@ieles2531 Oh, your poor little girl. No real advice here, but I do agree with @shamrocandroll about having her see someone with professional experience.
She’s 4 1/2. We have her seeing a play therapist but she never really seemed upset before. Her guidance counselor did all her training in grief and trauma and has been seeing her in school as well. It just really threw me for a loop...I was expecting this level of grief 6-8 months ago, not all of a sudden now. FWIW she was excited and happy when we told her about the baby a week ago.
@ieles2531 I would start pointing out families with more than two children. So she sees that some kids have more than one sibling and that it's okay to love all your siblings.
@ieles2531 do you or your husband have multiple siblings? Can you talk about how people have more than one real brother or sister? I’d probably talk about how I miss the other baby too but I am still excited to meet this one. Good luck. I hope the counselors can help you work through this.
Omg @ieles2531 that sounds horrible. I wonder if the thought of a new brother and the pictures confirming it, just make it real for her how she lost her first brother. I hope the counselor can help out and I wish you guys the best with helping her through this difficult time. Hugs
Eta to add I agree with @pirateduck and @ruby696 about showing her she can have more than one sibling and love them both.
@ieles2531 I don’t have any personal experience but my friends lost their son Oliver to a cord accident at 39 weeks. They ended up pregnant again within 6 months and had a beautiful daughter. She has six year old and five year old boys ((their daughter is 18 months)). With both of her boys, they openly talk about Oliver and how much they miss him. They think that Oliver handpicked out their sister for them, which is so sweet and sad since they came up with it themselves. But basically she has let them feel all of their emotions and never told them that they are wrong. I remember during her pregnancy with their daughter when she shared on Facebook her oldest’a heart wrenching confession: “I am mad at you God. Why can’t we have Oliver and our baby?” So maybe you can talk to her about how much she misses her brother and that loving her first brother doesn’t mean she doesn’t have enough love for another baby. Sorry. I don’t know it It helps but I’m thinking of you all. That’s tough.
I stopped at 10 weeks and am still bloated as hell, so it looks like the placentas are doing their jobs. 😆 I probably wouldn't be so calm about it, but for my doppler. I'm glad you're both done/almost done!
Sort of a weird week for me. I ended up getting a second migraine-like headache but less severe and then yesterday I had a very tiny bit of brown discharge when I wiped. Just the once and nothing since. Of course my PGAL brain has not been pleased with either of those developments. I could easily explain these things away with over tiredness, not hydrating well, or resting enough. I've been all over house hunting the past few days. Pregnancy symptoms are still strong and I'm just trying to consistently remind myself to not overthink or overreact. I have an appointment on Wednesday and am a bit scared though.
Well, I whipped out my doppler tonight to give it a whirl and I could only find the placenta 😑 I’m only 9+6 so it’s most likely just that I’m not a professional, but you know how PGAL brain is. Even though I literally just had an ultrasound on Tuesday and everything was normal and good and fine.
@mokay19 I feel you. I'm 11+1 and I can still only find one baby. My OB got it, so I'm trying not to worry. But I still don't want to tell people I till my 14 week US, just in case.
1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 11w5d/may 10/stm
2. Previous loss(es)? Mc Aug 2016 and vanishing twin at 10 weeks in may 2017- my son will be 2 next month.
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? Mostly pretty okay. If I let myself get hungry I get nauseous. I'm still tired all the time. I had a couple Braxton hicks the other day which freaked me out. Some random sharp pains here and there that I'm assuming is just things moving and growing. Emotionally, I'm grumpy 75% of the time. Just really irritable. I'm pretty sure it's just hormones. I hate it though. I've had some headaches that I'm trying to write off to being caused by not having enough water, but I'm worried it may be early signs of pre eclampsia. Which terrifies me.
4. Any appointment updates? We heard the baby's heartbeat at our something week appt. Hr was 160. Then a couple days later we got to see little wiggle worm during our NT scan. Everything looked good, but the tech wasn't able to get the measurements she needed. But that's okay with us. We just wanted to see the little one.
5. Rants/Raves/Questions? No Rants/raves really at the moment. But do want to hear from others who may have had pre eclampsia with one pregnancy and then maybe didn't the next time... or any advice to prevent pre eclampsia this time around?
6. Any milestones coming up? We've made it past all of the loss milestones now! Yay! I'm anxiously awaiting getting to know gender.
**Tw- parent death** . . . . .
My dad died while I was in labor with my son. The next day my son was born. We are approaching the 2 year anniversary of my dads death, and his birthday is the day after my son's, and I'm really dreading that. I just want to get through Thanksgiving.
Trigger warning
me: 28 dh: 34 married since October 2015-started trying immediately dx: PCOS, anovulatory rx: provera metformin progesterone *TW* BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis 1 clomid cycle (March 2017) BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017 di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia *End TW* BFP Sept.2019
@mokay19 we had our appt with the OB on Wednesday, 10w6d, and he couldn't find the hb with the doppler so we got a "bonus" u/s. I know how hard it is to not worry especially with pgal brain. Hopefully you can find it soon, but until then, try not to worry.
I have been unsuccessfully trying to tell my brother that he is going to be an uncle... however I have called 2-3 times this week and his voicemail is full and I also sent a text but have yet to hear back from him. Oh well.
I did spill the beans to some longtime friends last night. These were the first people I’ve been able to tell in person. (My family as well as hubby’s both live very very far away) it was great and made me excited to tell more people, BUT I still feel like my brother should know before others since he is family, and I feel I have to tell my boss before too many other people since it’s a small town, but I’m extra terrified to tell my boss.
1. Weeks/EDD/How many times a mom? 11 weeks 5 days, May 11th, FTM
2. Previous loss(es)? MMC May 2019, vanishing twin (this pregnancy:\)
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically? I am starting to physically feel better. I still have some nausea but it seems to be hit and miss. The decreasing symptoms makes me worry though. We had an ultrasound about 2.5 weeks ago and things were fine then but it's still hard to believe it is ok.
4. Any appointment updates? 10/29 and will at least get the doppler out to hear the heartbeat.
5. Rants/Raves/Questions? When do you start to feel "ok". My first (and last) pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage. I went in for my first appointment just before 11 weeks and despite the doc not finding the baby's heartbeat on the doppler he said everything was fine. We then told our families that weekend (Mother's Day). It was about 2 weeks later at the first ultrasound that we found out that at 9 weeks 5 days the baby stopped growing. I was very mad the doc didn't see that at the first appointment and that I had to 'untell' people. I'm very hesitant to tell people now. I want to because I feel like I am eating like crazy and starting to show-- and just generally grumpy so would love to tell people so they can understand. However, I don't feel comfortable yet-- I don't know what week or milestone will make me feel comfortable.
I do have a second question-- anyone who has experienced a vanishing twin-- do you tell people about it? How did you tell them or talk about it? How did people react? I want to talk about it because I don't want that baby to be forgotten but I am worried about the reaction- especially from my mom. She didn't take my missed miscarriage earlier this year well and I think she would blow this up into something. She'd start doing research and texting me tons of stuff on it, become overly dramatic about it, blame herself, etc. She literally said something alone the lines of "you're being punished for my sins" as a reason why I had my miscarriage earlier this year. I am not a religious person and found that statement super offensive in the first place. It felt so out of left field and also like her somehow turning the entire situation around for me to comfort her and tell her she is a good person-- which isn't something I should be doing when it is me going through the miscarriage. Anyway.. end rant..
@doctorcrime I’m sorry for your loss. I haven’t experienced a vanishing twin but someone in my last bump board did and she just chose to not mention it. She is a very private person in general and didn’t want to deal with the comments and the questions and the “helpful” advice that really just hurts. You need to do what is right for you. I’m so sorry that you are dealing with stress right now.
@doctorcrime it’s totally up to you if your want to mention it or not. You don’t have to mention it to everyone. I’m slowly starting to tell people I’m pregnant. Most of these people do not necessarily know about my recent loss. For me it is something I feel like I need to acknowledge and cannot just forget about or ignore. When I tell people that I am pregnant they pretty much ALWAYS follow up by asking how I’m feeling. That is when I choose to say something about how excited we are but I’m also terrified because it took us a long time to get here and I had a miscarriage over the summer. I like to acknowledge the joy and also the fear/nervousness. I also think that this will help them be able to help support me through this. They know right up front that I’m having an emotionally difficult time. They don’t necessarily focus on that and comment on that, but I put it out there and it makes me feel better. Even if you don’t specifically mention the vanishing twin you can say you had some complications early in pregnancy so you aren’t glossing over things and pretending you are ok and it’s all glitter and butterflies.
Re: PGAL Check-In 10/21
Eta to add I agree with @pirateduck and @ruby696 about showing her she can have more than one sibling and love them both.
I’m only 9+6 so it’s most likely just that I’m not a professional, but you know how PGAL brain is. Even though I literally just had an ultrasound on Tuesday and everything was normal and good and fine.
Eta: words
2. Previous loss(es)? Mc Aug 2016 and vanishing twin at 10 weeks in may 2017- my son will be 2 next month.
3. How are you feeling? Emotionally & physically?
Mostly pretty okay. If I let myself get hungry I get nauseous. I'm still tired all the time. I had a couple Braxton hicks the other day which freaked me out. Some random sharp pains here and there that I'm assuming is just things moving and growing. Emotionally, I'm grumpy 75% of the time. Just really irritable. I'm pretty sure it's just hormones. I hate it though.
I've had some headaches that I'm trying to write off to being caused by not having enough water, but I'm worried it may be early signs of pre eclampsia. Which terrifies me.
4. Any appointment updates?
We heard the baby's heartbeat at our something week appt. Hr was 160. Then a couple days later we got to see little wiggle worm during our NT scan. Everything looked good, but the tech wasn't able to get the measurements she needed. But that's okay with us. We just wanted to see the little one.
5. Rants/Raves/Questions?
No Rants/raves really at the moment. But do want to hear from others who may have had pre eclampsia with one pregnancy and then maybe didn't the next time... or any advice to prevent pre eclampsia this time around?
6. Any milestones coming up?
We've made it past all of the loss milestones now! Yay! I'm anxiously awaiting getting to know gender.
**Tw- parent death**
.
.
.
.
.
My dad died while I was in labor with my son. The next day my son was born. We are approaching the 2 year anniversary of my dads death, and his birthday is the day after my son's, and I'm really dreading that. I just want to get through Thanksgiving.
Trigger warning
married since October 2015-started trying immediately
dx: PCOS, anovulatory
rx: provera metformin progesterone
*TW*
BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017
di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan
DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia
*End TW*
BFP Sept.2019
@mrswifeytoad I’m so sorry to hear about the milestones you have coming up. Hugs to you!
I did spill the beans to some longtime friends last night. These were the first people I’ve been able to tell in person. (My family as well as hubby’s both live very very far away) it was great and made me excited to tell more people, BUT I still feel like my brother should know before others since he is family, and I feel I have to tell my boss before too many other people since it’s a small town, but I’m extra terrified to tell my boss.