Infertility - trying to conceive #2 and need to vent

margot44 · May 2019

I am on the tail end of another failed FET cycle and I need to vent. I was 28 when I first tried to get pregnant. After 2 years of no success, we did IVF. My case is unexplained infertility- nothing seems wrong on paper with me or my husband, if anything things look great. At my first egg retrieval we were disappointed. We only got 5 good eggs (4 ended up fertilizing - eventually we transferred 1 and froze 1 at day 5) and they told me we would have to wait a month to transfer since they believed I had a polyp. At a hysterectomy shortly thereafter, they couldn’t find a polyp. We scheduled a day 3 transfer and lo and behold I got pregnant with my now perfect 3 year old daughter. I am SO fortunate and realize that many don’t get that lucky. Fast forward 2 years, we decided to try for our second child. After 6 months of trying naturally, we returned to our clinic. Since then, I have now had 4 failed transfers: -FET: Embryo from my first cycle: We weren’t too surprised as the Embryo was a bit sow to develop but we tried since it was considered excellent quality. -Fresh: we ended up with 5 beautiful 5 day embryos and the Embryo transferred was considered ideal. However, after transfer I got my period and a positive pregnancy test. The embryo ended up implanting on my c-section scar and I miscarried at 7 weeks (thankfully as it is considered a very risky pregnancy). At that time, they saw what they thought was a polyp again so I had surgery to remove it but turns out it was part of the placenta that got stuck on my scar. -FET: another ideal Embryo failed. However this time I ended up in the hospital for 5 nights with a severe infection from the progesterone shots. They believe it started as an allergic reaction that turned infectious. I had a fever and cellulitis. My white blood cells were through the roof. They told me there was no way the Embryo would survive that environment. -FET: this is the first time I have tried a natural cycle. No hormones, except vaginal progesterone. They tracked my cycle and I had a perfect LH surge indicating ovulation. The day of the transfer, my uterine lining looked perfect and again we transferred a great Embryo. It didn’t work. I am not sure how much more I can handle. I’m tired and sad. They can’t find any problem to fix. I’ve been pregnant and my embryos always “look great, above average”. And yet here I am, not pregnant again. Exhausted. Discouraged. My husband and I are lucky to be in a position to consider surrogacy. Maybe it’s time?!

mbradfo2 · May 2019

Did you do PGS testing? It's not perfect but that's my only question in regards to your story -- the embryos can look good but still have issues. There are also other testing avenues you can pursue if you're up for it, but it sounds like you are at your wits' end. Maybe do some additional testing while starting to consider surrogacy and researching it? I always found it was helpful to have a plan B that I was working on....made failures feel less devastating.

As much as we can time things perfectly, there is an amount of luck/randomness to the whole IVF process that can be extremely frustrating. Being "unexplained" is also compounds the frustration I think -- I wished so hard that they could find something wrong so we could 'fix' it or I would at least know why things weren't happening! I also had a "lucky" success with my first transfer and have a 13 month old girl as a result. Feel free to rant :-) This process is so challenging and frustrating!!

Hopeful_mom · May 2019

Did your dr discuss an ERA test? I wonder if the receptive time of your window for implantation has changed. It’s a Fairly new test and hear mixed reviews. It’s a very frustrating process for sure! Especially having to go through double procedures for the same thing glad your feeling better! Great if you can do surrogacy too.

keebs83 · May 2019

I just wanted to say I am sorry. It really seems like you’ve been out through the ringer. Sending you prayers they can figure out what is the hang up so they can work past it!

[Deleted User] · May 2019

Sounds like you have been through an awful lot. (((Hugs))) I dont have any treatment advise, but I dont blame you for feeling discouraged and looking for other options. I have heard of people doing eras, autoimmune protocols and the like... sending you courage whatever way you path may lead. ❤

margot44 · May 2019

Thank you all for the kind words. I was feeling particularly down when I wrote this, and today I woke up with a focused appreciation for what I am lucky enough to have.

I think all your testing ideas are good ones. I have a call scheduled with my doctor and another call with one of my clinic’s recommended surrogacy agency. I am someone who also likes to have an action plan. What’s so frustrating with infertility is the lack of control and ability to see some of those plans through!

Seeing your responses truly gave me comfort. So, thank you again!

nancinator · May 2019

@margot44 Sorry to hear you've been through so much to conceive baby #2!! I know it must be crushing to have multiple failed transfers. I haven't started IVF yet but plan to this summer. I suppose the concern with surrogacy would be similar - there's a chance the procedure won't take the first try. However, it would be less taxing on your own body as you bypass the injections so you avoid that stress. How does your husband feel about surrogacy?

margot44 · May 2019

@nancinator Good luck with the start of IVF! It is a very exciting process and can be so incredible, even with all the ups and downs.

There is absolutely the risk of failure with a carrier. However, carriers go through such extensive vetting and have to have a proven ability to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. Most agencies require carriers to have had their own “planned” family prior to becoming a carrier so they have mostly have at least 1-2 children of their own already. My doc says the odds are definitely better with a carrier...mostly since she is thinking it’s me not the embryos. My husband is on the fence — it’s definitely a situation that takes some getting used to. But we have had good friends who did it and ultimately he’d rather not see me go through this anymore (I think the hospital stay was just too much). I wish it weren’t so $$$$ but short term pain for long term gain, I hope!

jamieswan88 · June 2019

Hi Margot44

I would actually recommend that you buy and read It Starts with the Egg. It has been really helpful in our iVF journey. She deals with reasons doctors aren't aware of for unexplained infertility, age-related infertility and miscarriage/recurrent miscarriage. The author has done a wealth of research and she has really helped a lot of people. I can't speak highly enough of the book. Give it a try, it might turn things around. Baby dust

jusgigi · July 2019

I would definitely request an ERA. I had 6 early losses before I switched doctors and the new doctor did the ERA and low and behold i was considered “early receptive” which meant i needed 12 extra hours of progesterone

bluguitarhannah · July 2019

Have you done accupuncture with any of the failed FETs? When I added that I'm convinced that's what helped my current positive result. I had low ovarian reserve and we ended up with donor embryos.

Infertility - trying to conceive #2 and need to vent

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