Weekly Randoms 10/14 - 10/20

charmedlifex3 · October 2019

emeraldduchess · October 2019

Ladies, what do you think about a "holiday support" thread? I know it's an incredibly difficult time for many of us for a variety of reasons, both ttc and non-ttc related. It might be good to have a place to vent and help each other through all the family gatherings, triggering ads, holiday cards, etc. We can include Halloween in the holidays since our social media feeds are about to be flooded with pictures.

charmedlifex3 · October 2019

Love that idea!

blackgirlmagic · October 2019

@emeraldduchess I love that idea!

mvt2003 · October 2019

YES PLEASE @emeraldduchess!!!!!!

emeraldduchess · October 2019

OK, ladies! I will get that started later today. All the Christmas crap has started to appear in the stores (Michaels I am looking at you), so I think many of us are already feeling the holiday anxiety.

pocketrose · October 2019

I was at Ikea the other day and even they were Christmas-y which seems silly since it's not like the furniture/fixtures/whatnot change that much. Also, I love Halloween and pre family drama loved Thanksgiving so it's sad to me when they aren't fully recognized!

inthewoods23 · October 2019

My friend just crushed my soul telling me the 3 course lobster deal at Bonefish Grill that we've had before is only on Thursdays this month, not every day like I thought (to celebrate National Seafood Month)

😩😭😆

whitealbum29 · October 2019

I could just hold this til FFFC but I'll say it now....this month the reason I'm pretending I'm okay with the fact that AF is probably showing up today is, I don't like how the June board is dividing up due dates according to what day of the week they're due instead of dividing it into four weeks. Confusing.

It would be wrong of me to take part in their poll to get them to choose a weekly system, right?

I mean I do plan to lurk so I should get a say!

photographerwife · October 2019

@whitealbum29 haha same! At least that board is finally getting some structure. It was a mess. It seems like it would be more difficult to get to know the group if it’s all split like that imo.

charmedlifex3 · October 2019

@whitealbum29 whaaaaaat? That's crazy.
@photographerwife Lol, you want to talk about a mess? I was on TTGP and our BMB years ago. It was a free for all. The "nothing you peed on" was still a rule, but whoa.

Also - does anyone else feel like we could probably do without the "post partum preparedness" thread stickied? How the heck would we get rid of it?
It seems like it would be better in first tri, and also it kinda awkwardly degenerates into name calling there at the end - from 2015. Seems super weird to immortalize that? And - I am NOT on my way to being post partum, so kinda don't care yet?

Maybe it would encourage the peggies to read the "READ THIS FIRST" if there was less up there?

Uh - so I guess I had opinions about that, lol.

inthewoods23 · October 2019

@whitealbum29 day of the week?? What??? I get the idea of doing that so that those with births at the end of the month aren't left with no one because everybody gave birth already. But still... Super weird.

photographerwife · October 2019

@whatsbumpinpumpkin I agree for the reasons you stated. I’ve never even read much of it because the whole last half is a damn mess. 🤦🏼‍♀️

kmalls · October 2019

So I guess I’ll do my UO on Monday

I actually like dividing up due dates by days of the week! To my weird brain it makes more sense because each member of that thread is entering a new week of gestation on that same day. It seems more organized to me.

charmedlifex3 · October 2019

@kmalls Ooooooooh. Now it makes more sense.

bows22 · October 2019

whitealbum29 said:

I could just hold this til FFFC but I'll say it now....this month the reason I'm pretending I'm okay with the fact that AF is probably showing up today is, I don't like how the June board is dividing up due dates according to what day of the week they're due instead of dividing it into four weeks. Confusing.

It would be wrong of me to take part in their poll to get them to choose a weekly system, right? I mean I do plan to lurk so I should get a say!

Omg @whitealbum29 I could have written this, word for word! I settled for love-titting something @kiki75 said to show my support haha

bows22 · October 2019

Also I think we could start a thread and have everyone tag @BumpAdmin to unsticky the postpartum thread. Then it would drop to the next page and die. I think I’ve seen that done before in my lurking days.

millpe · October 2019

The urologist H was seeing for IF testing previously can no longer accept him as a patient because he works for a catholic hospital so he can't see patients for IF any longer...

blackgirlmagic · October 2019

@millpe please correct me if I am wrong since I do not know much at being a catholic person, so is the urologist saying that you will become pregnant if god wills it? I’m so confused by this logic.

dpchickens · October 2019

blackgirlmagic Yeah, staunch catholics are pretty much against any form of ART. Exceptionally sad.

kmalls · October 2019

@millpe wtf? I can see the conflict if your husband was trying to get a vasectomy, but this situation is the literal opposite of that. I had no idea catholics were against medical intervention TO PROMOTE pregnancy. I guess I missed that lesson in Sunday School

millpe · October 2019

@blackgirlmagic I'm not catholic either and I dont know the urologists personal beliefs, but the hospital he works for will not allow him to see patients for infertility. The hospital doesnt allow fertility treatments or support birth control (I believe).

meri-mac · October 2019

@millpe That is insane to me! Unbelievable! Surely that goes against the Hippocratic oath in some fashion?

This is a rant to some degree. We have two clinicians where I work. They both have the same designation, but one is a man and one is a woman. When people find out I have booked them with our female clinician, an alarming number say "Oh. Is she any good?" I am the receptionist for the clinic! What do they think I am going to say?! "No she isn't as good, but we had to hire her because she's a woman."? The audacity of some people astounds me and is really starting to p**s me off. She is an exceptional clinician and is able to help you with whatever issue ails you. She has 10+ years experience. What do you want from her?!

gingermama29 · October 2019

@blackgirlmagic Yeah I was raised catholic (but am not religious at all any more). I can't speak for all but I think some (definitely not all) are okay with IUI but because they believe life begins at the moment of conception, they won't do IVF because they view the fertilized eggs that don't implant as abortion. I have really strong feelings about Catholicism rejecting science but it's probably best if I don't get into it. My cousin is strictly Catholic and has been struggling with fertility for years and my heart breaks for her especially because it seems like her siblings are magical unicorns that just blink and get KU.

inthewoods23 · October 2019

@gingermama29 if they don't implant that's abortion?? So in their eyes my failed FET was an abortion? That's messed up. Unless you mean leftover embryos that don't get used?

I was raised Catholic myself and are not religious although I still attend when with family at the holidays. Some of the stuff I've seen my very religious cousin say on FB just makes me angry. What wonky views!

ETA fixed my typo

gingermama29 · October 2019

@inthewoods23 I think they mean the leftover ones.
But honestly, I'm with you about feeling like some of the views are messed up. I've hidden a lot of my relatives on facebook because they use their views as a justification for a lot of things that I think are wrong and very hypocritical to what they supposedly believe (I'm speaking only about my extended family. Not intending to generalize all Catholics and offend anyone). I had a lot of personal problems with the teachings of the church and organized religion as a whole and decided it just wasn't for me.

whitealbum29 · October 2019

@millpe @gingermama29 @inthewoods23 @kmalls @meri-mac @blackgirlmagic @dpchickens Oh man I am with all of you ladies, this is so absurd and sad and ridiculous! The idea of a Catholic hospital not supporting fertility treatments is so backwards to me, and how sad that they obviously (I think) feel so threatened by anything that could possibly be seen as getting in the way of "God's will." With that logic why even have a hospital at all, maybe people getting sick is God's will too and they shouldn't get in the way of it??

I'm probably saying too much here but -- I've heard before that many Catholics don't support IVF because the eggs that don't implant are viewed as an abortion but honestly I have my suspicions that some of the objection is just that a lot of fertility treatment is centered around women and the woman's body -- I think some people feel threatened by anything that doesn't revolve around men (the way "the old fashioned way" of getting pregnant often does).

emeraldduchess · October 2019

@millpe I attended Catholic high school and college, so I am not surprised that the doc can't treat anyone for IF at a Catholic hospital. One of my good friends was a nursing major and during her clinical experience, she wasn't allowed to see or assist in any procedures that went against Catholic teaching.
IF is painful enough without being told "too bad, you aren't allowed to do anything about it except pray". My mother went through secondary IF and her aunt told her, "this is God telling you 'no', you need to listen". Yeah...I don't think so, auntie.

ETA: @whitealbum29 I think you hit the nail on the head there about women having control of their own bodies.

I have never heard embryos that don't implant as being referred to as an abortion, but I know that the Church opposes IVF because sometimes the ones that aren't used are destroyed or used for research.

inthewoods23 · October 2019

@whitealbum29 I think you are so right with the "God's will". Why have modern medicine at all? Such weird thinking.

gingermama29 · October 2019

@whitealbum29 yes, you are absolutely right about women having control over their bodies. It's among the many things that drove me away from religion.

@emeraldduchess and @whitealbum29 my wording wasn't super clear in my initial post. They view the fertilized eggs that are discarded as an abortion (again because that's the moment they believe life begins), not the ones that are transferred into the woman. I personally think that's absurd but I also get really heated about people making laws about women's bodies

Edited for spelling

millpe · October 2019

I agree with everyone that it's crazy. My PA I saw today said she is catholic and doesnt understand it. FWIW he always did work for a catholic hospital and previously found ways around it (ordered tests through an affiliated non catholic clinic - like the SA because they never allowed that). The hospital was purchased by a larger group and now the policy is he cant even see patients for IF reasons. We will either be referred to another hospital in town or work with an RE from out of state who comes to my clinic monthly.

I am Christian (not catholic and not religious) but my thoughts are why support modern medicine in some instances, but not all?

bows22 · October 2019

I want to chime in on this convo, but it isn’t to take away from anything that has been said. I totally agree with you guys. I just need to get it off my chest.

I’m a Christian. I do belong to a Catholic Church and we go to mass every Sunday. But above all I’m a Christian and my faith is very important to me. Being Catholic is how I choose to celebrate my Christian faith, but I have recently been starting to separate the idea of belonging to a specific Catholic Church from being part of “the Catholic Church” as a whole.

The Catholic Church has some major issues right now, but I don’t feel like they trickle down to the actual churches that people attend. At least in my experience, it has really changed in recent years. It has been a LONG time since I’ve heard a priest talk negatively about homosexuality and I’ve never heard a priest mention ART. Some Catholics may say they are against certain things because they blindly follow what “the Catholic Church” tells them to believe. Since IVF wasn’t an option when the Bible was written, I choose to base my beliefs on my own relationship with God. I don’t pretend to know for sure what God’s plan is, but I would be shocked if the plan included never taking advantage of the scientific advances that are available to us. I think that the rules that @millpe’sH’s urologist has to follow are absurd.

Again I don’t feel that anyone said anything off base or disrespectful but I have mentioned on here before that I’m Catholic, so in light of this discussion I wanted to be clear of what I mean when I say that. ❤️

jennifer_louise · October 2019

Wow, what a respectful and positive convo this is, for such a fraught topic. I seriously love this community.

I am also Catholic but haven't been to Mass in about 6 months now. I'm not proud of it, and it's not because I didn't like what was being said at church (to second @bows22, the message at my church is always overwhelmingly positive rather than negative and divisive like perhaps most people would think), but it was because I didn't understand why a loving God would make me go through IF. I still don't understand it, but I will fight as long as my emotional health and finances will allow, just as I would if I had cancer. And I can make up my own mind about homosexuality, divorce, and women who have abortions too, just like most Catholics I know do.

emeraldduchess · October 2019

@bows22 @jennifer_louise you both summed up where I am in my faith identity right now. I was raised Catholic, though I focus most on my own relationship with God and make up my own mind about the world regardless of what I heard in school or at church growing up. I think the majority of other Catholics I know would say the same, that everyone's decisions about their life, family, body, and health are their own and it's not my place to pass judgement. I have my own issues with the church leadership but that's another conversation entirely...

mvt2003 · October 2019

Just popping in to say hello - I'm still absolutely decimated by work this week. I have an entire notebook page full of to-dos and people asking if they're ta-das yet and I'm threatening to hide under my desk.

Still chugging along, thinking of everyone and lurking whenever possible.

kpearse99 · October 2019

I am right there with @bows22, @emeraldduchess and @jennifer_louise You've all summed it up very well. I was also raised catholic, going to church every Sunday with my family, attending CCD classes and making all of my sacraments. My dad is a strict catholic, following all of the "rules" that the church sets and tells him to follow. It was very scary, yes scary, to tell him my first marriage was failing and that we would be getting a divorce. Thankfully, he surprised me and was very understanding and supportive. He did however have my mom mention an annulment a few times, which I never did. I am since remarried, and while it was hard at first for my dad to accept (there were a few other things that happened along the way he wasn't happy with... like living together before being married, even though I was 33 and already divorced....) we all have a good relationship again.

All of that being said, and this may sound terrible, but it's because of strict followers like my dad that I don't go to church anymore. It's because of strict followers, like my dad, that I **TW**

Have not signed DS up for CCD - I don't want him thinking that there is one way to believe in something. That there is one way to love and we can only accept people if they are like us. I want him to be loving and accepting of all people no matter their race, gender or whom they decide to love. I know that the father at my church is not like that, and he is very uplifting, but it scares me that there are followers at our church that frown upon it.

It scares me that there are people at our church, like my dad, who frown upon me being divorced and who believe I will no longer be accepted into Heaven. My dad got upset when I went up for communion at my mom's cousin's funeral... not because I haven't be to church in a while, but because I'm divorced and shouldn't still receive communion. That is the stuff I am not okay with. I believe in God and I believe in my faith and I believe that God loves me despite me being divorced. I believe that he knows I am a good person and that I am deserving of the happy, healthy and love filled marriage I now have. I believe that this was his plan for me all along. I'm just at a point in my life where I don't want or need others telling me anyway different than how I believe, if that makes sense?
Sorry for that rant....Back to the Catholic hospitals though, I had my appendix removed in one, and while recovering I had asked if I was allowed to still take my birth control pill (I was worried about it mixing with whatever drugs/medication they gave me.... it's stupid, I realize that now) but they could not tell me I was allowed to take them because the hospital was a Catholic hospital and Catholic's do not believe in birth control. The nurse literally couldn't answer my question about if it was safe for me to take it or not. I was shocked.

meri-mac · October 2019

@kpearse99 I total agree with you and all the other ladies. I believe it is up to each individual person about how they perceive the world, especially when raising a child. Noone gets to tell me how I feel about a specific subject. I get to make up my mind based on personal experience and, depending on the subject, scientific evidence. The fact that an institution dedicated to the health and well being of the human race says "I can't talk to you about birth control" or "I can't help you get pregnant, it's against God's will" baffles me. I don't know how they are allowed to operate as medical professionals.

Sorry. I know I didn't add anything to the conversation. It just really irks me.

emeraldduchess · October 2019

I think in the case of the nurses and doctors not being allowed to discuss birth control or help with certain IF treatments, it's because their jobs are on the line, not necessarily because of their personal beliefs. All employees of Catholic institutions are given a really strict code of conduct to follow and any violation can result in termination. In high school when we watched a video on STDs, the nurse had to preface it by saying that she had to show it to us by law, but that she didn't condone the use of condoms and she could only advocate for abstinence as STD prevention.

emeraldduchess · October 2019

On a totally different note, I am wearing black and white leggings under a black dress today and one of my students said I looked like Beetlejuice. 😳

pocketrose · October 2019

Hey all! Skimmed through briefly and hope to chat more later but popping on to say I PASSED MY LICENSURE EXAM! Super pumped, celebrating with DH tonight, hope everyone's weeks are going well!

charmedlifex3 · October 2019

@pocketrose That's amazing! Big changes for you and DH this week!!!!

I - am sick. I have no voice. You will probably be "hearing" a lot from me tomorrow since I have called (texted) in sick and will be "working" remotely (aka - sleeping on the couch)

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