Questions for STM(+)’s - May Edition

lillywonderland · May 2019

Ask a STM anything here!!

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lillywonderland · May 2019

Started selfishly because I have a question. 🤣

Has anyone flown recently with a toddler? The last flight we took was just after DS started walking a year ago and he was fairly “easy” back then. He’s currently a tiny little tornado who has a hard time sitting still for 5
minutes. He’ll be 2 in a couple weeks.

Any advice?

calliah · May 2019

I flew with my son just after he turned 2. It’s a pain, but bring a car seat. I put him in it while we were waiting to board to keep him contained. Also helpful in the plane, try to put it rear facing. He kept kicking the seat in front of him facing forward 😑. Also, bring a lot of snacks! I also had a whole small suitcase for just him that I had stuffed with his toys. Screen time is great if you use it.

I didnt find flying at nap time helpful like some problem suggest because he just skipped it and got more annoying.

dinosaur · May 2019

@lillywonderland I haven't flown since my son was 8 months old, but I did read some awesome advice. If you need a way to entertain a toddler, give them a bagel. It's going to take them like 40 mins to eat the damn bagel.

Edit: words hard

Image result for bagel gif

zuuls_mom · May 2019

I flew with DS when he was a few months shy of 2. The flight there was a dream. It was around nap time so we gave him a snack and he passed out snuggled up on me. The flight back was horrific. It was too close to dinner/bed time so he was a terror. Kicked, hit, tore up magazines, etc. it was mortifying. My advice is a tablet with videos or activities and loooots of snacks.

cateyes543 · May 2019

@lillywonderland -We flew when E was about 21 months and we just planned it for nap time and then kept him up until take off. Also, plan to be the LAST ones on the plane. Less time to have to seat still and we let him run up and down the airport until the last minute. Bring lots to drink (they will let you bring a soppy cup full of water or milk through security-highly suggest) and snacks. We also brought some new little toys and books he had never seen. Also, plane bathrooms have the most awkward changing tables but it gave us a reason to get up and move around so we changed his diaper about 3/4 from the end. Lastly, we downloaded a couple of movies from Netflix but honestly he wasn’t interested in that.

Oh and for any age kiddo-bring a change of clothes or two for YOU and and baby in your carry on! I have been peed and puked on by DS both at 9 months and 21 months.

supermom34482 · May 2019

How long is your flight? We flew when dd was 18 months and it was rough. She didn't nap, wouldn't sit still, just wanted to run around and was so hyped up. I didn't bring a tablet but that probably would of given us some peace. Good luck!

monkeysmom80 · May 2019

When we flew when DS was just over 2, we got him a big bag of fruit snacks which he normally wasn't allowed to eat very often. He thought it was the best and it kept him occupied. Also a few new to him games/toys. I went to the dollar store and got them cheap. Plus movies on the tablet.

lillywonderland · May 2019

Ahh! Thank you guys so much!!

Our flight is a little over 5 hrs. We didn’t buy a seat for him, but we’ll have a whole row because my MIL is coming with us. We’ll
have a tiny stroller to strap him in in the airport.

I’ve done flights with him at 9mo (12hrs) and 12 mo (5hrs) but he wasn’t super-duper mobile then and I was able to baby wear him to put him to sleep/wear when he was fussy. I feel like it’s a whole new beast with a very active toddler! Naptime will prolly be a crapshoot, and I might resort to Benadryl (don’t judge me!!). Never done it before with DS, but I’ve heard it’s a heaven-sent.

I’m definitely going to Target this weekend and will pick up some (dollar bin!) random toys.

He doesn’t do a whole bunch of screen time, but we’ll prolly utilize that. And I just checked Amazon prime and they have train videos!! This kid is OBSESSED with trains!

mamaber2204 · May 2019

@lillywonderland I'm so glad you asked this! I'm taking notes for my Thanksgiving travel with DS (who will be 2y2mo) and DS2 who will be 2 mos!

nomangos23 · May 2019

@lillywonderland Good luck! When is the big trip?!

I've got a good one for STMs+! My BFF is 7 days past her due date (so any time!!) and is trying to decide if she wants her mom present or not.... I literally have no idea what to tell her! I can see it both ways. There are definitely still times I need my mom, but can also see that being a really raw and vulnerable time.

Did anyone think they'd want visitors one way but end up with another?

monkeysmom80 · May 2019

@nomangos23 I only had Dh present for the deliveries. For first, my mom, stepdad, MIL, and FIL were in the room while I was laboring. I had been up for over 24 hours and they were all talking so I was unable to nap while the epidural worked. NO WAY would I do that again! I for some reason thought it would be rude to ask them all to leave but looking back I should have told them all to go fly a kite! It was so much more peaceful with 2nd when no one else was there.
But as far as delivery goes, I don't think I would want anyone there. It was so nice to enjoy those first minutes just us.

zuuls_mom · May 2019

@nomangos23 my mom and I are pretty close, and if I had had a vaginal birth instead of a CS I still think it would be better for it to just be me and H in the delivery room. It's such a special time and too many people would make things too stressful. I also kept family and friends away for the first night (he was born just before 9PM) and no one came to visit until nearly midday the following day so it was nice having that bonding time.

mommyshark13 · May 2019

@nomangos23 I have always been team just DH. Our hospital allows up to 5 people if it's a vaginal birth and that's just insane to me. I ended up needing csections so only DH was allowed anyway.

mamaber2204 · May 2019

@mommyshark13 @nomangos23 Same here. I'm a private person and I don't like the idea of anyone besides DH seeing that much of me OR me having to deal with anyone else while in the throes of labor and the emotions of delivery and bonding. Plus, my mom is the type who would tell everyone everything that happened and make fun of anything I said or did during labor for the rest of my life, so no thanks.

lillywonderland · May 2019

@nomangos23 DH was in the room for the birth. My mom showed up unexpectedly about 90mins after DS was born. I wasn’t expecting her, but I am glad she was there because I had a rough labor (DH was texting her all day and was honest because I was having a hard time). That being said, it’s only going to be DH and I again for the birth. It’s a special moment and I liked having the first couple hours all to ourselves. There’s no right or wrong answer.

eta - we leave in two weeks!!

sunshine2417 · May 2019

@nomangos23 I kept it to just me and DH which was wonderful! My parents came in for like an hour while I was laboring, just after the epidural, and it was good to see them but I just wanted to relax. In hindsight I’d rather just the whole thing be me and DH from start to finish in the future, maybe bringing DS in for a bit if I need a distraction and am doing okay.

My parents can strike a lot of nerves with me too anyways though, so that’s part of the issue, and my mom has her own distorted view of my birth story which is actually REALLY frustrating when she repeats it.

nda_roxybabe · May 2019

We invited my Mom, MIL and SIL to be in the delivery room. I ended up with a C so it was just H. This go, I'll invite them again. I'm the type that doesnt really mind.

nomangos23 · May 2019

I'm a little surprised by how many of you guys needed c-sections. I've known several friends too. But when I asked my doc she said less than 10% of her patients need c-sections.. The odds sound low but what I'm seeing/hearing seems much higher?

zuuls_mom · May 2019

Is she saying less than 10% end up with one that start with a vaginal delivery or overall? Because I had a scheduled CS (ended up going into labor on my own first though) since DS was breech so maybe that would make the number higher.

nomangos23 · May 2019

@zuuls_mom I didn't know to specify at the time so I assumed overall. I'll ask (more specifically) at my next visit!

supermom34482 · May 2019

My dr prides himself on his less than 5% csection rate. He brings it up ALL THE TIME. I get it, that's great but if I need one my concern shouldn't be f-ing up your numbers

janat1717 · May 2019

@nomangos23 DH always points out that boards like these are skewed in statistics. Those with textbook calm pregnancies and births may not be on as much. I wasn't on much at all with first until BFing troubles and then I was on a lot for support.

lillywonderland · May 2019

Oooooh yeah, what @janat1717 said!! That’s a great point!! I wasn’t active in my last BMB because everything was pretty darn easy peasy and textbook.

threes_companypu · May 2019

My mother and DH were in the room with me when I had DS. We are very close, but it was her wish to be in there so I was ok with it. She took a few great pics of when DS was given to me as soon as he came out. I’m probably going to have her in there again, not because I really care either way, but I know she liked feeling included.

LJMoon6 · May 2019

Since I'm my mom's only daughter I know she's going to want to be there. She also works in the medical field and loves everything health related. BUT she will not be in the room. She gets way too anxious and emotional. FFFC (should probably be in the other thread but is related to this topic) I chose not to tell my mom about being KU in person since I knew I couldn't handle her emotions. Sorry mom. But I need to do what's best for me. I tend to feed off of other people's emotions. Her being anxious is just going to make me 10x more anxious.

nomangos23 · May 2019

@duewithpu2 @LJMoon6 I know my mom wants to be there (and I'm her only daughter) She's literally said "there is nothing that will tear my away from that delivery room!" bbuuutttttt I'm not convinced I'll want her there the whole time. So I struggle with letting her have her grandma moment and having a labor that I want.

threes_companypu · May 2019

@nomangos23 I was always in the mindset that it would only be me and DH, so I get where you’re coming from. Your mom could approach it better, maybe ask how you’d feel about it. My mom never pressured me she just mentioned that being her only daughter she would appreciate feeling needed in a moment like that. I’m very laid back so I was ok with that. I also understand that birth is such an unpredictable experience that you have little control over, so maintaining control over who is in the room is very important. Also, my mom is very mild and laid back so I knew she wasn’t going to be overbearing or create any negativity.

cammie0526 · May 2019

@nomangos23 Good question! You know I love to chime in with my unsolicited and unfounded FTM opinion

I can't imagine NOT having my mom in the room with me. Partly because I'm an only child and we're close, but mostly because of personality types. DH is super sensitive and emotional, and my mom and I are very much the opposite. I want to have DH there to be encouraging and loving and all that type of support, and I want my mom there with her executive hat on telling me to breathe and focus and push harder and that type of thing. Knowing me, if DH tells me for the 18th time that I'm doing great I'll probably slap him.

Plus she's obviously been through labor before while DH and I have no experience with it outside of high school health class.

nomangos23 · May 2019

@cammie0526 Great point! While I love DH to death, he doesn't always pick up on my needs and I need like labor might be a good time to have someone around who is listening. Good thing I've got time to ponder... My poor girlfriend, on the other hand, is literally counting down the seconds! All that matters in the end is that you get a sweet healthy baby!

sunshine2417 · May 2019

@nomangos23 I’m an only daughter too and my mom expressed to everyone else how OF COURSE she would be in the room, be staying with us for 4-6 weeks, etc etc. and how much we would NEED to have her there, when none of this was discussed with us.

My mom and I have a long history of tensions and frustrations though... she’s also in the medical field so that ups it even more. But she always skews all stories to highlight how needed and phenomenal she was in the moment and how incompetent and awful
everything was for everyone else, but never fear, thank God she was there to save the day!!!! She causes a lot of anxiety for me, as does my dad. She’s also very critical of physical appearance, and I never feel comfortable being vulnerable with her. My husband is also phenomenal and SO supportive at reading my needs and calming my anxieties. He’s just amazing!

When all is said and done, I truly feel everyone needs to decide for them personally what THEY want, and let everyone else know that. You’re vulnerable, you’re in a compromised position, and you need nothing but love, support, and good vibes. If anyone there doesn’t give you that or is even mildly questionable, you determine that and let them know! I wish I wanted my mom there because I think it’s so beautiful when women do, or if I had sisters to be there to help provide love and support, but I don’t so that’s what I roll with!

kgg2241 · May 2019

Ugh this is a tough one for me. I'm one of four daughters and none of my sisters have let my mom be in the room with them. She has 7 grandchildren. It caused a lot of tension and she was really really upset. So I'm actually leaning toward letting her be in the room so I don't have to deal with her being upset. Pick your battles approach I guess?

nomangos23 · May 2019

@LJMoon6 My girlfriend was saying their nurse had a code word and if she ever wanted mom to leave nurse would come up with a reason guests needed to leave the room for a bit! I thought that was brilliant!

justhereforthemusic · May 2019

People on here are more patient than me. My parents were invited well after DS was born. This time around they’re supposed to be out of the country in the 2 weeks surrounding my EDD and I’m grateful for the peace. Just DH and a doula and a midwife for me in the room. If there’s nobody to watch DS depending on how fast things go, he’s welcome too.

mamaber2204 · May 2019

@nomangos23 I've heard several times that the US has a 30% Cesarean rate, which is the highest in the world. A lot of hospitals are known for pushing women into C-sections who don't need them. I had a vaginal delivery with DS, but I've had many friends who have had C-sections. Many of them sound justified, one or two didn't (though I'm no practitioner). Good for your doctor for boasting a low rate! Hopefully that means he/she will do everything possible to help you deliver vaginally.

septoctkids · May 2019

@nomangos23 My mom was in the room when I started pushing. It was amazing having her there. My husband, sister in law (who is also my best friend) and my mother were in the room. It was absolutely amazing having the people I love most by my side. They were my support. My mom was so so excited being there too. It was so special. I wouldn’t have done it any other way. The same people will be in the delivery room with me this time around too

dinosaur · May 2019

No one but DH for me. It would have been awful to have other people in the room.

taeleigh · May 2019

I was in the hospital for 3 days before I had my daughter. Doctors tried to induce me because of my blood pressure. FYI it doesn't always work and it totally sucked. I went in on Sunday and had her Wednesday morning. I told everyone from the start that only my husband would be in the room. I didn't want people seeing my bits. To shy for that and meh. Anyway my mom was there hanging out with me which was great because she is low key and gave hubby a bit of a break. I'm part of the C-section group so it was just us anyway.
I say whoever's in the room is your choice and yours alone. I love my husband but he had no choice on whether MIL was there. Are business is hanging out not theirs. You shouldn't feel guilted into letting someone be part of a very personal time.
Sorry rant over.

calliah · May 2019

So it’s weird, but my mom, dad and FIL were in the room when my first was born. I had been in labor ALL DAY so they had been hanging out off and on. They all drove 3 hours to be there, assuming I’d have him some time in the afternoon. Well no, he decided to wait until midnight.
I wasn’t really progressing so they finally got my water to break and then shit hit the fan. I must have gotten to 10 within the hour from hanging out around 5 or so. Everyone was about to leave actually. The medical team came in, I was ready to start pushing. My nurse asked if I wanted everyone to leave, I said I didn’t effing care. Lol. So they hung out while I pushed, which thankfully was only 20 minutes. I think they would have maybe left if it took longer? Who knows. But it was kind of nice. I don’t think they saw anything they shouldn’t have, they will always have the memory of seeing their grandson born and my mom like watching them examine my placenta 😂. They left about an hour later after holding him and looking at him and we were alone. I don’t think really missed anything in terms of bonding with DS and I think it was special for them.

Now, I don’t really want anyone around for this one, just MH. Besides, someone needs to watch DS. Maybe I won’t even tell anyone I’m in labor 😂 My stupid FIL showed up at the hospital at 3 am thinking he’d get to come up. That highly annoyed me. Thankfully hospital security told him no.my parents didn’t come til noon.

mommyshark13 · May 2019

@nomangos23 and @mamaber2204 I needed a csection with DS due to severe IUGR. My Ob did not think he would tolerate labor well and my placenta was failing. I started bleeding during an internal exam.(He was 3.5 lbs at 37 weeks). I was planning to try for a VBAC for DD but they would not induce due to having a prior csection and they wouldn't let me go past my due date so csection #2. After that, our hospital wont allow a vbac.

blitzybee · May 2019

@lillywonderland - I’ve flown many times with my CRAZY son since he was 9 weeks old. Definitely practice with headphones prior to the trip if you will be using a tablet/iPad. When my son was little, we had headphones that were a headband for him. Run like crazy in the airport prior to boarding. There are usually areas that are sort of empty, and we alternate walking with him until getting on the airplane (unless it’s nap time in the airport-don’t over tire the poor kid). New toys, favorite book, and special snacks are great! And if your kid throws the ultimate tantrum on the plane, just try to take a deep breath, and remember it’ll pass, and it’s probably waaaaaay louder to your ears than anyone else’s. Plus, anyone that doesn’t have a little empathy for you and your kid can take a hike! Good luck!

When I was in labor, it was just my husband and me. He was actually incredibly supportive through that process and I think I would have not done well with anyone else there. That’s me, tho! I don’t have a close relationship with my mother, but if I did, I would certainly consider having her in the room. Definitely don’t have anyone in there just to appease them. Family can meet the baby shortly after baby is born (and you’ve had time to bond and attempt feeding). Labor and delivery is the craziest most terrifying and wonderful and amazing thing, and it should be cherished as an individual mother needs it to be! I love the idea of asking the nurse to clear the room of everyone (but DH) if needed!

oh the c-sections! I think they are over used sometimes, but I was one of those people that needed it. I never progressed past 5 cm in 2 days if labor, and my son and I were a little touch and go! I was SO sad when they broke it to me that I’d need a csection. I just cried. But then my baby was born, and that’s all that mattered! This time around, I’m delivering at a hospital that keeps mom and baby together after c section, rather than sending Dad out with the baby while mom gets stitched up. It’s helping me a bit to cope with not getting to hold my baby right after delivery, but again, everyone is different in what is really important to them! Some moms probably don’t mind having a little space while getting stitched up. My mother had the exact same labor and delivery story as me, and evolution wouldn’t have me here if it weren’t for the medical intervention (and perhaps we were not built to deliver babies!?). Who knows. It’s good to have a doctor that isn’t c-section happy, but for sure is good to know they will do it if baby or mom are in danger!

That was a lot that I just spewed! 😅

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