@emqbee kid2 has some dental issues but it's because the roof of his mouth is very high and narrow. Kid 3 is lip tied so I think that has made her two top front teeth a smidge weird, but not really any worse for wear (ware?) I do have a friend who's kid took a binkie (and bottles) until she was 4 and she had a pretty bad case of pacifier teeth. But I'm not sure if it has impacted her adult teeth. She's 5.5 now and I know she has lost several teeth. But I don't know that I've seen a picture of her smiling where her adults have grown in
We do pacis anytime desired up to 18mo, then for sleep only until 2 to 2.5. both my girls took different kinds. And neither were too difficult to take away (one was cold turkey at 2.5 due to a rash caused by strawberries around her mouth and the other was just after 2, we "lost them" and she quit asking after a few days).
Our dentist wants them totally gone by 3 and only for sleep after 2. Neither kid has had issues from the pacis....but they did inherit my bad teeth...poor kids.
DD would occasionally use a pacifier, but it wasn't a must-have. She'll grab one now sometimes, but I think it's more for teething relief and she only has it for a few minutes. I am thankful that we never had to deal with weaning her off of it, but if DS uses it regularly, I'm fine with it.
@thirdtimesacharm2019 it drives me crazy to see toddlers walking around with them too, although I cant really judge because I never had to wean a child off of one. When my kids have done parent/tot sports classes at age 2-3 I have watched kids using them during class. I would like to think I would draw the line before then.
I feel like I would rather have a kid use their pacifier instead of thumb if I could choose. You can't take a thumb away. Today my friend was picking her son up from our kids' elementary school and I saw her 4 year old daughter sucking her thumb while walking in the parking lot. No judgment because I can't imagine breaking that habit but I am so glad I have not had to deal with that.
11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS
10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks 1/12/13 DD was born 4/9/16 DS was born 9/17 CP 6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
Pacifiers: we let DS have it any time until he was 6 months old. Then it stayed in the crib so he just knew it was for sleeping only. He but through both of his at bedtime at just over a year old so we went cold turkey and it wasn't an issue for him. Hoping the next baby is the same!
Ya, I never heard ANY stories related to cords around necks, good or bad, other than my brother's death situation. So I honestly thought it was this rare thing until I started hearing more stories of cords around necks and they were all good outcomes. But that's only been in the last year and a half that ive heard good outcomes. So 27 years of "cord=death" mindset vs 1.5 years of shifting to "it's usually nbd" mindset. I'm pretty happy to have gotten this far without worrying about the possibility or having night mares this pregnancy. Hopefully it continues. It really ramped up at 34 weeks last time.
TTGP history (*TW*):
Started TTC Oct 2015 BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016 Re-started TTC Aug 2016 Started IF testing Nov 2016 Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017 BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
@BigBadWolf12 I can’t imagine the anxiety levels you’ve dealt with and my heart breaks to hear about your brother. I’ll be sending good vibes for peace to be about you during the rest of this pregnancy. I certainly don’t intend to invalidate or discount your concern. My mom does say it was certainly a frightening experience that turned out well. I hope you find comfort in knowing you’ll be surrounded by qualified providers that will swiftly handle anything that comes your way during L&D. Creepy internet hugs to you 🤗
I didn't feel invalidated at all, @emqbee thanks for the good vibes though! First tri was way better anxiety wise this time than last, so I hope I keep that rolling and third tri continues low-anxiety too!
TTGP history (*TW*):
Started TTC Oct 2015 BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016 Re-started TTC Aug 2016 Started IF testing Nov 2016 Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017 BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
I see midwives and they will let me go until 42 weeks before inducing. Last pregnancy I went into labor at 41+2 with no issues. DS was big but my body opened enough to push him out. I agree with @BigBadWolf12 and @Allycat11 inductions often lead to more interventions which have their own risks so I don’t plan to induce this time either. I also just read an interesting article about how due dates are calculated and how very inaccurate they can be— like up to 5 weeks since women’s cycles vary so much. It surprises me how quick docs are to induce at 41 weeks when the due date is so arbitrary.
Both my boys were/are paci babies. DS#1 was hard core addicted, while DS#2 is just a fan. With both of them we switched to pacifiers are for nap/bedtime only at about 18 months, and then with DS#1 we took it away at 2 and half. We plan to take DS#2's at 2 and half as well. There were a few tough days there, and we discovered the reason that we kept loosing them was because DS#1 was stashing them around the house. But we were just very firm, we would take it away and say you're a big boy now, and big boys don't use pacis. I know that method doesn't work for everyone but it worked for us. One comment - with DS#1 I kept saying I don't want to have a paci baby and I only used it at a last resort, but by the time he was a few weeks old and would only sleep with the paci or while nursing, I gave in. And he was addicted. With DS#2 I was much faster to just use it to make my life easier, and he likes it but doesn't seem as addicted.
@Beauxbaton idk what hematocrit levels are, but my hemoglobin levels are below:
Pregnancy 1 - went on iron at 24 weeks, had to increase dose.
Pregnancy 2 - went on iron at 23 weeks and then increased dose at 26.
TTGP history (*TW*):
Started TTC Oct 2015 BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016 Re-started TTC Aug 2016 Started IF testing Nov 2016 Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017 BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
@jmesue1030 is 42 pretty standard with midwives in your area? That’s one thing I’ve been a little nervous about...they’ll let me go to either 41+6 or 40+6 and I can’t remember...but once your past that mark they make you transfer to a hospital setting. I’m a little uptight about that considering we’re going off my LMP, I’ve had wonky cycles, and this is my first. I’ve been praying and crossing my fingers she comes right on time
@purplg8r It varies every day. I try to drink a 12 oz water bottle on my way to work, then I keep either a 24 oz Tervis tumbler or my 25 oz S'well bottle on my desk and try to refill them at least four to five times a day. In the evenings I probably drink 24 ish ounces. So in total, around 125-150 ounces during the week? I'm not as good about drinking water on weekends when I don't constantly have ice water in reach.
@purplg8r I’m horrible with drinking a lot. I have a 10oz cup of coffee in the morning, normally a few sparkling waters throughout the day, and a glass or 2 of plain water with dinner. I don’t know what it adds up to, I’m lucky if it’s 64oz. I monitor my pee color and if it’s not clear or light I try and drink some more.
@purplg8r I drink a large (16 oz?) cup of milk every morning. Then approximately 80 ounces of water until dinner when I have a caffeine free soda or juice. I need to up the water with the heat we are having, but I already pee sooooooo much 😜.
@Beauxbaton I'm on iron but have a pretty mild case. This time I'm actually following instructions and taking the iron. I wasn't good about it during my last pregnancy. My numbers were:
28 weeks this pregnancy:
Hemoglobin: 10.4 g/L (standard range is listed as 11.7-15.5) Hematocrit: 31.8% (standard range is listed as 35-47%) Red blood cell count: 3.43 M/uL (standard range is listed as 3.90-5.40 M/uL)
Last pregnancy 28ish weeks:
Hemoglobin: 9.9 g/L (standard range is listed as 11.7-15.5) Hematocrit: 29.5% (standard range is listed as 35-47%) Red blood cell count: 3.30 M/uL (standard range is listed as 3.90-5.40 M/uL)
@purplg8r I think some days I’m closer to 64 ounces like if I’m busy or on the weekends sometimes when I don’t have water with me constantly, and some days I make it closer to 120. It just depends.
@emqbee I’m not sure what the standard is for the area, I just know my midwives said at 42 weeks they would start to worry about baby swallowing meconium and growing too large for a vaginal birth. Also I was so miserable at 41 weeks I would have happily welcomed an induction if I was still pregnant at 42... this is the thing I read about due dates:
DUE DATES: Did you know that doctors still calculate expected date of delivery using a method formulated at the start of the 19th century. The method is known as Naegele’s rule; You take the first day of a expectant persons last menstrual period, add a year, subtract three months, and add seven days. How confusing is that! Naegele’s rule is based on the assumption that the birth person has a 28-day menstrual cycle, with ovulation on day 14, but cycles range anywhere between 21 and 35 days. These issues might help explain why Naegele’s rule isn’t very accurate and, therefore, why due dates aren’t, either. Babies simply do not care about due dates, and turn up when they feel like it and when they are perfectly ripe: the motivation for being born is something that, as yet, scientists cannot fully explain. Some babies will be ‘early’, some ‘on time’ and some ‘late’, in fact, only about 4% of babies arrive on their actual due date, and research has shown that the length of pregnancy can vary by up to five weeks. So, like in Uganda, instead of having a due date, have a due month🌿✨ art by @thenamenest - Words by @milli.hill from Positive Birth 📚
@purplg8r I suck at drinking enough water... I’ve been trying to do better since Wednesday when I was standing outside and got super hot and dizzy... I realized I hadn’t had any water yet that day and it was like 2:00... oy.
@jmesue1030 I love that explanation of due dates! It drives me crazy how quick some doctors and patients are to induce when there are no risk factors whatsoever. Especially for first time moms. I have had several friends refer to their "stubborn babies" when they have not gone into labor by their EDDs. Your baby is not stubborn at that point, it is growing! My OB allows moms to go to 42 weeks but with my history of a baby with shoulder dystocia, plus this one already measuring ahead, she does not recommend I go past 40 weeks. Considering they pushed my EDD back a week and I have always gone early anyway I am comfortable with that for my situation.
11/2010 Diagnosed with PCOS
10/31/11 M/C at 9 weeks 1/12/13 DD was born 4/9/16 DS was born 9/17 CP 6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
There was a study that came out sometime in the last 5-10 years that showed evidence that the risk of stillbirth decreases as you get closer to 40 weeks but then starts to increase again after 41 weeks. There was a bit of uncertainty as to the “optimal” time to induce a past-due baby, whether it be 41 weeks or 42 weeks, which is why you don’t see everyone erring to one week or the other, but the increased risk of stillbirth after 42 weeks was very clear. OBs don’t induce otherwise healthy moms in that 41-42 week period for fun - there’s a large body of evidence that suggests it’s the safest option, and frankly at this point they would be opening themselves up for some major malpractice liability if that wasn’t their practice.
All that said, I don’t think it’s appropriate to be inducing a day or two after an estimated due date because the mom is complaining that she’s huge, needs to pee every 2 seconds, and just wants get on with her life...
@jmesue1030@Allycat11@aecm So I was born a full month late. My mom was induced and then in labor for 36 hours, then had a c-section because they finally figured out her pelvis literally couldn’t fit a baby. I spent time in the NICU as a result of being so “over cooked”. This is the birth story I grew up with. My sister was induced about 8 days after her due date with my niece and had a long and difficult but overall successful vaginal birth.
Sold me on being induced a bit “early” given my family history of babies always needing to be evicted anyway.
@Allycat11 I was a thumb sucker, my little sister was a pacifier user. I remember having to work on stopping sucking my thumb... I think I was at least 7, whereas my parents just had to successfully get rid of all the pacifiers for my sister.
This is very interesting and a similar explanation to what my doctor gave me with DS2 (7 years ago) as to why they now schedule c-sections at 39 weeks vs. 38 weeks with DS1 (13 years ago) because dates can vary and that last week of development is so important!
Re: induction and overcooking. Doesn't the risk of still birth increase as you get past due raise because the placenta can start to deteriorate? Also on the note of due dates I ovulated on cycle day 21 so I purposefully lied about the first day of my last period
With my first he was 40w 4d when he came in his own. But I had scheduled an induction for 40w 6d. #2 came on his own at 38 weeks more than likely due to a placental abruption. And #3 was an induction at 38 weeks due to her failing her BPP. I wish now I would have had them do more monitoring because being induced was really awful after two spontaneous labors, both physically and mentally. Possibly more so mentally. And she was perfectly fine, so it felt like I was induced for no reason. This time around i feel like there will be a lot of pressure for me to induce early because of all the autoimmune stuff. But from what I can gather through research it shouldn't be the sole reason to induce.
I don’t want to go over 41 weeks. I’ve read that chances of stillbirth increases after 40 weeks and as @Beauxbaton said, the placenta begins to deteriorate. If you don’t know when you ovulated and they just calculated date based on LMP, then the due date can vary. I know the exact date I ovulated and my due date is exactly in line with that so I’m confident on my due date.
Re: timing of birth - I think there are also just different risk factors too. My understanding is that IVF and AMA pregnancies especially get risky sooner than other pregnancies (I don’t understand the IVF thing, I think it must have to do with patient population).
I got distracted by the interesting convos and forgot I had questions of my own - I am wanting to initially get a nanny for LO because daycare in the winter makes me nervous (my area has had terrible flu outbreaks the last several years). I am thinking I want to keep LO at home until 10-12 months (my mat leave is 16 weeks so he’ll be roughly 4 months). Our friends who were recently chosen by a birth mom have a baby due in early October and are suggesting a nanny share. How far in advance do you pick a nanny? Any experience with nanny shares?
I know when I ovulated because I was tracking diligently, so my ovulation date puts me at a 7/29 due date. My LMP had put me at a 7/28 due date originally at the dr's office, but after my first US, they pushed my due date to 8/2, which is great because I feel like it gives me a little more "wiggle room" to go into labor naturally before they recommend an induction.
@zamora_spin I'm still on two childcare waiting lists, so my plan B is to hire a nanny. The combo of me and MH will be home with her until mid-November, so I planned to start looking for a nanny in mid-July. From what I understand, that far in advance is still a bit early. If I have no luck, then I'm going to try again first of October. I plan to use care.com, a private nanny FB group that a friend recommended, and perhaps NextDoor.
I would love to do a nanny share but we don't have any friends with kids that live close enough to us to make that feasible. (I am still open to meeting someone new that may want to.) I have thought about it a lot, including what I would include in an agreement (because I can't not be an attorney) with another family: Hours, how costs will be split, who will be providing tax service, paid holidays and sick time, how family vacations will be handled, what supplies each family will provide, who will host, etc.
@heml my due date based on ov would be 8/19, based on LMP would be 8/13, and based on the first ultrasound it's 8/17. And I've been measuring right around 8/17-8/19 at my ultrasrounds. I often wonder if how early you implant influences how you measure at 8 weeks. Because I'm pretty sure I implanted pretty early. I got a positive at 8 or 9 dpo with this pregnancy.
@zamora_spin that’s awesome that you already have a family for the nanny share; that can be the main big hurdle! I volunteer for a domestic workers rights organization and teach workshops on nanny hiring, and what @heml says is totally right. 6-8 weeks is a good time range to aim for to start looking for a nanny. It’s definitely possible to line up someone earlier (so it can’t hurt to keep an eye out) but in general it’s a workforce with a quick turnaround.
And putting as much contractual stuff in writing as possible is so important (it doesn’t have to be notarized or anything, just agreed to and signed), between all parties involved (two families + nanny). Same goes if it’s just a solo family + nanny.
@zamora_spin I’m just curious what your size was at birth! I bet you were giant compared to the other babies in the NICU at the same time!
@allycat11 I was a thumb/finger sucker ...until about age 16. Whoops. I do not think I did it in public after about age 3-4, and only then occasionally. I only did it for sleep until 16ish. For another few years, I still woke up with my thumb in my mouth, sometimes. My teeth were as straight as could be. My parents did try to get me to take a pacifier but it never took.
@jrm_14 I was 8lb2oz. I had started losing weight in the womb or I would have been bigger. I was also orange/yellow. My mom said next to the preemies I looked bizarre and people would point and ask “what is wrong with that baby?” I don’t think I’ve ever seen a freshly born picture of me, lol.
@MamaK225 I just got some kinesiology tape from Amazon yesterday. I tried it last night and taped my stomach to try and help my diastasis recti. I had it super bad with my last pregnancy and I can feel it happening now too.
@zamora_spin we nanny share, and if you're going to do it, the one thing I would suggest is do it with someone you know, and you know you can get along with. We did it with DS#1 with 2 families, and I was miserable, one of the moms was impossible to work with, very demanding, while pretending to be easy going. I would start to give examples, but I'm not sure I could stop, and you don't want to listen to a tirade. Now we are doing it again with DS#2, same nanny but different families, and it is so much better. I knew these families better before we started, and knew both moms were fairly easy going, and it's so easy to work with them. The only annoying thing - we pay our nanny on a sliding scale so every hour she is paid based on how many kids she has that hour. We use her full time, but my friends are both part time, and never know what their schedule is going to be until that week, so sometimes often I have to remind them at the end of the week to add their time to our joint tracking sheet so I can calculate the total. As others said, make sure to hash out all the details before you start so everyone knows their responsibilities. If you want some more boring details on the agreement we have you can PM me.
Wow this is such an interesting and helpful thread! I've been daunted to catch up on it, since somehow there were 54 new posts 😂 but I'm glad I did. I have no recollection of what I was going to say to anyone at this point...but it was a super interesting read!
Oh! Pacifiers vs thumbs....my brother and sister both had pacifiers. I was a thumb sucker and refused the pacifier. Mom says I was WAY more difficult. At first she thought it was great, because I couldn't lose or drop my thumb. But then she couldn't take it away either. They tried all sorts of things to get me to stop. I remember trying too, but sometimes at like..7or8 years old, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep and would end up sucking my thumb. Where as the parents just took away the soothers from my siblings. Also, I dated a guy who was 24 and still sucked his thumb 😂😂. (I'm a terrible person, but I totally judged him....) Anyway...I hadn't thought about it until this thread came up, but I'll probably discourage thumb sucking with this little one.
I have another note about thumb sucking. Something you don't even think about. But if they are hardcore think suckers, that means they won't have use of one of their hands. dS2, the thumv sucker, always had to be on a specific side to hold our hand because he sucked his right thumb. At one point he was in the hospital and they did an IV and they put it in his right arm so he couldn't suck his thumb and it was awful. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but it is hella annoying to be trying to hold your child's hand and him refuse because he needs the other hand.
Re: Weekly Questions 5/26
UO: I can’t stand to see a toddler walking around with a paci.
Our dentist wants them totally gone by 3 and only for sleep after 2. Neither kid has had issues from the pacis....but they did inherit my bad teeth...poor kids.
I feel like I would rather have a kid use their pacifier instead of thumb if I could choose. You can't take a thumb away. Today my friend was picking her son up from our kids' elementary school and I saw her 4 year old daughter sucking her thumb while walking in the parking lot. No judgment because I can't imagine breaking that habit but I am so glad I have not had to deal with that.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
***TW*** re:cord @emqbee
BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
Re-started TTC Aug 2016
Started IF testing Nov 2016
Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
Re-started TTC Aug 2016
Started IF testing Nov 2016
Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
With both of them we switched to pacifiers are for nap/bedtime only at about 18 months, and then with DS#1 we took it away at 2 and half. We plan to take DS#2's at 2 and half as well. There were a few tough days there, and we discovered the reason that we kept loosing them was because DS#1 was stashing them around the house. But we were just very firm, we would take it away and say you're a big boy now, and big boys don't use pacis. I know that method doesn't work for everyone but it worked for us.
One comment - with DS#1 I kept saying I don't want to have a paci baby and I only used it at a last resort, but by the time he was a few weeks old and would only sleep with the paci or while nursing, I gave in. And he was addicted. With DS#2 I was much faster to just use it to make my life easier, and he likes it but doesn't seem as addicted.
Pregnancy 1 - went on iron at 24 weeks, had to increase dose.
Pregnancy 2 - went on iron at 23 weeks and then increased dose at 26.
BFP #1 June 2016: EDD 16 March 2017, MC July 2016
Re-started TTC Aug 2016
Started IF testing Nov 2016
Spontaneous BFP #2 January 2017: Rainbow Baby Boy September 2017
BFP #3 November 2018: Baby #2 expected August 2019
*Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*
And yes, i pee all the darn time.
28 weeks this pregnancy:
Hemoglobin: 10.4 g/L (standard range is listed as 11.7-15.5)
Hematocrit: 31.8% (standard range is listed as 35-47%)
Red blood cell count: 3.43 M/uL (standard range is listed as 3.90-5.40 M/uL)
Last pregnancy 28ish weeks:
Hemoglobin: 9.9 g/L (standard range is listed as 11.7-15.5)
Hematocrit: 29.5% (standard range is listed as 35-47%)
Red blood cell count: 3.30 M/uL (standard range is listed as 3.90-5.40 M/uL)
DUE DATES: Did you know that doctors still calculate expected date of delivery using a method formulated at the start of the 19th century. The method is known as Naegele’s rule; You take the first day of a expectant persons last menstrual period, add a year, subtract three months, and add seven days. How confusing is that! Naegele’s rule is based on the assumption that the birth person has a 28-day menstrual cycle, with ovulation on day 14, but cycles range anywhere between 21 and 35 days. These issues might help explain why Naegele’s rule isn’t very accurate and, therefore, why due dates aren’t, either. Babies simply do not care about due dates, and turn up when they feel like it and when they are perfectly ripe: the motivation for being born is something that, as yet, scientists cannot fully explain. Some babies will be ‘early’, some ‘on time’ and some ‘late’, in fact, only about 4% of babies arrive on their actual due date, and research has shown that the length of pregnancy can vary by up to five weeks. So, like in Uganda, instead of having a due date, have a due month🌿✨ art by @thenamenest - Words by @milli.hill from Positive Birth 📚
@purplg8r I suck at drinking enough water... I’ve been trying to do better since Wednesday when I was standing outside and got super hot and dizzy... I realized I hadn’t had any water yet that day and it was like 2:00... oy.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
All that said, I don’t think it’s appropriate to be inducing a day or two after an estimated due date because the mom is complaining that she’s huge, needs to pee every 2 seconds, and just wants get on with her life...
At an early OB appt my dr mentioned he’s seen good results for certain populations inducing at 39 weeks. So I did my own research and found that induction at 39 weeks for FTMs creates a statistically significant reduction in c-section rates and blood pressure disorders (and no statistically significant increase in other negative outcomes). Summary: https://www.nih.gov/news-events/news-releases/induced-labor-39-weeks-may-reduce-likelihood-c-section-nih-study-suggests
Sold me on being induced a bit “early” given my family history of babies always needing to be evicted anyway.
@Allycat11 I was a thumb sucker, my little sister was a pacifier user. I remember having to work on stopping sucking my thumb... I think I was at least 7, whereas my parents just had to successfully get rid of all the pacifiers for my sister.
This is very interesting and a similar explanation to what my doctor gave me with DS2 (7 years ago) as to why they now schedule c-sections at 39 weeks vs. 38 weeks with DS1 (13 years ago) because dates can vary and that last week of development is so important!
With my first he was 40w 4d when he came in his own. But I had scheduled an induction for 40w 6d. #2 came on his own at 38 weeks more than likely due to a placental abruption. And #3 was an induction at 38 weeks due to her failing her BPP. I wish now I would have had them do more monitoring because being induced was really awful after two spontaneous labors, both physically and mentally. Possibly more so mentally. And she was perfectly fine, so it felt like I was induced for no reason. This time around i feel like there will be a lot of pressure for me to induce early because of all the autoimmune stuff. But from what I can gather through research it shouldn't be the sole reason to induce.
*Live, Love, Laugh, Learn*
I got distracted by the interesting convos and forgot I had questions of my own - I am wanting to initially get a nanny for LO because daycare in the winter makes me nervous (my area has had terrible flu outbreaks the last several years). I am thinking I want to keep LO at home until 10-12 months (my mat leave is 16 weeks so he’ll be roughly 4 months). Our friends who were recently chosen by a birth mom have a baby due in early October and are suggesting a nanny share.
How far in advance do you pick a nanny?
Any experience with nanny shares?
@zamora_spin I'm still on two childcare waiting lists, so my plan B is to hire a nanny. The combo of me and MH will be home with her until mid-November, so I planned to start looking for a nanny in mid-July. From what I understand, that far in advance is still a bit early. If I have no luck, then I'm going to try again first of October. I plan to use care.com, a private nanny FB group that a friend recommended, and perhaps NextDoor.
I would love to do a nanny share but we don't have any friends with kids that live close enough to us to make that feasible. (I am still open to meeting someone new that may want to.) I have thought about it a lot, including what I would include in an agreement (because I can't not be an attorney) with another family: Hours, how costs will be split, who will be providing tax service, paid holidays and sick time, how family vacations will be handled, what supplies each family will provide, who will host, etc.
And putting as much contractual stuff in writing as possible is so important (it doesn’t have to be notarized or anything, just agreed to and signed), between all parties involved (two families + nanny). Same goes if it’s just a solo family + nanny.
@allycat11 I was a thumb/finger sucker ...until about age 16. Whoops. I do not think I did it in public after about age 3-4, and only then occasionally. I only did it for sleep until 16ish. For another few years, I still woke up with my thumb in my mouth, sometimes. My teeth were as straight as could be. My parents did try to get me to take a pacifier but it never took.
We did it with DS#1 with 2 families, and I was miserable, one of the moms was impossible to work with, very demanding, while pretending to be easy going. I would start to give examples, but I'm not sure I could stop, and you don't want to listen to a tirade.
Now we are doing it again with DS#2, same nanny but different families, and it is so much better. I knew these families better before we started, and knew both moms were fairly easy going, and it's so easy to work with them. The only annoying thing - we pay our nanny on a sliding scale so every hour she is paid based on how many kids she has that hour. We use her full time, but my friends are both part time, and never know what their schedule is going to be until that week, so sometimes often I have to remind them at the end of the week to add their time to our joint tracking sheet so I can calculate the total.
As others said, make sure to hash out all the details before you start so everyone knows their responsibilities. If you want some more boring details on the agreement we have you can PM me.
I have no recollection of what I was going to say to anyone at this point...but it was a super interesting read!
Oh!
Pacifiers vs thumbs....my brother and sister both had pacifiers. I was a thumb sucker and refused the pacifier. Mom says I was WAY more difficult. At first she thought it was great, because I couldn't lose or drop my thumb. But then she couldn't take it away either. They tried all sorts of things to get me to stop. I remember trying too, but sometimes at like..7or8 years old, I wouldn't be able to fall asleep and would end up sucking my thumb. Where as the parents just took away the soothers from my siblings.
Also, I dated a guy who was 24 and still sucked his thumb 😂😂. (I'm a terrible person, but I totally judged him....)
Anyway...I hadn't thought about it until this thread came up, but I'll probably discourage thumb sucking with this little one.