People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
How I feel all of the time.
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
Re: Monday B*fest 5/13
Now I don't mind being someone's excuse but I can count on 1 hand the amount of times she has babysat in the past 6.5 years and again she had not seen her grandkids in 5 freaking months!!! DS who is 3 literally has no idea who she is. She is probably not happy that I did not give her a sappy happy mothers day post but in my opinion you need to earn that. She is not a mom who set a great example, taught me how to nurture others and will drop everything for her family.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
My sister (O) does the same thing and its why I haven't spoken to her in nearly a year. Family is not her priority even though she has a 1.5 year old daughter and I'm not going to be a part of her life if she doesn't want to be a part of mine. I don't get to see my niece (sisters choice) which shatters my heart because family is everything to me. My other sister (M) has been trying to give our sister (O) a chance to make a change. She was invited this past weekend to attend my other nieces (Ms kid) birthday party. A week before sister O said she "accidentally" booked a horse show on the same day even though they made these plans months in advance. So she (O) didn't show up to the party. She has done this same stuff to me (including saying she would pick me up on her way to see our dying father but bailing last minute and ditching her infant daughter every other second so she can ride or go to a horse show. She once left her for 3 weekends in a row and only saw her at night for those 3 weeks M-F because she was busying riding) for several years until I finally let her go. Anyway enough about my silly sister!. Family is great!
Got news that my grandma had a wreck yesterday (hit the light pole in their yard). She’s okay I guess, but doesn’t remember what happened. Her memory is failing and I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or what, but I’m really taking it hard. I shut my office door and bawled like a baby. I just saw her Saturday and she seemed to be doing good. It’s probably past time for her to stop driving.
My house is a flippin’ mess and I cannot clean for long periods of time. DH is super busy trying to build his business, which I appreciate. I may have to break down and hire a cleaning person before the baby comes.
DH and I don’t see eye-to-eye on how much I should “work” on maternity leave. And I use that term very loosely because all I plan to do is check email periodically. He doesn’t understand I need to stay abreast of issues so I’m not completely lost when I return.
Here’s the kicker, I got two pieces of fabulous news today: passed the GD test and got an “exceptional” annual review. So I should be happy. I don’t understand me sometimes. Thanks for listening.
My wednesday bitch is that I just ran into a friend of mine at the store. We had a long conversation about each others families and stuff. One thing she said really disturbed me. She noted that she sees my niece (18 months old) with literally EVERYONE except her own mother. This niece belongs to the sister I do not speak to because of the way she treats her family members and because of how she is so disconnected from her own child. To hear that nothing has changed and this baby is still out and about with whomever my sister chooses to watch her is just not okay. That baby should be with her mom but my sister is too busy living her own life.
My direct supervisor is my unit director, and her supervisor is our entire department director (then CEO is above her). My direct supervisor can't stand our department director, and is insistent that my team not have any voluntary contact with our department director.
Yesterday I attended a professional development conference on some major changes coming to Facebook (I'm a social media/communications manager) and our department director was supposed to attend, but got pulled into another meeting and had to miss it. I pass her office to get to mine in the mornings, so she caught me on my way in and asked how it was. We discussed and she mentioned it would be great if I could find some conferences/webinars/other opportunities to get ahead of the curve. Afterward I sent a list of some training opportunities I would like to pursue to stay abreast of the update. I copied my direct supervisor, because she requires we copy her on all communication with our department director. She then came into my office and told me not to talk to or email our department director about those kind of things, even after I explained it was just following an in-person conversation we just had.
They have to remove the tar with gasoline?! That is insane (and also seems like it would be a fire/toxic chemical hazard?)!
Mine has been retired for nearly 20 years. TWENTY. (one of the few perks of military life) I've only recently seen her more than once a year because I told her she needs to shit-or-get-off-the-pot as far as her relationships with my sister and me. She goes on 4-6 cruises a year - and mainly places she's already been to numerous times - and is overly involved in her local yacht club Which is a glorified redneck yacht club with some middle- and upper-middle class members, no true "yachts" (this is said tongue-in-cheek because mom grew up in a two-worker household and both parents were public servants because that's what was required to support raising the 4 kids in New England). Anyway, the ONLY time we were able to see her is if WE go down to her place in Florida. That's a 16-hr drive for my sister and 9-ish for me and we both have young children. And her boyfriend is awful and a total mooch (he made a comment one year that the electric bill was going to be "so high" for the one week that we were all there for Christmas; shut up, bozo, you don't pay for shit as it is with your no-income-having self), so add that to everything, we had to put our collective feet down.
Well, fast forward to now and the impending birth of granddaugther #4, and she's asking when she can come to help out/visit. I had to figure out her cruise schedule (DR for the 3rd time in 2 years and PR again) plus her schedule for some regional Yacht Club gathering [eye roll] and we settled on somewhere around Halloween. I'll be having a RCS on 8/9 or 8/14. By 10 weeks, life will have normalized Anyway, I offered to break my "rule" about no visitors within the first month and suggested she come the 3rd full week of August. Thankfully, she's coming alone so it should be somewhat enjoyable and DH will have gone back to work so it'll give me some companionship so I don't climb up the walls like last time FX it's a smooth visit.
ETA: So TL;DR: mom is retired and fully capable, but I have to work around her "busy" schedule to come up for a visit to meet her newest grandchild.
Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count
IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM
IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice
FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil)
ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day)
FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok)
FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)
Me - anovulatory, non-Insulin PCOS, DH - low end of "normal" sperm count
IUI#1 - 02/15 - Cancelled due to scrubbed sperm count <1MM
IVF#1 - 08/15 - 13x5-day blastocysts (ranging from AA-BB, most are 5 or 6), not PGS, on ice
FET#1 - 10/15 - 1 emb - BFP (DD 07/16) (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#2 - 07/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#3 - 08/17 - 1 emb - BFN (estrace + PIO sesame oil + prometrium)
FET#4 - 10/17 - 2 emb - BFN (changed to estrace + prometrium because of allergic reaction to PIO sesame oil)
ERA Testing - 12/17 - window moved (-1 day)
FET#5 - 03/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
Karyotype Testing - 04/18 - Negative (we're ok)
FET#6 - 06/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#7 - 10/18 - 2 emb - BFN (estrace + prometrium, ERA-timing used)
FET#8 - 11/18 - 2 emb - BFP; looks like one baby is going to make it, DD is due 8/16 (though likely to be 8/9)