We haven’t done one of these in a minute and it seemed like there were a couple of them in a this week’s thread already.
So - what are the unnecessary, unhelpful, rude, unexpected, uneducated, annoying, etc. things people have said to you TTC, pregnancy, and postpartum?
Re: GTKY - Unnecessary Commentary Edition
When we announced our pregnancy a lot of people said things like “I was wondering when you were going to have another one!” Ok....
also, last baby I was asked at least twice in the postpartum months when I was due. 🙄 So FTMs, prepare yourselves mentally for that possibility.
Me: 🤰🏼
You know, if you eat too many sweets it'll give you gestational diabetes, right?
SCIENCE SAYS NO, SUSAN.
Last time the most annoying comments I got were at the very end (I worked up through the day I was induced). I had everyone telling me I wasn’t walking enough, eating enough pineapple, etc... then the same people would give DH a hard time for “making” me walk from the parking lot to work (we used to work together). It was a long walk but I liked it, DH would happily have dropped me off.
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
"When are you due?"
"March"
"Oh wow, really, that far?"
and
"Do you know if it is a boy or a girl?"
"My third boy!"
"Oh, poor thing - I guess you'll have to try for a fourth to get a girl!"
DS2 10/2017
DS3 due 03/2020
@miss.sally we co-sleep and nurse on demand MOTN for the first two years, no sleep training. It prompts a lot of unwanted sleep advice.
DS2 10/2017
DS3 due 03/2020
i forgot about the very worst one! When I was on maternity leave with DD, my boss’s husband died. I took DD (6 weeks) to the visitation because a) I had no choice really and b) I knew it would cheer my boss up. A random stranger complimented DD and how cute she was and then said, totally unprompted, “I hope you’re not working!” I had 2 more weeks of maternity leave. 😡
Funny things people keep mentioning is to enjoy sleep now - but don’t rest too much. make sure I eat for two, but make sure not to eat XYZ because apparently the odd can of tuna will just be too much mucury or eat XYZ to make sure baby doesn’t have allergies (does not work like that - science), etc. it’s all fine and well-meaning so it generally doesn’t bother me but sentences that start with “you shouldn’t...” or “you should...” can be irritating.
married 11.1.14
ttc #1 since 5.18
bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone
d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks
bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI
little girl A born 3.26.20
@varimama I second the "are they sleeping through the night?" question. I mostly just laughed in their faces.
My other favorite was "is he a good baby?" Like.... what does that even mean? Yes, he's good at crying, pooping, eating, and other baby things. Or are you asking if he's an "easy" or content baby? As long as I'm continuously bouncing him on a yoga ball and don't put him down like EVER, then yes he's a "good" baby.
*Formerly LuND*
Me: 35 | DH: 37
TTC: 7/2016
Low AMH, mild MFI
BFP 7/29/17
EDD: 4/5/18
BFP #2 7/2/19
EDD 3/13/20
@miss.sally, I got the misplaced 'advice' when dealing with miscarriage, too.. my least favorite had to be 'I guess it just wasn't meant to be.' because, other people's babies were clearly 'meant to be' (like my alcoholic teenage SIL's baby) but mine wasn't.
@dunder_mifflin, I remember people giving me crap as a FTM too, and the 'you'd better sleep now' comment was a big one. at the time I thought people were just being silly, but, turns out.. yeah, they were right. lol. my favorite one was from my friend, a 4th time mom, who said 'it's all fun and games until you go into labor. then it gets real.' she was right too.
I haven't gotten any unsolicited comments this time around (yet), but when pregnant with DS I heard a lot of 'it has to be a guy, you're carrying high' and 'you're due in Feb? it looks like you're due any minute now.'
I know people usually mean well. But ugh!
Just today a student who’s not even in my class asked “are you feeling any kicks yet?” And then rubbed my stomach. Awkward. Especially since when I do feel kicks, they’re basically like an inch above my crotch.
....And like sure, I know being a mom is probably magical and it will be hard to go back to work but like... I Can't Not Work, there is no other option, and she was like "oh when the baby comes you'll see--" like, see what?! I hate that whole "you don't know yet" sort of crap. Obviously I don't know yet. But I am practical enough to know that we need to pay our bills, which is already a struggle. Blah.
it’s really annoying when people can’t see others’ points of view. Not everyone is the same and feels the same about things.
Married: 8/22/15
BFP #1: 8/22/17 | DS: 4/20/18
BFP #2: 7/14/19 | EDD: 3/18/20
a parent of one of my students has gotten really into rubbing my belly. It’s weird. I’ve seen her three times this week and she groped me every time. The first time she “asked permission” but didn’t even wait for me to respond before rubbing. It’s weird too, she puts her face down by my belly and it freaks me out!
married 11.1.14
ttc #1 since 5.18
bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone
d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks
bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI
little girl A born 3.26.20
@chichiphin, my DH gets like that sometimes, thinking pregnancy is a disability.. we needed to shovel our driveway after the latest snowstorm and he refused to let me do it, like my pregnancy was making me an invalid or something.. lol.
@kagesstarshroom, I got the same 'lecture' from my aunt when I was pregnant with my first, that I should just quit my job and be a SAHM. Those boomers just come from a different time, I think, when it was possible to live off one income.. whereas now, most moms 'have' to work just to pay the basic bills, and they don't really get that because they never dealt with it. I personally would have loved being a SAHM but it's never been financially possible for me. For me it was definitely hard to go back to work after my 8 week leave was up, even though I liked my job... even only taking 8 weeks, we were a month behind in rent ( that job didn't offer any paid leave) so I knew it was go back to work or be homeless. lol. but yeah, the condescending 'you'll see' attitude always annoyed me as a FTM too. There were a lot of things that I truly didn't know, but definitely figured out right after DD was born.
married 11.1.14
ttc #1 since 5.18
bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone
d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks
bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI
little girl A born 3.26.20
@miss.sally Ugh I hate when people tell you to relax and it will happen… not true for everyone, buddy.
@kailanae OMG I so agree re: the “March is SO far” or “Wow! You have a ways to go!”
@stassischroeder Lol to the good baby. I mean what the hell?
@orbmaker Yes to this. The butt grabbing is insane, but I hate when people think they are complimenting you, but they really shouldn’t be saying ANYTHING… “OMG your stomach is so big but the rest of you is so tiny!” Just don’t say a thing, folks!
AFM I haven’t really had anything this time, but with my first, when I was about 30 weeks, my mother in law said, “so have you scheduled your wax for before delivery?” I said, “what” (legitimately not knowing what she meant) and she said, “Well, you’ll get waxed down there before you deliver, right?”
W.
T.
F.
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020
Married: October, 19, 2015
EDD 2/22/17
EDD 3/8/20
EDD 11/24/23
(Formerly Marriedhamstermom Feb ‘17)
married 11.1.14
ttc #1 since 5.18
bfp 12.22.18 letrozole + progesterone
d&e due to trisomy 13/hydrops at 15wks
bfp 7.21.19 letrozole + IUI
little girl A born 3.26.20
*Formerly LuND*
Me: 35 | DH: 37
TTC: 7/2016
Low AMH, mild MFI
BFP 7/29/17
EDD: 4/5/18
BFP #2 7/2/19
EDD 3/13/20
HOWEVER. I got to my parent's house the other night for dinner and my dad says "Hey, Chunky!"....to which I said "Rude!" and he goes "Most pregnant women would LOVE that compliment!"
WHAT?! Hahahaha I can't. I love him dearly. He is so so so silly. SO SILLY.
DD1 EDD 9/29/2015, Born 9/24/2015
DS1 EDD 1/3/2018, Born 12/26/2017
BFP #3 3/21/2019, EDD 11/29/2019, MMC/D&C 5/7/2019
BFP #4 6/28/2019, EDD 3/12/2020