BTDT - Questions for STM+s/Advice to FTMs

Kathryn0903 · November 2019

One piece of advice, while it is nice to have visitors early on, don't be afraid to say no to having a visitor. My parents wanted to help too much and I had to set some boundaries down. Also, if you need help, don't be afraid to ask.

babybison · November 2019

For those who had a young toddler while breastfeeding a newborn, how did you keep the kid occupied? I'm trying to collect things from the target $1 section to make bins to keep him busy. But nursing DS took a long time in the beginning, and I don't think a sesame st episode every 2 hours is a good use of his time 😆

KFrob · November 2019

@babybison I also felt very lonely when DD1 was born. It wasn't as bad with DD2 I think since I knew what to expect.

I second getting up and taking a shower. Don't be afraid to get out of the house, go for walks, go to the mall, go to Target. Like everyone else is saying about the sleep deprivation some how you just do it. Make sure you talk to your partner, have check ins to see how you're both doing and stay connected.

coaster102516 · November 2019

@babybison
I bought a lot of little activities for DS anticipating mayhem while I nursed but we didn’t use as much as I thought we would. In the beginning I was feeding on demand so I couldn’t always set up what I had bought. In hindsight, maybe a box he could have grabbed something from that didn’t require much help would have been good. I found giving him a job (so he felt helpful and was near me) worked best. He would bring burp cloths, a baby toy, diaper, etc., or find something or I would challenge him to build the tallest tower or complete a puzzle. Sounds silly but it worked. Anything like that bought me time and kept him where I could see him. Also, TV lol

sanpelligrino · November 2019

This is the best thread!

sanpelligrino · November 2019

Did you go on BC after delivery? what kind? how long after DS/DD did you feel ready to try for the 2nd ?

Kathryn0903 · November 2019

@sanpelligrino No BC. Maybe TMI, but it took me awhile to be ready to be sexually active again. I was ready to have another 6 months in. DH definitely wasn't. He wanted DS to be in preschool when another was born to cut daycare costs. That's not gonna quite happen since DS won't be 3 till July, but at least it won't be too long before he can move to the jr preschool room.

mercury94 · November 2019

@sanpelligrino I went on bc at about 5 weeks pp. I had already given up on breastfeeding at that point, so my OB put me back on the pill I was taking before DS. We started trying for a second when DS was about 16 months. I was ready for a second when he hit a year, but I wanted 2-3 years between them. We don’t get KU without assistance, so I started trying on the early end to make sure we had plenty of chances at the age gap we wanted.

ETA: This time I will ask about hormonal bc at my first pp appointment. With PCOS, I don’t like being off bc. Hoping for something that I don’t have to take every day, though.

danibean19 · November 2019

One of my sisters recommended keeping ear plugs at hand when dealing with a colicky baby, just while you're trying to soothe or change a diaper. Dulls the insanity. Then take them out when they settle or if you leave the room so you'll hear them on the monitor.

doraleigh35 · November 2019

@sanpelligrino I didn't go back on BC after DD, but it was offered to me at 6w pp. We started trying again when DD was 10m, we were planning a close age gap. I was BFing and my cycle didn't return until 9m pp. I did get pregnant right away *TW but we lost DS, it has taken us two years for another successful pregnancy (so far) *End TW*.

This will be our last baby so I plan to have my tubes tied during my repeat c-section.

sanpelligrino · November 2019

FTM/STM/TTM Do you want more kids? What according to you are the advantages & disadvantages of having kids close in age? The recommendation is to wait 18 months for the uterus to heal completely, any truth to this?

Kathryn0903 · November 2019

@sanpelligrino I'm undecided on having more. If this one is a girl, I'm probably done. If we have another boy, I'd probably like to have one more. I guess a disadvantage to having them close is more daycare cost. Advantage is hopefully they'd be close and form a good bond.

mercury94 · November 2019

@sanpelligrino I’m done. One of each is awesome. I did think I wanted 3 kids back when I thought I’d have kids in my 20s. But, I’m 34 and I don’t love being pregnant. I especially don’t love the fertility treatments it takes to get pregnant. DH is convinced I’ll want another when she’s 1.

For me, the big advantage to having them close in age is that baby girl will be born dm before I’m 35. That’s kind of always been my goal. To stop having kids before 35. Also, hopefully the kids will be close friends. My brother and I are 3 years apart and it was great. We’re pretty close now. The big disadvantage is the cost of daycare and two in diapers.

coaster102516 · November 2019

@sanpelligrino I’m 99% positive this is my last pregnancy but I want one more baby. We have always talked about fostering/adopting. I am not a huge fan of pregnancy and each pregnancy becomes more risky for me as well.

My oldest two are two years apart, this one will be 2.5 years younger than DD and 4.5 younger than DS. I really have loved the 2 year age gap, they are somewhat able to entertain themselves and love to be little helpers. A huge disadvantages is daycare costs. Reason why I won’t be going back to work after this baby, it would be my entire paycheck for all three in daycare. Also, when both need you or are upset at the same time, it is so hard because they are so young they don’t understand waiting or sharing you in that moment. Now that DD is older, they are super close and love to play together.

KFrob · November 2019

@sanpelligrino I'm pretty sure we're done. DD2 and this LO will be 18.5 months apart. My doctor said physically the timing is prefect. I always thought they meant get pregnant after 18 months, but my doctor confirmed what they mean is babies born 18 months apart. She said you've had enough time to heal but your body still remembers what to do. I agree with @Kathryn0903 about the advantage and disadvantage.

sanpelligrino · November 2019

Thanks everyone. Your replies made a lot of sense.

mysteryship · November 2019

I found I really didn't physically ready until this year, a while after weaning DS. They'll have more of an age gap (DS will be almost 3.5), but I'm ok with it.

mandarenee898 · November 2019

We’ll be having a planned c-section this time around but had a vaginal delivery in the past. For those mamas out there that had c-sections: anything you suggest is needed while in the hospital for comfort sake? I’ve only had laparoscopic surgery before so the idea of a large healing incision is a little daunting!

smallbutmighty77 · November 2019

@mandarenee898 going on my 3rd c section here...your own pillow with very identifiable cover. Comfy robe (short ones can be easier to put on in the bed for going to the bathroom etc) button up pajama tops if you plan to pump or breastfeed, comfy pants- maternity hit over the incision so they worked for me. Easy on slippers with tread bottoms. You want to get up and walk around as soon as they let you so think about being in comfy clothes out of bed.

mandarenee898 · November 2019

@smallbutmighty77 thanks for the tips! I never thought about bringing my own pillow, slippers or robe!

doula-mama · November 2019

@literatureandink I’m late to reply, but the lack of sleep was my biggest worry. I’ve always needed a solid 7-9 hours to function well. I found that my body just learned to cope, just like it does all sorts of other amazing things with pregnancy and birth. I know people say sleep when the baby sleeps, but I never was able to. I maybe had a nap once a day, and was mostly fine.

My biggest piece of advice - don’t be overly focused on how you think things would be/how you’d handle things/etc. once the baby arrives. Neither of us ever thought we’d bedshare, but for the first two weeks our LO would only sleep being held. For 24 hours a day, we’d swap out holding him. I’d nurse him, he’d sleep on me, and when he woke up a couple hours later, I’d feed him again. DH would get up and hold him while I slept, until he woke up to eat agin. Then I’d get up and start the process over again. If we tried to put him in the bassinet, he’d wake and cry until we picked him up and held him, then he’d go right back to sleep. At our two week appointment, the midwife suggested trying to bring him to bed with us, and told us how to do so safely. We were so desperate, we were willing to try anything. That night, I set him beside me in bed after nursing, and he slept fine! DH was able to start sleeping more at night, and I was able to sleep between feedings. It was completely unexpected, but a game changer for us. And, we ended up really enjoying bed sharing, and he’s still with us at 13 months.

smallbutmighty77 · November 2019

@literatureandink to @Sailing_Mama point- we thought we would keep DD in our room longer (in a PNP) but at 3 mos we moved her bc she was a VERY noisy sleeper. The night we moved her she went from multiple bottles and wake ups a night that lasted hours, to just one wake up and right back down after her bottle! So all kids are different and it is ok to try things other than what you expected. Be safe, but other than that, do what works.

nicoleyolee · November 2019

Hey guys!
Need advice/ opinions. Which room to use?

We plan to have a bassinet / keep baby in our room for the first six months ish,

we have a great big room upstairs for baby but my husband is saying we will be annoyed of going up and down stairs constantly..

my office/gym is downstairs now, could be moved upstairs and could be babies room. Downstairs has only a half bath so wouldn't be ideal forever.

Sooo, Have the baby room downstairs for a few years or skip the moving and put him upstairs after leaving our room?

🙏🙏

emsned · November 2019

@nicoleyolee I agree it will be tough going up and down the stairs in the dark and all through the night. I personally prefer sleeping on the same floor as my kids because they could easily find me when they started being able to get out of bed on their own.
That being said, it all depends on your comfort level. Plus nothing is permanent if you don’t want it to be. You can move everything around later rather than doing it now if you change your mind.

KFrob · November 2019

I agree with everything @emsned said!

mercury94 · November 2019

@nicoleyolee Our bedroom is downstairs and both other bedrooms are upstairs. We kept DS is our room until he was regularly sleeping through the night so that we wouldn’t have to go up and down the stairs multiple times during the night. He has been upstairs in his room almost every night since he turned one. It was a pretty long time to have him in our room, but it felt like the right choice. It’s not bad having his room upstairs now (he’s 2), though. The monitor lets us know if he’s awake so we can go get him.

Kathryn0903 · November 2019

Another piece of advice - after birth, don't feel bad about using the hospital nursery at night. You're going to get so little sleep at home soon, so let the nursery take care of your baby overnight if you're comfortable.

mercury94 · November 2019

@Kathryn0903 makes a really good point. You don’t think about this before you get there. You tend to want the baby with you at all times, etc. But, DS was born at 7:30 on a Monday morning. I had been at the hospital in active labor since Saturday night. I hadn’t gotten much sleep at all in that time. When the nurse offered to take him to the nursery for a few hours at 11:00 at night, I really felt grateful to have a bit of time to rest.

KFrob · November 2019

To add to what @kathryn0903 said be aware that they charge you to use the hospital nursery. We did not send DD1 but we did send DD2 both nights and they charged us $2803 for two nights.

mercury94 · November 2019

@KFrob Wow. We didn’t get that kind of bill with DS, but he was only in the nursery for about 2 hours, so maybe that’s why.

They do charge you for freaking everything in the world though. My hospital bill just for me to be in the hospital (vaginal delivery and 24 hours in hospital after birth) was $21,000 before my insurance paid out. They charged a ton of money per pill for the Tylenol and the Colace they gave me. I had both at home, so I want to bring them with me this time, but I doubt they’ll let me take them. Basically, take everything they put in your room with you when you leave, you’ve already been charged 10x the price of it anyway. You might as well use it.

literatureandink · November 2019

The hospital I'm birthing at is "baby friendly" which means that they push breastfeeding and babies sleep in with moms. I don't think it's an option to have them take the baby

KFrob · November 2019

@mercury94 We could not figure out why our bill with DD2 was sooooo much more than with DD1 and until I looked at the itemized bill and started to google. We had no idea we would be charged like that. When you've been up for 24 hours and the nurse suggests you send the baby, you're not thinking about if there's going to be a cost! Also, I think they charged me like $50 per Tylenol or something crazy!

mercury94 · November 2019

@literatureandink My hospital encouraged breastfeeding and keeping the babies in the room. I think they only offered to take DS because I was clearly struggling with breastfeeding and the nurses didn’t know how to help me. Eventually, they even brought us a bottle for him because he was showing signs of dehydration and DH asked if we could give him formula. Encouraging breastfeeding meant they didn’t tell us that our son was dehydrated or offer formula until we asked about weird symptoms he seemed to be having.

smallbutmighty77 · November 2019

Both my kids went to the NICU. DD on the second day and DS as soon as he was born, so we didn't get much in room time. Kinda nervous but really excited to not have NICU time. DH will come and go so will other family so hopefully they will take some baby time and I can rest.
Plus my boobs are useless- they better be fine with formula bc thats how we roll.
As for costs- both kids had NICU time and serious testing and/or surgery so they were a fortune! Luckily we have great insurance. Expensive, but needed.

Kathryn0903 · November 2019

I honestly don't remember whether or not we were charged for the nursery. It was such a blessing for us with lack of sleep and me having some health issues after birth.
@smallbutmighty77 we did formula from the beginning. I was worried since our chikdbirth class at the hospital was very pro breastfeeding, but they were cool with it.

KFrob · November 2019

@literatureandink Our hospital is baby friendly too, but they do still have a nursery upon request

literatureandink · November 2019

I wonder if they would take her if I really asked. My cousin birthed there and they were definitely NOT pro taking the baby. Also, it kills me to hear about people basically getting shamed about breastfeeding. @mercury94
it makes me stabby that nurses were willing to let a newborn get dehydrated to push breastfeeding. I certainly hope that breastfeeding works for me, but I've always been team FED IS BEST.

literatureandink · November 2019

Okay, this might be a stupid question but I have been thinking and thinking about this...
What the hell do you WEAR during labor/delivery? Do you like get 100% nakey? Hospital gown? Shirt no pants/undies? I just can't figure out the logistics.

Kathryn0903 · November 2019

@literatureandink I think I had a hospital gown on, but nothing under(no bra/undies).

mercury94 · November 2019

@literatureandink I wore the hospital gown. That was pretty much it for labor itself. I did take clothes to wear after the birth. Also, pretty quick after delivery, they gave me the mesh undergarments and giant pads.

Want a personalized experience?

BTDT - Questions for STM+s/Advice to FTMs

Re: BTDT - Questions for STM+s/Advice to FTMs

Choose Another Board

Search Boards