@ABabyMarshall Yeah I had a private room and shower/bathroom for both births. The only time I had to share a room was for a Nonstress test, and the mom I was sharing with was also there for the same test so that was only for about an hour.
I got super interested in this topic and I asked my other BMB if they had private or shared rooms. The women from Canada and one from Britain ( @fionnualajane - she’s having a N19 baby too) both had shared rooms and showers. It was free because of their national healthcare, and they have the option to pay more for a private room. One mom from California shared a room for one out of her three births. She lives in a pretty urban area so it was just busy, otherwise she would’ve had a private room. Then another mom who works in healthcare chimed in that newer hospitals and remodeled ones are more likely to have more private rooms, because it increases patient satisfaction so they get more money/incentives from insurance companies.
I'm not doing a hospital tour because theres only one option unless I want to drive 45 minutes either direction (which I dont). All my surgeries have been at our local hospital, all my friends have had their kids there, and my MIL is a nurse there, so not only have I spent a good amount of time there over the last 10 years, but I trust that she'll make sure I'm taken care of. They have shared rooms in like the post-op wing and stuff, but everytime I've been into the maternity ward, it's ALL private rooms. It's not even something I had thought about previously, but holy crap am I glad for that.
@ABabyMarshall I’m shocked! That’s like 1950s style with not letting the dad stay, that stinks!! I think I’d be signing myself out as early as possible to go home. Out if curiosity, where are you located? I’m near Boston and everything at my two local hospitals, and the two my sister delivered at in the city is private for labor and maternity recovery. The rooms are on the smaller side.
@angieeeeee it totally helps having someone you know work at the hospital. My mil works at ours too, and she always makes sure we’re taken care of!
I have always had a private room and bathroom. Even when I had my first 17 years ago. I couldn't imagine sharing a room with another mom and baby. I usually try to leave no later than 24 hours after delivering my baby. Right now I'm tossing around the idea of a birth center or home birth.
Thank you guys for bringing this up!! I didn’t even think about the rooms since I thought all were private. Please excuse me while I frantically go research 📖 Our hospital tour is next week.
@ABabyMarshall I had my son in a German hospital and those were the same rules. Shared room, no husband overnight. It was the absolute least favorite part of my entire birthing experience. Between DS and the other baby alternating crying all night, it was awful. I was so lonely and homesick with all those postpartum hormones. And they kept me 3 nights after a vaginal birth with no complications.
I figure it can only get better this time around after that experience. I should probably do some research on my chosen hospital to see what my options are this time.
That would be awful to not have your spouse there after birth, especially if you have a csection. I did not get out of bed the first night, Ryan did everything.
But on the flipside if I was sharing a room, breastfeeding and having my incisions/stitches and swelling checked would be really awkward with someone else’s husband in the room, even with the curtain in drawn.
@rogro118 I am in NYC, one of the boroughs. Space is a luxury here I guess. I'm really disappointed. I don't want to say where I'll be giving birth now but my son was born at NYU. The shared room I semi expected because of my previous experience but most hospitals are "family hospitals" and allow the husbands now so that was a surprise.
@emeraldcity1214 we had a private (well,shared between my roomie and I) toilet and sink. Showers were elsewhere.
@Kurtni the first I shared with was a Hasidic Jewish woman who had no men or visitors at all until her discharge. The second was a C-section patient who I also don't believe had visitors. In fact I don't know if I ever saw her get out of the bed or have her baby with her at all. I had them take my son out to stay in the nursery one night because I was so worried about disturbing the other woman. As if it's not nerve wracking enough
I'm so glad for you guys that you have private rooms and I'm glad you guys checked it out now for the most part.
@ABabyMarshall - We are close by then! I am a suburb of NYC. I usually take the train in once in a while to come a see a show with some girlfriends who live in the city.
@ABabyMarshall@Dancer688 fellow NY-er here as well! suburbanite also. I lived in the city for a couple years when I was young and single, lol. And I worked there for 10 years even after I moved out of the city. *waves*
Heyyyyy @creamcheeseplease@Dancer688 Long Island or upstate? Lol 😆 hoping to head upstate some time next year (upstate being anything north of the city, Yonkers and Westchester are upstate too 😜 that's an UO)
@creamcheeseplease pre-married with family it was my dream to be single living in the city *sigh* lol
Heyyyyy @creamcheeseplease@Dancer688 Long Island or upstate? Lol 😆 hoping to head upstate some time next year (upstate being anything north of the city, Yonkers and Westchester are upstate too 😜 that's an UO)
@creamcheeseplease pre-married with family it was my dream to be single living in the city *sigh* lol
That is a big time UO for me since I am originally from the YO! haha! I am much further upstate now, but still Westchester county. I had such a fun time living my early 20s in NYC, but I couldn't have afforded to stay there once we were thinking of having kids, and really I moved out when I started getting serious with MH. He is not a city person, lol, and we would live much further upstate if I would let him!
All jokes aside, I don't enjoy the city anymore especially for raising a family so I'll be joining you soon. My husband will still need to commute so will stay within a few hours. Love the Adirondacks but also can't go that far lol
@ABabyMarshall & @creamcheeseplease - we went the other direction when we bought a house. We are actually in CT now. Although my brother and friends are still in NYC and my mom's side is all in Long Island.
Happy Friday! Anyone have fun plans this weekend? Not much going on over here for me, I have a child's birthday party tomorrow and I'm just hoping to enjoy some sunshine.
We should have had a halfway milestone gif party thread! I'm definitely making one for third tri though.
@creamcheeseplease the family is cutting out of work and school early to go to the beach this weekend! I am MORE than stoked to get away for a few days!!
@creamcheeseplease - We also have a kid birthday party but aside from that we start potty training the almost 2 year old. Soooo, not looking forward to that but I know she is ready and very interested so really there is not much choice but to just go for it at this point.
My husband’s brother and his gf are visiting my husbands sister this weekend who lives just outside of DC so we’re driving down for the day on Saturday to do the touristy stuff with them. Other than that cleaning the house.
No plans except signing my son up for swimming at a community center nearby. Its first come first served (in person) and very reasonably priced so I'm not really sure what to expect. Might have to throw some elbows lol
@creamcheeseplease - We use the Oh Crap method. Aka naked for 2-3 days and then slowly reintroduce clothes.
Okay good this is what we are planning to do to, probably over July 4 weekend. Does your kid go to daycare though? Not to hijack this whole thread to make it about potty training, but I believe my center then wants them in pull ups, which I think Oh crap doesn't think is a good idea, except for night time.
Just figured out my plans....I texted MH and asked him if he wanted to spend the weekend organizing our bedroom and bathroom...his response: "HELL YEAH!". We're party animals over here!
@creamcheeseplease Oh Crap discourages pull-ups but it talks about using one for daycare if it is a requirement. Just make sure you call it a "daycare pull-up" and emphasize that they still need to pee pee and poo poo in the potty. It may take a little longer to get fully trained but it shouldn't be a huge deal.
When we get settled in AK I'm going to PT my youngest. She will be 2 in September. She is very ready. She tells me before she poops and she doesn't like her diaper to be wet either. I don't think it will take much to get her trained. I will also be using the "Oh Crap" method.
@creamcheeseplease - I stay home with mine but I definitely used pull-ups when I trained my oldest with the same method. Probably made our journey a bit longer than it needed to be but we were having a baby, moving states and then moving between different relative houses who didnt want her going around bare bummed. So it was what it was.
On the bright side, she is fully day trained now and we are 70% of the way there on night training now which I am counting as a win before 4. My best advice is no matter which method you pick be mentally prepared to do it and go with it for a full 2-3 weeks. They definitely get it, then regress before they get on the whole much better with it.
I realized I forgot to post the UO and FFFC. I have just been super busy with the kids on the road. We have been at our family reunion the last 2 days too. Coming from Texas to Minnesota is like going from summer to fall. It has been so cold here. We are flying to Alaska tomorrow and I'm sure I will feel cold up there too.
Also, I have been feeling the baby move more the last few days and tonight he seems to just want to kick me in my cervix. That always feels so weird.
@emeraldcity1214 I hope your flight went well and you are settling into Alaska!
AFM I am so grouchy today. I feel like this weekend was total crap, MH and I argued several times and he also drank too much last night which really grated on my nerves. He also made a comment about me taking a nap and said that I "never feel well." yeah, I don't ever feel that great anymore, sorry.... Out of the three nights he was off work, he only did bedtime with DS once. Now he'll be gone another three nights.. I just want a little help with bedtime when he's around and I feel like I have to beg to get it. So I'm grumpy because of this stuff, and I'm grumpy because of some stuff at work, and I also slept like crap again, so there's that.
@creamcheeseplease we made it but we won't be able to get settled until DH gets here with the trucks. I'm 4 kids in with my DH and he just started helping with bedtime stuff. *TW he really stepped up and helped after our loss last December. I guess he was trying to take the load off of me some. Then he realized that he liked putting the older kids to bed and they kept asking for him so he does it when he is home. Even when he has a ton of work to get done. TW* So I have been there with no help and it is frustrating. I hope your DH steps up and helps more.
@creamcheeseplease - So feel for you with the husbands not helping. It has taken MANY conversations to get to even the help I do get (which I am thankful for) but it always seems he feels he is doing me a favor. Um No. You are helping take care of YOUR kids.
We finally have ironed out bedtime to the point where he takes care of one kid and I take the other. Next up is him to take over bath time because my belly is starting to rebel to kneeling over the side of the tub.
@creamcheeseplease I'm so sorry. That sounds so frustrating. I can't imagine having another LO and going through this whole not thing not feeling great and not fully supported. I hope he shows more empathy and helps you out more.
MH was annoying me all this weekend as well. I was eating an ice cream sandwich and he demanded a bite and I said no. He said I was being selfish and glared at me. I burst into tears because it really hurt my feelings (I'm actually starting to tear up again just thinking about it!) Maybe it's nuts, but I'm still really sick and have trouble eating so I just wanted to mind my own business and enjoy my ice cream sandwich in peace and plus there were like 15 more in the freezer! He also gave me crap about buying 2 pastries and said he didn't want any. Then was legit mad that I ate them and didn't leave him any and called me selfish again. Like dude??
@creamcheeseplease I hope you have a good day that betters your mood! As others have said, it was a struggle to get my husband to participate in some regards with our son. Especially since I'm a SAHM, I think he felt like things fell completely in my realm even if he was home from work and that he could just NAP. I'm not unreasonable, but if he is home and not exhausted, he is going to help with bedtime, attend school functions and sports practices, and lend me a hand with housework if necessary. Put the ki-bosh on that real quick! We have to constantly train our partners lol
Thanks all! @emeraldcity1214@perfectoops@ABabyMarshall@mc0303@dancer688 it really does help to know that you guys have all struggled with this stuff too. I do know I need to be a better communicator and not just wait for him to step in and say that he'll do bedtime, because, well, he won't.
@mc0303 a big WTF to your husband and his ice cream and pastry issues! Not okay. Not selfish for you to eat what you can eat and he definitely should have just gotten his own ice cream sandwich.
I'm absolutely stopping at the store for an ice cream sandwich, also..
Ugh, men. We went through a pretty rough patch a few years ago where MH wasn't helping with ANYTHING around the house, even if I asked for help. We got through that, thank goodness. I'm just hoping that he continues to be helpful once the baby is here. He's been super involved so far in the pregnancy, so we'll see.
Ok, this is in relation to our discussion about private rooms and letting dads stay in the hospital overnight post partum. I spoke to my sister who is an L&D nurse at another hospital about what their rooming and family policies are. All private rooms and dads stay. It's really kind of a deal breaker for me.
She said that since I like my practice and they are local, that I can continue seeing them but right before I can have my records transferred and deliver at her hospital instead. Her hospital is far(ish) and any doctors associated with her hospital would be a trek for me.
Would this be messed up of me to do to my current practice? (I don't have a single doctor. I've probably seen 3/10 of their OBs and whoever is on call will deliver me)
I'm a little worried about my sister being all-up-in-my-business but also will probably get treated pretty well if I go there 🤔
@ABabyMarshall I think that’s totally reasonable- a private room is a big deal. I don’t know why you would need to wait to do it at the last minute though. You could be upfront with your practice that you plan on delivering at a different hospital, so the providers can be in communication with each other.
@ABabyMarshall - I agree that you should go with the private room a little further but be open in communication. OR at least get and have copies of your records every visit. I traveled a lot during my 3rd trimester so I just kept asking for updated records so that on the off chance I had to visit a dr or an emergency they would have all my details. They were very accommodating. Also, my practices are all similar in that you see all the doctors and both times I did not deliver with a dr I had met just because the random draw of who is on rotation so there would be no worries for me on who was delivering my baby as long as they are on my insurance
I agree with above, I would totally drive a bit further to have a private room. Also, you might find you like having your sister around as a sounding board if you have to make any big decisions. My mil and mum are both l&d nurses too and we’re invaluable towards the end of my son’s pregnancy when complications came up. Since she worked at my hospital, my mother in law was able to be in the room when they did my version then later in triage with us during non-stress tests and hear what the doctors had to say and give her opinion on induction options, etc. that coupled with being familiar with the nurses since they were her friends made for a better experience imo. Also, another perk, she was allowed to take our son for a walk over to L&D when we were in maternity so my husband and I both got a nap in before going home!
Re: June Randoms
I got super interested in this topic and I asked my other BMB if they had private or shared rooms. The women from Canada and one from Britain ( @fionnualajane - she’s having a N19 baby too) both had shared rooms and showers. It was free because of their national healthcare, and they have the option to pay more for a private room. One mom from California shared a room for one out of her three births. She lives in a pretty urban area so it was just busy, otherwise she would’ve had a private room. Then another mom who works in healthcare chimed in that newer hospitals and remodeled ones are more likely to have more private rooms, because it increases patient satisfaction so they get more money/incentives from insurance companies.
i find this so interesting. 😅
I'm not doing a hospital tour because theres only one option unless I want to drive 45 minutes either direction (which I dont). All my surgeries have been at our local hospital, all my friends have had their kids there, and my MIL is a nurse there, so not only have I spent a good amount of time there over the last 10 years, but I trust that she'll make sure I'm taken care of. They have shared rooms in like the post-op wing and stuff, but everytime I've been into the maternity ward, it's ALL private rooms. It's not even something I had thought about previously, but holy crap am I glad for that.
@angieeeeee it totally helps having someone you know work at the hospital. My mil works at ours too, and she always makes sure we’re taken care of!
I figure it can only get better this time around after that experience. I should probably do some research on my chosen hospital to see what my options are this time.
But on the flipside if I was sharing a room, breastfeeding and having my incisions/stitches and swelling checked would be really awkward with someone else’s husband in the room, even with the curtain in drawn.
@emeraldcity1214 we had a private (well,shared between my roomie and I) toilet and sink. Showers were elsewhere.
@Kurtni the first I shared with was a Hasidic Jewish woman who had no men or visitors at all until her discharge. The second was a C-section patient who I also don't believe had visitors. In fact I don't know if I ever saw her get out of the bed or have her baby with her at all. I had them take my son out to stay in the nursery one night because I was so worried about disturbing the other woman. As if it's not nerve wracking enough
I'm so glad for you guys that you have private rooms and I'm glad you guys checked it out now for the most part.
@creamcheeseplease pre-married with family it was my dream to be single living in the city *sigh* lol
😂😂
All jokes aside, I don't enjoy the city anymore especially for raising a family so I'll be joining you soon. My husband will still need to commute so will stay within a few hours. Love the Adirondacks but also can't go that far lol
We should have had a halfway milestone gif party thread! I'm definitely making one for third tri though.
My husband’s brother and his gf are visiting my husbands sister this weekend who lives just outside of DC so we’re driving down for the day on Saturday to do the touristy stuff with them. Other than that cleaning the house.
When we get settled in AK I'm going to PT my youngest. She will be 2 in September. She is very ready. She tells me before she poops and she doesn't like her diaper to be wet either. I don't think it will take much to get her trained. I will also be using the "Oh Crap" method.
On the bright side, she is fully day trained now and we are 70% of the way there on night training now which I am counting as a win before 4.
Also, I have been feeling the baby move more the last few days and tonight he seems to just want to kick me in my cervix. That always feels so weird.
AFM I am so grouchy today. I feel like this weekend was total crap, MH and I argued several times and he also drank too much last night which really grated on my nerves. He also made a comment about me taking a nap and said that I "never feel well." yeah, I don't ever feel that great anymore, sorry.... Out of the three nights he was off work, he only did bedtime with DS once. Now he'll be gone another three nights.. I just want a little help with bedtime when he's around and I feel like I have to beg to get it. So I'm grumpy because of this stuff, and I'm grumpy because of some stuff at work, and I also slept like crap again, so there's that.
Edit: autocorrect
We finally have ironed out bedtime to the point where he takes care of one kid and I take the other. Next up is him to take over bath time because my belly is starting to rebel to kneeling over the side of the tub.
MH was annoying me all this weekend as well. I was eating an ice cream sandwich and he demanded a bite and I said no. He said I was being selfish and glared at me. I burst into tears because it really hurt my feelings (I'm actually starting to tear up again just thinking about it!) Maybe it's nuts, but I'm still really sick and have trouble eating so I just wanted to mind my own business and enjoy my ice cream sandwich in peace and plus there were like 15 more in the freezer! He also gave me crap about buying 2 pastries and said he didn't want any. Then was legit mad that I ate them and didn't leave him any and called me selfish again. Like dude??
@mc0303 a big WTF to your husband and his ice cream and pastry issues! Not okay. Not selfish for you to eat what you can eat and he definitely should have just gotten his own ice cream sandwich.
I'm absolutely stopping at the store for an ice cream sandwich, also..
She said that since I like my practice and they are local, that I can continue seeing them but right before I can have my records transferred and deliver at her hospital instead. Her hospital is far(ish) and any doctors associated with her hospital would be a trek for me.
Would this be messed up of me to do to my current practice? (I don't have a single doctor. I've probably seen 3/10 of their OBs and whoever is on call will deliver me)
I'm a little worried about my sister being all-up-in-my-business but also will probably get treated pretty well if I go there 🤔
Thoughts?