July 2019 Moms

Ask a STM+ Questions May

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Re: Ask a STM+ Questions May

  • hakelehakele member
    If you are my boss and you go into labor at work, you finish the job interview you are conducting. Haha. The guy was a trained paramedic and was like, “Are you okay?” And she was all, “Yeah, just having this tightness in my stomach.” He was like, “I’m pretty sure you’re in labor.” And she said, “I’ll be fine.” She finished the job interview and then headed home. She lived like 5 minutes away. She went home and called her husband. He came home and they went to the hospital like 4 hours later.  
    I worry for you gals with the hour long commutes. I couldn’t imagine. I’m going to work up until I go into labor and ignore it happens during the work day, no big deal, my office is about a 3 ft walk from the bedroom. And half the time right now, I work from bed because it’s is so much more comfortable. I’m so thankful that this is the situation that I have. 
  • @foodislove dd will be in summer camp during the day. Dh will pick up her in the evening/deal with dogs and they will come back to the hospital. Hopefully it's only a 2 night/3 day stay and dd will sleep with dh on the pull out. 
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  • @hakele I'm worried because depending on what time I go into labor, it could be a difference of 20min to the hospital to over an hour. DC traffic is terrible! 

    @asupernovablizzardstorm If we end up with the scheduled c-sec, M will be in daycare until 5pm, then MIL will pick him up and bring him to see R. We aren't sure whether or not DH will go home during that period, I needed a lot of help last time, but it was also a different hospital.
  • hakelehakele member
    @foodislove that is why we are going to the hospital that we did select. It is always a reliable 15-20 minute drive. 
    The super nice hospital that I would LOVE to deliver at is gorgeous and they also have a birth center. I was offered the option to go to that midwifery instead of the hospital. But, again, depending on the time of day, I couldn't imagine driving down there. At 4 am, it is a 20-minute drive. At normal times of the day, it is just too crazy. It could be an hour to an hour and a half. Umm... no thanks! Imagine how bad you could stall out in a stressful drive like that. 
    Of course, the midwifery is opening their birth center at my hospital in September. I don't think I'll hold out that long.  hahaha. 
  • With my first, we told my parents once we were admitted to the hospital, so that they could take off work and drive up (two hours away at the time). I texted them to tell them that I was about to start pushing and they started calling me and my husband repeatedly... like over and over again 15 times! Apparently, they were lost (even though I sent them directions in advance). I was so mad about it. Honestly, I still get mad thinking about it. My husband almost missed the birth of our first child because he got locked out in the hallway trying to give them directions. 

    This time, my parents will be watching our daughter and we live in the same house (they are remodeling their house) so there is no way for them not to know. However, I will be turning both of our phones off while I push. Less information is best.

  • @hakele Bummer on missing out on the new maternity ward! But I understand. We don't have enough hospitals to really have options based on commute. This hospital is closest to my work, has a level IV NICU, and overall the better recommended of the two hospitals we are near (we're sort of in the middle between the two). 
  • Where are you all planning on keeping your sterilized bottles/pump parts/drying racks?

    We are in a multi generational household already, and I do not want anything sterilized to be stored in our kitchen for a variety of reasons - a few being MIL's continued insistence on washing raw meat before cooking and use of Windex as the preferred cleaner of surfaces (I know.... I've tried several times).

    I'm up on the CDC guidelines for bottle cleaning, so I'm all over that part. Just not sure where to keep everything afterwards. 

    I'd love to hear what you all plan to do! 
  • key33key33 member
    @keebler6elf - I kept the drying racks on the kitchen counter. I kept clean bottles on their own shelf in a kitchen cabinet. When I did pump I kept the clean parts in a bag with my pump in the bedroom.
  • CbeanzCbeanz member
    @keebler6elf I hear you on the old people washing raw meat and cleaning with ammonia! Ugh! I keep sterilized bottles/parts upside down on the kitchen counter but when we have other ppl staying with us I move them to the counter in the laundry room which is on the main floor.

    Another idea is in a designated kitchen cabinet shelf? Or on top of the fridge?
  • Bear14+Bear14+ member
    Gosh I seem so different... I tell immediate family and then really don't care what extended family members they choose to tell. I also end up telling my friends because it's nice to text them while I'm there. I've had some pretty boring labors because I get an epidural. I like texting my friends! I also don't really mind if anyone visits me while I'm in labor. My SIL, my mom, my good friend have all visited for both of my labors. In fact, my friend ended up being there when it was time to push and my husband gave her his phone to record it and that's one of my favorite videos. My mom was there for both of my deliveries... she's tasked with taking pictures so my husband doesn't have to worry about it... I guess I just don't really mind visitors at any point. 
  • @Bear14+ my mom was with us when my first was born and she was also tasked with taking pictures. She captured some amazing memories for us and I absolutely love having those pictures. She was suppose to be with us when my second was born, but they asked her to leave the room so I could get my epidural, and DS had other plans. He was born too quick and we didn’t have time to call her back to the room. We plan to have her in the room with us this time as well. 

    Im like @nerdtoyourmother in terms of visitors at the hospital. I would rather have people come there for a quick visit, than at home. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • keebler6elfkeebler6elf member
    edited May 2019
    @Cbeanz I was thinking about that... If the drying rack is inside a kitchen cabinet, then it would be pretty protected by any sort of sprays and splashes. 

    We will also have a rolling cart as part of our nursery furniture. I was thinking it would be mostly for diaper changing supplies, but maybe that's another option. It would also get the sterilized bottles and parts entirely out of the kitchen. 
  • I'm a little worried about the 30 min drive to the hospital😫 But it's the closest one to us. I went to a birth center with my first 2, which was 15-20 min away. My labors both progressed really fast, I just got stuck at the pushing part (5.5 hours with the first, 3.5 and an emergency c-section with the second). However with my second I didn't realize I was in labor because I was having so many Braxton Hicks. By the time we got to the birth center I was already 7 cm, fully effaced and began pushing about an hour later! My Mom's 3rd was born unexpectedly at home because she came too fast, and my sister had her third an hour after getting to the hospital. I would be glad for a quick and easy delivery, but at the same time I'd like to avoid having my baby in the car😮 I jokingly tell my husband to just keep driving if that happens because I had to be transferred by ambulance to the hospital with both our girls. I'd also like to avoid the crazy expensive ambulance ride!!!
  • @kingdommom I'm really worried about a car baby too. With my last baby contractions were never regular or 5mins apart until my water broke. We left for the hospital immediately after, drive to the hospital was 15-20mins, baby was born 20mins after.

    We moved so we were already a bit farther from the hospital, then they changed delivery locations so now we are about 45mins away. 


    Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader.
    , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
  • @kingdommom @nopegoat I’m about 8 minutes from my hospital and all of a sudden you both have me scared lol. 
  • key33key33 member
    @kingdommom - This has been a huge fear since my first. My first two labors were both so fast, I've been told any sign of contractions that are getting regular to head to the hospital. They have never felt like anything more than BH before my water breaks.

    My first was born about 4 hours after my water broke. My water broke at home because up until then, I just thought I had BH. When I called, they told me to take my time and get to the hospital. Needless to say, things escalated quickly,  and it was a very painful drive in rush hour to the hospital, DD was born within 2 hours.  With my second, we were worried about another quick labor, and I had a membrane sweep. I came home walked the dog around the block and that triggered frequent contractions and I headed to the hospital. My midwife broke my water in the hospital and DS was born less than two hours later.

    Needless to say, with number 3 if my water breaks outside the hospital I hope I make it. Our hospital is a 15-30+ minute drive depending on traffic.
  • Ok STM's were you pregnant with your first on Mother's Day? If so did your SO do anything for you? Is it ridiculous to think mine should? I'm kind of hoping my hubby does but have a feeling it's not even a thought in his mind...
  • @firsttimemommy0719 I was with M, and I didn't expect my husband to do anything. I was very surprised when my MIL did! She gave me $100 and told me to go buy myself some nice maternity clothes because she knows how expensive it can be to get a whole new wardrobe (I was 4.5mo atm). DH did NOT do anything, and I didn't do anything for Father's Day either. I would suggest that if you really want him to do something, let me know you'd love a small (or large) gesture. I know I have to tell my DH exactly what I want/am expecting or he'll be clueless. I use to be upset that he couldn't figure it out on his own, but I'm much happier now and he delivers consistently. <3 
  • CbeanzCbeanz member
    @firsttimemommy0715 I was pregnant with my first on mother's day and I didn't expect anything bc I didn't feel like I was even close to being a mother yet. My MIL gave me a gift and card, so did my sister. It made me feel like a fraud - I didn't know the first thing about motherhood. DH didn't do anything but I didn't want anything either.

    It might not occur to him unless you say something. It hadn't occurred to me!
  • @firsttimemommy0719 I was, didn't expect anything and my husband didn't do anything either. If you'd like to celebrate, I would just mention that you're excited that this is your first mother's day and see what he says/does. I find that most men need some explicit direction there and that surprise thoughtfulness is less likely to happen.
  • @Bear14+ I was thinking the same thing about myself.  I'd much rather have the visitors at the hospital and me get a few days at home before people start coming over to visit.  (Not including my mom or husbands mom they are allowed to come when they want as long as they know I might not look great and/or might be sleeping).  I do not mind visitors.  I feel fortunate that there are people who love me and want to be around my baby.  Growing up I didn't have that from outside family and friends of my parents.  I want my kids to feel all the love all the time even if it inconveniences me (and boy does it sometimes :wink: )
  • @foodislove How sweet of your MIL! Mine sometimes forgets what day my bday lol. I can totally relate to being upset when he cant read my mind lol. We've been married 5 years now and I still havent learned to be ok with him just not knowing what I want lol. I guess I'm still a work in progress 

    @Cbeanz I definitely dont know anything about being a mom yet but I dont know I guess I just feel like the little life inside of me has made me a mom and I want to celebrate that fact! 

    @mamanbebe I actually mentioned something yesterday how it was a weird feeling that this is my first Mother's Day and even though our little girl isnt here yet I still feel like she's made me a mom. He said he agreed but didnt say much else lol. And yes surprise thoughtfulness doesnt occur very much with my hubby lol
  • @firsttimemommy0715 I found out a few days after mother's day that I was pregnant with DD. We had been trying for a few months. SO took me on a weekend trip over mother's day that year. He didn't bring up the fact that it was mother's day since we didn't know we were pregnant yet and I think he was trying to distract me from being sad. There were babies EVERYWHERE we went that weekend and I was not in the best of moods because of it. I blamed my pissy mood on pregnancy hormones when we found out I was pregnant a few days later. SO hasn't missed a mother's day since. We don't do big gifts or big gestures in our relationship but he always does something sweet for me:)
  • CbeanzCbeanz member
    @firsttimemommy0715 The little life inside you has definitely made you a mom!  And if you would like to celebrate Mother's Day you absolutely deserve to!  I think most husbands need to explicitly hear expectations, at least the first time.

    I wasn't implying that women don't become true mothers until the baby is out - so I'm sorry if it sounded that way.  Personally, I was just not a maternal person prior to my baby being on the outside for quite some time.  I wasn't ready to identify as someone's mother.  3 babies later (and 4th one on the way), motherhood has consumed my life and all but defined me as a person.
  • I have never actually received a gift for Mother's Day. I can't stress enough that being a school teacher in America and getting my degree has meant that we have been dirt poor for nearly all of our relationship and for every single Mother's day we have been BROKE because of weird unexpected expenses that have come up out of the blue. We were moving (4 of the last 5 years), or the dogs got picked up by animal control and it cost $100 each to get them out, or my mom was diagnosed with cancer and we had to pay her bills, or the aid we were receiving was cut off, or....

    I am NOT complaining. We have made do and made it by sticking together and counting on each time and again. DH is always thoughtful, and will make me breakfast, and do whatever he can to make the day about me in every way.  And I think I might actually be getting a present this year. I sent my DH a pic of the original model fitbit and said if we had enough money I would like it for Mother's Day. Well looking at some other stuff from Amazon I think I may have glimpsed that the fitbit was ordered. I am not sure though, and I do not want to peek again.
  • cindlercindler member
    @firsttimemommy0715 FTM here. I don't  necessarily expect anything, but I have approached the mother's/father's day conversation as an opportunity to discuss traditions growing up and how DH and I want to celebrate. That kind of a conversation is a great way to explicitly tell him what you want, but also gives your SO the chance to say what he wants too. It's good to have that conversation go both ways. Some parents want to celebrate with their kids, some want a day away to spend time alone, for example. 

    Personally, the idea of sleeping as late as possible and having a whole day where I'm not on kid duty, unless I want to be, sounds great!
  • @Panaceia Isnt it funny how babies are everywhere when you decide to start a family. I never really noticed that much until we decided to start trying. Then it was like BOOM babies everywhere lol. We aren't into big gifts either. We usually spend less than $100 on each other for Christmas.  We like to save our money for other things and we really just enjoy doing things together. 

    @Cbeanz No worries! I was just explaining why I felt how I feel. Everyone is different for sure! I feel like maybe because we waited a little longer than friends our age my maternal instinct has gotten stronge . Who knows lol

    @indulgentgypsy I can totally understand! My mom is a school teacher so I totally get it. American school teachers are horrifically under paid and under appreciated. BUT so necessary!! Love that your DH has made you breakfast that's so sweet! That kind of thoughtfulness means so much to me. Fingers crossed you get the Fitbit!!

    @cindler That's a great idea of how to approach the subject. We grew up very differently so the traditions that we are each used to are so vastly different. That does sound like a perfect way to spend Mothers Day!
  • key33key33 member
    @firsttimemommy0715 - I was about a month pregnant with my first on Mothers day. I never expected anything, but my husband did get me a mother to be card and something small. 
  • DD is having some friends over tomorrow so in honour of mother's day we are going to bake and decorate a bunch of cupcakes for them to take home to their parents and maybe paint some pictures or make some cards. Her friends normally get dropped off here for 6 to 8 hours so I'm trying to find things to keep them occupied so they don't start fighting.
  • hakelehakele member
    @Panaceia Another idea for you, my mom would get a few cheap terra cotta pots and some petunias and then she would give us sharpies to decorate the pots. They decorate the pots and then plant a flower in it for mom. Like a 3-4" pot. 
  • @hakele Oooh. Good idea. I'll see what I cam find at the store in the morning:)
  • My sister asked what I planned to do today. I had no good answer. I’ve had mother’s days before and gifts from my foster kids but this year no foster kid and no baby to hold yet. I know I’m in the ‘safe zone’ of viability but until my baby boy arrives, I just don’t want to count my chick before he hatches. 

    I think he’s doing a good job celebrating with me though! Since I woke up he’s been mobile and not in a painful way. It’s been wonderful. I love being able to interact with him.

    On the opposite side of the spectrum, my sister got in a fight with my mom saying technically Sunday was mother’s day And not to blame my dad for not doing anything yet. But then she went home to her husband and told him it’s Mother’s Day Weekend And got all entitles. They are EXACTLY the same personality but will fight you to the death about the truth in that. Lol. 

    Moral of the story though is I think we all get to celebrate however we want but it’s best not to place expectations on someone else without clearly stating what you want beforehand. It’ll only set you up for disappointment anyway. 
  • tsa208tsa208 member
    @Cbeanz I feel you. My MIL celebrated Mothers Day for me when I was pregnant, and it was sweet, but it just didn't mean anything to me. This Mother's Day is VERY different for me personally. I'm way more emotional, connected, nostalgic than when I was pregnant. I imagine we all feel differently!
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Those of you who travel for work, when do you plan to stop traveling, or when has your dr suggested you stop? Every other week I go to Orlando, which on a good day is a 1.5 hour drive, depending on traffic it could be 2 hours+, so about 3-4 hours round trip. Planning on asking my dr at my next visit, just wanted to see if others had been given any suggestions yet. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • @nolemomma14 I had been doing 4.5 to 6 hr road trips once a month (definitely not day trips). My OB said they would have to stop by week 34. My boss agreed that my last one would be week 30, so I won't be doing any more at this point. 
  • @nolemomma14 next week (30 weeks) I have to be in Switzerland Monday-Tuesday and London Thursday-Friday. I think I’m going to put my foot down and say those are the last trips. Both are relatively easy train rides (3 hours each way) but they really exhaust me.

    I tried to approach the subject with my doctor at my appointment last month and she just said if i still felt fine to go as long as I wanted and wear compression socks on airplanes...I was kind of hoping she would give me a no travel date! She also said for flying overseas (ie the US) to stop by 32 weeks. 
  • @keebler6elf @frenchbaby18 thank you both for your input. I’m scheduled to make the drive tomorrow, and then again at 33 and 35 weeks. I definitely won’t be doing it once I hit 36 weeks, just trying to decide if I should go at 35 weeks or not. I’m not really worried about going into labor then, it’s more so that it’s getting uncomfortable to be in that car for that long. I’ll see what my dr has to say about it
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • tsa208tsa208 member
    @nolemomma14 I have a 3 day trip 1.5 hours away by plane during week 35. My doc is okay with it. That's the latest I feel comfortable travelling. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @nolemomma14 it’s so true that the worry isn’t really labor but more long-term energy management!! Trips can be so exhausting even when not pregnant...comfort during and after and productivity post trip are all super important things to take into account!

    I’m hoping since I wrote that next week’s trips will be my last that I manage to stick to it :) 

    Good luck and tell us how it goes :)
  • @frenchbaby18 it’s definitely an energy suck! Mine are just fairly quick day trips, so you’re a trooper for traveling for days at a time. I hope your trips are the last of this pregnancy! 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
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