Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
ibabyloveb87
member
Re: C sections
She said the recovery from the CS was so much easier than when she gave birth to me and my brother (granted we were also big babies, between 9 and 10lbs)
I'm curious if that's normally the case?
Of course there can be slight variation hospital to hospital. But I’ve done csections in 3 different hospital systems with 8 different OBGYNs, and it’s pretty much all the same.
PLANNED CSECTION STEPS
*You will be wheeled on your bed back to OR, wearing a hospital gown and a hair net. Your support person will wait outside of OR.
*Move onto OR bed, where you will sit on the edge while anesthesia places a spinal. Local numbing first “pinch and a burn” Spinal goes in, may feel pressure or “zingers.” Let anesthesia know what you feel.
*You will be helped to lie down on the OR bed. You may feel tingling and/or warm in your legs. Arms may be strapped to arm board. Talk to your provider about this, we only do this for patients going under general anesthesia.
*Catheter is placed
*Your belly, pubic area, and thighs will be “painted” with betadine to cleanse from normal bacteria.
*Drape is placed over your body. You will not be able to see anything below your boobs.
*Support person is allowed in OR and will sit by your head.
*Doctor will pinch your skin hard with a pick-up with teeth to check your numbness.
*Skin incision...I will now skip over surgical steps since you won’t know what’s happening.
*Your provider will tell you that you will feel “lots of pressure.” This is because the assist is pushing down at the top of your uterus to push baby out of while the doctor “catches” and pulls baby out.
*Baby goes to a warmer to clear out lungs, etc. If your hospital is nice, they will have the warmer set up in a way that you can see it all from where you are.
*Your layers are closed up. You may hear counting over and over. That is your tech and nurse counting sponges, sharps, and instruments at each layer of closure to make sure nothing was left inside you.
*Drapes are pulled down. You will get a uterine massage to make sure clots come out your vagina, get cleaned up a bit, and then are slid over onto your recovery bed.
*Return to recovery room where you will recover over the next 3-4 days.
*It seems mean but you will be up and walking within hours of surgery (as long as you’re healthy). The more you can get up and move (without pushing it), the faster you will heal and feel better.
My appointment was for 12:00. We got to the hospital around 10 a.m. to get settled in. I was not allowed to eat anything that morning. I got everything all unpacked in the room and changed into hospital gown. Anesthesiologist came to consult with me. DH put on his surgical robes and shower cap, and mask. I walked down to the OR which was only a few doors down. It was really nice to have fuzzy non-slip socks BTW. I was brought in alone for the insertion of the spinal thing. DH could see through the door. I was strapped to the table and blood pressure readings tightened on my arm every few minutes. The anesthesia had morphine in it which made me dry heave. That was the most unpleasant part of the procedure. I was scared and uncomfortable. I could not feel a thing, did not feel any pressure that they did warn about. I had a clear drape taped to a solid drape. This way when they brought the baby in I could see, in theory. I was too busy dry heaving and due to the angle I did not actually see anything, but DH did. They brought baby to the scale, etc, and DH got to cut the cord. They took pictures which was nice. They wrapped the baby and immediately brought her to do skin to skin and started with the breastfeeding. I was completely out of it between the nausea and reaction to the drugs and there was no euphoria or anything that people talk about when the baby is born. My husband was another story, he held my hand the entire time until DD came out and then his entire focus shifted to her LOL. I was glad someone was focused on her.
I could not move my legs for a long time after that and they had this machine that increased pressure to my legs to keep the circulation going. That night every part of my body, even my eyeballs, itched. There was so much beeping in the room I couldn't sleep. It was a really awful first night for me. I also couldn't feed my daughter without them taking her bloodsugar for thirty minutes beforehand (she was very very small). She would fall asleep nursing and nursed a lot. Later they said well you should keep her awake don't let her fall asleep - it would have been nice if they told me that before instead of acting like I was a simpleton for not knowing. I needed a lot of pain meds for recovery. I could not sit up alone. Removal of the catheter made me scream in pain. I needed support walking and when I left the hospital two days later I was doubled over the whole time (I can't believe they let me leave) but I hated the hospital so much. I couldn't care for my baby much for the first few days and was on Percoset for 10 days. They gave me a really hard time about renewing my Rx. I also had baby blues and was just a hot mess for the first few weeks.
Other tips:
- Have large bottles of tylenol and ibuprofen at home.
- Get the support wraps, they really do help
- Get granny panties and nightgowns, I couldn't wear anything with a waist for awhile
- Make sure you have a lot of support for the first week.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Not feeling most of your body is super weird. But remember that if you’re talking, you’re breathing. This caused me a lot of anxiety and it was helpful to have someone talk me through it (see above).
Take the belly band they give you and wear it (or ask for one if they don’t give you one at the hospital). Helps so much bc gravity + stitches don’t work well together. It also helped me feel “put together” again.
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
Also, I would really like to hold my child after (I mean, we did just care for and sacrifice for 40 weeks), but my SIL said with her first C section, she didn't get to really even touch her daughter until an hour after she was born. Can they allow you to hold your baby? Or are they afraid your arms won't be able to?
Talk to your provider about your concerns about holding kiddo. At my hospital, we initially take baby to the warmer to suction them out (csection babies don’t get the “squeeze” to clear their lungs like in a vaginal birth), and to get vitals and measurements. Then baby is wrapped up and momma can hold baby. Then dad holds baby while we get mom cleaned up and transferred to the recovery bed. Then mom takes baby back to hold for the ride to her room.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
except my arms weren’t strapped.
My csection recovery was BRUTAL, but once I recovered I recovered. My VBAC recovery was... different. Not nearly as painful, but my pelvic floor hasn’t fully recovered.
A footling breech vaginal delivery is not ideal. Yes it’s possible, but scary. We don’t do them. Our docs are usually willing to do a version (externally turning the baby) in a singleton delivery, but we also do that in OR in case things go south. I haven’t seen a version done with twins.
As for sizes, that depends on your anatomy. I’ve seen a woman vaginally delivery 11lb3oz. I’ve seen women push for hours and can’t get out a 7lb baby.
Also as a heads up, the blood pools while you are laying down and when you stand the blood with leak! Everywhere! Lol maybe that was my own experience! The recovery was actually alright! Tender but Advil and Tylenol did the trick!
I had a VBAC with my DD and ended with 3rd degree tears! That recovery was tough! The 3rd day after delivery was the worst! It hurt to sit, or walk! But in the end it was okay! I don’t know which I “prefer” but at least I could lift after the VBAC!
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
10/2018: MFI (2 SA under 9 million/ml)
11/2018: HSG shows right Fallopian tube slightly damaged
1/2019: Husband diagnosed with grade 3 varicocele
4/05/2019: varicocele repair surgery
6/13/2019: BFP!!! EDD: 2/22/2020
7/18/2019: Total Motile Count at 3 months post surgery = 51 millions!! (number must be >20 millions to conceive naturally).
TTC #2
9/07/2021: BFP - CP: 9/10/2021
10/07/2021: BFP - CP: 10/23/2021
12/23/2021: BFP! EDD: 08/31/2022
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
For me, the c-section was awful. I was sweating out a fever, and the anesthesiologist debated whether to put me under or not. But, he didn’t want me to miss those first moments with my daughter. I was so out of it that I almost broke the barrier with my arms. They had to strap them down. It was extremely traumatic, and contributed to my PPD. I was also in a baby friendly hospital that didn’t use a nursery for healthy babies. So, after labor and the c-section, they put the baby in our room and pretty much left. On like night three, my husband was so exhausted he couldn’t keep his eyes open. I told him to give me the baby and sleep. A few hours later a nurse came in to me sobbing with my daughter in my arms because I was so tired. She took pity on me and took the baby to the nurses station for an hour and a half.
I became extremely constipated, so this time around I’m taking stool softeners to the hospital with me.
I actually told my husband last night that I was terrified of having another c-section, even though I know it’s scheduled and will be different this time. I just have so much fear from the first time.
Also “baby friendly” birthing centers suck. They aren’t baby friendly, they are parent unfriendly! It’s one thing to choose to keep your baby in your room the whole time. But damn, give a poor mama a break. My hospital takes babies to the nursery from 2300-0700 if parents want. Formula feeding? Cool, we can feed your baby in here all night. Breast feeding? Cool, we will bring your baby back to you to nurse every 3 hours or sooner if needed.
ETA that I didn’t get an epidural and that being able to get out of bed when I wanted to, and not having to deal with the itchiness made for a much nicer hospital stay.
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
I also have an almost 4 year old and almost 2 year old and no family within 2800kms so I need to be able to lift my 2 year old
@Swiftlet, I found out very early in this pregnancy that I can’t even give birth vaginally because my cervix is too narrow. My doctor literally said, “a baby isn’t getting through that.”
Our old hospital while "baby friendly" would take the baby away so you could get some rest. When they did I instantly regretted it felt super guilty and worried about her. I think if the nursery was the norm at the hospital you would feel less guilty about it. I haven't looked into whether our new hospital has a nursery - we should sign up for the hospital tour soon.
Married Jan 2008
DD Baby Bells born Dec 2016 5 lbs, 12 oz, 18"
Due with #2 Baby Arya EDD February 2020
DH: 34
Married: May 2011
TTC #1: May 2015
DS: 10/20/2016
TTC #2: June 2019
#2 EDD: 2/20/2020
My advice is to take it slow, take your pain meds, get a step stool for the bed.