But I like to think about all the things labor these days even though I have PLENTY to do before that time comes. My question is, when did you tell people about the birth or labor?
MH and I don't live near family--so I kind of like the idea of waiting to announce until the LO arrives and then share the news. I'm not sure we will lie if someone texts during, but maybe be more vague and say something like "No baby yet" "Still waiting".
I just like to hear other people's stories. Obviously it might be different if induction or Csection comes into play.
@blackhottamales We always called our parents and texted siblings. Friends found out after the baby was born. Though with our second, I did text people and ask for prayer after the epidural because I needed an emergency c-section.
@blackhottamales I had a planned C, but we waited for a couple hours after DS' birth before texting our parents since there was a big transition from OR to recovery to our postpartum suite. The hospital also discouraged having people waiting there, so once we texted my parents came for a quick visit.
This time, we have a home birth planned and as of now we aren't planning on telling our parents that I'm birthing at home because we would like to avoid judgements and negative energy. We'll probably text or email a few hours after delivery so that we have time to chill before the bombardment of texts start.
We have no close family nearby either. Parents, siblings, and super close friends usually just get a text saying "today is the day! Heading to the hospital! Nothing on FB yet please!" H then is in charge of keeping those people updated throughout my labor when he can. Once the baby has arrived we text all those people first with a pic and details and once again reminding them to not put anything on FB, send anyone else that we deem important like other family or friends that should find before seeing it on social media a text. FB after we make sure the important people know. Once we are settled in our postpartum room we call parents to give them the rest of the details etc.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader. , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
The majority of our family is nearby. With my first, I waited until I was officially admitted to the hospital before letting them know. Wasn’t sure if I would be far enough along to be admitted or they would send me home. My mom and grandma were with us when the baby was born, and then they left the room to let everyone know in the waiting room, and give us time with with the baby before people came back to meet him.
My second was an induction, so I let everyone know the night before that I would be induced the next day. Once I was hooked up and ready to go, we let them know and I updated as things progressed.
If someone texts during labor I don't lie - I just answer don't it! Phone is off during labor!
People who post the play by play on social media or continually share updates via text or have a labor video stream on FB live or whatever - they have a different set of personal boundaries than I do!
I really wanted it to be just us with baby for delivery and the first night so we waited until I was 7cm to tell anyone! Even though our families were out of state, haha. Didn't want any surprise visits. Now our in-laws are two hours away and I honestly don't want to tell anyone until he's here.
With DD we originally didn't tell anyone. Labour was 27 hours so SO called his mom at some point (he didn't tell me) and then his sister who we don't talk to showed up with her partner half way through labour and somehow talked herself into my room (which I am still angry about). They were kicked out within a few minutes but I didn't want anyone there other than SO.
I ended up having an emergency C-section so SO called my mom at some point (which he also didn't tell me about) since there was a point where they weren’t sure we were going to make it.
This time we are having a RCS so we will tell our parents but that's all.
I’m Not a STM, but this is something I’ve thought about really extensively because I feel so passionately about it. We are not going to say anything to anyone until after she has been here for at least 24 hrs. There will be no visitors until we are home and settled. Of course, my parents are coming about a week after my due date, so I just really hope she isn’t that late!
I was induced with my first so everyone knew - I was super clear I didn’t want anyone coming to the hospital until after the baby arrived and we had the chance to spend some alone time with her. Welllll my MIL texted my husband while I was in labour about ready to push to say she was in the waiting room. So this time we’re only telling my parents because they’ll need to watch DD when I go in and after we have the baby my husband will go get our daughter to come meet him. Then once we’ve had some family time the rest of our families will be told he’s arrived but we’re requesting no visitors at all at the hospital this time since everyone we know basically came after I had DD and it was so overwhelming for me.
So from my experience I would recommend not telling anyone until after baby arrives!
I’m pretty sure baby dropped today. I’m 31+3 and everything I’m reading says baby is getting ready for delivery. How far along were all you STMs when your baby dropped and how long after did your labor start?
@mom2b77373 M never dropped which was part of the complications with his birth. They couldn't break my water since he hadn't dropped. I was induced at 40+2.
@blackhottamales We told our family and some close friends when we went into the hospital and semi kept them updated via text. We made it clear we were not to be bothered and we would let them know if there was something your know. We were in the hospital for 36hrs before we had my csec. We called parents only before I was rolled into OR because I was having an anxiety attack and wanted prayers. No one came to bother us at the hospital per our request (granted they were out of state but listened to our request to delay arrivals). We will probs do the same with this one as our family respect our boundaries and MIL will be watching M while we are at the hospital.
With #1 we checked into the hospital around 4am, started pitocin around 7, and thought it was 'go time' around 3pm. We told all 4 of our parents there would be a baby soon, so they came and camped out in the waiting room. 4 hours (and no progress) later, we decided on a C section that didn't ACTUALLY happen until 9pm. We made it to our room around midnight and all 4 rushed in to see the baby. I didn't even know what was happening. I was SOOOOO out of it. I know they had been waiting a long time, but come ON people! Give a mama some space!
With #2 (team green) we told them they would WAIT for permission to come. We had a leisurely time in recovery and felt settled in our room before they came (in shifts! not all at once!) and I felt so much more calm about it. (ETA We hadn't told them the gender or name until they each arrived at the hospital.)
I know this is different for different couples, but I actually LIKE for most people to come to see us at the hospital. I don't have to clean my house AND they don't tend to linger as long as they might in your home. Granted we don't have loads of extended family that are close and just a couple of our friends will probably come, but I like to 'get it over with' and have some relaxing time as a family when we're home.
FTM but I do have a share plan. I’m ‘lucky’ because I know no one will be coming that I don’t want. My mom is my de facto birth partner because I need my mommy lol. She’ll be here a few days before my due date if there are no signs of labor before that since she’s 4 hours away. My dad’ll follow her down when we tell him I’m in labor but not in the room and my sister will be there. She has a choice of being in the room but I don’t want to force her. Other than my doulas, that’s it at the hospital.
I plan to labor as as long as I can at home with my mom sister and doulas and while I’m in labor, I’ll tell Facebook because they’ve all supported my journey. I only keep my most important friends and family on there anyway. My doulas will be recording some stuff so I’ll post an official announcement when he’s here but I won’t be back to see most of my friends and family until days after he’s born. I’m going to organize a sip and see so that I’m not overwhelmed with people in the first few weeks and ask for no visitors. Being public about his arrival doesn’t mean I have to have people all up in his face. I feel like sharing pics will help hold them back a little while lol.
With my first, it lasted a LOOOOOONG time and people grew impatient. My boss actually was calling the hospital and pretending to be family to try and get an update. So inappropriate. They knew we were being induced and I found out (too late) that they expected updates. It was real annoying.
So with my second, I only told my mom because she needed to drive 6 hours to take care of our dog. Lol. Maybe my dad also so we could be equal opportunity about it.
It was a c/s and I was answering email while waiting - because what else do you do. But no one knew that’s where I was. Later, a couple clients figured it out which was fun.
This time, people know our date. But I don’t really intend to remind anyone to say “it’s happening”.
I was on the other end of it a few months ago when my sister had a planned-ish c-section and I was at my parents house.
Honestly they were so stressed the whole time waiting for her or her husband to text and it was causing me tons of stress too!! Realized that it may actually be kinder not to put everyone through that!! Plus from my side I will be stressed enough and don’t want to add anyone else’s stress! I actually never even told my parents that DD ended in an ECS ....just that she was here and we were all healthy.
@mom2b77373 I remember feeling like DD dropped maybe around 32 weeks but when I look back at pictures now I don't think she actually dropped until closer to 40. She was born at 40+2. I had a membrane sweep at 40+1 that ended up starting labour but they had to break my water during labour since it never broke on its own. I remember the last at least month waddling around feeling like she was way down there.
@mom2b77373 with my 3rd, baby dropped at 39 wk and suddenly it was easy to breathe again. I went into labor the next day. Also I could feel the head which freaked me out. I don't remember the dropping being noticeable with my first 2.
DD1: Only immediate family knew when I was in labor. It was a horribly long labor that resulted in a C/S. I don't remember much after having her other than my mom being mad that I told her to go home so I could sleep, it was after midnight. DD2, It was a 4 day induction and NO ONE told my mom; I had strict rules to who would know. My sisters were the only two until an hour before I started pushing. Thats when I called my mom and told her that if she wanted to be there, she needed to get to the hospital ASAP.
For this babe, we are doing a planned C/S. Everyone knows the date but we will not allow visitors until my other girls meet their sister and we have time as a family. I'm thinking dinner time since she will be born around 8am. It is your labor and recovery. Don't feel pressured to have anyone visit or waiting. Babies don't come on our time so they could be in the waiting room for a long time! I recommend telling everyone they will get a text when they are welcome to visit.
Adding: We only live near my parents and siblings. DH is military so everyone is no concern for when they know.
I have period like soreness but I’m pretty sure it’s not Braxton hicks. It’s more sore muscles from baby. He has this ‘fun’ thing he does where he drops from my belly button down to my pelvis like an anchor or boulder sinking into deep water.
The repetitiveness is kinda painful. Any STMs deal with this? Any way to ease the ache?
Leylea, period like pain and repetitiveness at this stage are red flags for preterm labor, so check with your care provider if they haven't stopped and if things like drinking water, taking a walk or bath, or lying down don't relieve them.
Last time we texted family and very close friends once we were settled in at the birth center. I don't recall if we updated when I transferred to the hospital (430am), or when the call for CS was made (I did call my mom then, and she came). Iirc DH updated his parents, but they didn't come until the next night. This time we are planning to be at home. Dh's parents will be caring for DS so will need to be kept updated. My plan is for then to drop him off asap after baby's arrival, but leave so we have time (at least several hours) as family first, and to rest, but DH wants them to stay... That's not happening, but we need to work through that conversation together or find someone else to care for DS. Haven't decided about when/who/how to let others know.
@Panaceia and @Cbeanz the white shirt was Thursday and the Black Friday. I’m not sure if she’s supposed to drop more but there is some difference. I experienced a lot of pressure as well. I see the dr on Tuesday and am not too too worried about is since I haven’t had any other symptoms. But now when I walk short distances my lower part of my belly gets hard and I get a slight cramp
@geoduck21 thanks. It’s not consistent enough to be preterm labor and there’s no tightening in my belly at all for contractions.
It only happens when he does the dropping thing. he’s been doing it for weeks when he falls asleep but this week he discovered his ability to navigate everywhere. Moving side to side and up and down more. And when he’s down there he kicks me repetitively. It’s almost more like a bruise on the inside of my tummy from how hard he kicks and sumo drops. It’s not all the way across my abdomen either pretty localized to the right side where the brunt of his force is targeted.
idk if any of that makes sense. But now that he’s backup by my belly button, I’m not in as much pain because there’s no pressure on it.
I'm a private person and we didn't tell anyone I was in labor (besides my job, since I went into labor there). Dh texted everyone after my CS which was like 2 am.
This time plan on waiting again until after he's here and dd gets to meet him.
@mom2b77373 You are so cute in those pics!!! You definitely look like you're carrying lower than before. Baby also looks bigger. You definitely could have dropped. When is your next appointment? Hopefully they'll be able to check you over and see if they are worried about early labour. Below is a pic of me the day I went into labour with DD (40+1). I had definitely dropped at this point but probably only a week before this pic.
We only let parents know when we were on our way and after. We made it clear we didn't want anyone at the hospital waiting for me to deliver.
With our first grandparents came that night a couple hours after delivery. DD was born at 8:15pm and was the first grandchild, everyone was excited. I had a quick labor and delivery, and was able to eat and shower before anyone visited. Our second was born at 9:15pm, no one came until the next day.
I’m sure when we have visitors will depend on what time of day LO is born. Everyone knows to wait until we give them the go ahead to come. No one has ever posted to social media until after we have.
I was induced so we let everyone know the plan, that it could take hours and hours so no point in coming to the hospital, and that we wanted that first 24 hours to ourselves anyways. We then let everyone know when she arrived (19 hours later).
STM, if you don't have family nearby, who is watching the older kiddos, especially if you are having a c-sec? MIL will be here in July as our backup now that she's moved to our area (about 30min away), but she's off to her family's place in Vermont for ALL of June. If this kid comes early... not sure who to turn to. We have friends we could definitely ask for a single overnight, but three or four days of me in the hospital? Not sure.
@foodislove. My parents are taking a long trip the end of June, out of state. If I go into labor it will be at least 24 hours until they can get back. I have two friends as back ups. I also have a third person, a paid sitter, in the event those friends cannot take my daughter.
My boys (9&11) will be in the waiting room during my csection. We live 45-60 minutes from the hospital so I don't want to leave them at home and we have no one to watch them.
@Panaceia thank you so much!! I see the dr tomorrow. I’m hoping she holds out till 36 weeks. Still no cramping, mucus plug, or spotting. However, when I walk I do get a lot of tightness and pressure in my uterus. She has for sure dropped. I do not feel her up in my ribs anymore. My appointment tomorrow is just a check up, I’m hoping to get a quick check to see if I am dilated though. Thank you so much for helping with my question
@foodislove this is a huge worry for me this time around. In the past we had the babies' grandparents watching them but due to some health issues they've said they're not able. We don't know our neighbors all that well yet. I've had some friends offer, but they live far enough away that I'm nervous about making it to the hospital in time. I wish we had a paid sitter that we trusted.
ETA: the plan for now is to drop them off at grandparents anyway. Which I really am afraid is not a good/safe idea for anyone involved. The older two will fend for themselves but the 2yo worries me. She's never slept anywhere but a crib and she can get hurt if she's not closely watched. This question keeps me up at night honestly.
@foodislove I’m leaving DD (3) at her best friend’s house (a few doors down). Definitely worried it will be long again and end in c section and don’t want to abuse the kindness of DD’s friend’s parents...but no family here so no choice!
Definitely will pay a babysitter or our ex-nanny to relieve them if things go over 24 hrs though...
@cindler I worked at doggie day care and when I first started having contractions I just texted dh to let him know I was having mild contractions and just kept working. A couple of hours passed and I couldn't stand for long. My boss called dh for me and told him I was in labor. Dh came 30 mins later and drove to the hospital which was only 5 mins from my job.
@Cbeanz, what if the grandparents babysat asking with a paid sitter to help with your youngest, especially? Even a "mother's helper" setup during the day might give her enough 1:1 attention.
@mom2b77373 I'm glad you have an appointment tomorrow. Make sure you talk to them about your concerns so you at least have some feedback. Sorry for not being super helpful:/ Hopefully they'll have some good advice/information for you tomorrow!
blackhottamales
member
Re: Ask a STM+ Questions May
But I like to think about all the things labor these days even though I have PLENTY to do before that time comes. My question is, when did you tell people about the birth or labor?
MH and I don't live near family--so I kind of like the idea of waiting to announce until the LO arrives and then share the news. I'm not sure we will lie if someone texts during, but maybe be more vague and say something like "No baby yet" "Still waiting".
I just like to hear other people's stories. Obviously it might be different if induction or Csection comes into play.
This time, we have a home birth planned and as of now we aren't planning on telling our parents that I'm birthing at home because we would like to avoid judgements and negative energy. We'll probably text or email a few hours after delivery so that we have time to chill before the bombardment of texts start.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
My second was an induction, so I let everyone know the night before that I would be induced the next day. Once I was hooked up and ready to go, we let them know and I updated as things progressed.
This time will probably be similar
People who post the play by play on social media or continually share updates via text or have a labor video stream on FB live or whatever - they have a different set of personal boundaries than I do!
I ended up having an emergency C-section so SO called my mom at some point (which he also didn't tell me about) since there was a point where they weren’t sure we were going to make it.
This time we are having a RCS so we will tell our parents but that's all.
Of course, my parents are coming about a week after my due date, so I just really hope she isn’t that late!
So from my experience I would recommend not telling anyone until after baby arrives!
@blackhottamales We told our family and some close friends when we went into the hospital and semi kept them updated via text. We made it clear we were not to be bothered and we would let them know if there was something your know. We were in the hospital for 36hrs before we had my csec. We called parents only before I was rolled into OR because I was having an anxiety attack and wanted prayers. No one came to bother us at the hospital per our request (granted they were out of state but listened to our request to delay arrivals). We will probs do the same with this one as our family respect our boundaries and MIL will be watching M while we are at the hospital.
With #2 (team green) we told them they would WAIT for permission to come. We had a leisurely time in recovery and felt settled in our room before they came (in shifts! not all at once!) and I felt so much more calm about it. (ETA We hadn't told them the gender or name until they each arrived at the hospital.)
I know this is different for different couples, but I actually LIKE for most people to come to see us at the hospital. I don't have to clean my house AND they don't tend to linger as long as they might in your home. Granted we don't have loads of extended family that are close and just a couple of our friends will probably come, but I like to 'get it over with' and have some relaxing time as a family when we're home.
I plan to labor as as long as I can at home with my mom sister and doulas and while I’m in labor, I’ll tell Facebook because they’ve all supported my journey. I only keep my most important friends and family on there anyway. My doulas will be recording some stuff so I’ll post an official announcement when he’s here but I won’t be back to see most of my friends and family until days after he’s born. I’m going to organize a sip and see so that I’m not overwhelmed with people in the first few weeks and ask for no visitors. Being public about his arrival doesn’t mean I have to have people all up in his face. I feel like sharing pics will help hold them back a little while lol.
So with my second, I only told my mom because she needed to drive 6 hours to take care of our dog. Lol. Maybe my dad also so we could be equal opportunity about it.
It was a c/s and I was answering email while waiting - because what else do you do. But no one knew that’s where I was. Later, a couple clients figured it out which was fun.
This time, people know our date. But I don’t really intend to remind anyone to say “it’s happening”.
I was on the other end of it a few months ago when my sister had a planned-ish c-section and I was at my parents house.
Honestly they were so stressed the whole time waiting for her or her husband to text and it was causing me tons of stress too!! Realized that it may actually be kinder not to put everyone through that!! Plus from my side I will be stressed enough and don’t want to add anyone else’s stress! I actually never even told my parents that DD ended in an ECS ....just that she was here and we were all healthy.
DD2, It was a 4 day induction and NO ONE told my mom; I had strict rules to who would know. My sisters were the only two until an hour before I started pushing. Thats when I called my mom and told her that if she wanted to be there, she needed to get to the hospital ASAP.
For this babe, we are doing a planned C/S. Everyone knows the date but we will not allow visitors until my other girls meet their sister and we have time as a family. I'm thinking dinner time since she will be born around 8am.
It is your labor and recovery. Don't feel pressured to have anyone visit or waiting. Babies don't come on our time so they could be in the waiting room for a long time! I recommend telling everyone they will get a text when they are welcome to visit.
Adding: We only live near my parents and siblings. DH is military so everyone is no concern for when they know.
The repetitiveness is kinda painful. Any STMs deal with this? Any way to ease the ache?
This time we are planning to be at home. Dh's parents will be caring for DS so will need to be kept updated. My plan is for then to drop him off asap after baby's arrival, but leave so we have time (at least several hours) as family first, and to rest, but DH wants them to stay... That's not happening, but we need to work through that conversation together or find someone else to care for DS. Haven't decided about when/who/how to let others know.
It only happens when he does the dropping thing. he’s been doing it for weeks when he falls asleep but this week he discovered his ability to navigate everywhere. Moving side to side and up and down more. And when he’s down there he kicks me repetitively. It’s almost more like a bruise on the inside of my tummy from how hard he kicks and sumo drops. It’s not all the way across my abdomen either pretty localized to the right side where the brunt of his force is targeted.
idk if any of that makes sense. But now that he’s backup by my belly button, I’m not in as much pain because there’s no pressure on it.
This time plan on waiting again until after he's here and dd gets to meet him.
With our first grandparents came that night a couple hours after delivery. DD was born at 8:15pm and was the first grandchild, everyone was excited. I had a quick labor and delivery, and was able to eat and shower before anyone visited. Our second was born at 9:15pm, no one came until the next day.
I’m sure when we have visitors will depend on what time of day LO is born. Everyone knows to wait until we give them the go ahead to come. No one has ever posted to social media until after we have.
ETA: the plan for now is to drop them off at grandparents anyway. Which I really am afraid is not a good/safe idea for anyone involved. The older two will fend for themselves but the 2yo worries me. She's never slept anywhere but a crib and she can get hurt if she's not closely watched. This question keeps me up at night honestly.
Definitely will pay a babysitter or our ex-nanny to relieve them if things go over 24 hrs though...