavy stuff. But I for SURE can pick up my purse or push my grocery cart. My sister always criticizes me for "endangering the baby" if I do literally anything.

    Malidocious
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