Questions for STM(+)’s - May Edition

nda_roxybabe · May 2019

@nomangos23 I always see the statistic as a bit higher than 10% However, if I were to poll my friends and their multiple births, the C section rate would not exceed 10%. I had to have a c section due to a baby who refused to drop (seriously, up in my ribs during labor), was positioned "Kattywhompus", heart rate was struggling, and because I was running a fever. I could've continue to labor, but Im certain it would've become a scary emergency and he would not have come out vaginally regardless.

LJMoon6 · May 2019

Question for STMs, or any FTMs that might know a little about benefits and HR. I am trying to verify my maternity leave, making sure I understand all of my options and the order they will be used in. HR is being an ass and not replying to my emails and the phone lines are always tied up. So in the meantime I’m asking you ladies what your experience has been.

I basically have 3 different options. First is the employer provided paid 6 weeks. Second is short term disability (STD). And third is my vacation and sick time. Do you HAVE to file for FMLA when you have a baby? Or is it only in order to use STD or the employer provided parental leave? I know if I file for FMLA there is a specific order I have to use my vacation and sick time in which I don’t like. I would rather not have to file for FMLA, if that’s an option. Also do you have to use up your vacation and sick time before STD will kick in (I’m sure this is state and benefit package dependent, but what was your experience)?

I’m trying to figure out if I can use STD first (it kicks in 2 weeks prior to EDD). That would last for 6-12 weeks PP (unsure about duration of this too). Then have my employer provided leave kick in (this just has to start sometime before 13 weeks after the birth, I get to pick the start time). Then use up some of my vacation and sick time, but not all of it (I don’t want to completely wipe myself out). Is this unrealistic lol?

themadcamel · May 2019

@LJMoon6 where I work (public school in IL), the only extended leave you can get is FMLA. You get up to 60 work days of leave and are guaranteed that your job will still be there for you when you return. In my district, you still get paid during that time for as many days that you have sick and personal days accrued. For example, if I only have 40 sick and personal days, I can take the full 60 days off; but they’ll only pay me for 40 days of that period. STD basically falls under the same category. I wouldn’t be able to take STD and a maternity leave because they are both covered under FMLA.

lillywonderland · May 2019

@LJMoon6 Thank you for reminding me! I need to make an appt with HR. Not looking forward to seeing her again because she made me cry when she sorta told me I was going to have to go on leave...at 5 weeks KU.

I don’t know about WI (is that where you are? Or is it MI?). I only have firsthand experience with CA while unemployed (long story, but my site shut down while I was PG so I had an extended pre-maternity leave).

In CA, we get STD starting at 36 wks PG (no questions asked - I *think* you might be able to get STD earlier if you’re having complications) and it continues until you have the baby, then you get 6-8 wks of additional STD depending on your birth and any complications, then you file for FMLA and (in CA) we get 6 more weeks (out of the 12 total) paid by the state that you have to take in 1 week increments.

As far as I know, my employer contracts with a second party (Aflac or MetLife) who handles all basic supplementing of the STD / FMLA to bring your salary up to what it should be (since STD / FMLA is something like 50%) for x number of weeks.

LJMoon6 · May 2019

@themadcamel and @lillywonderland Wow, thank you ladies for sharing. It sounds like everywhere is so different. I just heard back from my HR department and it has me even more confused. Apparently I can’t use my sick time during my maternity leave. Since I do have STD (at 66%), that would have to be used first if I do want to use it. It pays out to 6 weeks PP (8w if you have a c-section). Since this doesn’t kick in till the 8th day of leave I could use some of my sick time for those 8 days only. Then I could use my vacation. And finally my employer provided leave of 6 weeks (as long as it starts before 13 weeks PP). The only catch is if I start my employer provided 6 weeks after the 12 weeks then my leave is no longer protected under FMLA. But as long as I talk to my supervisor and he’s ok with it then everything should be fine (which he completely is). This is so different from what I thought it was. Makes me question this HR guy. I might have to set up an in person meeting to clear this up.

kiddiesandkitties · May 2019

@LJMoon6 I only have experience with FMLA in MA - but this is how it went for me. My employer did not offer paid maternity (the 'pay' was FMLA - they just protected my position till I came back).

You can file for FMLA as soon as the baby is born (OR you are required to stop working per doctors orders). It takes roughly 2 weeks for paperwork to process and FMLA to kick in. You receive... I think... 60%? of your regular pay while on FMLA and you get it for 6 weeks for a vaginal birth and 8 weeks for a C-section. So basically, you get paid for 4-6 weeks max. I was able to get put on 'doctors orders' not to work (I had an hour drive each way and it was tax season) at 36 weeks - so I burned the 2 week wait from weeks 36-38, and then got paid FMLA from weeks 38-42 (she was laaaaate) and after birth for 6 additional. If I had not been put on leave, I would not have gotten a paycheck till 2 weeks after birth and only received it for 4 weeks total.

To my knowledge, you must use your accumulated PTO before FMLA will kick in. They were able to be applied to the 2 week wait between going on leave and FMLA starting to pay out, though. If you have more than 2 weeks of PTO accumulated... I commend you.

LJMoon6 · May 2019

@lillywonderland I forgot to say, I’m sorry you have to deal with the same HR lady. Is there no one else you can talk to?

@kiddiesandkitties It is my understanding that FMLA does not guarantee you any pay during your leave. It only guarantees that you will have a job to come back to after the 12 weeks. The only way you would get paid during your leave is if you have STD or employer provided leave. You may have STD through your employer and not even know it.

So I basically haven’t taken any vacation since starting here 2 years ago. I’m actually going to be running into the problem of having too much vacation and hitting my max balance by the end of summer. I should have about 5 weeks of vacation alone, not including sick time, for my maternity leave. I don’t want to use it all up. But I would rather use my vacation time than my sick time since my university has a cool little policy that once you hit 400 hours of sick time you start to convert a chunk of accrued sick time into vacation time. I’m years away from getting there but it’s a little goal that I have!

I just got off the phone with HR (they finally picked up their phones!) and they clarified it all for me. Keep in mind that this is for Minnesota and the university that I work for and the STD insurance plan that I have. Mostly just sharing so others can see how crazy different it can be from place to place.

You are considered sick/disabled from the time of birth up until 6 weeks PP (8w if you had a c-section). You can use either sick time or STD during this time (or vacation time if you wanted to). If you do decide to use STD (if you have it) it has to start at the time of the birth. You can’t have a delayed start (it could start sooner but only if your doctor put you on bedrest or something similar). You do not need to use up any of your PTO before it will kick in. After 6w PP you can no longer use sick time or STD but if you have vacation time you can use it. My university also provides 6 weeks paid leave, which, just recently, they started allowing you to delay the start of (before they used to make you start that at the time of birth, just like STD). Now they allow you to delay it up to 13 weeks. So basically my maternity leave is going to go like this: 6 weeks of STD at 66% pay (the first week I’ll use vac/sick to cover the gap before it kicks in), then 6 weeks employer provided leave, and then any vacation time I want to use (I am estimating I’ll have about 5 weeks but probably won’t use all of it). I could switch the last 2 around (vac time first then the provided parental leave) and be fine that way as well. Damn! This is all so confusing and complicated! I’m glad I asked because I had something completely different in my mind.

nomangos23 · May 2019

@LJMoon6 Wow, that sounds like a great policy to be honest! You won't be going back to work until well after the holidays. Mine is similar. 6 weeks STD @ 60%, then 6 weeks "leave" (which is unpaid). Then I can use any vacation time (I have about 3 weeks I can use). I should be going back the second week in Jan, as long as my boss approves me using my additional vacation time after my 12 weeks are up. I started to bring it up casually that I'd be coming back to work after my 12 weeks the week of Xmas (hoping it would lead to him saying "just use your vacation time!") but instead he said "That sucks, better get your butt back to work." Sooooo I guess I'll approach him at a later time in a more formal manner because the reality is, I'm not having my kid start daycare during a 3 day holiday week!

LJMoon6 · May 2019

@nomangos23 I'm actually really impressed with my policy. I thought for sure there was going to be some caveat I was missing. My previous jobs have always been exactly what you're describing, 6 weeks STD and then 6 weeks unpaid if you wanted to extend it to 12 weeks. The US really needs to get it together and come up with a better system!

lillywonderland · May 2019

@LJMoon6 Nope, no other HR rep here on site. I know she was just doing her job, but it just sucked because she didn’t know me at all. She just assumed I was trying to get out of working. TBH, I’m way busier now out of the lab than I was when I was working on the bench!!! I would recommend having at least a week of vacation to come back to work with because kiddos get sick and you can’t send them to daycare if they have a fever.

@nomangos23 Our daycare closes the week of Christmas...so that might also be a factor in your push to stay home another week or so.

nda_roxybabe · May 2019

Blah. Maternity leave or lack thereof. Last pregnancy I had not yet been with the company for a year (1 month shy!) so I did not qualify for FMLA. I did get STD, 6 weeks for V, and 8 weeks for C. 4 of which were ppartially paid. I had to use that, plus any PTO, and that was literally the only time I could take off.

This time I qualify for FMLA so I could take off 12 weeks (no pay). I also qualify for 6/8 weeks partial pay STD this go. Im grateful I have something, but just 6 weeks at part of my pay, sucks. Financially, IDK that I'll be doing much more than 8 weeks which will be a real bummer this go since I also have a toddler.

With my company if you qualify for FMLA, you use it. You do not have to take STD, but if you do, you must use 5 days of your PTO with it.

cammie0526 · May 2019

My policy is just like yours @nda_roxybabe. It's nice to have something but you're right, it does kind of suck.

zuuls_mom · May 2019

Yep, right there with you @nda_roxybabe and @cammie0526. My company has a leave policy, but it's not as good as my last company which is funny because my current company is WAY better in so many ways except this. Last time, I got 15 weeks off with 100% pay (2 weeks of it was bedrest). This time, I only get 12 weeks and after two weeks of PTO for the elimination period and two weeks at the end with 100% pay, and 6 weeks of STD at 60% pay, the last two weeks have to be unpaid. It's kind of stressing me out to think about it.

taeleigh · May 2019

The company I work for gives us 13wks 100% pay. If we need STD or FMLA we can do that as well. That gets a little more confusing. We can start the 13wks up to two weeks before baby is due.

mamaber2204 · May 2019

I'm so jealous of all of you who have anything more than me! All I get is 6 weeks at 60% (short term disability). I'm planning to take 4-5 mos off, so I'll be bleeding cash, especially since I'll be paying two daycare bills as of Nov. 1 in order to hold baby's spot until he's ready to start attending. Gah.

LJMoon6 · May 2019

Any STMs try the Kiinde twist system for breast feeding? It seems so cool that there is no transferring of milk between pumping, storing, and feeding. What do you normally do when you want to freeze some breast milk? Pump into a bottle, transfer to a bag, freeze, thaw, then transfer back to a bottle? Help a FTM out!

https://youtu.be/4j0iAc1pyVs

bubsalicious · May 2019

@LJMoon6 I didn't use Kiinde, I did what you described. Pump into bottle, pour into bag, freeze, thaw, pour into bottle. Writing it sounds like a ton of extra steps. There are systems where you can pump directly into a bag, but I was converting my Spectra to Medela bottles I got for free so I couldn't do that. Breast milk is fine in the fridge for 5-7 days so I mostly kept it fresh in the bottle then froze when it started getting old.

monkeysmom80 · May 2019

What I don't understand with the kiinde is one side is usually a slacker side so you have to combine anyway to get a full bottle for baby, so to me it's not really saving much time/steps

mommyshark13 · May 2019

I dont know if this is more symptom related or what but is anyone else carrying annoying low? I carried low with both other kids but holy cow. This one is worse! I feel like she is just sitting right on top of my bladder.

LJMoon6 · May 2019

@bubsalicious So how much milk did you have on hand in either the fridge or freezer? Did you just have a ton of extra bottles or did you transfer to bags to store in the fridge too?

@monkeysmom80 Good point! I would have never thought of that. And even though the guys says the bags are the same price as all the other, I did a little research and found out they are almost triple the price…

@mommyshark13 I think I’m the opposite. I think I’m carrying really high. It’s starting to get difficult to eat! I really need to watch how much food I eat otherwise I’m sooooo uncomfortable and feel like I’m going to explode!

lillywonderland · May 2019

@LJMoon6 I pumped into bottles, combined and transferred into bags and either kept it in the fridge or froze right away. I can’t speak highly enough about the Lansinoh bags. They are fantastic!! I only had one set of pump supplies so I did a lot of hand washing. Quick tip - I would leave my pump supplies (bottles / flanges) in the fridge (in my “lunch bag”) between my daily pumping sessions since BM lasts about 5 days in the fridge and only wash them at night. If your kid isn’t immuno compromised / a premie you can get away with that...otherwise they want you to wash right away.

I started pumping at 6wks and managed to get a good stash going. But I definitely killed myself a little to do that (I pumped every night until DS was 9mo!!) and I won’t be able to this time. Not saying that it’s going to happen to you, but my supply tanked after I went back to work. According to the internet (and my LC) pumping only empties about 40% of your milk in your boobies.

kiddiesandkitties · May 2019

@LJMoon6 I agree with the others regarding the Kiinde. I always needed to combine milk to get a full bottle anyway, so it wouldn't have worked for me. Plus I had this mentality that the slacker side output heartier milk and the producer side output a leaner milk, so I thought it was good to mix it up and make everything full-fat.

I had a stash of probably a dozen of these

https://www.amazon.com/Medela-Collection-Storage-Compatible-Dishwasher/dp/B00DB5F114/ref=pd_bxgy_75_img_2/147-6851201-4044606?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B00DB5F114&pd_rd_r=cb815ebe-7264-11e9-a9da-2171f603c15c&pd_rd_w=PmFiz&pd_rd_wg=bfMGA&pf_rd_p=a2006322-0bc0-4db9-a08e-d168c18ce6f0&pf_rd_r=34P86N492WMTGCCFMDMX&psc=1&refRID=34P86N492WMTGCCFMDMX

and another dozen or two of these.

https://www.amazon.com/Medela-Breastmilk-Freezer-Pack-2-7/dp/B005BR36A8/ref=sr_1_16?keywords=medela+pump+bottles&qid=1557411262&s=gateway&sr=8-16

When I went back to work, I'd pump directly into the bottles, combine, and then freeze. When we used the milk, I'd thaw in the bottle and twist the nipple right on, or pour into a separate bottle if we were using something different at the time. It was pretty easy. I sent a few bottles thru the dishwasher every night.

kaceyallan · May 2019

mommyshark13 I am carrying quite low as well. My midwife had a tough time finding baby with the doppler until she went searching low. I feel most movement very low as well. This is my first pregnancy so I don't know if it affecting my bladder more than usual or more than most people.

nda_roxybabe · May 2019

@mommyshark13 With my son I carried annoyingly high. Like, ribs dislocated, couldn't breathe high. I think I may be on that route again this time, maybe lower. No bladder kicks for me. I do feel baby moving very low a lot though.

mamaber2204 · May 2019

@kiddiesandkitties You can dishwash those/!?! How did I not get that memo? I hand-washed all of my collection bottles (the 5 oz-ers) and the tubes after use. And I transferred all milk to a Dr. Brown bottle for consumption, so each night I had to hand wash 6 Dr. Brown bottles and 6 collection bottles. Sounds like I was doing it wrong!

Now I have another issue, which is the 600+oz of expired breastmilk in my freezer. 1) can't dump it down the drain. 2) once it's gone, have to wash alllllll thoooooseeee 2.5oz tubes. OMG.

kiddiesandkitties · May 2019

@mamaber2204 😫😫 I’d probably throw em into a big bag, go outside, turn the hose on hot and just splash the edge of each bottle to loosen the milk so the whole block can fall out. Toss me somewhere in the great outdoors, and then put all those suckers in the dishwasher!! Also, holy expired milk travesty. All the milk tears.

mamaber2204 · May 2019

@kiddiesandkitties Yeah, dumping the milk is super sad, but much less so than when I was still pumping and was terrified of running out. I wanted to donate it, but I kept it so that DS could have it once he weaned. Well, he weaned 2 weeks after the last tube expired (he was 19mos). C'est la vie.

cammie0526 · May 2019

I’m sure I could google it, but how long does breast milk actually last in the freezer?

kiddiesandkitties · May 2019

@cammie0526 the rule used to be 6/6/6. 6 hours at room temp, 6 days in the fridge, 6 months in the freezer. I believe you could stretch longer if it was stored in a deep freeze. I want to say I read somewhere that those numbers were recently adjusted, though.

cheshyre319 · May 2019

So, for those of you who have stored or frozen milk before, my freezer is tiny. Is it worth it to invest in an additional freezer (or deep freeze) for storage and such?

bubsalicious · May 2019

@LJMoon6 Sorry, I forgot about that part! I left my milk in the bottles in the fridge. I bought 3 little bins and put all the milk from one day in each bin. At the end of day three, the milk left in that basket got put into bags and frozen. It just seemed to wasteful to pour it into a bag that wasn't going to be frozen.
@cammie0526 In an upright freezer or fridge/freezer combo, milk is good for 6 months. A deep freeze you can find varying information between 6 or 12 months. Always go by what you are comfortable with.
@cheshyre319 Totally worth it. We bought a mini deep freeze for a little over $100 that worked great as a BM only freezer. We also have a large one my brother was storing and we will be taking that back this time.

monkeysmom80 · May 2019

Once I went back to work, I froze what I pumped that day and I would thaw enough for the next day. This way the milk was on a constant rotation and the oldest was always being used and I didn't have to worry about it going to waste.
@cheshyre319 A deep freeze is totally worth it especially if you have a small freezer right now. The amount of milk you "need" to have in a stash is usually not that large because hopefully you are pumping enough to meet needs. However, some people don't respond to the pump and that's not the case. But some people also have an over supply which is where the deep freezer comes into play. I would want and see where you lie. For me, I pumped exclusively for first 2 months with DS because of latch issues and I had an oversupply. I filled 2 fridge freezers and 2 deep freezes by the time he was 7 months. Which worked out good because I got pregnant and then he refused to nurse and I dried right up. This took us to about 15 months with him.

nomangos23 · May 2019

Ok moms. Can someone educate me on "pushing"? I've heard everything from "I pushed for two hours" to "my body did it on its own and she was out in 3 pushes". I know when you're fully dilated it's "time to push" but it seems like if its taking two hours, maybe you weren't actually ready? Does it make sense to advocate for waiting until your body is doing the work with you to push? Will a nurse look at you like you're out of your mind if you asked this? I guess what I'm asking is, is there any harm in waiting until you feel like you have to push, to start pushing?

Does this question even make any sense?

monkeysmom80 · May 2019

@nomangos23 the baby can be positioned at different areas even if you are dilated to a 10. With DS, I labored down for about 90 minutes before I started pushing. Which means I was at a 10 and they still wanted baby to drop lower into the birth canal so I didn't have to push as much. Those 90 minutes were probably the worst because my body wanted me to push but I had to ignore it. That being said it still took be 40 minutes of pushing before he was born.

nomangos23 · May 2019

@monkeysmom80 Oh! That makes perfect sense! I hadn't really considered the fact that you might feel like you need to push though baby might not be ready yet. Welp. I'm getting educated!

supermom34482 · May 2019

Also depends on size of baby and your pelvis. It really is a don't know til you're there situation.
I pushed for a little over 2 hours with my first but my second was literally 3 pushes. Maybe this kid will slid outta me.

kdl89 · May 2019

@nomangos23 when I was in labour with my first I hit a point where my body wanted to push. And they check me and said I was fully dilated and the 2 hour process of pushing started but it felt so much better to push. I dont know if I could wait if my body was telling me to push. Also i hope this little one comes faster and i dont have to push for 2 hours.

lillywonderland · May 2019

@nomangos23 What they said...plus for me (and many others) when they say you “feel the need to push” you basically feel like you need to poop. Very glamorous.

FUN FACT TIME!! I asked my NP if second labors really are shorter than first labors and she told me in general, for each subsequent pregnancy (as long as it hasn’t been longer than something like 6 or so years), labor will half itself.

I’M SO EXCITED!!!! BRING IT ON (in September of course!)

janat1717 · May 2019

Keep in mind a lot can depend on if an epidural is involved as well. If unmedicated it's a little easier to just let the body tell you what to do. Baby's position and your birth positions can impact length of time too. I know many midwives say if you feel like pushing earlier than normal to allow it. It may actually be helping say a posterior baby move anterior. That being said I remember my doula on the phon telling my midwife to hurry up because I needed to push but she waited to tell me to have at it until the midwife got there. I'm sure I was kind of pushing anyways.

septoctkids · May 2019

@nomangos23 I had an epidural and could still tell exactly when it was time to push. Everyone said with the epidural you won’t know when to push but I found that to be untrue. It basically feels like you have to poop when you’re ready to push haha. It’s hard to resist pushing. Your body just makes you push. Some people push for a while too because they aren’t pushing “the right way”, baby’s cord could be pulling them back, size of baby/ canal, strength of the pushes, the station the baby is in etc. just because someone has to push for a while doesn’t mean the baby wasn’t ready. There’s lots to consider as to why it takes some longer than others. You’ll know when it’s time to push, and I’m sure your nurses will agree with you too.

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