@brookert615 - I feel the same way about my mom. I don't think that she thinks she will be in the room but I also came to the conclusion this week that I think its weird for our immediate family to be waiting in the waiting room....just come up after and only the 7 people in our immediate family please!
@burr1371 I think it’s weird when a bunch of family is in the waiting room too. Even after the baby is born it takes awhile before you get moved to a room and can have visitors. Wait at your house where it’s comfortable.
My dad however came to the hospital while I was still in labor bc he was excited and anxious and they let him come into the delivery room once I was cleaned up and had a chance to nurse and do some skin to skin. I would feel like I had to rush If there was a wait I g room full of people.
As someone who works in a birthing center, I definitely think it’s weird when people wait in the waiting room all day. You could be sitting there for 10 hours. And then they try to barge in the room before I can even get mom cleaned up, placenta disposed of, and instruments out of the room. GTFO!
FYI, your nurse/staff are happy to be the bad guy so you don’t have to be. One of my nurse co-workers was just telling her exhausted patient this weekend “if you want me to come kick them out for you, just call me and ask for an orange soda.”
I was randomly thinking about this as I was getting ready this morning, and reflecting on all of your comments and preferences. I definitely only envision DH and I in the delivery room. Then I thought about, "if he wasn't there, who might I ask to take his place?" The answer: no one. I don't have anyone else. I'd do it alone. I don't know why it, but it made me so sad! I was literally sobbing while brushing my teeth. Blaming the pregnancy hormones!
@malloryfrommn Honestly, I don't know who I'd have in hubs' place. My sister is my first thought but even though we're close, the idea of having someone else see me so vulnerable, in pain and a hot mess (even my sister who is amazing) is just not something I'm really cool with. I can't avoid a bunch of strangers seeing me that way, but I remind myself that they do this every day and it's not such a big deal to them. Willingly inviting others into such a private and important moment in my life...that's another story. I'm a pretty private person in general though and I completely respect that everyone feels differently. Just my $0.02 (And big hug! You've got DH on your side )
@malloryfrommn I am the same way. My mom left when I was 13 so that is definitely not an option. My sisters and I are close but they both live over 5 hours away. It makes me even more grateful for my supporting husband.
Me:37 MH:37
TTGP since 07/2017
**TW** in spoiler
DX: PCOS, anovulatory, AMA
Femara X3: no response
Clomid X3: BFN (cyst and thin lining)
IUI (Dec '18) MMC
IVF (April '19) 9 retrieved, 7 fertilized, 2 normal PGT-A
My in-laws come and sit as I labor. It’s so weird bc they always seem put out by the fact it takes time to birth a baby. Then there is their eye rolling when they are asked to leave when my cervix gets checked. Set boundaries now!!!! You don’t need lots of people in the delivery room. Just those that support you and offer peace.
With DS I only wanted DH and I, but I hired a doula and photographer and there was a doula in training and nurse and then the midwife of course so it got crowded! This time I'm planning for DH, midwife, nurse, doula, photographer, and then DS and my sister (in and out depending how that goes). I do kind of wish I'd let my sister attend the first time since there was such a crowd anyway.
For those of you who don’t want anyone in the room/waiting room there is a simple solution: don’t tell anyone you’re in labor! The only people who knew when DD2 was coming were the ones watching my kids. And no one knew when I was laboring with DD1.If anyone’s feelings got hurt afterwards I just told them that it all happened so fast and I became hyper focused on what I had to do.
@doodleoodle such a good point! It's sometimes easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission (in this case it might easier to ask forgiveness than to no let people in the room lol) ...and no one can actually be mad at you, because you just birthed a beautiful new baby!
@misstree5 exactly! The only person who even mentioned anything about it was my mother. She made one petty comment the first time it happened and hasn’t said a word about it since. Nobody can be mad because the first time they see you afterwards they get to meet that squishy little baby.
I will say, the RN who gave our childbirth class recommended that you tell people ahead of time if they won't be invited in (either for labor/delivery or afterwards). Nurses can keep people out but it's a lot easier on them if you break the news to grandma way ahead of time. And like @doodleoodle said, just don't tell people you're going, haha!
Part of me is tempted to not even tell anyone the babies are born until I'm home, but in reality I know I'll tell my sister and will by default have to tell my parents. I love my parents and we're close but I just imagine it all being this super busy and stressful time and I'd rather have as much peace and quiet as I can manage.
@Swiftlet that’s how I imagined wanting it after my first was born, but I was so exhausted that I welcomed any and all help and actually ended up staying at my in-laws for awhile. You never know how you’ll feel for sure, but whatever you feel is right in the moment you should go with guilt free. Trust your gut.
@doodleoodle That is exactly my DH's and my plan. We don't want anyone sitting in the waiting room so we plan on not telling people I'm in labor. They will be so happy the baby is here, I doubt anyone will care that they didn't know I was in the hospital.
I didn’t tell anyone I was in labor. We just called after the fact and said ‘baby is here!’ It helped that labor moved super fast, but still, it was nice to not have any anxious people waiting- either in hospital or via text
Another one here who didn’t tell anyone I was in labour! With DS1 not a soul knew we were even at the hospital! And it was so nice to not have the texts “Is baby here? How’s everything going!?” My sister even FaceTimed me while I was in the hospital to see my nieces and I declined the FaceTime and told her I was at Walmart and couldn’t answer! With DD1 we only told our babysitter and that was it! She doesn’t know any of our friends or family so couldn’t tell! And no one just drops in to visit us since our family is so far away! It was so much less stressful this way! We weren’t worried about anyone else’s feelings! My mom is such a worrier and she was so happy when I called and said I ended up having a C-section and everything went great because she didn’t have any time to worry about me! lol
Well I'm going to definitely call my stepmom because she has to drive 5 hours to come watch my daughter for a few days haha. But the only people in the room will be my husband, doula, and medical people. I will probably text my BF depending on how things are going with her and her newborn (she is due in Jan). If we do labor buddies in this group I will text my labor buddy and let my Dec 16 moms group know of course. Luckily we have no chance of in-laws visiting since they are two hours away and refuse to drive on the highway. I have no intention of telling them until after it's all over and THIS TIME they are not coming over the day we get home, we will need a few days or a week.
Me: 38, DH: 36 Married Jan 2008 DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18" so in love Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
I personally didn’t care if people wanted to wait around in the waiting room all day. If that’s what they wanted to do with their time, then that was their deal. It’s not like they had to know as soon as the baby was here and could not come barging in because they had to be buzzed in by the nurses.
I originally only wanted DH and my SIL. But in the midst of labor, I forgot to kick my mom out (mostly bc i was being modest pre-birth time) and she stayed in there the whole time until I was sent to the OR for my CS. It didn’t really matter who was in there when the time came. All that mattered was getting through it for me.
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
@brookert615 basically it’s so we know what’s happening when you go into labor. You will let your labor buddy know you’re going into labor, provide updates as you want (or have someone provide them updates), and let us know all is well after! I’m using my same labor buddy in my O16 group for their updates.
Me:33 DH: 34 Married: May 2011 TTC #1: May 2015 DS: 10/20/2016 TTC #2: June 2019 #2 EDD: 2/20/2020
I guess one plus side to having like zero friends or family local is that even if I share I'm in labor, nobody's going to be making a mad dash to the hospital haha!
Last time I messaged my BMB while in labor for as long as I could and it was a lot of fun- mostly just "OMFG do not, under any circumstances, sit on the toilet during contractions- it makes them way worse! Why did people say this was a good idea?!" and things like that. Family and friends all got a photo of a newborn saying "he's here!" Having the group to be silly with was fun though during early labor.
@craftywitch that how my bmb did it too. We each just created our own post with updates along the way or just to announce the birth, stats, and birth story. It was fun to read everyones
@optimist13 not quite an answer for you, but I never took a single class or read a book for my first (not out of negligence...I just had no interest) personally, I don't think or ever felt like I missed out on anything either
So no, I haven't signed up for this time around either lol ...but I don't think you would be 'too late' unless you were actually giving birth
@optimist13 I havent signed up yet for anything. I've got to sign up for the hospital tour at the very least but finding a time with H is hard! I imagine the other classes with be tricky too.
@optimism3 I signed up for mine, but it's not til January because the earlier classes are already full, so I will be like those ladies @brookert615 mentioned.
@optimism3 we did our a couple weeks back, but the hospital is like 15mins away. A couple people die in December and January and the others in February. So not too late! I think everything we learned except labor positions was stuff I’d already read or heard about, and it’s not like I’ve been reading a ton of stuff either. I wouldn’t drive six hours for it personally, but that’s me
To be honest I think the classes are more beneficial for my husband than me. I feel like a lot of it I knew but I was very happy the instructor taught the dads massage and techniques when laboring. Even though I'm kind of annoyed that DH responded to the instructor of "why are you here?" with a "to make my wife happy" lol.
@optimism3 Mine don't start till beginning of Jan. I wasn't going to bother, I've been reading and prepping for this for 10 years now, and my H has 3 kids so he doesn't need it... But he suggested we do them anyways so we can go together and prep together. Hard to say no to that. But the publicly offered classes were full until the new year so I'll be about 33 weeks when I start, and they go for 5 weeks!
@optimism3 Our center doesn't do them until 34-36 weeks. I think the idea is that they want the info to be fresh. Also I agree with @brookert615 that I did a deep dive with my books and blogs and YT while my H needed the classes because he did no outside research and didn't know squat about what was coming.
@optimism3 I scheduled mine a couple weeks ago, and the soonest I could do it was December I think. In my case, my husband delivered several babies in his years as a paramedic, so he’s far more in the know than I am as a FTM. I just asked him to watch some YouTube videos with me this weekend so I could see what goes down and my eyes were all 😳 and 😖 and he’s just like 🤷♂️
@optimism3 You have plenty of time still. I took an online birthing class last time (7 years ago). It didn't cover anything that I didn't already know. In my personal experience, the nurses were AMAZING at walking me through the whole process of labor and breathing and whatnot.
Re: The Great Question Thread
FYI, your nurse/staff are happy to be the bad guy so you don’t have to be. One of my nurse co-workers was just telling her exhausted patient this weekend “if you want me to come kick them out for you, just call me and ask for an orange soda.”
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
So no, I haven't signed up for this time around either lol ...but I don't think you would be 'too late' unless you were actually giving birth
Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's
@misstree5 part of me was tempted too - the class is 6+ hours here!
@brookert615 that’s good to know.
@babyroma we’re having the same problem!
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Diagnosed with PCOS & Hashimoto's