Monday B*fest 5/13

Allycat11 · May 2019

My mom came out here Friday for the first time since December. She lives 1.5 hours away, is in great health, is retired and has more money than she knows what to do with so no legit excuse for not visiting. At lunch she was scrolling her phone and talking about everything on it when she realized she was asked to volunteer this coming friday. After a long time of complaining about how she did not want to she told me she plans to tell them she can't because she is babysitting her grandchildren that day. She repeated this to me numerous times and at one point said, "who know, maybe I will even come visit! Nah, I really want to work in my garden."

Now I don't mind being someone's excuse but I can count on 1 hand the amount of times she has babysat in the past 6.5 years and again she had not seen her grandkids in 5 freaking months!!! DS who is 3 literally has no idea who she is. She is probably not happy that I did not give her a sappy happy mothers day post but in my opinion you need to earn that. She is not a mom who set a great example, taught me how to nurture others and will drop everything for her family.

mkrel · May 2019

@Allycat11 have you ever asked her why she doesn’t visit more often? Has she always tended to be selfish?

Allycat11 · May 2019

@mkrel she has always been very selfish but is completely unaware of it. I have called her out on her lack of involvement numerous times and her excuse is that she is just so busy. She really is the busiest retired person I know but everything she does is her choice. Once a week she visits her parents, the rest of the time she is tied up with sporting events, geocaching with friends, brunch or coffee dates, random events/fundraisers at the university she attended, volunteering at a childrens garden at the university, etc... She regularly insults her friends/family members who are busy seeing their grandkids every week. For years I tried to make an effort for her to be close to my family but eventually decided it was not worth it. I keep my distance now but when crap like this happens it still stings.

mkrel · May 2019

Sorry @Allycat11. 😞 it is clearly a matter of her priorities and I agree, even if you chose to keep your distance, it still hurts.

agpandme · May 2019

If everyone could stop asking me, "How do you feel?"...That would be great. I know they mean well but I really hate repeating myself. I feel totally fine! Wouldn't even know I was pregnant if it weren't for the bump and the kicking.

agpandme · May 2019

@Allycat11 You likely already know this. People make time for what is important to them. Her being "busy" is not an excuse for anything. She is making time for what is important to herself.

My sister (O) does the same thing and its why I haven't spoken to her in nearly a year. Family is not her priority even though she has a 1.5 year old daughter and I'm not going to be a part of her life if she doesn't want to be a part of mine. I don't get to see my niece (sisters choice) which shatters my heart because family is everything to me. My other sister (M) has been trying to give our sister (O) a chance to make a change. She was invited this past weekend to attend my other nieces (Ms kid) birthday party. A week before sister O said she "accidentally" booked a horse show on the same day even though they made these plans months in advance. So she (O) didn't show up to the party. She has done this same stuff to me (including saying she would pick me up on her way to see our dying father but bailing last minute and ditching her infant daughter every other second so she can ride or go to a horse show. She once left her for 3 weekends in a row and only saw her at night for those 3 weeks M-F because she was busying riding) for several years until I finally let her go. Anyway enough about my silly sister!. Family is great!

agpandme · May 2019

Also...wedding this saturday and the forecast says 90% rain! Its a beautiful setting over looking the ocean on a sea cliff in a field with a barn. I need to get a new umbrella I suppose.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · May 2019

I had a fabulous Monday, but this Tuesday is leaving a lot to be desired. I’m just in a pissy mood.

Got news that my grandma had a wreck yesterday (hit the light pole in their yard). She’s okay I guess, but doesn’t remember what happened. Her memory is failing and I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or what, but I’m really taking it hard. I shut my office door and bawled like a baby. I just saw her Saturday and she seemed to be doing good. It’s probably past time for her to stop driving.

My house is a flippin’ mess and I cannot clean for long periods of time. DH is super busy trying to build his business, which I appreciate. I may have to break down and hire a cleaning person before the baby comes.

DH and I don’t see eye-to-eye on how much I should “work” on maternity leave. And I use that term very loosely because all I plan to do is check email periodically. He doesn’t understand I need to stay abreast of issues so I’m not completely lost when I return.

Here’s the kicker, I got two pieces of fabulous news today: passed the GD test and got an “exceptional” annual review. So I should be happy. I don’t understand me sometimes. Thanks for listening.

agpandme · May 2019

@thirdtimesacharm2019 Congrats on your review! Its always good to be recognized for being outstanding. I am sorry to hear about your grandma. Perhaps it is time for someone to talk to her about not driving anymore for her own safety as well as others.

My wednesday bitch is that I just ran into a friend of mine at the store. We had a long conversation about each others families and stuff. One thing she said really disturbed me. She noted that she sees my niece (18 months old) with literally EVERYONE except her own mother. This niece belongs to the sister I do not speak to because of the way she treats her family members and because of how she is so disconnected from her own child. To hear that nothing has changed and this baby is still out and about with whomever my sister chooses to watch her is just not okay. That baby should be with her mom but my sister is too busy living her own life.

aukeev · May 2019

My Thursday bitch is that the hierarchy at my agency is ridiculous. We're an agency of 500+ employees, so it's necessary to a certain degree, but it also causes so much unnecessary internal drama.

My direct supervisor is my unit director, and her supervisor is our entire department director (then CEO is above her). My direct supervisor can't stand our department director, and is insistent that my team not have any voluntary contact with our department director.

Yesterday I attended a professional development conference on some major changes coming to Facebook (I'm a social media/communications manager) and our department director was supposed to attend, but got pulled into another meeting and had to miss it. I pass her office to get to mine in the mornings, so she caught me on my way in and asked how it was. We discussed and she mentioned it would be great if I could find some conferences/webinars/other opportunities to get ahead of the curve. Afterward I sent a list of some training opportunities I would like to pursue to stay abreast of the update. I copied my direct supervisor, because she requires we copy her on all communication with our department director. She then came into my office and told me not to talk to or email our department director about those kind of things, even after I explained it was just following an in-person conversation we just had.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · May 2019

@oklahomak ugh. How childish! And it’s your supervisor so what can you do?!

thirdtimesacharm2019 · May 2019

I think this is week 4 of the roofing saga. Although the noise has subsided a bit, apparently the “best” (read cheapest) way to remove layers of old tar is with gasoline. I can smell it in my office. And I don’t have a laptop so I cannot easily move. If I wasn’t swamped I’d just take the rest of the day off. Ugh.

aukeev · May 2019

@thirdtimesacharm2019 Yep. It's just ridiculous that two women in their 40's are still so immature.

They have to remove the tar with gasoline?! That is insane (and also seems like it would be a fire/toxic chemical hazard?)!

thirdtimesacharm2019 · May 2019

@oklahomak it’s pretty crazy. And this roofing crew looks like your classic Marlboro man... hoping one doesn’t light up a cigarette 🔥

aukeev · May 2019

@mkrel I hope they carry good insurance...

MamaK225 · May 2019

@Allycat11 - Are you sure our mother isn't the same person!?

Mine has been retired for nearly 20 years. TWENTY. (one of the few perks of military life) I've only recently seen her more than once a year because I told her she needs to shit-or-get-off-the-pot as far as her relationships with my sister and me. She goes on 4-6 cruises a year - and mainly places she's already been to numerous times - and is overly involved in her local yacht club Which is a glorified redneck yacht club with some middle- and upper-middle class members, no true "yachts" (this is said tongue-in-cheek because mom grew up in a two-worker household and both parents were public servants because that's what was required to support raising the 4 kids in New England). Anyway, the ONLY time we were able to see her is if WE go down to her place in Florida. That's a 16-hr drive for my sister and 9-ish for me and we both have young children. And her boyfriend is awful and a total mooch (he made a comment one year that the electric bill was going to be "so high" for the one week that we were all there for Christmas; shut up, bozo, you don't pay for shit as it is with your no-income-having self), so add that to everything, we had to put our collective feet down.

Well, fast forward to now and the impending birth of granddaugther #4, and she's asking when she can come to help out/visit. I had to figure out her cruise schedule (DR for the 3rd time in 2 years and PR again) plus her schedule for some regional Yacht Club gathering [eye roll] and we settled on somewhere around Halloween. I'll be having a RCS on 8/9 or 8/14. By 10 weeks, life will have normalized

Anyway, I offered to break my "rule" about no visitors within the first month and suggested she come the 3rd full week of August. Thankfully, she's coming alone so it should be somewhat enjoyable and DH will have gone back to work so it'll give me some companionship so I don't climb up the walls like last time

FX it's a smooth visit.

ETA: So TL;DR: mom is retired and fully capable, but I have to work around her "busy" schedule to come up for a visit to meet her newest grandchild.

thirdtimesacharm2019 · May 2019

@MamaK225 I put my dad on travel restrictions from mid July to mid August because he’s the only family we have in town to help with the older boys. He would probably schedule something and not even think about it. As for DHs parents, I’ll be surprised if they see the kid before he’s five years old. Their loss. My kids really got shafted in the grandparent department.

MamaK225 · May 2019

Sorry to hear @thirdtimesacharm2019, but glad you have your dad for such great support. I remember reading about his help and support in another thread a long time ago and he reminds me so much of my FIL, however, he lives 1000+ miles away (and me and DH keep trying EVERYTHING to get him to come out this way). It is really tough being on an "island," far away from family.

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Monday B*fest 5/13

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